NO CONTACT is a waste of time

[Montague_Leach]

...and what about if you get an invite from their facebook or linked-in? How would you respond to that?

How about ignoring it like you should. I guess that would be too easy for you.

 

[corrector]

How about ignoring it like you should. I guess that would be too easy for you.

As a matter of fact I haven't replied to her linked in. I neither have "unsubscribed", nor have I accepted the "invite". I'm thinking of hit "unsubscribe" so I won't get any more reminders. I'm like getting a reminder every week so it's difficult to "ignore". I know some people sue for harassment on stuff like that, but I ain't going to go there.

The last time I got a reminder my whole day was ruined with a minor depression. I have an "Instant Shine" spray to put on if I'm really down and it works. Wasn't depressed enough to use it though.

I've been in strict NC for just under six months now. May 18th would be the six month mark and I haven't made a peep with her unless she's telepathic and can read my thoughts or journals (i.e. every day since NC I've been thinking about her. It's like something got ripped out of my gut and I feel different since I dumped her). BTW - I dumped her just after I promised to get an engagement ring for her and dug up dirt on her past and told her mom on her (i.e. about what she did to her ex-husband) behind her back.

I had a social life before which was shared with hers and I totally withdrew from the past 6 months from everyone there and went to other places. So this whole thing with me wasn't very easy on my system.

 

[plate's_empty]

Or you dumped her for a reason other than going with another woman.

That does not matter who dumped who. NC is still NC.



That's a catch-22. You are saying you can talk to her if you don't want to talk to her. If you want to talk with her then don't talk to her.



I'm pretty much vocal on here about my ex and I have not contacted her once since I dumped her about six months ago. I can't control what goes on my head, esp. if I really had feelings for her, but I certainly control what not to do otherwise I wouldn't have dumped her in the first place.

I'm feeling Corrector and Frutibat on this...

What is the point of NC???

So she realizes you don't give a fvck about her right? Then what?

She comes crawling back to you?

or

She disappears for good and you never see her again?

or

You might run into her again randomly and if you do, she'll know who's boss?



From what I've seen and experienced, and read on here. NC is to teach her a lesson. This is what happens when you mess with the big dog....NC!!! :trouble:

If you truely are indifferent on what she thinks of you...then do whatever, call her up and tell her you're lonely and need to talk to someone. Outcome = who gives a fvck.

Is NC a power trip?? Do you need to win in the end?


Isn't it to get her back on the straight and narrow? If so, what FB was saying has a valid point. Obviously, it's a game, it's fronting indifference and/or displaying that we have the power to walk away, even if we don't want to.

If she texts us to ask a simple question should we ignore just for the sake of ignoring?? If so, isn't she going to think: "oh he's still mad at me for flaking on him, he should be over it by now, didn't realize he took it so hard"

I've thought about this many times myself, and I understand the thinking on both sides. In the end, what are we trying to accomplish?

 

[corrector]

I'm feeling Corrector and Frutibat on this...

What is the point of NC???

Is NC a power trip?? Do you need to win in the end?

The point of NC is so you don't have to see your former love interest move on in her life with another guy, or guy she may have "talked to" while you were seeing each other, or get into any situation where you are going to get hurt by her. In that sense, ignorance is bliss, and you can just focus on your own life rather than hers.

This is why I do not even want any updates from my "ex", I'm trying to stay from learning anything about her life because I have to move on with mine. She sent me (perhaps it may be accidental) a Linked in invite to get updates from me and I've ignored this since I really don't want any updates from her or care how many connections she may have, etc....

The minute you want contact, then you want updates, and if she says she found someone else or doesn't want to see you anymore then that's going to hurt. Best to just stay away especially if the girl is trouble to begin with.

 

[plate's_empty]

The point of NC is so you don't have to see your former love interest move on in her life with another guy, or guy she may have "talked to" while you were seeing each other, or get into any situation where you are going to get hurt by her. In that sense, ignorance is bliss, and you can just focus on your own life rather than hers.

This is why I do not even want any updates from my "ex", I'm trying to stay from learning anything about her life because I have to move on with mine. She sent me (perhaps it may be accidental) a Linked in invite to get updates from me and I've ignored this since I really don't want any updates from her or care how many connections she may have, etc....

The minute you want contact, then you want updates, and if she says she found someone else or doesn't want to see you anymore then that's going to hurt. Best to just stay away especially if the girl is trouble to begin with.

An ultimate finish. Outcome = you are done with her...and free. That's a good explanation. Absolutely no chance in the future....just break the sh1t off. Okay.

For the ones you never want to see again....

 

[BrownBear]

Excellent work buzzin frog. Breaking NC represents a MASSIVE backslide. Look up the Myth of Sisyphus.

In fact, I hereby require you all to view this 1 minute video. Anyone who refuses will be banned.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CivDfBifsCY

This is a perfect picture of what happens when you break NC. I'll leave it at that; No more words are necessary.

I refuse :rock: :rock: :rock:

 

[PlayHer Man]

I'm feeling Corrector and Frutibat on this...

What is the point of NC???

So she realizes you don't give a fvck about her right? Then what?

She comes crawling back to you?

or

She disappears for good and you never see her again?

or

You might run into her again randomly and if you do, she'll know who's boss?



From what I've seen and experienced, and read on here. NC is to teach her a lesson. This is what happens when you mess with the big dog....NC!!! :trouble:

If you truely are indifferent on what she thinks of you...then do whatever, call her up and tell her you're lonely and need to talk to someone. Outcome = who gives a fvck.

Is NC a power trip?? Do you need to win in the end?


Isn't it to get her back on the straight and narrow? If so, what FB was saying has a valid point. Obviously, it's a game, it's fronting indifference and/or displaying that we have the power to walk away, even if we don't want to.

If she texts us to ask a simple question should we ignore just for the sake of ignoring?? If so, isn't she going to think: "oh he's still mad at me for flaking on him, he should be over it by now, didn't realize he took it so hard"

I've thought about this many times myself, and I understand the thinking on both sides. In the end, what are we trying to accomplish?

The point of NC is to rid yourself of a toxic relationship that isn't making your life any better. Its to leave on your own terms and not drag things out.

If you have to go NC on a woman in the first place.. then you're in a toxic relationship anyway. Why would you want to prolong a toxic relationship? Do you keep rotten expired food or do you throw it away? :trouble:

Its not complex guys. Just LEAVE. She sucks and she ain't gonna change. Accept this fact and rid yourself of the pain and frustration in one grand disappearing act.

 

[BrownBear]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to PlayHer Man again.

Give it to me instead

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

If you find that NC is a waste of time, then you're doing it wrong.

 

[May_Day]

What is the point of NC???

From what I've seen and experienced, and read on here. NC is to teach her a lesson. This is what happens when you mess with the big dog....NC!!! :trouble:

You mean you don't know what NC is? No, this is not what NC is for. Why would you answer her texts when the relationship is done?

 

[May_Day]

The point of NC is so you don't have to see your former love interest move on in her life with another guy, or guy she may have "talked to" while you were seeing each other

No, this is not the point of NC either. She dumped you to be with another guy anyway. Why would you care who she talking to after you got dumped?

 

[corrector]

No, this is not the point of NC either. She dumped you to be with another guy anyway. Why would you care who she talking to after you got dumped?

Not in my case. I dumped her because I had communicated with her ex-husband, who was a pastor of a church to get details of the divorce from him. I ultimately sided with him and dumped my ex-girlfriend and sent this correspondence to her mother.

I wrote her a letter cancelling the planned engagement because I felt she was at fault for the divorce. She called me and explained her side of the story and said the letters were biased. I cut her off and told her I would call her back later. I never did and six months have just passed.

Now applying the same logic, if I know this lady is not a great catch, why would I care if she ends up with another guy (apart from her ex-husband)? She's on anti-depressants since she left her ex-husband, seeing a psychologist, unable to bear children, small size and doesn't believe in sex before marriage and her ex is a pastor who tried to get her back into marriage but she shot down all his attempts.

I know most Christians will not marry a girl who walked out on a pastor and nearly destroyed his ministry, so who ends up with her will have to be tricked into dating her since she's not going to be honest. She never told me she couldn't bear kids until she showed me a movie where the characters of the movie adopted children (life of Timothy Green).

 

[plate's_empty]

My whole point. What I was trying to induce in a response.

Is there ever a time when you guys go NC with the hopes to re-connect with her in the future?

If no, no reason to respond.

It seems I've seen advice on here like that. Sh1t, I've given it.

"Go NC until..."

She comes back around and apologizes.

She calls you.

She texts you a few times.

She texts you a few times then calls you a few times.

She texts you, calls you, then apologizes, then shows up at your doorstop with new fake boobs, and her best friend offering a threesome.

Seriously?

 

[buzzin_frog]

It looks like some of these guys have no clue about what NC is....that is probably why they keep breaking it to begin with!!

NO CONTACT has nothing to do with her!!

It is not about her....It is not about teaching her a lesson..... it is all about YOU!!

YOU are trying to move on from all the bvllsh!t she caused you in the first place

So how the hell can you move on, if you are still in contact with her?

if you keep contacting her, you can't move on with your life, you won't be able to move on from her!!

Worrying about what she is still thinking is just being insecure, because you still cave into her needs and wants.

she texts you.......so automatically. you feel the need to reply back because you are afraid she will think you are upset....she still has the power over you....just like she did when you were AFC at the end of the relationship...which was the reason she dumped you to begin with!!

who cares about what she thinks? the relationship is over....she shouldn't matter to you anymore!!

Replying to her texts confirms that she still controls you....the only way to break the control is to go NO CONTACT

NO CONTACT is for you to move on....period....if she thinks less of you for that.....who cares!! your entire goal is to move on and heal from this....so you can start fresh with another woman.....getting luke warm replies from her isn't going to help you very much.

Keeping in contact prevents you from doing that....men with limited or no options will become hung up on the ex....they will still be depressed by contacting her....she doesn't want to be with you...you just keep a dead thing going for no reason....that is why you go No Contact.

I've seen guys waste many months even years by staying in contact with an ex.....they didn't heal....they didn't move on....they let their ex keep playing them by giving them false hopes!!

When a relationship is broken.....it is over...trying to put glue on it will never work....staying in contact with a chick who dumped you or you have no feelings for is not worth it....the relationship is done...so there is no reason to be in contact with that person....it just prevents you from moving on.

You are trying to accomplish these goals: moving on with your life....breaking free from the control of your ex.....getting yourself back in the game...making yourself happy....finding new plates or another woman

If you stay in contact with your ex, you will prevent yourself from accomplishing these goals, because your ex will still be apart of your life interfering with what you are trying to achieve.




Obviously, you are missing the whole point of what no contact is.

I'm feeling Corrector and Frutibat on this...

What is the point of NC???

So she realizes you don't give a fvck about her right? Then what?

She comes crawling back to you?

or

She disappears for good and you never see her again?

or

You might run into her again randomly and if you do, she'll know who's boss?]

She should realize that you don't give a fvck......it is over

who cares if she comes crawling back.....you continue to stay NC....the point of NC is not to get her back....it's for you to move on!!

The person who needs the relationship the least is the person who always holds control of that relationship

she is the one who is trying to contact you.....you are ignoring her.....she is not the "boss" because you took a stand to end it on your terms altogether!! you have the control.....you are in charge....she means nothing to you anymore.

From what I've seen and experienced, and read on here. NC is to teach her a lesson. This is what happens when you mess with the big dog....NC!!! :trouble:?]

you are way off again on this

NC is not about teaching her a lesson!! You shouldn't care about her or what she thinks....The relationship is over....NC is for you to move on from her....NC is to get her out of your life for good!! Can you handle that?

If you truely are indifferent on what she thinks of you...then do whatever, call her up and tell her you're lonely and need to talk to someone. Outcome = who gives a fvck.:?

What is the point of doing that? You just broke No Contact by calling her up....you are wasting your time....she broke up with you....you are not going to get her back.....telling her you are lonely is not going to change anything...she doesn't care if you are lonely....why? Because she treated you like crap and broke up with you!! Call someone else if you are lonely, just like I said. Calling her, telling her you are lonely will make you more depressed because she doesn't want you back....this puts you farther back in the game because you are focusing all your effort on her...NC is the only way to go....you get away from her so you can move on with your life!!

Is NC a power trip?? Do you need to win in the end?

NC is not about power or winning....it is about YOU healing and moving on....everytime you contact her, you can't heal or move on...make a plan to go NC and stick to it for good....no need to be upset over a chick who discarded you for another guy....she doesn't care about you!!

Isn't it to get her back on the straight and narrow? If so, what FB was saying has a valid point. Obviously, it's a game, it's fronting indifference and/or displaying that we have the power to walk away, even if we don't want to.

There are no games being played with NC....it is a solution to end it for good....you are in NC with no communication...you can't play any games with that!!

She will be playing games with you when she tries to text you....do you want to play her games?

NC stops all her games....it is a game that she can't play....she lost the game with NC!!

Texting her lame one word messages, acting like she doesn't matter...shows her that you still care and that she still has control over you....why? Because you are answering everything she texts you!! You are still playing games on her terms....that is what she wants you to do....she wants the attention from you!!

NC ends the bvllshi!t for good...the games are over...you are in charge....you can move on!!

You don't care about her anymore....the relationship is over....you don't want her back....you don't want her on the "straight and narrow" because you are in NC for good....only an idiot would want to go back to the drama and games again!!

You should want to move on and walk away so you can move on....only guys who are weak will still stay on to be hurt, played with, made a fool out of for a longer amount of time....why prolong something that is hurting you? GO NC and stay NC for good!!

If she texts us to ask a simple question should we ignore just for the sake of ignoring?? If so, isn't she going to think: "oh he's still mad at me for flaking on him, he should be over it by now, didn't realize he took it so hard"

Who gives a sh!t what she thinks....the relationship is over....by caring what she thinks you can never move on....you will still be jumping through her hoops to text her....because you are still afraid of what she thinks...she already thinks you are weak....why? because she dumped you....she also knows that you will continue to jump through her hoops even after the relationship is over!! Her questions are irrelevant...you don't need to be in anymore contact with her....when she gets ignored, she will realize that she doesn't matter to you anymore, then she will stop her games because you went NC.

I've thought about this many times myself, and I understand the thinking on both sides. In the end, what are we trying to accomplish?

You are trying to accomplish these goals: .staying in control, moving on from her, healing from the experience, stopping her games, making yourself happy again, realizing that there is more to life than your ex, knowing that this chick was never worth all your time and troubles, meeting new and better women, becoming a confident and secure man!!

Staying in contact will prevent you from reaching your goals.....that is why you go NC and stick to it...otherwise you are wasting your time!!

Why should you still talk to a chick who thinks less of you because you are afraid of what she thinks? That is being a very insecure and weak man!!

Why should you talk to a chick who isn't worth your time? There is no point in that!!

Decide when you are ready to go NC...then start with the NC....make a commitment day by day to stick to it...each day should be an accomplishment for you....stick to it no matter what...you are doing this for yourself...you will have a test when she texts or calls you....stick to your NC....after you stuck to it, you can keep going NC for good!!

The only way to end the bvllsh!t and the games is to go NC

Only YOU can decide when you want to do that

Keeping in contact will only make you more miserable and will prolong the misery

Go NC and Stay NC for good!!

 

[TARKUS]

How can you have no contact if a girl knows where you live and shows up randomly at your place?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=205192

 

[jay07]

Must agree.

In my experience. The first chick i ever fell for i was together with for a year and a half. She was bpd, before i knew what it was, this is how i found this website. Anyways, she just straight left me for another dude, no warning, no responses, no breakup. I got the hint, tried contacting her over a few weeks, nothing back from her.

a month NC i start healing, going out with buddys. 2 months im just like fvck it, sh!t happens. 3 months im healed, so i think. Didn't give two craps about her, met 3 girls i was messing with. Then it happend... She must have found out, on top of her bf leaving her. She texts me, heart skips a thousand beats. But i try to play alpha, how some of you thought with LC, the one and two word responses to "show" her idgaf. That led to me meeting up with her to try and get another lay, since she was a freak after all (all bpd are).

That led to more meetings, to her striking my ego every which way. Before i knew it, the feelings were all back. The only way i realized they were back, was when she once again started her bullsh!t and stopped caring and left me again.


Question for the OP and other dudes preaching this.

How long of NC do you think gets you over the slvt?

What do you do if you see them out? Such as mutual friends or you live sorta close?

This is 3 days NC now for me. Shoulda stayed away. I got what i wanted and its not as bad as the first time but damn... if she wasnt ill in the head, on top of being a lying manipulative slvt, shed be the perfect chick.

 

[instantnoodles]

NC really IS a waste of TIME unless you are in a toxic situation. This is how you get rid of a situation that is possibly ruining your life.

What is the point of going NC if it's with someone you care deeply about? I don't believe in pushing away that special person. Next thing you know, you might just realize how important that person was to you - especially when you feel like you can't live without this person to some degree, which is apart of love (and maybe people have different philosophies about love). But I suppose some people have to do this in order to realize this in the first place.

 

[Valiant]

NC is truly a waste of time. if you gotta go NC with a girl it means she have already been nexted.

 

[DonGorgon]

ll it will not rebuild real attract8ion but jit can build enough curiosity to get you a few more fvcks before things go south again..

 

[asa_don]

awesome thread. nc is nc, don't break it.