Nick vs. The World! Who Will Win?(my journal of self-improvement)

[SirSaiz]

Introduction to the Journal
Hi guys. I thought I'd start a journal here as I'm in the process of going from RAFC to DJ. This journal will be documenting my journey to improve my life in all facets. I won't have time to update it every day because I'm a pretty busy person, but I will most likely update it on a weekly basis. I've posted some goals that I am hoping I can achieve.
1.) Go from having done NOTHING with a girl to losing my virginity to a good-looking girl within the course of 2 years(before I graduate high school). By college, be able to get whatever girls I want without even trying.
2.) Get all A's over the course of these next two years so that I can improve my GPA
3.) Score well on the SAT's so that I can get into a good school. Make myself as attractive as possible to all of the good colleges.
4.) Work on programming and release my video game(online and free) before I graduate high school
5.) Keep doing Stronglifts 5x5 consistently, have a physique that turns heads. I want to look like a natural bodybuilder by the time I go to college.
6.) Become more social. Make lots of new friends. Get invited to parties, and find a new group of friends because I think the people I hang out with now are a major cause of my low self-esteem. I want to be that guy that everyone likes and hangs around with.
7.) Become more funny, and be able to make anyone laugh on a dime.
8.) Practice my violin hard and consistently, score above my peers in All-East, make All-State, and be a 1st Violin in it. If possible, be concertmaster. Become better at sight-reading because that is the reason I am not a 1st violin now. Become concertmaster of my orchestra next year. Also win the concerto competition and play a solo with the orchestra.
9.) Get in better physical shape. Be one of the better runners on my cross country team by senior year. Doing Podrunner Intervals now. I want to be one of those guys who everyone thinks of as athletic.
10.) Practice driving and become more comfortable with it. Get my license before Christmas.
11.) Get up early(5-7 AM) EVERY DAY. I have learned that if I don't get up early, nothing will get accomplished(especially workouts and nutrition) that day. And if nothing gets accomplished, I know that I will NEVER get laid. Plus, I just plain feel like crap when I get up at noon.
I know that I am capable of achieving all of these goals, and I hope that I can check them all off once I have completed this journal. Expect more updates in the future!:yes:

 

[SirSaiz]

Important!!!!!!!!!

Now guys, the first batch of entries are written LONG AFTER THEY HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED! The reason for this is that my internet was out for a while, so I simply took notes on all of the situations, and I am typing them up in post. So, until I say otherwise, every situation has already happened, so please comment, but don't give suggestions on what to do next! Also, keep in mind I am improving over time, so the first few posts will probably seem very insecure/chumpish, but I am better in the present. Thanks guys! :rockon:​

 

[SirSaiz]

Violin Camp Day 1: To the Violin Camp! Let The Games Begin!

Today, I will be going up to a camp for my violin that lasts two weeks. I went to this camp last year, but at the time, I was extremely introverted. I barely talked to anyone. This time, I'm going to try to be much more social. This will also be good practice for college(meeting a new group of people.) Unfortunately, this means I will have to put off reading the DJ Bible again. I have only skimmed it a bit and read a few parts, so my knowledge is incomplete. There's no internet up there. Today, we went up to the airport. I saw one of the students there, HB Ally. There was also another student there, Alec, and an administrator.​

We all had a pretty good conversation. There were a few pauses that lasted 30 seconds-ish(at least it felt like 30, maybe it was less), but it didn't feel too awkward to me. I remember seeing something about constructive pauses in Weapons of Mass Seduction, so I'll have to get around to reading that once I read the whole DJ Bible. I really need to do some more reading on/practice kino. Does intentionally touching my leg against hers count as kino? I hope that's not creepy lol. I thought that I might have a bit of a chance with HB Ally. However, my heart sank once I actually got to the camp. She was very flirty, and it made me feel like I had no chance. This is probably because of a low confidence level.​

Now that I am back at home(this is in the present), I am working on raising it. I also seem to remember Pook talking about a DJ being unfazed when other people hit on his women. Now, we're going to have to go off on a little tangent. Even though I am black, I have a very proper voice that people always comment on. Because of that, people often ask me to say ghetto things, and I sometimes comply. Last year at the camp, I said “It's [violin camp] n!gga” in front of everybody, which had them cracking up. Well, when I arrive on the campus, I see this girl HB Chrissy. She asks me to say it again, and I refuse, because I remember reading something about being pu$$y-whipped. I say something like “It's one of those once in a lifetime things.” I don't want stuff like this to happen in college. What do you do when people ask you to do stupid stuff like this? I don't want to be a killjoy. I think learning how to be more funny with my words instead of my actions will help with this. I made an effort to talk to lots of new people, and I am doing a good job holding conversation.​

 

[SirSaiz]

Violin Camp Day 2: Insecure? The Low Confidence Kicks In!

Today wasn't that great of a day. I am feeling like people get along with me, but I don't feel like I am the kind of person people want to party with. I feel like the straight man, if that makes any sense. In hindsight, that was a mistake right there, because as Pook says, “As you think, you shall become.” Now, that I am at home, I think that I am doing a better job of thinking positive thoughts. At this point, I have given up on HB Ally. I feel like everyone is smoother and funnier than me – I feel like I have to improve myself if I want to become the best Don Juan I can be.

People are saying I'm a gentleman, a nice guy(ugh, that makes me cringe.) Speaking of HB Ally, I have another problem working against me. Back when I went to this camp last year, we went to the pool. Without my shirt on(you couldn't tell this when I had it on) I was kind of a chubba bubba. That brings me to my next topic – this is a very general question. Is it worth it to try to get girls who your reputation is ruined with? For example, at my school, I have a lot of girls that think I am super-awkward. Is it possible to salvage my reputation with those girls or should I move onto new prospects? But I digress.

Some people at the camp say that I am very mellow. I know this is not true now, but at this point I think that the people at the camp feel sorry for me. I realize that I need to make more/new friends back at home. I decide that I will start working on girls after I read the DJB once I get back home. But for now, my goal is to just improve my social skills.

 

[SirSaiz]

Violin Camp Day 3: Down the Spiral! He Feels Even Worse!

Today I was thinking. Can anyone tell me the difference between a nice guy and a gentleman, and do gentlemen finish last? I apologize if this question has been answered already, I am still working on reading the DJB. For example, I was at the salad bar, and a good-looking girl from another school was taking a while to pick out her salad leaves. She apologized for it. I said “Yeah, that's fine” instead of saying something like “Yeah, you'd better hurry up”(in a joking manner.) Today, I sat with a big group of girls.

I can be outgoing, but I didn't talk much. I feel like I should have been leading the conversation. Then I made a goal of asking for 5 numbers. I guess this kinda got fulfilled, as you will see later. I have to work on not taking myself so seriously, just like Pook said. I also realized(again) that eating junk food makes you feel like crap, which lowers your game. I am now applying the 3-second rule. I think Pook(yes, I'm mentioning him again ) wrote an article about this like it shouldn't be like jumping into ice water? I don't know. I'll see it again once I get to the Book of Pook. I have noticed that I get nervous when I am talking to girls that are around their friends, or when I am around people I know – I am worried about being judged. I have to stop taking myself so seriously. The world doesn't revolve around me. I think I have this low self-esteem because I was bullied profusely throughout middle school and the start of high school. I still hang around this group of people today.

I need a new group of friends. Near the end of the day in my free time, I am just sitting around in my room reading. I know that this cannot go on. I need to socialize. I always have these destructive voices in my head telling me that I'm not capable. At the moment, however, I am fighting them with positive thoughts. I was thinking, why am I worried about still acting in my nice guy ways to people who think I am nice guys at home? Am I scared of change?

 

[SirSaiz]

Violin Camp Day 4: The Lazy Day - Much Ado About Nothing!

I am doing an OK job socializing while we are going from place to place. However, during my free time I am just in my room reading. I have to stop this. I have decided that once I get back I am going to do the DJ Bootcamp so that approaching girls will be as natural as breathing. I know I am capable, I just haven't done it yet. Speaking of that, today I am warding off negative thoughts by repeating a mantra: “You are capable. I know you can do it.” I feel a lot better already. On a side note, what if you do an action that people want you to repeat? For example, in chamber practice, I made everyone crack up by flicking my tongue in and out fast. People asked me to repeat, and I declined. So what would you do?

 

[SirSaiz]

Violin Camp Day 5: Pressure! Literal and Self-Imposed!

Today, I kind of gave in to HB Chrissy asking me to say “It's [violin camp] n!gga.” One thing that I've noticed about myself is that if people ask me over and over again to do something, then I will eventually do it. One of my quartet members told me that I kind of have a problem saying no. Like I said earlier, I think the reason I do things like this is because I have a lack of confidence in my ability to make people laugh. Studying humor books might help this. And for some reason, I feel like if I am not constantly making people laugh, I am boring them, even though that is not true.

I need to work on raising my low self-esteem(it seems to be the cause of most of my problems) so that I can work on actually knocking girls off pedestals. Sometimes I think that I have to friendzone myself because they are “out of me league.” I think I got better about this as the camp went on and my self-esteem increased. One thing I also noticed is that I need to not be afraid to voice my own opinion, such as still liking Nintendo . Once again, I think I have gotten much better about this. This is Nick, signing off. Have a good day.

 

[SirSaiz]

Violin Camp Day 6: I'm Innocent? The Anger Boils Inside!

I just realized today that some of the girls think I am innocent. I found this out at breakfast. Some of the girls were watching a twerking video, and they told me to close my eyes. Is this a big problem? I think it is. The way I see it: Innocent = desexualized male = nice guy = LJBF. How do you fix this? This is Nick, signing off. Have a good day.

 

[SirSaiz]

Violin Camp Day 7: Am I Being Fun? Or Just a Fool?

Okay, nothing REALLY important happened today lol. As we were walking back from lunch, everyone started freestyling. I was reluctant to do it at first because I thought I'd make a fool out of myself, but it was actually pretty fun. And I was pretty good too! > How do you draw the line between having fun and just making a fool out of yourself? I have a feeling that this will be important in college.

 

[SirSaiz]

Violin Camp Day 9: A Turn for the Better! The Rivalry Begins!

right, we've got a lot of interesting stuff happening today. Nothing really interesting happened in the morning. However, we did freestyle again as we were walking to bowling, and once again, that was fun. Maybe this could be another hobby to take up if I have the time? After that, I was working on my summer reading in my room. My roommate wanted me to clear out because he was about to get laid lol. So, I went to the lounge. HB Chrissy came in and tried to get me to say “It's [violin camp] n!gga”. I told her playfully that I wasn't that easy and I wouldn't do it.

She said she was going to freak me out until I said it. I told her that she was terrible at this and that it wouldn't work. She eventually re-adjusts herself and puts her arm near mine on the arm rest. She asks me if I'm going to move my arm, but I say “nope, It's my spot” and knock her arm down. This was probably the first time I've touched her lol. And would that count as kino? She keeps on begging me to say it, and I keep refusing. She tells me that if I don't tell her she'll sit on me. I tell her that I dare her to.

She then plops herself right in my lap. I decide to be a challenge, so I tell her “no, you don't” and start roughhousing with her and push her onto the ground. She looks shocked. She keeps on trying to get back into my lap, but I keep pushing her onto the ground. By the end, she is charging across the room throwing herself into my lap saying that she is going to squash me. After that, we have to leave for quartet practice. She tells me that she is thirsty and I should buy her a water. I think that this was a compliance test – was I right? I tell her “you drink it, you buy it.”

She says “I thought you were a gentleman?” I decide to call her on her bull$hit – I tell her,”I'm a gentleman, but I'm certainly not a chump.” She eventually leaves for quartets. I tell her, “enjoy being thirsty.” She says, “Oh, so this is how you treat your friends.” and she walked away. I think she was kind of laughing as she said it. Did I handle that test correctly? How would you guys have done it? I saw another advantage of being out and social. If I hadn't been social, then I would have missed that opportunity.

 

[SirSaiz]

Violin Camp Day 10: You're so Nice! But I only want to be Courteous!

I saw HB Chrissy at the lockers this morning. She was having trouble with her locker and asked me to open it. I thought this was another compliance test, so I said “Hmmm, what's in it for me?” She then said this isn't continuing the thing from yesterday, and she really needs help. I don't want to be an @sshole, so I decide to open the locker for her. Was this a good move? How should you react when a girl asks you a favor? I ask this because I remember hearing “a servant she sees, a friend you be.” Maybe I should have told her “If I can get a hug.” That would have been an easy chance to get some kino in.

I arrive at lunch late, and I am mentally worn out from all my practicing. At that time I really don't feel like socializing. What do you guys do when you feel like this? They finish eating earlier than I do, so the people at the table(all girls, but not very good-looking. I remember reading somewhere that a true Don Juan treats all women the same way.) offer to stay with me so I'm not alone. I tell them to just go ahead. But they stay anyways, and tell me I'm “so nice.” Even though I haven't finished the DJ Bible yet, that phrase still makes me cringe. What would you guys do about this?

 

[SirSaiz]

Violin Camp Day 11: Let the Teasing Begin! Another Don Juan is Revealed!

We're in for the long haul today, folks. Today we went to go and practice as usual. After the first hour, HB Chrissy and her friend Gab(who is maybe a 6.5) walk into my room. HB Chrissy hisses at me, and I hiss back. At this point, everyone in the camp knows that I am trying to get waves because I am always carrying my brush around. They ask me if I wear a du-rag at night, which I do. They then say they have to see me in it. I know I'm probably nitpicking here, but should I care about the difference between laughing with me/laughing at me? Chrissy then tells me to play her a song. I think this is another compliance test(or maybe I'm just overthinking things?), but right after she says it, break time is over, so I don't even respond. She opens her arms for a hug before she leaves. Unfortunately, I am holding my violin under my arm as I give her a hug, so it turns out to be one of those weird side hugs. I have to stop doing those

After my practice, I go to lunch. There's a really long line today, and I run into Chrissy and Gab. Chrissy starts talking about how she was going to be in a cello sextet on TV, but the stupid cameraman deleted her footage. So, I decide to tease her a bit. I say, “I don't know, maybe you weren't good enough to be on TV. And even if they did put you on TV, they probably would have aired you at 4 AM or something like that, so no one would have watched you anyways. I know I wouldn't have.” She pretends to b!tch slap me, and tells me that I'm horrible. She didn't take it seriously though, she was smiling. She eventually starts talking about her old fat mean music teacher. I start joking about how all the jolly fat people in the world have disappeared – she eventually starts cracking up and tells me that I'm hilarious.

Once we reach the lunch tables, Gefen, a kid from our camp starts chatting up a few girls from a different camp. He is being funny, making them laugh, and they really seem to be enjoying his presence. I am absolutely shocked(and impressed!) But I'll talk more about that later. Eventually, Chrissy calls me over to her, and I comply. Was that a good move? Does it give her the power? One of Chrissy's friends asks her if she wants me to sit in her lap, and Chrissy swiftly declines. Her friend then says that I can sit in both of their laps. Now that I think about it, that was probably an IOI... d'oh! Chrissy then starts brushing my hair, saying that she enjoys the recoil. I then start brushing hers, using excessive pressure and hurting her on purpose. Not too much, though Now I don't know why I did this, but after I was done brushing her hair, I started threatening to pull out her hair. In hindsight, that's kind of creepy :O

After we walked out from lunch, I decided to ask Gefen how he was so good with those girls. It turns out he got all of their numbers! And he was in a group of girls too! Then, he started telling me what he did. It was a pretty long conversation, but I'll summarize it for you guys. He says he doesn't think before approaching them, lest he psyche himself out. He said that everything you want to achieve will be outside of your comfort zone. He also said that he got where he is today through repeated trial and error, and he crashed and burned a lot. He told me several other things also, such as letting go of the outcome, and using meditative prayer. He also says there are some passages in the Hindu and Buddhist bible that show you how to let go of the outcome and not care one bit. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he was telling me a lot of the DJ principles! Unfortunately, I still have not finished reading the DJ Bible yet.

 

[SirSaiz]

Violin Camp Day 12: Meet EZMoney! Keep on teasing!

Today was a very social day for me. First of all, after our practice I hung out around the ice cream shop with HB Ally and one of her friends. Lots of kino between me and HB Ally – belly poking, her trying to teach me to dance, etc. etc. I also got some teasing in as well. I'm really starting to enjoy teasing girls After that, I walked with HB Chrissy and a group of her friends to a coffee shop. HB Chrissy was telling me about how she ate some rotten yogurt and now her stomach is hurting. I say something like “Aw, does the poor little baby have a stomachache?” She throws her arms around my neck, and threatens to take me to a dark alleyway and mug me. We also start pushing each other back and forth on the road. Good kino. I eventually throw her hood on her. She giggles, and tells me that I'm “so mean to her.”

After a concert, we get into a shoving match and I accidentally shove her too hard, sending her flying. I decide to play it off, and say “aw, did I hurt the little baby?” She then starts marching towards me, and tells me that she hates me, playfully. I then, go to my locker. She walks up to me, and says “Aw, look at the little baby, he's so adorable!” Then she pinches my cheeks. I start cracking up. As we walk out, she tells me that she is going to kill me. I call it a bluff, and then we have a bit of playful banter. We start pushing each other back and forth again. After that, we hang out in the lounge before check-in. Someone starts playing a beat on the piano, and people start free styling. Eventually, I take over the whole thing! Such an adrenalin rush! I wonder if this is boosting my testosterone levels as well.

Now, I'm going to mention something that is pretty important. My voice. I'm black, but I have a very proper voice, which makes everyone think that I'm British. I get made fun of because of it sometimes, but I don't really care anymore. I'd just imagine that it sounds very strange when rapping. Which leads me to my next question, what is the difference between being a person that is willing to have fun and just making a fool out of yourself?

 

[DanZy]

You're not going to get big whilst running cross country nor are you going to look like a natural bodybuilder on stronglifts after 2 years, sorry dude