No contact...it works right??

[Pakwah]

Doin NC right now after a bad bad night at the bar.
I need to know that i am doing the right thing, i got ignored last night so now i not answering any texts from her.
Is there a time limit for this?
When is a good time to start convo again?
But this gives the girls time to stir, and wonder, and go a bit crazy yes??
Please, i want to know what i am doing is the right thing, i don't want to fold

 

[Chromeo]

ignore her for as long as your angry at her for ignoring you at the bar.

And if shes ignoring you at the bar I hope your having fun talking to other people.

 

[Radharc]

More details pls.

No contact working or not depends a great deal on the level of rapport you allready have with the girl.

 

[Pakwah]

i known this girl for 5 years.
we went out years ago but broke up but later on 'reconnected' as friends.
she went on to tell me she was sorry for the way it was, her fault, she was young, it seemed that maybe we were slowly building to get back together.
so i slow played it
but yesterday at the bar, we came seperately with mutual friends, she asked if i could driver her home, np
time to go...she decides is getting a ride with another guy, she told me he was taking her home.
Well she never made it home...
I felt really disrespected and betrayed.
So it was a long sleepless night as i was concerned about where she was, as well as everything she and i had talked about the future...
I sent a few texts, phoned, no answer at all last night
Really bothered me.
So today i chose not to contact her and i have received 2 messages along the lines of...."cant believe you being this way, y cant we talk about this, im so mad at you right now, y are u assuming things?"

(y cant we talk about this???!! oh now u want to, but yesterday when i was texting and calling u sure didn't seem to care)

i have not responded.

 

[Radharc]

I hate to break it to you, but the only thing youll get from that girl is stress and pain.

She´s an ex enjoying your attention and leading you on when you still obviously have feelings for her and she´s moved on, sleeping with other guys and using you as taxi driver in case she might need one.

No contact will not work in this situation. She knows she has the upper hand and is controlling the situation, you are just reacting angrily and she knows it. And even worst, she is also pulling the b1thcy move of putting the blame on all this on you.

I suggest you move on, the only way to win at that game is not to play it.

 

[cordoncordon]

I hate to break it to you, but the only thing youll get from that girl is stress and pain.

She´s an ex enjoying your attention and leading you on when you still obviously have feelings for her and she´s moved on, sleeping with other guys and using you as taxi driver in case she might need one.

No contact will not work in this situation. She knows she has the upper hand and is controlling the situation, you are just reacting angrily and she knows it. And even worst, she is also pulling the b1thcy move of putting the blame on all this on you.

I suggest you move on, the only way to win at that game is not to play it.

^^^^^What he said. This is a no win situation for you. 100%.

 

[Donnie Darko]

Yes, no contact will definitely help.

Let me explain.

In your situation you can't use no contact to raise her interest level.

You can only use it to make it easier for you to get over her and move on with your life.

 

[bukowski_merit]

but yesterday at the bar, we came seperately with mutual friends, she asked if i could driver her home, np
time to go...she decides is getting a ride with another guy, she told me he was taking her home.

Are you guys dating? Have you had sex since "reconnecting?

If not, then you are acting like a girl here. If you are - then you have some merit. But, you're still taking things too personal. Women live in the moment and that moment last night - she wanted to suck some other guys ****.

Well she never made it home...

Not surprised at all. It's hard to get out of bed and go home when someone else is giving it to you so good.

I felt really disrespected and betrayed.

If you guys are dating - then yes you should, and you should next her instantly! Even if you guys are not dating - a next seems to be the only thing that will work in your case. A hard next. No contact, no explanation. Then when you run into each other 5 years from now, she may still be pissed about it; but she will respect you.

So it was a long sleepless night as i was concerned about where she was, as well as everything she and i had talked about the future...
I sent a few texts, phoned, no answer at all last night
Really bothered me.

And why did it bother you so much? You did a bad job at the bar of seducing her; or this other guys is just a pimp. What did your texts say? Why call her? she told you what she was going to do.

Why didn't you call up another woman to come over and help get your mind off things? Or stay out and sarge until you got the correct drunk bimbo to talk to you? It's either this drunk bimbo you're talking about, or some random one.... drunk bimbo either way.

And lets be real. You weren't "concerned" about where she was. You and I both know where she was and that is what "concerned" you.

So today i chose not to contact her and i have received 2 messages along the lines of...."cant believe you being this way, y cant we talk about this, im so mad at you right now, y are u assuming things?"

This is expected. She wants to talk about it to manipulate you. To pull you back in to her mouth with her *** breath. You CANNOT talk about this with her (if you said sh!t in the texts about being mad that's YOUR fault). You are playing with an impossible double bind if you chose to "talk" with this woman.

Do not give into her anger. She wants things to feel better and be resolved, but she also doesn't. She is enjoying the feelings she's getting from you ignoring her. It's the reality TV of her life.

You see - women are comfortable being uncomfortable. The quicker a man learns that same skill - the quicker he can win.

(y cant we talk about this???!! oh now u want to, but yesterday when i was texting and calling u sure didn't seem to care)

She was enjoying herself. She was also enjoying tooling you. Probably made her orgasm good to feel that important.

i have not responded.

And you shouldn't.... AT ALL! I would have a tough time not walking into a spider web and having her suck my soul out. You - stand no chance.

This will become about YOU and your insecurities within 10 minutes of a discussion. That or - she'll do something even slicker and admit she did wrong and ask if you forgive her.

^ Both of those are manipulation.

And im sure an experienced at being a drunk bimbo woman is a better expert than me at it.

Next her.

Forget no contact.

 

[horaholic]

What he said!!!!

 

[Pakwah]

Are you guys dating? Have you had sex since "reconnecting?

i think we are doing everything dating people do except actually call us official, and yes we have

And why did it bother you so much? You did a bad job at the bar of seducing her; or this other guys is just a pimp. What did your texts say? Why call her? she told you what she was going to do.

I don't try to seduce her, don't have to, i let her do her own thing and i do mine and we say hello, I don't try to be a puppy dog, we were with about 7 mutual friends.
my texts today say she didnt do anything, I jumpin the gun, what she did was stupid, the guy she was with was a friend she knew for years....

I didnt call up another girl cuz bar was closed at it was 3am.
and i bring no drama and have no patience for BS, and i will tell her if she being *****y to get out of the car, to come back later, that ill drop her off, to relax, ill rarely engage her, dont have time for that crap

 

[bukowski_merit]

i think we are doing everything dating people do except actually call us official, and yes we have

Ok, this is important info, although it doesn't sound like you guys are on the same page of "officialness". This can now be treated a sh!t test though; which puts it in context. (a betaisation attempt).

I don't try to seduce her, don't have to,

I'm sorry, but this is a huge flaw in your thinking. Yes, you do have to continue to seduce women even if you've been together for 20 years. They enjoy it, and you should too. If you don't - someone else will. TRUST THAT!

Continuing to be a desireable male to a female who you're "with" is not something as easy as "don't have to". If you do not continue to seduce - you cannot have a happy relationship.

i let her do her own thing and i do mine and we say hello, I don't try to be a puppy dog

If this is your frame, and these are the boundaries you have set in your relationship - BE CONGRUENT TO THEM! You are saying that you let her do her own thing??? Then let her do her own thing. And what's this puppy dog talk? Are you saying you don't follow her around? Well, yeah, you shouldn't fallow her around; you should give her reason enough to want to follow you around. She should want nothing more than to fvck you on a consistent bases. I'm trying to imagine a woman doing to me what your "woman" did to you. And i just can't. It wouldn't happen. Because i lead the fvck out of them.

If you don't want to lead women - can you really complain when they go astray?

my texts today say she didnt do anything, I jumpin the gun, what she did was stupid, the guy she was with was a friend she knew for years....

And she's loving every minute of this situation.

I didnt call up another girl cuz bar was closed at it was 3am.
and i bring no drama and have no patience for BS, and i will tell her if she being *****y to get out of the car, to come back later, that ill drop her off, to relax, ill rarely engage her, dont have time for that crap

But you can't sleep when she goes off with another man?

You don't have time for BS or seduction, but you have time to make yourself sick with worry???

If you're putting your foot down one minute and acting hurt the next.

That's passive aggressive in a new sense of the work.

 

[Pakwah]

well my last message is
'please...say something....say anything!'

and letting her do what she wants? its called trust. which she broke
and yes i 'romance' her lots of time, just not ALL the time
u guys are twisting everything i say into something else..not everything..but i know what to tolerate and what not
the last 4 girls or so i dated have said 'your so sweet..but u can be such a ass sometimes'
so yes i try to find a balance

 

[Donnie Darko]

OK. I didn't realize that you were actually sleeping with her again.

I'll take you at your word and believe you.

In that case you should not have said called or sent text messages last night. Lesson learned. You come across as needy, clingy, desperate, etc.

If you were already fvcking her again. Then you should have been seducing her or just told her you were taking her home to fvck.

Don't let you ego get in the way here. Going no contact with this girl now is only going to make her mad at you.

Tell her sternly how her behavior was wrong and not to do it again or your done with her.

Actually, forget that. Text her: "Come over and get naked!" and then just fvck her.

Wear a rubber just in case she was actually fvcking that other guy last night.

 

[cordoncordon]

OK. I didn't realize that you were actually sleeping with her again.

I'll take you at your word and believe you.

In that case you should not have said called or sent text messages last night. Lesson learned. You come across as needy, clingy, desperate, etc.

If you were already fvcking her again. Then you should have been seducing her or just told her you were taking her home to fvck.

Don't let you ego get in the way here. Going no contact with this girl now is only going to make her mad at you.

Tell her sternly how her behavior was wrong and not to do it again or your done with her.

Actually, forget that. Text her: "Come over and get naked!" and then just fvck her.

Wear a rubber just in case she was actually fvcking that other guy last night.

NO!^ This girl just disrespected the OP in the biggest way imaginable. Not only was the plan to go home with him, but then she leaves with another guy and ignores any contact he tried to initiate. (bear in mind he never should have tried to contact her after she left with the guy in the first place to go F him). This girls IL in the OP is not only super low, but she doesn't respect the guy in the slightest. If he ever talks to her again, he has a major screw loose and his self respect is non existent.

 

[Radharc]

Ok, so it all comes down to you knowing what is acceptable to you in your relationship with her and what is not, and act accordingly.

If you cant handle you guys not being exclusive and she acting accordingly then you need to do something about that.

That kind of thing seldom works out on the long term, especially if you guys allready have history togehter.

Maybe she was sh1t testing, maybe she just felt like ****ing the "old friend", who knows. Either way you are not in control of the frame and if you wont stop her drama she will never stop it. It will only get worst and she´ll pull more and more of this stunts because she knows she can.

So what you need to ask yourself is what you hope to accomplish with NC? She repenting her sins and becoming a good girl from now on where you are not exclusive but she behaves as such? Not gonna happen.

Seems like you are set on not "letting her do what she wants" but you yourself dont know what the hell you want.

I´d say next her, there´s very little chance anything good will come of this.

 

[bukowski_merit]

well my last message is
'please...say something....say anything!'

What do you want? A few more weeks of fun? Maybe a month or so? You can probably take her back right now, and she'll be eager to fvck her man who gave her 24 hours of lovely emotional spikes.

I can't make that call for you; but i can assure you that you are in a bad frame with this woman and will have a hell of a time keeping the tension high. As someone above says - her interest level and respect are low. They are actually linked. The more a guy lets a woman get away with disrespect - the more her interest level goes down; the more her interest level goes down - the more she will disrespect without fear. It's a cycle.

Now you're using No contact as a strategy to punish her poor behavior. But no contact should not be used like that, because it's not actually punishing unless you're truly walking away. She's feeding off it and like i said - you're putting some reality tv drama into her life. You should be using no contact to next her.

The more i think on this. I believe the only way i would handle something like this is as follows:

Bimbo: Hey, instead of you taking me home, my friend is going to take me home tonight.
Bukowski: Nah, im taking you home. (with the most obnoxious "don't fvck with me" smirk i could come up with on my face.)

Now, what she does from here would decide her fate. She still stays - she'll never see me again (i don't tell her this, but she knows this deep down). Or she comes with me and life goes on.... life goes on either way really...

It's kind of similar to an event that happened not too long ago with me and this girl who i was fvcking. We had a date planned and i got there, and she text me "we're up the stairs".... I said "we're?"... She said, "yes, i brought 2 friends from work with me.".... I said, "Why did you come with your friends from work? We had a date for just the 2 of us. Come down here and we'll get a table, let them eat together". She said, "don't you want to meet them." And i said, "no!".... She said, "are you serious?"... I said, "yes, get down here. No more talk!".... And a couple minutes later she comes down by herself and i could just smell the wetness dripping off her. Now, if i had let her lead and change our plans - she would have saw that as weak. If not on the logical level - than on the primitive level. And the primitive level is what matters for long term attraction.

And, had she not came down - i would have left or hung out at the bar without her.

and letting her do what she wants? its called trust. which she broke

lol, you expect women to be honorable without being led? if your frame is, "i let women do what they want" - then they will do just that.

and yes i 'romance' her lots of time, just not ALL the time

Romance is a very small part of seduction (being a good fvck is much higher up; romance without hard pulsating d!ck is boring.). Seduction does not = romance.

u guys are twisting everything i say into something else..not everything..but i know what to tolerate and what not

Then take her back if you want. If you think she's suffered enough from your NC - take her back..... But, if you're doing this as a power play - you better move soon. Your window for her obsessing over your lack of comfort is closing every hour.

the last 4 girls or so i dated have said 'your so sweet..but u can be such a ass sometimes'

I'd rather get "you're such an ass.... but you can be sweet sometimes"


Move on to the next one. Learn... Grow.... Enjoy life... Fvck all this laying around in bed with stomach pains trying to figure out what is going on. Find a new love. If not another woman - than 10 hobbies.

 

[DanelMadr]

NO CONTACT is simply no f@cking contact.

It is meant to help guys (who need some routine instead of common sense/balls) to forget about the bytch. It is not some Jedi mind trick to make her come back...it shouldn't be used like that. You had the reasons to break a contact. If she wants to come back that is her problem.
They always try to lure you back....mainly because their ego needs to do the no contact then. That's why some guys think it works. No it does not. It is not supposed to work.

Keep it real, man.

 

[penkitten]

what sort of bar are you going to?

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

UGH I hate to see people waste their precious time and energy on bs like this...unless your time is worthless to you and the world, in which case just keep doing what you're doing.

That's why we say when a LTR is over, it's OVER! Hanging out, screwing, "being friends" with exes is going to cause you nothing but trouble. Especially when you get all butt-hurt when she goes home to screw another guy (which is exactly what happened, don't lie to yourself man).

Let the women have all the drama from weak men that they can get, as long as the weak man in question is not YOU!

 

[the305]

You use no contact, to create some mystery and to up the persons interest level a bit,you don't, "no contact" because you're not man enough to have a sit down talk with someone who acted out of line with you.

stop playing the ignore game and have a grown up discussion of how you felt she acted.