"next" theory

[realsmoothie]

I have a question.

WHY do you next someone? I mean, what is the POINT of doing it, long term?

Are you trying to demonstrate something to the girl, hoping at some point that she will get back to you or you can take another shot later on when she realizes that you weren't so desperate in the first place?

Or is it simply for your own mental health... i.e. you are telling yourself that you CAN get another girl if you want to, that this girl is not the end-all and be-all?

Or is it a combination of both?

 

[ElChoclo]

It is merely a bookkeeping procedure, like closing an account. Like filtering email for spam. The equivalent of "thank you for your application, but there were many strong candidates and I wish you all the luck in the future."

 

[Refuse2Lose]

I would say it's more the second one. It has to be genuine though and that's where working on your inner game comes into play. If you've reached the point where you are feeling super confident, nexting someone is no big deal. You just move on to the next targets. No looking back. Yes, there is a possibility that the chick you nexted comes sniffing but that shouldn't be the intention of nexting someone.

 

[TONYMONTANA523]

I think its just to have closure.

 

[Delta]

well what else are you going to do?

you NEXT because it is the ONLY OPTION LEFT FOR A MAN WITH SELF ESTEEM AND DIGNITY.

the situation is usually that she does or says something(s) that indicate she's not interested. or she insults you in such a way that you cannot possibly stay without being a total pvssy.

at that point, you could bend over backwards to try to get her to change her mind... BUT WHY? if she doesn't like you, it's highly unlikely you will get her to change her mind.

so what are you going to do? BEG?

no. she's not interested. you move the fvck on.

and if she insults you, reflecting the attitude that she DESPISES you, what kind of a pvssywhipped chump would you be to stick around? or try to get on her good side?

that is what a NEXT is.

it is NOT a ploy to try to win her back (if that's what you were thinking), it is not some kind of voodoo magic. it is simply acknowledging that you have dignity. and THERE ARE THINGS YOU WILL NOT TOLERATE BECAUSE YOU HAVE SELF RESPECT.

delta

 

[realsmoothie]

Right.

The only reason I ask is because a lot of guys here (myself included, when I'm responding to someone ELSE's query) seem to advice NEXTING a girl at the very first sign of trouble.

That's why it seems to me that nexting a girl can be a tool for kicking her in the ass and showing her that you're not going to bend over and take her crap.

 

[Delta]

i dunno... i wouldn't next until she deserved it - that is, she makes an E-fing-GREGIOUS slight against your sense of self respect.

if that's happened, there's no coming back from it.

and if it hasn't, nexting at the drop of a hat is not smart either. imo, NEXT should be final. not a tool to psyche her out. on lesser offenses, you can draw the line for her without nexting (giving her another chance).

yah, in my mind, nexting to psyche her out is more likely to psyche you out.

(you next her and then spend the next two days curled up in the fetal position chanting, "please call me back, please call me back!")

delta

 

[Delta]

also, if she is disinterested (rather than insulting), you can make a STRATEGIC WITHDRAWL to try to stimulate interest without nexting her.

delta

 

[realsmoothie]

Good stuff there Delta. If you next someone expecting something from the relationship down the road, you're not really helping your oneitis, are you? You're just taking the power out of your own hands and handing it to the girl.

It's a risky maneuver in that case.

It seems like nexting a girl is a worst-case scenario reponse.

 

[Delta]

you articulated it perfectly. you're giving her the ball.

delta

 

[realsmoothie]

So... the logical next question is... how do you semi-next a girl that is pissing you off... i.e. you DO want her and she's only testing you and you want to show her who's boss?

I have someone who I actually think is still a viable LTR but there are trust and nervousness issues going on. I want to be all bad-ass but I know that she is kind of freaking out about it and it's making her flake out on getting together.

I don't want to punishe a "flaker" for being nervous... I'd only punish them for being a ***** and testing me.

 

[Delta]

well, it depends on what you mean.

you're right to question being a harda$$ - it doesn't work in all situations and depending on the girl, it might end up being the deal breaker.

so what's she doing?

delta

 

[realsmoothie]

Kind of a long story... didn't mean to get into it here, but if you're bored there's another thread on it.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=111035

Considering emailing her... it's been a few days... to say "don't worry, just forget about it" or maybe another to say "I know you're nervous and all, but talk to me"... or maybe I should just ignore everything and let her come to me. Kinda complicated, or maybe not?

 

[Delta]

yikes....

actually, ball IS in her court.

she's not calling. this isn't actually too complicated. if she wanted to call she'd call. sure, it could be all kinds of things but even if she was sick or whatever, if she wanted to pursue, she would call.

it doesn't sound like SHE'S nervous either. she could be making excuses or laying ground work for making distance.

so far, it sounds like she's breaking up. hope i'm wrong.

certainly not a situation where a "next" will psyche her out into calling you. usually, "strategic withdrawl" is done under the context of being in some kind of contact. she cut it off so there's no interaction going on at all....

at this point, you have to recognize that if you next - that's it. you cannot hope that she'll come around. this is the the self-psyche out that you want to avoid at all costs.

but you tried contacting her. she's not contacting you back. this is the situation that i was referring to earlier - what are your options? you've got none other -

sounds like it's time to next her.

if you haven't tried contacting her too many times without response yet, you can call her once more and email her and say that this will be your last attempt. if she doesn't get back to you, you'll take the hint and back off. god, it sucks when they do this though.... cuz inside, you'll probably be waiting and hoping... argh. cowardly b1tches....

sorry man. i feel for you. and i think it sucks that women have the option of simply ending it with non contact. but i think you think too much about this... the fact that she's not calling back speaks volumes.

take my evaluation for what its worth (not too much), i hope i'm wrong. good luck.

delta

p.s. how many times did you guys go out? twice? if so, it does sound like it's over.

 

[Serialized3]

I next chicks because I'm not interested in spending any more time with them. Simple as that.

 

[SamePendo]

NEXT!: An explanation

 

[realsmoothie]

p.s. how many times did you guys go out? twice? if so, it does sound like it's over.

Ugh... this is kind of pathetic considering I never had the balls to kiss her (wish she could drink, then I could drink... never realized how hard it is to get physical when sober)... but we were seeing each other pretty much two out of every three days for six WEEKS or so.

I have decided to contact her one more time, just in case she is nervous as she was before. I am positive, absolutely positive, that she is still interested... she's just really stupidly busy and stressed out and embarrassed about her behaviour.

Not sure how to do that... think I'll email her and be a little ****y/funny so as to disarm any embarrassment on her end. I'll assume in that email that she IS still interested, but will be firm that this is the last time we'll see each other.

Anyhow... if THAT doesn't work, than it will be NEXT time. Sad, but true.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

give her some time before you give her that hail mary last ditch effort.

Also next when you want to actually get rid of the girl forever. Not when you want to shake her up a bit. When you realize how insecure a lot of the games people play are you will stop doing them. She obviously seems to be the less interested at the moment and so your constant forms of contact arent doing you any good. dont next her but give her some time to get her sh!t together and you do the same too.

Next time you need to make a move A WHOLE LOT EARLIER. Grow a pair man, seriously. You are gonna lose 100% of the chicks that dont go and get what they want this way. She probably wouldnt even be your girlfriend if she didnt ask YOU out. Dont let others decide your fate, take life by the horns.

 

[Jariel]

When you persist with a woman who's giving you the brush off or showing you disrespect, you are not only playing to her whims, but you are developing a habit of swallowing your pride and putting yourself in a supplicating role with women. You might think you have nothing to lose by persisting with a girl, but this habit has a lasting and negative effect on your mentality. As long as you think this way, you will be looking at women as the prize.

However, when you get into the habit of nexting girls (with good reason), you are reinforcing a strong and positive mentality. You are taking away womankind's power to reject you and thus eliminating the fears; you are standing your ground and refusing to take any sh1t and developing the ability to move on. As a result you will build your confidence and realise that you won't be taken for granted and that YOU are the prize.

The idea is to change your perception of yourself from the selected/rejected to the selector/rejector.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=95139

 

[Delta]

rs,

definitely learn to make your moves without alcohol... crutches are ok until you need them and can't have them.

also, i don't get what she would have to be embarassed about.... can you illuminate?

delta