no contact, course of action

[svenster]

I have a question for DJ pros out there because i need to figure what to do next.

The story.

i had been dating this this girl for 3 months.
figured out she was a player. she would always wait 1 or 2 hours respond to text, told me that she had guys asking her out, tried to arrive even latter than me.
i reciprocate with the same.
would only contact her once during the week to make arrangements for the weekend.

despite that everything was fine for 2.5 months and we spent every weekend together and had lots of great sex.

two weeks ago we were sleeping at mine when her cell ringed three times at 4.45 am on Sunday. told her to switch the phone or get the **** out my apartment. finally she picked it up and told they guy to **** of. said it was her friend who was bit crazy but it resulted in big argument without me accusing her of cheating outright.
in the morning she asked me to apologise, i refused and told her she owned me apologies which she did.then we had hot make-up sex.
Saw her on Sunday and everything was fine.
Then i waited for her to contact me first.
she finally called me on Friday at 6pm as she was leaving work. told her i was already meeting with my friends.
asked me if we would be going out to pick up girls (obvious **** test) told her not this time. promised to call her at 9 when i was done.
i forgot and she called me at 10 pm asking what happened. told her that i was on my way to see some more people and would call her in an hour. 1.5 hour later finally called her to tell her to come over.
when she arrived she complained that she had awful week at work working 15h every day. i complied with request. then got horny but she said was too tired to have sex.
(btw, It happened couple of times before but i never overreacted)
now it looks it could have been major **** test and first which i failed.
told her refusing sex was bull**** as i could have stayed longer with my friends instead of getting my ass home to see her. then i switched on my laptop and ignored her.
in the morning i had to leave earlier to attend a course. she told me she couldn't sleep all night because of what i said. asked me if i couldn't wait till morning for sex.
told her in calm way i would not tolerate her behaviour. and that i started contributing more by taking her out, paying almost every time and i couldn't get sex when i wanted and it was a bad deal for me.
I didn't say it was over between us outright.
although we were heading in he same direction she grabbed her stuff and walked away without saying a word. i closed the door behind her.
it's been 10 days since it happened. there's been no attempt to contact from either side.

 

[svenster]

I treat it as we're broken although neither of us said actual word.

My aims:
- save face and not give impression that she meant something to me
- if possible get a few more bangs and then dump her outright

I am not going to contact her first and don't think at this stage she will.
Only problem is that it is very likely that i see her at monthly networking meeting in 1.5 week. in case she’s attending, how to act not to DLV? or should i skip it and wait for another one in November.

thanks for your input

 

[FreD_BeaR]

Sounds like you're trying too hard and ended up being a **** to her. Youve been seeing her for 3 months and you think she owes you sex whenever you want it? Its been 10 days since she spoke with you, Unless you initiate it, I don't see her doing it. I mean it may have been a **** test, but it sounds more like you overreacted, telling her you wont tollerate her behaviour of not sexing you when you demand it seems like the reason for this....

 

[Tesl]

You sound like a right clown, and shes probably better off without you. Good for her.

After being with a girl for a few months acting the way you are doing and seeing absolutely everything as a test is ridiculous. You are incredibly immature, frankly.

 

[svenster]

no need to insult me.
just lookin for some constructive criticism because i want to improve my relationship game for the future use.
i admit that calling her out outright might have been a mistake.

 

[Tesl]

OK fair enough, that was a bit unnecessary from me.

Its frustrating though, some people take "the game" way too far. Girls aren't always so consciously "testing" you like you seem to think.

What people need to do is less grandstanding and pretending and actually do what it is these "games" try to make it appear you are doing. I don't know what it is with these "calling her out" threads lately, but they are always a bad idea. If a girl is messing you around, then don't show obvious distress about it - go be busy with other people instead. As long as it doesn't affect you there is nothing to get upset about, and you always keep the upper hand and remain the mature reasonable in control one.

Clearly you seem to have issues with anything she does which could be considered disrespectful to you. But then, can you really respect someone who is obviously as try hard as you are being? When there is clearly little to back it up, and its all "gaming" (acting?)

Just be awesome and stop pretending to be.

 

[pipe007]

thisi is the "how to lose a girl who was into you in 10 days" guide

yes you over-reacted to a girl you are just dating, she is not even your gf dude
she can have guys calling her at 4 in the morning... that's not your problem if she is not your gf.

you telling her that seeing her was a waste of your time if there was not gonna be sex... yep you killed it right there...

you are probably young in your early 20s or 18sh, 19sh, or you been taking the DJ bible by heartttttt!!! which is not good either.

remember the moment you want something from her, and she senses it, then you lose, if you just focus on giving her a good time and make her laugh every time you see her, WITHOUT EXPECTING anything in return and caring less if you get laid or not...

then she will be 100 times more likely to want to have sex with you,, and then you can escalate....

live and learn

 

[Hidden-Hand]

Dont worry about it, if she doesnt call oh well.

Get a new girl.

 

[svenster]

appreciate your feedback so far.

agree my calibration was way off. looks like i over-gamed. i am a beginner, former 'nice guy' though.

going back to my question, what is the best way to act when i see her at this networking meeting in other not to DLV?

my guess, being friendly (LJBF) and treating her like every other person out there.
and of course chatting up good looking females if there are any.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Svenster, sounds like you have a nice mess on your hands, my friend. I will give you advice w/o hurting the feelings. Here goes: You were involved in a relationship that was just not right. Ask yourself did it feel right? You will say no! Furthermore, from the sounds of it, it always was a power play on who could out do the other. You were late, she was later. She would wait to text you back, you would wait longer.

Do you see where I am going with this? Unless you are happy with what you two have completely without reservations, you probably are dealing with a professional dater.

If you want anything long term from this one, chances are you are wasting your time and if you developed strong feelings you are at a big disadvantage.

If a relationship is not right, you are better to spend time on others wanting your time. By all means, quit playing her silly game and see what happens. If she is is continually late more than a reasonable amount of time, simply leave!!! Sure she may call with warning about being late, but it is disrespectful in nature. Give her 15 minutes and leave.

Only you know for sure on how to proceed, but do you think she will change since her pattern is already established? I bet not!

My advice is if you are truly tired of her $hit, give her the gift of missing you. Sure, she may call her plan b and c, but the lesson you learn will be far more than anything she can give you. It has always been my experience relationships like this are just not worth the headaches, period!! Even if I am hitting it. The power play starts to outweigh anything positive I am getting (sex) and simply is not worth it. However, if there are lines drawn and we both know the score, it could stop some of this nonsense.

Become Houdini!!!

 

[Chosen1]

Sold my soul is right,you guys played games with each other and that's not cool. I don't blame you svenster and I won't make you feel like a douche but you should have told her from the get go that you don't want to play games just to keep her.

She would have kissed your ass to prove she doesn't play games. leave this girl alone she's a ho. I don't know where you met her but try some place with less skanks you seem like a cool dude so you'll have ho's on your nuts in no time.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Sold my soul is right,you guys played games with each other and that's not cool. I don't blame you svenster and I won't make you feel like a douche but you should have told her from the get go that you don't want to play games just to keep her.

She would have kissed your ass to prove she doesn't play games. leave this girl alone she's a ho. I don't know where you met her but try some place with less skanks you seem like a cool dude so you'll have ho's on your nuts in no time.

Thanks man, but here is the real problem:


I have been guilty of this in the past but no more!

We as men, put up with a lot of garbage because we are getting laid. By doing this, we devalue ourselves killing our pride and dignity by letting the golden taco rule us. I have learned that NO woman is worth my self respect!!! Regardless of what she is giving me. Never allow anyone to take your self respect away. Once you give it away at such a ridiculously low price, what good are you then? Not very good at all.

Maintain your self and everything else will fall into place.

 

[svenster]

@SoldMySoul and Chosen1

thanks guys.
absolutely right, i didn't feel right from the very beginning. her deliberately postponing texts, not picking up phone then calling back min later, telling me about guys texting her and trying to get a date, telling me that she didn't have many girlfriends because they were scared of her stealing their boyfriends, saying that all men who she met only wanted to bang her (great body skinny massive real tits btw).
well I ignored that because of her 'taco'. sex was great (deep throat, anal, spanking choking).
I had used game successfully until that night when I got my drunk ass home just to see her, gave her nice massage and was refused sex due to her being 'tired'.
then I lowered my guard and ****ed it up.
fortunately I had one night stand a month ago and that kept me sane and not very attached to her.

anyway, don't think she is going to call but I might see her in 1.5 weeks at this gathering. what is the best way to act?

btw, she is in investment banking (banging?)

 

[svenster]

v. interesting question. as far as I know parents still married but separated.
living separately. she complained that they had big fights. she couldn't stand that and lived with grandmother while at uni.
wired thing, on the second date she told me she was abused by grandfather who is dead now. she was 4 yrs old. nothing hardcore just undressing. she said I was the only person she ever mentioned that to.
previous girlfriend very rich Chinese mistreated by father when young,
seems I am attracting all the bad apples and I am totally normal dude

 

[Chosen1]

She might be borderline personality disorder or some derivative of it. Do a search on the forums. I know I was recently involved with a girl who had many of the symptoms:

1.Very beautiful(generally above your league unless you are already pulling 9's and 10s)
2.Makes you feel like no normal girl can
3.Drug and alcohol abuse
4.VERY promiscuous
5.Belief in ghosts

The cause is some sort of trauma with the father, maybe the grandfather could trigger it, I don't know.

I was with a girl who swore she was trying to change. She even "use" to be on crack cocaine. I never had to play games with her because she was a ho. She told me herself she had been with about 100 dudes and she had an std (permanent starts with Her) which I luckily never contracted. I learned my lesson never hang out with girls who only go out with guys who have kids or act like they want kids. Who's longest realtionship is less then a year. Or they admit to doing any type of hardcore drugs. Or they admit to being sexually or physically abused. That's a big time red flag.

 

[svenster]

mine wasn't psycho.
more of an attention *****.
chatted her up then ignored her and talked to all other decent looking girls while she was surrounded by her orbiters.
in no time she was patting on my back and starting conversation.

anyway, do you guys have any suggestion how to act when i likely bump into her at this networking meeting?

 

[Chosen1]

mine wasn't psycho.
more of an attention *****.
chatted her up then ignored her and talked to all other decent looking girls while she was surrounded by her orbiters.
in no time she was patting on my back and starting conversation.

anyway, do you guys have any suggestion how to act when i likely bump into her at this networking meeting?

don't go out of your way to avoid her or talk to her. Do not gossip about her to anybody. If you have to engage in small talk don't kiss her ass though.

 

[Joe Stud]

shes doing the same thing... awaiting the meeting. if you dont attend, she will call you within 3 days post meeting.

 

[cordoncordon]

I have a question for DJ pros out there because i need to figure what to do next.

The story.

i had been dating this this girl for 3 months.
figured out she was a player. she would always wait 1 or 2 hours respond to text, told me that she had guys asking her out, tried to arrive even latter than me.
i reciprocate with the same.
would only contact her once during the week to make arrangements for the weekend.

despite that everything was fine for 2.5 months and we spent every weekend together and had lots of great sex.

two weeks ago we were sleeping at mine when her cell ringed three times at 4.45 am on Sunday. told her to switch the phone or get the **** out my apartment. finally she picked it up and told they guy to **** of. said it was her friend who was bit crazy but it resulted in big argument without me accusing her of cheating outright.
in the morning she asked me to apologise, i refused and told her she owned me apologies which she did.then we had hot make-up sex.
Saw her on Sunday and everything was fine.
Then i waited for her to contact me first.
she finally called me on Friday at 6pm as she was leaving work. told her i was already meeting with my friends.
asked me if we would be going out to pick up girls (obvious **** test) told her not this time. promised to call her at 9 when i was done.
i forgot and she called me at 10 pm asking what happened. told her that i was on my way to see some more people and would call her in an hour. 1.5 hour later finally called her to tell her to come over.
when she arrived she complained that she had awful week at work working 15h every day. i complied with request. then got horny but she said was too tired to have sex.
(btw, It happened couple of times before but i never overreacted)
now it looks it could have been major **** test and first which i failed.
told her refusing sex was bull**** as i could have stayed longer with my friends instead of getting my ass home to see her. then i switched on my laptop and ignored her.
in the morning i had to leave earlier to attend a course. she told me she couldn't sleep all night because of what i said. asked me if i couldn't wait till morning for sex.
told her in calm way i would not tolerate her behaviour. and that i started contributing more by taking her out, paying almost every time and i couldn't get sex when i wanted and it was a bad deal for me.
I didn't say it was over between us outright.
although we were heading in he same direction she grabbed her stuff and walked away without saying a word. i closed the door behind her.
it's been 10 days since it happened. there's been no attempt to contact from either side.

Dating you sounds exhausting. Plus it seems like you have anger and control issues as well.

That being said, she doesn't sound like she is all that either. I would just move on. Sounds like a frustrating relationship on both your parts.

 

[svenster]

So after 3 weeks of NC I finally bumped into my ex at a networking meeting last friday. Arrived late and to my “great surprise” the attention ***** was surranded by orbiters, her sitting and them standing. She didn't look very hot at all.

Only managed to nod my head and smirk when I bumped into hot blond who i'd met week before. Got into conversation with her. Than moved to chat to another girl who gave me her number. Another girl asked me to take her clubbing in the future.

Had to leave earlier to get to a club and there she was standing by the exit with some girlfriends. I just smiled said By, she did the same. That was it. No effort from either side to have a chat. I guess we won't be friends any time soon.

Have to say NC worked for me as it was a good test of her feelings towards me or rather lack of them.

Now I am off to my holiday and when back need to start closing on my leads