Part 2 to the myspace article
Part 2: *****y Women
The flip side to the “nice guy” mentality is, of course, the “*****” stereotype. I’m going to ignore the “women who like to be abused” bull****, as well as the “nice women who get overlooked” bull****, because I think both of those are pretty cut and dry: “women who like to be abused” don’t really exist, although women who have bad taste in men do; and as far as “nice women who get overlooked,” that statement translates to either the woman is either plain or pretty enough, but not “ultra feminine,” so her prettiness goes unnotices, or else she’s simply a quiet woman who goes about her own business and tends not to get “boy crazy,” in my experience these women don’t date a lot but usually end up with someone who thinks their grand. Anyway, I’m not “nice” in that way, so I don’t have a lot to say about it. Instead I’ll discuss one of my questions: Why do so many men like *****y women?Again, there are different things that can fall under the category of a “*****y women.”
1. There are, without a doubt, women who are genuinely mean people; and often these women are the *****iest to other women, but tend to play up to men, because on some level being a “*****” is all about power. I have to admit that these kind of women usually don’t piss me off quite as much as ******* guys do, because I think I get where they’re coming from, and while I think that they suck, Ican’t bring myself to hate them for trying to pursue their own self interest. Really, I think these women aren’t all that intelligent, they may be smart enough in a clever, bookish logic way, but their inability to empathize with others or consider the complexities of power and self advancement strikes me as being close minded and blind.
2. Women who are abusive. Nothing much to say about this subject. These women treat the people in their life like ****. Really cut and dry, self explanatory.
3. Strong women, as we all know, all get called “*****” sooner or later. We’ve all heard the little jingle about how “***** = Babe in Total Control of Herself.” The reclaiming of “*****,” I think, refers primarily to this sense: it’s a preemptive move that women use to take the wind out of the misogynistic sail.
4. Women who are *****y in private relationships. This is what I’m most interested in, and I’ll admit that it’s because, to some extent, this is me. However, not in an abusive type manner, as in scenerio number two. So anyway, women who are *****y in private relationships are often times described as “high-strung” or “high maintenance.” Up to a point, I think these women are good people for solid, self-confident guys, we have a clear sense of boundaries, we’re direct, we’re not conflict averse, we don’t waste time hinting that something’s wrong…all in all pretty straight forward. But I’ll admit that sometimes those skills get misapplied, and I’ll end up being incredibly rigid over something that really isn’t at all worth the trouble, something that’s usually simply an easier to deal with version of something bigger that I’m worried about. Like, and I think a lot of students tend to do this, perhaps especially woment. My stress over “having” to work on some big research paper will somehow be transferred into having a fit over the fact that my roommate didn’t vacuum. I think this is often (not always, or perhaps not even usually) a problem with high achieving woment: we put very high, maybe even unrealistic expectations on ourselves, and we have a certain amount of anger at situations where we perceive that our achievments or efforts are undervaluened. Really, it boils down to the fact that we would like to be more assertive but can’t because after all “nice girls” aren’t pushy…well at least not in public, and to detour being labeled abrasive or lacking tact. So in general, there is the constant stress of trying to balance ambition without seeming abrasive or rude. So, I think (and by now you’re either realizing that this is an elaborate rationalization or else and elaborate piece of self analysis, or both) that this stress gets internalized and comes out in private relationships, as extreme impatience with significant others on whom we place a lot of expectations for support that we don’t feel is forthcoming anywhere else.
So let me clearify, I don’t think that being a ***** is entirely okay. I think that certain level os personal *****iness” is fine, and I suspect a lot of men are attracted to strong, assertive, ambitious women, which is of course the simple answer to the “why do men like *****y women” question. But I wonder about the men who live with those women who are “*****y” in private relationships. What’s the attraction? I admit I don’t think I could do it. Is it that decent, confident guys are sure enough of themselves that they can live with women who get a little overwrought because they know it’s nothing personal? Is it that on some level they understand the internal tention of being ambitious and being “nice”? Is it actually that they like the 80-90hat’s strong confident, and assertive, and frankly really hate the 10-20hat’s just flat out *****y but figure that on balance the good outweights the bad? Is it a really sweet and generous expression of the fact that decent guys really truly do like women, and they’re just not all that fazed by anger or the occasional unreasonable diatribe because, after all, they like you regardless and everyone gets upset and wound up every now and then?
Or is it we really aren’t as bad as we think we are, and in thinking we must be, we’re being as *****y to ourselves as we think we are to everyone else?
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now after reading this article, i realize how multiple negs need to be used in succession..like 4-5 for those certain *****es... damn the mystery method seems tight.