Newly divorced ... what would you do?

[divorcedlol]

Ok so here's the scenario.

Was married for awhile, and just got a divorce. Sweet.
So I go to a bar one night with a friend newly single, noticed 3 or 4 women looking at us hard super giving the in to start a conversation. Being newly single trying to get drunk I didn't bother doing anything about it. Confidence is low so figured I'd **** it up anyhow lol

So since then I've met a couple women. One from online I slept with. Met another from back in the day that we use to mess around and we slept together a few times. Then I have like 2 or 3 more possible girls that I could line up for sure, but haven't decided what to do with them yet. (Again, all met online so far).

So I meet this one girl, she turns out to be not what I'm looking for so I cancel that real quick.

Then I meet another woman, now here's where I'm starting to fk up.
She's saying how she's really sexual. LOTS of experience...and I mean A LOT .. A LOT -- Super baggage too. Kids, seperated .. full 9 yards. I got baggage too .. but no kids on my end. So we sleep together a few times. At first it's all about sex. Both are up front about that and have no problems what we do with anyone else on the side. But we're both kinda starting to feel like it's going more beyond that. She doesn't want to see anyone on the side (so she says ... who knows if it's true though) ... and I'm starting to get attached to this lady already which is a bit worrying because:

a) kids
b) her sexual past (I mean, if I was 20 i would never consider dating her..but now her past actually doesn't bother me because I accept it since we're older now, I matured a lot and whatever. As long as if we do start dating seriously that she's 100% mongomous)
c) So the plan after my wife was to enjoy being single, no attachments and to sleep with as many different women as possible. But she's making me feel different now and ****ing that plan up a bit lol. Don't want to get hurt so soon again if she's not who she says she is (obv trust issues are part of my baggage)
d) I already notice that if the littlest thing bothers me about her, I kinda am ready to blow her off. Not because I don't care about her, but because I won't let myself get attached to a woman again the way I have in the past, especially now. So I can see myself super letting go so easily if things go wrong.

So do I just go with it and be straight up with her. Or what would you guys do?

 

[wasted-nick]

Man after my divorce, ithought I had my 5hit together. Much like you, I was having a good 'ole time.

Little did I know my judgement was waaaay effed up and I ended up getting attached to a total loony-chick.

I think you should have fun, but be REAL careful about the flies you're attracting. You may not know what you're getting into and could end up in a world of hurt.

 

[SweetDannyJ]

Shoosh... Rock and a hard place right there. I know you can't choose who you like but to fall out of one hard situation and right into another before you've had time to run with the bulls? Even climbing into another prospective relationship with a "clean" babe at your current place in time would be premature.

There's my stance on your current sitch.

As for your question there is only one answer that really works everytime:
Never be someone else.
Do whatever it is you do. If you shoot from the hip, then do it. If you don't, learn how.
Being upfront and honest is the only way to be ahead of hindsight. It's what men do and why "nice guys" who don't are waiting at the starting line, waiting for the race to finish.

 

[Alien]

you should write more about her. We only see your perspective. I mean maybe she just want an idiot to support her and her children. Once you start to feel more towards her your head is not clear.

 

[Kailex]

So let me get this straight:

-You are recently divorced.
-You meet someone with baggage.
-She has a child and a sexual past full of possible deviancy.
-You're falling for her.

Sounds like a genius plan.
How about you stop thinking of a single mother as a potential relationship? Stop seeing her so much. She's enticing you with the power of her vagine.

You say you can see yourself letting go easily when things go wrong, but my friend, things went wrong when you started dating a single mother and then admitted to becoming attached.

Make up your mind, you either can let things go easily or you are attached. You can't be both.

What would I do? Stop dating the single mother.
If anything, she is FB status and nothing else.

 

[divorcedlol]

Thanks for the replies so far guys.
Well as for a bit more about her situation:

-She's actually got more than 1 kid guys lol
-Kailex you are right about sexual past + deviancy (pretty extensive) She has a lot of issues from childhood and other things that she's opened up to me about. So I can understand where some of this could have come from. Aside from the fact she just loves to fvck lol ..
-She works full time
-Gets child support
-Not looking for a father for her kids or financial support
-She lives 45 minutes away from where I live. So far we have planned to see each other twice a week.

Fvck guys. I know what this all looks like lol. If I stand on the outside I would be giving the same advice you guys are giving me.

Ideally now that I'm starting to feel attached to her, I would like to be sure that:
-she will be monogomous and not fvck around anymore
-she's not trying to make me her babies daddy
-she's not looking for $$
-she's not fvcking with me

Regarding her being FB status ... yeah that's what we wanted at first. But she says she now doesn't want to see anyone else. And FB is lonely and she doesn't want that anymore with anyone (so she says).

Realistically I guess I can't really be too sure about any of that...and hopefully it's not the power of her vagine that's making me feel attached.
I mean guys, I've been with a couple other women after my wife and after the sex that was that. Sex was good with them too, but no attachments.

I guess it could partly be due to the fact that she's had a hard life. I'm usually the guy who wants to save her. That plus we really connect (so far).

Guys seriously, I'm fvcked lol ... I have a feeling no matter what you guys say I may not be able to stop seeing her for these 2 times a week to see where it goes. lol I know ... u guys are prob shaking you heads ... but fvck I can't help what I feel for her.

So I guess, have any of you guys been in a similar situation and followed through with it. Any warning signs to watch for. Damage control tips or anything else that could be helpful to save my life if sh1t hits the fan? lol

Tell me, how much do I suck at life? lol

 

[wasted-nick]

Divorcedlol - yes I have been in you exact situation and wrecked-out HARD! No two situations are alike, but I sure as hell won't go the route you are discussing ever again.

For 5hits-sake man, you are not Cap'n SaveAHo... Don't you have enough bull5hit to deal with post-divorce?

I say bail out now, she sounds like a potential BPD Waif and has already started sucking you in. THAT is why this feels different than the others... abort abort abort

 

[divorcedlol]

For 5hits-sake man, you are not Cap'n SaveAHo... abort abort abort

LOL!!! Thanks for the advice man. I hope I don't crash and burn haha... hope u like my sig


EDIT: How do I get my signature to show?

 

[Alien]

But she says she now doesn't want to see anyone else. And FB is lonely and she doesn't want that anymore with anyone (so she says).

...

Guys seriously, I'm fvcked lol ... I have a feeling no matter what you guys say I may not be able to stop seeing her for these 2 times a week to see where it goes. lol I know ... u guys are prob shaking you heads ... but fvck I can't help what I feel for her.

-Come on kids! look! look! divorcedlol and his FB are in loooove!:cheer: :cheer: divorcedlol and his FB are in loooooooove!:cheer: :cheer:
:crackup:


http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=59150

Read lesson fourteen! Maybe that is your case ...maybe not.

 

[Bible_Belt]

After my divorce, I grew a mountain man beard and shunned women for almost two years...because I knew that I was on the rebound and would make bad decisions.

 

[Kailex]

-You are recently divorced.
-You meet someone with baggage.
-She has a child and a sexual past full of possible deviancy.
-You're falling for her.

Any warning signs to watch for. Damage control tips or anything else that could be helpful to save my life if sh1t hits the fan? lol

Do you really need MORE warning signs? I already gave you FOUR of them. Damage control tips? EJECT.

How about that for a damage control tip? That tip alone will save your life.

-She's actually got more than 1 kid guys lol

Oh my god... I hope each kid isn't from a different father.

-She works full time
-Gets child support
-Not looking for a father for her kids or financial support
-She lives 45 minutes away from where I live. So far we have planned to see each other twice a week.

So she works 40 hours a week, she has more than one child and lives 45 minutes away. Let me guess, YOU drive to see her almost everytime. And if not, WHO is with those kids?

And I'm sorry, but if you get into a relationship with her, you become the de-facto father for those kids and soon enough, you'll be hit up for money for the kids. Even if she doesn't outright ask for it, soon you'll be taking her out with those little bastards and what used to be a nice $20 date for a movie YOU wanted to see will become a $50 date for a Disney movie you could have cared less about. That's just ONE of the realities you'll be facing once you get into a serious relationship...

Of course she loves to fvck, she's trying to REEL YOU IN.

I bet once you two become official, all of a sudden the sex won't be so good, she'll complain that you live too far, she won't wear all those nice clothes that she used to wear for you and all of a sudden she always wants to do it missionary or even doggiestyle while reading a magazine.

Fvck guys. I know what this all looks like lol. If I stand on the outside I would be giving the same advice you guys are giving me.

Then, STOP BEING SUCH A BABY.

Ideally now that I'm starting to feel attached to her, I would like to be sure that:
-she will be monogomous and not fvck around anymore
-she's not trying to make me her babies daddy
-she's not looking for $$
-she's not fvcking with me

And how do you expect to be 100% sure of that? Are you going to write up a legal document and hold her to that?

She already screwed the bad boy(s) and got the genetic material. Now she wants the provider to step in.

You have no guarantee that she will do any of those things. And sorry, she is looking for money and she is looking to make someone her baby's daddy. And yes, she is fvcking with you in more ways than one.

Regarding her being FB status ... yeah that's what we wanted at first. But she says she now doesn't want to see anyone else. And FB is lonely and she doesn't want that anymore with anyone (so she says).

Of course she wanted that... AT FIRST. That was the trick to reel you in. She wanted to make it seem like she was a certain way but she's moving you into an exclusive relationship. You want to see what REALLY makes her tick:

Tell her that you aren't interested in an exclusive relationship and that you only want to meet up with her to get laid.

I'm assured you'll see the REAL her in about 3 seconds right after you say that.

Realistically I guess I can't really be too sure about any of that...and hopefully it's not the power of her vagine that's making me feel attached.

Ummm, what else could it be? Her personality? Are you kidding me?
You have no other options so you want to latch on to your best bet after divorce? Didn't you LEARN anything from the last marriage?

mean guys, I've been with a couple other women after my wife and after the sex that was that. Sex was good with them too, but no attachments.

In my opinion, the sex with those other women was better than the sex with this recent one. What attachment do you want? The kind that attaches you to kids that aren't your own???

I guess it could partly be due to the fact that she's had a hard life. I'm usually the guy who wants to save her. That plus we really connect (so far).

She's had a hard life???
You're joking, right?
SHE MADE THE DECISIONS TO CAUSE HER OWN HARD LIFE.
Look at those kids, then look at where the father(s) is/are. If she had only ONE child, then maybe... just MAYBE it's passable, but she made the same mistake MORE than once. Hard life. That really was funny. The fact that she's a single mother with more than one child and has to work full-time and barely be in those kids life is an end result of the bad decisions she made. Maybe the guy was a deadbeat, but who CHOSE to be with that deadbeat and get pregnant... more than ONCE?

And what happens if further along the line YOU want to have kids with her but she decides she's had her fair share of pregnancies?

Stop trying to be this woman's savior. She wasn't worth saving even before the pregnancies. What do you think you're going to do? Make the kids appreciate you and thank you? They probably are going to hate you. They might resent you. And then she'll tell you that you can't tell her how to raise her own kids.

Is this the frame you want for the rest of your life?

Guys seriously, I'm fvcked lol ... I have a feeling no matter what you guys say I may not be able to stop seeing her for these 2 times a week to see where it goes. lol I know ... u guys are prob shaking you heads ... but fvck I can't help what I feel for her.

YES YOU CAN.

And that's the beauty of it. You have a choice, you CAN help what you feel for her.

Again, I don't see what is so great about her. She's made many mistakes in her past and guess who is going to pay for them... YOU.

All you have to do is... stop seeing her. And it's over.
Why are you so in a rush to jump into another LTR???

Tell me, how much do I suck at life? lol

There is still time for you.
Do NOT go through with this.

If you do, you can't blame her... you can't blame the kids... you can't blame God, you can't say that life is unfair... after today, if you keep seeing her and fall in deeper, it's all on YOU.

 

[sodbuster]

5 years from now[predicting the future],you'll be here b!tching about how her kids are f7cking up your life.BUT when you correct them,she's yelling"they aren't your kids,you can't discipline them". They can take your money,your time hauling them to ball games,etc.etc.,BUT they will never be yours.

 

[Iceberg]

LOL!!! Thanks for the advice man. I hope I don't crash and burn haha... hope u like my sig


EDIT: How do I get my signature to show?

You hope you don't crash and burn? What's there to HOPE for? It's entirely up to you. That's like me saying, "I hope I don't drink this jar of tacks on my desk."

If you want to keep dating this old woman with multiple children and a stretched-out vag, then it's entirely up to you. There's no "hope" about it. I don't know. Maybe this is the only option for you. Maybe you're fat, stupid, and ugly. If you're NOT any of these three, then I'd say that there are about 1,000,000 better options for you on planet Earth than this woman.

 

[maqnetik]

you left a failed relationship and then went right back to the negative patterns that got you into that situation in the first place?

doesnt make sense if you think about it........

how about working on improving yourself from the ground up and then attracting the kind of woman who can actually compliment the new you?

 

[wasted-nick]

Divorcedlol - brutha-man you're getting some good advice above... I wish I had done what these folks are sayin'.

It ain't easy being alone after you been married, but you learn a 5hit-load about yourself in time and you grow. Ya'll don't need that crusty 'ole poontang.

 

[divorcedlol]

ok...thanks a lot for all your advice!
Lots more to tell you guys but I don't want to get into a long conversation considering the fact that she's in my bed and I'm drunk playing poker lol.

We'll talk!

 

[divorcedlol]

You want to see what REALLY makes her tick:

Tell her that you aren't interested in an exclusive relationship and that you only want to meet up with her to get laid.

I'm assured you'll see the REAL her in about 3 seconds right after you say that.

OK...can you explain .. I asked her that .. now what do I take her answers as?

-Say she says ok, that's fine
-Say she says No you already took this farther and we have feeling between us now and she doesn't want that anymore
-Say she says she would have to think about it

How would you take those 3 answers?

 

[jophil28]

LOL!!! Thanks for the advice man. I hope I don't crash and burn haha... hope u like my sig


EDIT: How do I get my signature to show?

Same way that you man up and write your AGE in your profile .Edit your USER CP !
Why the F do you guys keep your age a BIG secret?
WE cannot give you the right advice without knowing how old you are....

 

[divorcedlol]

FML guys.
OK...I'm an AFC lol .... I give in.

I should have listen to all of you guys. Over the course of the time I was with this broad I found out that she had 4 kids ... 4 different fathers (possibly since one of the fathers that raised 2 kids of her's with her .. she actually cheated on him and it could have been the random guy's kid) ... Then I find out she banged 3 different guys in 1 day. 1st guy was set up by her...2nd guy was set up by another guy she was talking to on the side that wanted to have a 3some with her ... 3rd guy was her accord....

Kailex ... you were right brother.... not POSSIBLE deviancy ... definate. And this scenario above was not just a one time thing.

OK..moving on ... (for your entertainment lol) .. When we first met and she was all about being exclusive .... she was still 'texting/msn' other guys on the side saying that she was sure we wouldn't last and that she'd fvck them soon enough.

Oh and here's another good one. She spoke to her ex bf that moved to the states a couple days after we stated that we'd be exclusive....I find out she told him that she'd fvck him when he came to Canada for Christmas no matter who she was with. ....Super marriage material this broad no? lol ... So dude shows up before Christmas....I try to get ahold of her one day .... her phone miraculously is in Airplane mode and there's a good hour or two that goes by that I can't contact her. (Even if she didn't **** him .... she says the guy did show up at her store and she had a smoke with him ... meanwhile scanning the parking lot hoping I wouldn't show up) .... All this after her and I planned on getting engaged and having a child. (I know guys .. belive me I am a ****ing idiot).

She tells me he showed up one night in the midst of a fight and she told him to **** off. Went into this elaborate story that I find out 2 months later that it was all bull**** and they were all chummy chummy. But when she did tell me that he showed up and he was all making her feel scared that he 'stalked her' to her store...I send him a message on facebook telling him to **** off .... she sees this and messages him back the next day saying 'don't reply back to him...my happiness depends on it' .... omfg guys .. and she blames me for our relationship problems with the lack of trust I have for her lol

So ... we get engaged .... and with all the baggage and bull**** we ended it all a month ago.

You guys were completely right about her and I wish I had listened. Rebound no question ... and I know I look pretty silly right now. She's 35 with 4 kids .. 4 different fathers .. a string of failed relationships ... sexual deviancy ... bad parenting techniques from what I've seen (and yes...she has acted like the kids were hers .. and even though I acted like they were my own .. they still always were 'her kids' like you guys said) ... you guys had her pegged ... wish I would have listened and saved myself a year of bullshlt.

I'm gonna one up you guys now .. when we break up we are still talking about a long distance relationship lmfao .... shoot me now!

 

[divorcedlol]

Do I keep her as an FB or trash her?