No contact makes you look butt hurt?

[dk1990S111]

Ok then I can see why you think I would care lol but I typed that as a hypothetical scenario. I dont care what my ex thinks, but when I said "Point is that I dont want her thinking that I still care at all. But that could backfire and she could think I am responding because I care, even if I do act indifferent." what I meant is that in general with any girl I dont want that to happen and basically its a damned if you do damned if you dont scenario. There is negatives to both sides of the coin. If you respond you dont look butthurt, but she can think that you are responding because you care. If you dont respond then you look butthurt but you dont look like you want another chance with her.

Let me just reiterate that I will never get back with an ex and dont care what any of my exs think of me. This thread was started as a general idea that not responding makes you look butthurt. I dont need advice on if I should care, or if I should respond or not. That is not what this thread is about

 

[Atom Smasher]

I would reply late and with obvious indifference, sort of conveying that you're going to the trouble of a token response just to be polite.

Girls are masters at this, and any time you can flip the script it's a good thing.

 

[SoSuave666]

Ok then I can see why you think I would care lol but I typed that as a hypothetical scenario. I dont care what my ex thinks, but when I said "Point is that I dont want her thinking that I still care at all. But that could backfire and she could think I am responding because I care, even if I do act indifferent." what I meant is that in general with any girl I dont want that to happen and basically its a damned if you do damned if you dont scenario. There is negatives to both sides of the coin. If you respond you dont look butthurt, but she can think that you are responding because you care. If you dont respond then you look butthurt but you dont look like you want another chance with her.

Let me just reiterate that I will never get back with an ex and dont care what any of my exs think of me. This thread was started as a general idea that not responding makes you look butthurt. I dont need advice on if I should care, or if I should respond or not. That is not what this thread is about

This question boils down to this: "why do people communicate?"

In the end, communication is a means to any number of ends. When men speak to each other, it is usually to gain knowledge. However, if the power gap is too skewed in one way or another, no communication will take place because one man is simply indifferent to what the other man can offer. For example, if you challenged stephen hawking on some matter of physics via a text message, he wouldn't respond. Your opinion is infinitesimal to him. Likewise, if you asked to play a game of basketball against Lebron James, he wouldn't even acknowledge you because you are so far away from being a concern. "A lion does not concern himself with the opinions of a sheep."

So, why do men communicate with women? Well, for secks. But why do women communicate with men? Well, for attention. When your ex comes fishing for attention, is it better to text her back "indifferently," or better to not text? Well, by not texting back you ARE subconciously communicating. You are communicating to her that she is not even worth the basic, most fundamental purpose of male communication: sex. She also does not receive her emotional fix, to boot. When you respond with an "indifferent" tone, it will be read as a sign of interest and her emotional fix is complete. She may lead you along, or she may desire you again. That is irrelevant.

NC = High Value/Indifference
Indifferent Text = leaving the door open for future romance, whether it be reciprocated or not doesn't really matter

Neither one is really "butthvrt" because that's an expression an upset person would use to describe someone who is unfazed. "Bitter" is another example of such a word/phrase.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I chose to go NC because the amount of insincerity in the relationship (from both she and I) was so overwhelming that it sickens me (at least at the moment) to even downgrade and partake in something of a friendship, let alone help her through the breakup by responding to breadcrumbs. I think each person ought to do what they must to carry on. Maybe you can handle going back to the scene of the crime , maybe you need to pack up and move to another country (so to speak), but you need to figure out what suits you. NC is not some unbreakable law, but if it's what you have to do to get to the other side, then that prerogative far outweighs whether or not you'll seem butthurt to her or anyone else. If you're cool with responding, and even understand that maintaining contact can and probably will serve as a crutch for her to get over the break up and move on more easily, but you're truly indifferent to that outcome or any other, then roll with that. If you have a girl(s) lined up and couldn't care less about responding, then go ahead, respond, and even if you don't have someone else to fall back on, are fine being single and don't see a problem with responding, then do that. The question ought to always come back to "will this set me back?"

NC serves as and represents several things to me personally

-it's my way of regaining my dignity by removing myself from a toxic and disingenuous relationship completely.

-it's my way to align myself with an improved version of myself in the future that would certainly find a girl like her attractive, but would never come anywhere close to entertaining the idea of a relationship with such a broken girl. I perceive any form of communication with her as prolonging that long journey that lies before me.

-and of course, as has been prescribed, it's for me to get over her on move on with my life as quickly as possible.

The title of the thread is "no contact makes you look butt hurt?" If you're choosing to go NC, I think you have to weigh out how much that matters to you personally and whether or not that will set you back from moving on. Look, all of us here on this forum will be dead in less than a hundred years for certain (barring some incredible advance in the realm of transhumanism or something of that sort) - I highly doubt it will read somewhere on your tombstone "here lies so and so, the butthurt one, who chose to go NC in 2014 over a stupid breakup - what a pvssy", or people talking in 2073 about how you chose not to respond to any of her texts, so none of that really matters in the grand scheme of things. If you know this is it, you're never getting with this girl again, it's truly completely over, all that matters is what route you think will help you best to get on with your life, not whether you'll seem butthurt or not - that does not matter, moving on does.

 

[dk1990S111]

This question boils down to this: "why do people communicate?"

In the end, communication is a means to any number of ends. When men speak to each other, it is usually to gain knowledge. However, if the power gap is too skewed in one way or another, no communication will take place because one man is simply indifferent to what the other man can offer. For example, if you challenged stephen hawking on some matter of physics via a text message, he wouldn't respond. Your opinion is infinitesimal to him. Likewise, if you asked to play a game of basketball against Lebron James, he wouldn't even acknowledge you because you are so far away from being a concern. "A lion does not concern himself with the opinions of a sheep."

So, why do men communicate with women? Well, for secks. But why do women communicate with men? Well, for attention. When your ex comes fishing for attention, is it better to text her back "indifferently," or better to not text? Well, by not texting back you ARE subconciously communicating. You are communicating to her that she is not even worth the basic, most fundamental purpose of male communication: sex. She also does not receive her emotional fix, to boot. When you respond with an "indifferent" tone, it will be read as a sign of interest and her emotional fix is complete. She may lead you along, or she may desire you again. That is irrelevant.

NC = High Value/Indifference
Indifferent Text = leaving the door open for future romance, whether it be reciprocated or not doesn't really matter

Neither one is really "butthvrt" because that's an expression an upset person would use to describe someone who is unfazed. "Bitter" is another example of such a word/phrase.

now there is a reply that I can respect, especially the bold. Well thought out and uses intellect to determine why not responding is the better option.

 

[dk1990S111]

I chose to go NC because the amount of insincerity in the relationship (from both she and I) was so overwhelming that it sickens me (at least at the moment) to even downgrade and partake in something of a friendship, let alone help her through the breakup by responding to breadcrumbs. I think each person ought to do what they must to carry on. Maybe you can handle going back to the scene of the crime , maybe you need to pack up and move to another country (so to speak), but you need to figure out what suits you. NC is not some unbreakable law, but if it's what you have to do to get to the other side, then that prerogative far outweighs whether or not you'll seem butthurt to her or anyone else. If you're cool with responding, and even understand that maintaining contact can and probably will serve as a crutch for her to get over the break up and move on more easily, but you're truly indifferent to that outcome or any other, then roll with that. If you have a girl(s) lined up and couldn't care less about responding, then go ahead, respond, and even if you don't have someone else to fall back on, are fine being single and don't see a problem with responding, then do that. The question ought to always come back to "will this set me back?"

NC serves as and represents several things to me personally

-it's my way of regaining my dignity by removing myself from a toxic and disingenuous relationship completely.

-it's my way to align myself with an improved version of myself in the future that would certainly find a girl like her attractive, but would never come anywhere close to entertaining the idea of a relationship with such a broken girl. I perceive any form of communication with her as prolonging that long journey that lies before me.

-and of course, as has been prescribed, it's for me to get over her on move on with my life as quickly as possible.

The title of the thread is "no contact makes you look butt hurt?" If you're choosing to go NC, I think you have to weigh out how much that matters to you personally and whether or not that will set you back from moving on. Look, all of us here on this forum will be dead in less than a hundred years for certain (barring some incredible advance in the realm of transhumanism or something of that sort) - I highly doubt it will read somewhere on your tombstone "here lies so and so, the butthurt one, who chose to go NC in 2014 over a stupid breakup - what a pvssy", or people talking in 2073 about how you chose not to respond to any of her texts, so none of that really matters in the grand scheme of things. If you know this is it, you're never getting with this girl again, it's truly completely over, all that matters is what route you think will help you best to get on with your life, not whether you'll seem butthurt or not - that does not matter, moving on does.

Totally agree with you. Its a personal choice and depends on what you personally can handle. Once I decided that things are done with this chick I dont feel the need to play games and ignore her. She has no power over me or my life. She can think whatever she wants, it wont change my path in life at all.

Moving on and bettering yourself is the most important thing like you said. Which is exactly what I was trying to say in the beginning, NC is a great tool for the guys that cant handle talking to an ex without thinking that they have another shot with her (even though she is no good for him).

 

[sylvester the cat]

Shut up you troll.

 

[No.Danny]

If you don't care anymore. You wouldn't care how or what it makes you look like.
Case closed, next!

 

[dk1990S111]

Shut up you troll.

classy

 

[sylvester the cat]

classy

well i was going to just ignore you but i didn't want you to think i was all bvtthurt.

it's so important to me what others think of me.

 

[No.Danny]

well i was going to just ignore you but i didn't want you to think i was all bvtthurt.

it's so important to me what others think of me.

.....Damn

:crackup:

 

[vinkoch]

This question boils down to this: "why do people communicate?"

In the end, communication is a means to any number of ends. When men speak to each other, it is usually to gain knowledge. However, if the power gap is too skewed in one way or another, no communication will take place because one man is simply indifferent to what the other man can offer. For example, if you challenged stephen hawking on some matter of physics via a text message, he wouldn't respond. Your opinion is infinitesimal to him. Likewise, if you asked to play a game of basketball against Lebron James, he wouldn't even acknowledge you because you are so far away from being a concern. "A lion does not concern himself with the opinions of a sheep."

So, why do men communicate with women? Well, for secks. But why do women communicate with men? Well, for attention. When your ex comes fishing for attention, is it better to text her back "indifferently," or better to not text? Well, by not texting back you ARE subconciously communicating. You are communicating to her that she is not even worth the basic, most fundamental purpose of male communication: sex. She also does not receive her emotional fix, to boot. When you respond with an "indifferent" tone, it will be read as a sign of interest and her emotional fix is complete. She may lead you along, or she may desire you again. That is irrelevant.

NC = High Value/Indifference
Indifferent Text = leaving the door open for future romance, whether it be reciprocated or not doesn't really matter

Neither one is really "butthvrt" because that's an expression an upset person would use to describe someone who is unfazed. "Bitter" is another example of such a word/phrase.

interesting. so then why would a female respond to ex's texts if he's not asking for sex and she's not initiating contact for an emotional fix?

 

[Bokanovsky]

First of all, you don't use the term "butt hurt" on this forum unless you are Gaylan. He has pretty much trademarked that phrase. Preferably, you shouldn't use it in real life either because it's homosexual prison slang. Second, why do you care what a girl thinks about you after you go NC? The whole purpose of NC is to forget about the b!tch and move on. Her opinion doesn't matter.

 

[dasein]

Preferably, you shouldn't use it in real life either because it's homosexual prison slang.

I've heard it mostly from pvpers in online games, the guys who take their games just a little too seriously, and usually under 18 y.o. :rockon:

as in "He got butthurt that I pwned him with my mace of +5 so bad and called the GM on me."

To the topic, I got past the point of needing to heal via NC long ago, but remember those times too. For the last ten years or so, it's because 1. I don't want to spend the time or any energy that way, and 2. The things that come out of their mouths post breakup can annoy anyone to distraction. You think, "It's just a text, what's the harm? Be the bigger person here."

and then:

The "downgrader" "You really have been a good friend these last few months we've been hanging out." (Do good friends f you 5 times a week? do you beg good friends to put a ring on your finger incessantly for ten months?)

The "revisionist" "Well you did get a little paunchy the last few months." (Um, you put on 20 pounds and -I- broke up with -you- not the other way around).

The "Hallelujah" "I found Jesus, Jesus is giving me things you never could." (Are you conning Jesus into spending $100 a week on restaurant meals too? Oh that's right, he just grabs up some goo off the floor and makes creme brulee and caviar with it... damn that crafty Jesus).

The "Hammer between the eyes." "I had to cheat on you because I knew I'd lose you at some point." (nuff said)

The "Fake Crisis" "OMG I don't have anyone else to call, Please please help!!"
(I see, they are out of your shade of nail polish again.)

I could go on and on and on. Some of them blend the above type things into a complex doodooball of illogic that will literally melt the IQ points right off of you if you listen to enough of it. It's like staring a brain medusa in the face and your brain turns to stone. Instant PTSD where there was none at all before. No thanks.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I've heard it mostly from pvpers in online games, the guys who take their games just a little too seriously, and usually under 18 y.o. :rockon:

as in "He got butthurt that I pwned him with my mace of +5 so bad and called the GM on me."

To the topic, I got past the point of needing to heal via NC long ago, but remember those times too. For the last ten years or so, it's because 1. I don't want to spend the time or any energy that way, and 2. The things that come out of their mouths post breakup can annoy anyone to distraction. You think, "It's just a text, what's the harm? Be the bigger person here."

and then:

The "downgrader" "You really have been a good friend these last few months we've been hanging out." (Do good friends f you 5 times a week? do you beg good friends to put a ring on your finger incessantly for ten months?)

The "revisionist" "Well you did get a little paunchy the last few months." (Um, you put on 20 pounds and -I- broke up with -you- not the other way around).

The "Hallelujah" "I found Jesus, Jesus is giving me things you never could." (Are you conning Jesus into spending $100 a week on restaurant meals too? Oh that's right, he just grabs up some goo off the floor and makes creme brulee and caviar with it... damn that crafty Jesus).

The "Hammer between the eyes." "I had to cheat on you because I knew I'd lose you at some point." (nuff said)

The "Fake Crisis" "OMG I don't have anyone else to call, Please please help!!"
(I see, they are out of your shade of nail polish again.)

I could go on and on and on. Some of them blend the above type things into a complex doodooball of illogic that will literally melt the IQ points right off of you if you listen to enough of it. It's like staring a brain medusa in the face and your brain turns to stone. Instant PTSD where there was none at all before. No thanks.

In my case, "The Malingerer" - "Don't think I'm not drowning in pain right now! I'm dying here! I miss you so much!"

Riiiight, after admitting during the break up talk that you had confessed to a good friend that you were settling with me, that you wanted "to love" (basically insinuating I was an impediment to said goal), all of which confirmed my long held suspicion that everything she did toward me was grounded in affection (at best), not attraction. No olive branch for you girl. I can't b1tch much myself because I asked for it, I too wasn't "in love" and probably never would have been, so it goes both ways, but I had (and still have) zero interest in contributing so much as a single syllable or punctuation mark toward that phony relationship I just got out of.

 

[crazyboy]

no contact is just a method to help guys get over oneitis. Its up to you personally if you want to stay contact with this woman. I mean if you and guy friend no longer talking do you really gives and f. If you feel it make you look butthurt meaning you care about her perception of you.

 

[Dreama]

If you feel it make you look butthurt meaning you care about her perception of you.

You should care about people's perceptions of you. Why do you dress up? Why do you groom? It's all because you care about their perceptions of you.

You can't fool yourself into thinking you don't care about that.

 

[jimmy18]

You should care about people's perceptions of you. Why do you dress up? Why do you groom? It's all because you care about their perceptions of you.

You can't fool yourself into thinking you don't care about that.

We dress well because we have high self-respect and want to look good for OURSELVES, not others.

 

[crazyboy]

You should care about people's perceptions of you. Why do you dress up? Why do you groom? It's all because you care about their perceptions of you.

You can't fool yourself into thinking you don't care about that.

You're totally missing the point. If you're going not contact a woman you're obviously doing it for a reason. Yes in big scheme of things you should care about people perception of you to an extent because is how you move forward in work world and what not.

Now back to topic if you're not speaking to someone or don't associate with them any more. Why doesnt matter if you go no contact or not. We talking about the gaming of women not the perceptions of your freaking co workers.

Like I said you go no contact to let her know that is over between you two. I mean i guess you can respond indifferently if felt like it but if you don't care her about no more why bother and if she disrespected you. why respond to her.

Now to answer your question toward me. I really don't care what people perceive me as. You groom because necessary to stay healthy and keep body clean. You dress up because its pretty cold no clothes on and some parts of the world. So my question to you is so if woman you are no longer care about start sending you texts and you ignore them. do you care about how she perceive you.

 

[Dreama]

You're totally missing the point. If you're going not contact a woman you're obviously doing it for a reason. Yes in big scheme of things you should care about people perception of you to an extent because is how you move forward in work world and what not.

Now back to topic if you're not speaking to someone or don't associate with them any more. Why doesnt matter if you go no contact or not. We talking about the gaming of women not the perceptions of your freaking co workers.

Like I said you go no contact to let her know that is over between you two. I mean i guess you can respond indifferently if felt like it but if you don't care her about no more why bother and if she disrespected you. why respond to her.

Now to answer your question toward me. I really don't care what people perceive me as. You groom because necessary to stay healthy and keep body clean. You dress up because its pretty cold no clothes on and some parts of the world. So my question to you is so if woman you are no longer care about start sending you texts and you ignore them. do you care about how she perceive you.

Women in my experience would never do anything that puts them at the risk of rejection.

Just reject a woman and see what happens, they will go crazy.

I once rejected a woman, and she immediately pulled out her phone and started talking to her "imaginary" boyfriend. it was so funny.

Even if they remotely sense things are not going well , or she can't have you, their auto rejection will kick in and she will rationalize that YOU are not good enough for her. just so that she can be happy that SHE was the one rejecting you, not you rejecting her.