nicksaiz65 Odyssey

[GrowingPains]

Can you guys tell me why when I read something it kinda makes sense, but then I go out there and fvck it up, then it makes total sense to me?

Experience is the best teacher. That's all there is to it. You can read all you want, but you'll never truly internalize it until you experience it because experience makes it relevant to you.

Oh that’s gonna kill me bro because this stuff is so boring haha. I’ll give it a shot

It's more efficient. And you'll eventually get in a zone where you won't even notice you're not listening to music. I don't know as much about computers as you, but I think I recall realizing some time ago that a single processor can't multitask. Which means most computers can't. They just do things and switch reaaaally fast which makes it seem like theyre multitasking. We have one processor, the brain. Therefore we can only really process and think about one thing at a time. Switching tasks (checking phone, listening to music) takes your focus from the main task (Cal writes about the effects of this but that's an aside). So music is fine... If it's nonrhythmic or looped so that you forget about it and it becomes background noise. Otherwise you're partitioning your resources - inefficient.

 

[Papa_smu]

This’ll definitely be something that I’ll consider as I really start to dive into Daygame. The sooner I read Day Bang by Roosh V, the better.

Or you can just do it

 

[nicksaiz65]

Experience is the best teacher. That's all there is to it. You can read all you want, but you'll never truly internalize it until you experience it because experience makes it relevant to you.




It's more efficient. And you'll eventually get in a zone where you won't even notice you're not listening to music. I don't know as much about computers as you, but I think I recall realizing some time ago that a single processor can't multitask. Which means most computers can't. They just do things and switch reaaaally fast which makes it seem like theyre multitasking. We have one processor, the brain. Therefore we can only really process and think about one thing at a time. Switching tasks (checking phone, listening to music) takes your focus from the main task (Cal writes about the effects of this but that's an aside). So music is fine... If it's nonrhythmic or looped so that you forget about it and it becomes background noise. Otherwise you're partitioning your resources - inefficient.

Y'know out of everything I've done in this journal so far this is most definitely going to be the hardest one to do. I cope with my life by literally listening to dope music 24/7

 

[nicksaiz65]

Or you can just do it

I've done a handful of Daygame approaches off the cuff already but I kinda like to have a plan with what I need to say/do with approaches in general, hence the book. Especially since I need to majorly revise my Game

 

[Papa_smu]

Another too is, you don't "study" code. You just code. Hence, you're going to see more success in your CS classes if you implement the theory through application AKA implement solutions using the sh|t you learned in the classroom.

Don't just do the walkthrough out your textbook like some noob doing the challenges off FreeCodeCamp and justify it as "studying"

Implement your own version of it. Build it from the ground up. Borrow code if you have to, but make 80% of it your own work. This goes the same for your infrastructure classes as well: put it together in your perspective.

databaseDesign() => {
design( critThinking, writeEntities);
buildSchemas( design, describeType, declareKeys);
implementDatabase(schemas);
optimize(getFaster);
}

I may have been self-taught and went through a coding mcbootcamp, but my success has been solely attributed to going back to the beginning and building the projects on my own immediately after going through the lesson and walkthrough. I didn't learn anything until I struggled to build it on my own. That's how it is done. There's no way around it.

In all seriousness, if that can't be done then you're going to go through some serious heartbreak as you progress through school and even when you start working.

 

[Papa_smu]

I've done a handful of Daygame approaches off the cuff already but I kinda like to have a plan with what I need to say/do with approaches in general, hence the book. Especially since I need to majorly revise my Game

I'm not talking about approaches. Do the exercise I describe and you will see success.

 

[Papa_smu]

We all want you to succeed and be happy. Even if that means giving you harsh criticisms.

 

[nicksaiz65]

We all want you to succeed and be happy. Even if that means giving you harsh criticisms.

I appreciate it though. You’re totally right about the code application. That’d be a good Spring Break project. Y’all staying on me motivates me though and I really appreciate it

 

[nicksaiz65]

I Messed Up in Databases

I’m just getting on here after programming for 10 hours straight.

It’s just not feasible. The issue is I didn’t start early enough. I thought if I gave myself 2 days in advance that’d be plenty of time.

It wasn’t. The problems were way harder than I anticipated. I couldn’t even finish all of them.

So this’ll definitely hurt my grade. But luckily I did well on everything before this so it’s not life ending. I’ll still pass, I just don’t know how well. I’m aiming for a B. But if I make a C, fine. So be it. But I’ll at least go for the B so if I fall a bit short it’s ok. But I’ll tell you what: I’m gonna bust my ass trying to make this B.

Next program I’m gonna give myself a week out.

But the fight isn’t over. I have a lab and quiz due over the next couple of days. I swear I will go hard and do well on them.

But my brain is fried right now. I’m gonna relax with some AMS for a bit and then I’m getting back to it. My sleep may be very sporadic over these next couple of days.

I’m still messing up in school. Damn. Idk why I caved in when they asked me if I wanted to go out last night. Shouldn’t have been drinking, I should’ve been doing my homework. I’m an idiot for that one. Bars will always be there. My classes won’t. Fvck.(I’m thinking back to that video... some of you don’t want to succeed as badly as you want to look cool...)

Just thought I’d keep it 100 with you guys when I do well and when I mess up in classes/life.

Honestly idk if I can even study anymore for at least a couple hours. I feel like I’ve blown a fuse in my brain.

Still irresponsible...

 

[nicksaiz65]

Midday Trash: Computer Science

Okay, first of all, I'm gonna spend less time on here. I'm gonna update this journal weekly on Sundays so I can see how my progress is coming along.
But I have to get my thoughts and feelings out onto paper right now or I'm gonna explode. I am literally crying right now. Fvcking embarrasing.

But long story short, I'm a fvcking mess. I was talking with a friend and I know what I need to do about getting a job. Ideally I need a 3.0 or higher(retaking classes), WORK EXPERIENCE, and a degree. He was telling me the blunt truth of "who tf is gonna hire you without work experience?" I literally have never been to the engineering career fair in my life. I was always like "I'm such a crappy student, who would hire me? You can't even pass a programming class! You have no right to be at a job fair!" So I would never go.

He was here today and told me that I was going to that fair, or I wouldn't even get a job. I was thinking about my numerous academic failures as soon as I put on my suit. My resume looks like sh*t too, I need to update it. I literally couldn't even get in the door without breaking down into tears, having to hide in the bathroom, and just go home. This is the worst bout of "approach anxiety" I've ever had in my life. How tf am I supposed to give an elevator pitch literally crying and having a panic attack? Insane how I've trained myself to totally keep my cool around most women but when it comes to trying to get a job I literally freak tf out.

I'm honestly starting to get depressed again. I guess I need to stop putting therapy off?????? As a man, I feel so weak having to go in for therapy because of some fvcking emotions that would have never appeared had I just been a good student like they told me to. It's one thing talking about this stuff anonymously on the internet. A whole nother thing going in person where they know I'm not shyt at that school. Idk if I have the strength in me for it honestly.

Do I suck it up and do something about it or actually go get help? Or both? Idk. I guess this problem will fix itself over time. I don't even want to tell my own sister how bad I'm hurt right noe

For today, all I can do is do this lab to the best of my ability and go to every class.

Idk how the hell I'm supposed to program or study without music. This stuff stresses me out to the nth degree, and music calms me down. I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack if I don't have music playing.

Once again, I'm gonna spend less time on here, but in the meantime I'll do what I can. This semester hasn't been as horrible as the last one so even if I make mistakes I should be able to salvage a half decent GPA. I'm just working.

I used to think that I just had Game issues but this is so much deeper. Guys, I could really use some feedback on this. I'll see you later tonight after I finish this lab and then again on Sunday.

@Papa_smu To tie into what you're saying I'm not really preparing myself for a career... all I'm doing is memorizing whatever I need to know to pass the test and then forgetting it. That's really not good for my future at all. How do I know? I have a Lab due where I have to do TreeSort and I literally know nothing about it although it's been mentioned in my previous classes. To the internet I go

 

[GrowingPains]

I guess this problem will fix itself over time.

You will never rise out of the fire if you can't face your demons, brother.

Identify those motherfvckers and face them head on. That's the only way. You have to stop hiding. Posting here is a way of hiding, as you mentioned yourself, because no one knows who you truly are. It's like you can secretly admit your faults but no accountability is behind it. Share these things with your mom, dad, sister, friends, whoever. They will support you if they see you putting in the effort to change.

Own your shortcomings. Decide to overcome them. I suggest listening to a few David Goggins videos... that man overcame all kinds of sh!t. From being 320 lbs man abused as a child and spraying for ****roaches for work to a Navy Seal, Ultra runner, among many other things.

Go to therapy. Strong men handle their sh!t, and you're going through some sh!t right now. We all are. Nobody that matters will judge you for trying to be better. Only insecure people judge people. I cannot speak for everyone here, but I would respect you more for going to therapy and handling yours than I would for you being scared of taking the steps to change. I know it's tough. But if you believe the benefits outweigh the struggle, you'll go through it. On the other side of struggle is greatness.

Tell me this; Do you respect yourself? Are you proud of the way you handle things daily? If you are, then stay the way you are and fvck what everyone else thinks. This is your life. If you aren't, then do something about it and fvck what everyone else thinks. This is your life. How can anyone respect someone who doesn't love themselves? A DJ puts himself first, start putting yourself first.

Look in the mirror, tell yourself the things you dislike about yourself. But only if you're willing to change them. One thing that we can all take away from your journal is that it requires action to become anything other than what you are. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Go get yours.

 

[nicksaiz65]

You will never rise out of the fire if you can't face your demons, brother.

Identify those motherfvckers and face them head on. That's the only way. You have to stop hiding. Posting here is a way of hiding, as you mentioned yourself, because no one knows who you truly are. It's like you can secretly admit your faults but no accountability is behind it. Share these things with your mom, dad, sister, friends, whoever. They will support you if they see you putting in the effort to change.

Own your shortcomings. Decide to overcome them. I suggest listening to a few David Goggins videos... that man overcame all kinds of sh!t. From being 320 lbs man abused as a child and spraying for ****roaches for work to a Navy Seal, Ultra runner, among many other things.

Go to therapy. Strong men handle their sh!t, and you're going through some sh!t right now. We all are. Nobody that matters will judge you for trying to be better. Only insecure people judge people. I cannot speak for everyone here, but I would respect you more for going to therapy and handling yours than I would for you being scared of taking the steps to change. I know it's tough. But if you believe the benefits outweigh the struggle, you'll go through it. On the other side of struggle is greatness.

Tell me this; Do you respect yourself? Are you proud of the way you handle things daily? If you are, then stay the way you are and fvck what everyone else thinks. This is your life. If you aren't, then do something about it and fvck what everyone else thinks. This is your life. How can anyone respect someone who doesn't love themselves? A DJ puts himself first, start putting yourself first.

Look in the mirror, tell yourself the things you dislike about yourself. But only if you're willing to change them. One thing that we can all take away from your journal is that it requires action to become anything other than what you are. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Go get yours.

Thanks for all the videos and motivation brother. I’ll check them out as well as the book.

I just got done with work so I’ll keep this brief.

I don’t really have a desire to kill myself anymore. I was despairing about how badly I had messed up my life. But from now on I’m going to dedicate my life to digging myself out of the hole I’ve put myself in. That gives me motivation to keep going.

I will go to therapy. Idk if I wanna talk about my whole PUA path though?

For starters, I need money. After this semester, there are 3 or so classes impeding my path to a high paying job. So I’m saving money from work. I’m putting $200 in the bank as soon as I get home. And I love having my hair cut, but school takes priority. I have to be able to afford these summer classes. I have to Self Cut anyways to respect myself. I wanna be a barber. So I’m gonna save myself that $30 for school by giving myself a lineup and taper tomorrow. If I jack myself up oh well. I’ve gotta be able to cut my hair. I’ll save hella bread for school and be a barber/waver like I always desired.

It’s my Spring Break now. So I’m gonna be catching up on class and reading the books in my queue.

I have hope for getting a high paying job. I realized all I need is a degree, work experience, personal projects, a singular job(to nullify grades) and passive income. Once I do that, my shytty grades won’t even matter. I’ll be just as qualified to be a genius with a high paying job as anyone else. It’s not over yet!

 

[nicksaiz65]

Spring Break Tinder Date

Okay guys, I'm dedicating my whole Spring Break to working on school. But I decided to have a little bit of fun today and go on a date. I'll work the whole rest of the break. Now you guys tell me if I simped out on this one, because I may have or I may have not. Also, I'm taking a break from theory. I'm just gonna use my tailored Nerdlove Dating Strategies because the theory is sound. Now it's up to me for executing it.

But yeah, HB6 matched me on Tinder. I say that I may have one day free before I leave town. So we decide to meet up. Normally, I would suggest just getting drinks and then going back to my place. But it's Sunday and bars are closed. So I just say we should hit a coffee spot and then hit my place. The closest thing that I can think of.

So the conversation between her and I was good. But I made two mistakes off the bat. The first being drinking coffee. I was so wired this whole date. I was jittery, and I couldn't hold that slow confident masculine frame. The second mistake I made was eating Tex-Mex food right before. I had to take a shyt the whole date. I really didn't want to take a massive shyt right in the middle of the date so... yeah. That had me stilted too.

I eventually suggest we bounce. Because as the man, you're supposed to lead the date. We get to talking about Netflix and shows, and we decide to watch some at my place. I know it's the first date, but I'm kind of disappointed that I didn't fvck or even kiss her.

I get up in her personal space while we're watching, but we're actually watching the show lol. I put my arm around her and stroke her hair, but she just doesn't really help me out. She doesn't move into a convenient angle for me to kiss her at all or even to put my arm around her so that it's not just hanging there awkwardly. She's laying on her stomach and doesn't spoon with me. I don't want to just jump on her. So I never see a good opportunity. Last time I was in bed with a girl like this, she was grinding her ass against my crotch and made it extremely easy for me to kiss her. I don't know, should I have just turned her around and kissed her? Or is it because it's our first date?

It also didn’t help that my heart was going at a million miles per hour. Not because of nerves, but because of the damn coffee and the fact that I'm out of shape. Idk if she thought I was nervous?

We watch an hour long episode, and then she says she has to go because she has work in the morning. She tells me that she had a good time, and she'll see me when she comes back into town. She doesn't let me kiss her either, she just gives me a big hug. I honestly don't know if it's because I fvcked up or if she doesn't wanna fvck on the first date(even though we were in the same bed.) Did I simp out? Although Corey Wayne says that she'll usually put out by the second or third date. If there's a second date, then I can just invite her straight over.

But yeah, let me know what I should've done guys... the vibe just didn't feel right for me to kiss her. Should I have just done it during the show? Am I finished and she'll never hit me back again? I feel like I've been in Game too long to make a mistake like this(if it was indeed a mistake.)

Also, getting in better shape will help to not have my heartrate at ten million miles per hour.

I guess all I can do is text her a bit with value giving texts, don't overpursue, and set up a second date once I get back in town. Drinks, my place, Netflix, smash. Hopefully she doesn't ghost me because I didn't make a move. I don't know. Maybe it was because it was the first date. But I'm tired of making dumb mistakes like this.

Doesn't help that I'm sick also.... and random but I'm going full NoFap again. Erectile dysfunction is never fun...

Let me know what you guys think in the comments. Also some more positive stuff, the bartender chick and the engaged chick are both texting me stuff first which shows at least some interest. The bartender chick even invited me out. So there's that. Doesn't mean anything until I get them out on a date/back to my place though.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Also guys, from now on I’ll only be updating this journal on Sundays. If you have something to say to me though DM me or post below and I’ll respond to it

 

[nicksaiz65]

Bartender girl told me to come hang with her but it’s lowkey a shyt Test just like when she asked me to buy her a drink. I told her she would have to scoop me. Its 30 degrees outside and I’ll be damned if I walk through that like some beta Male puppy dog just to see her. I told her we would have to meet some other time. I use Nerdlove Dating Strategies, but I learned that one from AMS

 

[nicksaiz65]

I am so freaking overwhelmed with everything in my life! I feel like my head is about to explode with all the information flowing through it. I’m gonna take a break and take it literally one step at a time.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Spring Break Tinder Date

Okay guys, I'm dedicating my whole Spring Break to working on school. But I decided to have a little bit of fun today and go on a date. I'll work the whole rest of the break. Now you guys tell me if I simped out on this one, because I may have or I may have not. Also, I'm taking a break from theory. I'm just gonna use my tailored Nerdlove Dating Strategies because the theory is sound. Now it's up to me for executing it.

But yeah, HB6 matched me on Tinder. I say that I may have one day free before I leave town. So we decide to meet up. Normally, I would suggest just getting drinks and then going back to my place. But it's Sunday and bars are closed. So I just say we should hit a coffee spot and then hit my place. The closest thing that I can think of.

So the conversation between her and I was good. But I made two mistakes off the bat. The first being drinking coffee. I was so wired this whole date. I was jittery, and I couldn't hold that slow confident masculine frame. The second mistake I made was eating Tex-Mex food right before. I had to take a shyt the whole date. I really didn't want to take a massive shyt right in the middle of the date so... yeah. That had me stilted too.

I eventually suggest we bounce. Because as the man, you're supposed to lead the date. We get to talking about Netflix and shows, and we decide to watch some at my place. I know it's the first date, but I'm kind of disappointed that I didn't fvck or even kiss her.

I get up in her personal space while we're watching, but we're actually watching the show lol. I put my arm around her and stroke her hair, but she just doesn't really help me out. She doesn't move into a convenient angle for me to kiss her at all or even to put my arm around her so that it's not just hanging there awkwardly. She's laying on her stomach and doesn't spoon with me. I don't want to just jump on her. So I never see a good opportunity. Last time I was in bed with a girl like this, she was grinding her ass against my crotch and made it extremely easy for me to kiss her. I don't know, should I have just turned her around and kissed her? Or is it because it's our first date?

It also didn’t help that my heart was going at a million miles per hour. Not because of nerves, but because of the damn coffee and the fact that I'm out of shape. Idk if she thought I was nervous?

We watch an hour long episode, and then she says she has to go because she has work in the morning. She tells me that she had a good time, and she'll see me when she comes back into town. She doesn't let me kiss her either, she just gives me a big hug. I honestly don't know if it's because I fvcked up or if she doesn't wanna fvck on the first date(even though we were in the same bed.) Did I simp out? Although Corey Wayne says that she'll usually put out by the second or third date. If there's a second date, then I can just invite her straight over.

But yeah, let me know what I should've done guys... the vibe just didn't feel right for me to kiss her. Should I have just done it during the show? Am I finished and she'll never hit me back again? I feel like I've been in Game too long to make a mistake like this(if it was indeed a mistake.)

Also, getting in better shape will help to not have my heartrate at ten million miles per hour.

I guess all I can do is text her a bit with value giving texts, don't overpursue, and set up a second date once I get back in town. Drinks, my place, Netflix, smash. Hopefully she doesn't ghost me because I didn't make a move. I don't know. Maybe it was because it was the first date. But I'm tired of making dumb mistakes like this.

Doesn't help that I'm sick also.... and random but I'm going full NoFap again. Erectile dysfunction is never fun...

Let me know what you guys think in the comments. Also some more positive stuff, the bartender chick and the engaged chick are both texting me stuff first which shows at least some interest. The bartender chick even invited me out. So there's that. Doesn't mean anything until I get them out on a date/back to my place though.

Le sigh, I was talking with some people on Seddit today and I really messed up by not fvcking this chick. When will I ever learn? I know what I need to do with these women, I just don't do it. I've got to fix this. I'll see if I can get her out again but it might be a done deal because of my screwup. But we'll see!

I'm so disappointed in myself for not making a move... maybe I'm just not gonna be a God of Seduction in College like I had planned. Nothing will ever change for me unless I totally change this year through the Self Improvement.

I never even mastered the basics. I need to master everything in the DJ Bible before I start worrying about all this advanced shyt. Plus the fact that my life is burning... if I need to know anything about Game I'm only consulting the DJ Bible for now.

Fvck Monk Mode though. I'm gonna unapologetically Game even while I'm not quite improved yet.

 

[GrowingPains]

Le sigh, I was talking with some people on Seddit today and I really messed up by not fvcking this chick. When will I ever learn? I know what I need to do with these women, I just don't do it. I've got to fix this. I'll see if I can get her out again but it might be a done deal because of my screwup. But we'll see!

I'm so disappointed in myself for not making a move... maybe I'm just not gonna be a God of Seduction in College like I had planned. Nothing will ever change for me unless I totally change this year through the Self Improvement.

I never even mastered the basics. I need to master everything in the DJ Bible before I start worrying about all this advanced shyt. Plus the fact that my life is burning... if I need to know anything about Game I'm only consulting the DJ Bible for now.

Fvck Monk Mode though. I'm gonna unapologetically Game even while I'm not quite improved yet.

Don't take it so haaaarrddd bruvy. It's not the end of the world. There's millions of other girls just try again.

But I feel you on the knowing what to do but not doing. It just be like that sometimes. Just don't let it be like that all the time. Yagetme.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Don't take it so haaaarrddd bruvy. It's not the end of the world. There's millions of other girls just try again.

But I feel you on the knowing what to do but not doing. It just be like that sometimes. Just don't let it be like that all the time. Yagetme.

I'll keep going at it and learning from my mistakes. I'm going full AMS from now on. Pure Alpha Male Frame, no more giving these hoes my non-sexual attention for free. Fvck the "positive masculinity" and "being open." Pure buyer frame. Still using what I learned from Nerdlove, but pure Alpha Male Frame from now on. If I tried my current Game on a fitness model, she’d chew me up spit me out and throw me in the Beta Male pile

 

[nicksaiz65]

class SpringBreak{
public Game TextGame();
public final char algorithmComplete = 'y';
}

Okay guys, I'm gonna try and make this my last theory thing. This theory stuff is just really important to me because you know how I love being algorithmic in life.

So guess whose Spring Break got extended by a day? This guy. So I decided to relax for half a day(school is really pissing me off) and watch hella RSDMax. I've been going back and forth with text game in this journal for a while now. But after watching his manifesto, I've decided to go with the Dr. Nerdlove/RSD method of texting. I always wanted to be a PUA, so I shall text like one.

With this, my Game algorithm is finally complete. Now I can finally organize my life and focus on my purpose now that I don't feel socially stunted and clueless with women. I know what I need to be doing at all times now. And when my purpose comes together, I'll finally kill this shyt life. I'll still watch some Game videos to relax though. But it won't get in the way of my life. But hey, I finally have a strategy for dealing with women...

Things to Note:
Be a challenge and mysterious... don't overpursue
AMS and his book is still an extremely valuable resource even though I'm using a more PUA style of Game for now
Ping their "buying temperature"
Do what RSD says and take advantage of social media
Use compliments and validation extremely sparingly like the DJ Bible says
This stuff is so algorithmic now! I finally know what to do.
She says we'll see? Do a Simple Pickup + AMS Method. Withdraw the offer. Hit her up in a couple weeks, three... so on
Two Strikes Rule for EVERYTHING.... this way you don't get used for your nonsexual attention by these hoes
RSDJeffy's Algorithm is very useful... Todd V's thing is very useful as well. Pinging value, testing her buying temperature.
RSDJeffy says that if she has to reschedule, in that week you still send her value giving texts to keep it warm. Just don't overpursue.
If you're always moving towards the Date, you can't be used for your nonsexual attention ever. Dr. Nerdlove agrees with this too.
I’m just gonna have to employ a “clownish text game” as Roosh describes it
Always be careful of being used for your nonsexual attention though. If she won't schedule with you, you try one more time,
using the text to build a bit of attraction. If she won't do it or won't give a counteroffer, you LEAVE HER RIGHT THERE.
As Dr. Nerdlove says, you are always moving towards the Date as soon as you can. If you don't, you'll be seen as weak
ABC: Always be Closing.

Regarding not being used for your nonsexual attention a quote:
Only girls who demonstrate sufficient IL (by agreeing to your date offer) merit your time and attention, and hence your texting ... commensurately. All others, do not.


Pure Self Improvement and Purpose from now on. I'll keep practicing, but my Game really isn't even that bad. I just need some competence in life and Self Esteem. This is my hybrid Game! It's developed so much that I know I can be a great PUA within this year!

I'll see you guys next Sunday once my break is over.