Newbie with a q!

[ProtoMan1]

Hello! I have been browsing around these forums for a while and it has been great reading and learning new tactics!

Ok.. getting to the point. I was supposed to have met this HB today and earlier today I had sent a text to confirm of our date. We were last together on Tuesday and decided to see each other again today. Prior to leaving she asked me to confirm today's date and I told her I would call her. That is everything in a nutshell.

So.. I told her I would be at this coffee shop at 3ish. I never got a reply and I went and then waited around and she never showed up. I wanted to call to see where she was but based on previous encounters she would reply. That is why I text her, but I informed her so... that is as good as calling? So I left w/o calling. My question is, did I approach this correctly by not calling her back?

Would that seem to AFC? It is likely we will see each other next week so my other question is should I just ingore her until she approaches me? Besides she is the one that did not contact me for today so... I have a right to be upset?

Feedback would be great guys! Cheers!

 

[crowes22]

Don't fvcking text/IM girls. Trust me. If you want I'd try w/ her once more. Any flaky stuff........forget her. TELL her ass you won't tolerate that BS. But do it calmly, in a playful way, not in an angry manner. KEEP YOUR COOL. Very important.

She wouldn't tolerate that behavior from you, so why should you tolerate it from her? Good luck.

 

[flexion_]

Setup up firm dates in the future. There is no need to confirm things - if she gives you some line like I'm not sure so call to confirm... that means...

"I'm looking for better options but if I'm bored that day and have found nothing better to do then I'll go meet you."

I wouldn't call her back myself.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Did you call her to confirm? Was it just the text??? A chick with high enough IL will respond.

So what you must do is let her initiate contact with you. If she doesn't, she wasn't that interested to begin with, so you would just save time and energy that would have been wasted on somebody who's not that into you.

If she does initiate contact, she will probably act like nothing happened, that in itself is a $hit test, so don't let her get back into your life without her having to jump through hoops.

If she doesn't bring it up, you must inform her, "you are on probation for being flaky, how are you gonna make it up to me?", and shut up, let her come up with a solution, don't help her.

If she does bring it up, let her explain things and/or reasons why she flaked, do not let her blame it on the fact you didn't call. Let her finish, let her earn your attention, then hit her with the "how will you make it up to me", and make her get creative.

Whereas most here will just tell you to "next her", and that you don't have time for this type of $hit, you cannot afford, or should not have to get all wound up over little stuff, so have fun with her, and toy her and let her prove and earn your approval.

 

[ProtoMan1]

Hi! Thanks for the feedback. Anyone else have feedback? thanks!

 

[TesuqueRed]

Read more young skywalker....

like the bible - there were some basic goofs there that just sent the wrong signals to HB

 

[BrotherAP]

You wouldn't happen to be from New Mexico, would ya TesuqueRed?

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by BrotherAP
You wouldn't happen to be from New Mexico, would ya TesuqueRed?

Long time ago - miss it still.

 

[ProtoMan1]

Hey guys!

Just and update...

I ran into her yesterday and it was an interesting current of events. I read all of your replys and took something from each one. She greeted me first and said hi and I said I back but the rest of the time she was very quiet and appeared to be waiting for me to do something.

Was she nervous or something? Because after all she was the one that did not follow through after I had told her for Sunday. So I took the approach of not mentioning it. I did not want to appear to her that Sunday bugged me so I just took it as nothing happened and said nothing about it. I was rather stoic around her, or I guess not talking to her type of thing.

Ok.. so my question is.. did I approach this situation right? I did not want to appear AFC around her by begging her and asking.. "Oh why did you not call.. etc." Was she waiting for me to do something? Oh ... I also noticed that when I was talking with others she was looking in my direction or that is what I saw in the corner of my eye.

Feedback would be great guys! Thanks!

 

[TesuqueRed]

I don't know that shy is quite on point here. Nervous perhaps, as in she is watching to see how you react, which imho was pretty good.

There's some classic posts on this that I can't find or even recall search terms for at the moment. In general - some points for discussion:

Calling to confirm the date was not good. It's weak. This gives off an impression you really want this to happen / are insecure about it / are desperate etc. - anywhere along that continuum is not good.

Show up to the site and wait 15 mins. Be doing something other than waiting for her. She is merely joining you, she isn't the main event. Whether she shows or not, you are living your life doing what you want.

If she no-shows, leave after 20 mins. She may show up 10 mins after that, but that is no longer your concern (unless you're desperate.) You're living your life, doing things, busy - remember?

Not messaging her afterwards was a very good thing. In fact (youngsters will take issue with this) not messaging her ever is a very good thing. Limit your availability on cell phone (choose when you want to answer it, don't always have it on, don't always be available, decide when you want to reply) and don't text. Men use phones for business, chicks and chick-like guys use it for an extended social event. Women have far more skills with the phone than you'll ever have and you can only harm yourself with it.

Not showing anger at her rudeness is a very good thing in this situation. Showing anger displays that she got to you, that you're chasing her and that she's very important to you. She now has confirmation of her attractiveness and you are no longer a mystery and a challenge, and no longer of interest to her.

Not showing anger means the opposite - this would have been a fun, light social event that didn't signify much. It shows you're confident and in control of yourself. It means you're not desperate and have an active social life with many activities and options.

Best thing to do next, imo? Be friendly and a touch more distant (maybe you're already there and no more is needed?) Be seen interacting with everyone else around you, and especially be seen talking with other women (any woman will do.) Show her no special attention, limit your conversations with her, break it off first to go talk with others, go to class, whatever.

She's now on probation, or at the end of the line. Set up get togethers with others and make no effort to include or exclude her. If she's interested, she'll begin making subtle arrangements to be around.

 

[crowes22]

Tesque Red nailed this one. Do what he said in his last post. I'm w/ him, not sure 'shy' is the culprit here, I think you are being tested. Don't text/IM/email chicks you date. I'm tellin ya. It leaves too much of a trail and too many others can get involved. Now Tesque Red and I both have warned you, and advised you not to do this. Ignore us and you will get smoked down the road sometime. Chicks love to snoop/keep records of what you did/said. Need I say more?

Do what TesqueRed told you to in his last post and you should be fine. If she flakes, so be it. You just saved yourself time, money and grief.