News Article: She didn’t know she’d married a man on the autism spectrum. Neither did her hubby.

indiff

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 6, 2020
Messages
56
Reaction score
53
Age
47
https://www.channelnewsasia.com/new...ctrum-disorder-asd-asperger-syndrome-14957564

On their first date, they bonded over their love of food, travelling and films, and she had a good feeling.

But after that date, it was as if he “didn’t know how to carry on to the next one”. They chatted through texts, but nothing seemed to be moving forward.

“I thought if he were interested in me, he’d show more interest. He was giving mixed signals. He was keeping a distance,” says Amy. “But I was hooked already.”
So is this guy a natural or what? Is not emotionally needy like most men are, giving just the right amount of attention. Sounds like he 'gets it'.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
17,885
Reaction score
12,122
Location
DFW, TX

GoodMan32

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 14, 2022
Messages
1,785
Reaction score
506
I read the article.

Here's one part of the article that really stood out: The woman said she found herself playing the role of the man.

I myself am on the spectrum. I have a recent thread on here about my date last weekend. It's already looking like nothing further will happen between us. I remember one guy on the thread said she probably lost interest because it sounds like she ended up getting stuck playing the role of the man. Maybe this is a thing when you date a guy on the spectrum (the woman ends up playing the role of the man)
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 29, 2020
Messages
2,845
Reaction score
2,170
I read the article.

Here's one part of the article that really stood out: The woman said she found herself playing the role of the man.

I myself am on the spectrum. I have a recent thread on here about my date last weekend. It's already looking like nothing further will happen between us. I remember one guy on the thread said she probably lost interest because it sounds like she ended up getting stuck playing the role of the man. Maybe this is a thing when you date a guy on the spectrum (the woman ends up playing the role of the man)
To me that equates to communication issues which is very common
 

BeExcellent

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2015
Messages
4,757
Reaction score
6,765
Age
55
The difficulty arises because needs are so different and perceptions are so different. The classic thing is this:

Woman: “You never tell me you love me….”

ASD Man (confused): “I already told you. It hasn’t changed. I don’t need to keep telling you…..”

Woman: “That hurts my feelings. I need to hear ‘I love you’”…….

ASD Man (frustrated by this illogical behavior): “You’re so insecure!”

See the disconnect? She needs/wants to affirmation of his love; he thinks he’s already declared it, no change has happened, what’s the big deal, why is she so needy? He misses the social necessity for affirmation and instead assigns the insecure label to her, and both people end up exasperated.

ASD people are self focused. They not only miss social cues, they have difficulty understanding that others have different needs and viewpoints and much misunderstanding arises from that inability to empathize with someone else.

And that disconnect happens constantly over big things and little things. The neurotypical partner ends up burdened with translating the world for the ASD partner, and this is not a light burden.
 

Create self-fulfilling prophecies. Always assume the positive. Assume she likes you. Assume she wants to talk to you. Assume she wants to go out with you. When you think positive, positive things happen.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

BergischerLöwe

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 10, 2018
Messages
559
Reaction score
175
Age
28
Location
The Midwest
The difficulty arises because needs are so different and perceptions are so different. The classic thing is this:

Woman: “You never tell me you love me….”

ASD Man (confused): “I already told you. It hasn’t changed. I don’t need to keep telling you…..”

Woman: “That hurts my feelings. I need to hear ‘I love you’”…….

ASD Man (frustrated by this illogical behavior): “You’re so insecure!”

See the disconnect? She needs/wants to affirmation of his love; he thinks he’s already declared it, no change has happened, what’s the big deal, why is she so needy? He misses the social necessity for affirmation and instead assigns the insecure label to her, and both people end up exasperated.

ASD people are self focused. They not only miss social cues, they have difficulty understanding that others have different needs and viewpoints and much misunderstanding arises from that inability to empathize with someone else.

And that disconnect happens constantly over big things and little things. The neurotypical partner ends up burdened with translating the world for the ASD partner, and this is not a light burden.
I feel so sorry for these autistic guys. It's really hard for them to get a romantic life to begin with and even in the rare event that it happens for them stuff like this goes on. They're really not made to do well the way the dating scene is now, are they?
 
Joined
Aug 4, 2023
Messages
7,106
Reaction score
6,166
I feel so sorry for these autistic guys. It's really hard for them to get a romantic life to begin with and even in the rare event that it happens for them stuff like this goes on. They're really not made to do well the way the dating scene is now, are they?
Not necessarily. Many women love to have a man they can control easily, and autistic men are easy to manipulate.
 
Top