Newbie starting off..

[orly]

First post, though I've been lurking for a few months.

It's April already. My goal is to get a girlfriend by the end of the year, or at least become a person that doesn't radiate an aura that repels girls in a 10' radius.

I'm 26, will be 27 in a few months. Brief background in regards to my situation with the opposite gender:

- Never had sex.
- Never had a girlfriend.
- Never kissed.
- Never been on a date.
- Never had any physical contact with a girl beyond say, tapping someone's shoulder to get her attention.
- Never had any platonic female friends until very recently, unless you count someone in kindergarten.
- Most girls will barely give me the time of day. Even on a completely platonic level, they'll be friendly to every other guy in the room but me.

Pretty screwed up eh?

On the level of broader social interactions:

- I'm shy. Although not formally diagnosed, I can also probably check off most if not all symptoms associated with Asperger's Syndrome.

- I don't have many friends.

- I'm a nerd, so my interests are arcane. With other guys, I can sometimes connect with my obsession for cars and trading/investing. With girls though, I'm clueless and awkward in starting or maintaining a simple conversation, maybe because...

- I'm male, but more so because I probably have Aspergers', I like to deal with facts and logic. Emotions escape me - other people have describe me as cold and unemotional, even scary. But yeah, I've read girls tend to operate on emotions while guys do logic.


Other miscellaneous info:

- My confidence and self-esteem are pretty shot and tattered.

- I think I'm pretty ugly. Ugly facial features aside, on a purely objective level:
* Bad skin (acne scars, big pores, etc.)
* Very bad eyesight (read=coke bottle glasses)
* Oh, and I'm short at 5' 6", so I get a kick at Wutang Financial complaining about being short at 5' 8" =P.

Anyways, enough about the depressing stuff for now, and onto more positive territory. Stuff I've been doing to change recently:

- I'm working out, eating properly. Weight training 4/5 days a week with a coworker friend who used to be a personal trainer. Running 5k at least 3 times a week. While invisible with a shirt, I have a gut that I'd like to get rid of. Goal: 6 pack by end of year.

- I've made the interesting discovery that my alcohol tolerance is legendary. I seem to be able to remain sober when my companions are passing out - even when I've drank more. Alcohol makes me talkative and cuts down my superhigh inhibitions. On the downside, something I mentioned before becomes more obvious - when the girls get drunk, I often become more ostracized versus the other guys.

- I'm looking to buy a house (actually, condo), and/or a flashy sports car.

- I'm "going out" and "putting myself out there" on weekends instead of sitting at home playing World of Warcraft. I'm attempting to cultivate relationships with the waiters/bouncers/bartenders/DJs, but so far girls don't give me the time of day. No matter, I see my current stage as trying to familiarize myself with venues that are still a bit alien to me.

- On a related note, I need to give my image a complete makeover. I acknowledge that "looks" is a factor. While I might still look like a turd, hopefully I can upgrade to the level of polished turd.

- My most immediate objective is to introduce myself to "friends of friends". If I see a friend with someone I don't know, I'm going to introduce myself to him/her.

Hopefully I'll post more as I see progress, if any.

 

[Jerry Maguire]

As much as you, or anybody else may think I'm an ******* for saying this: no matter how you have been in the past (e.g. showing symtpoms of Aspergers) you can be different in the future, if you try hard enough.

Great to hear about you working out, just remember to keep researching, you can never stop learning about important subjects such as this.

For shy, or not naturally gregarious guys like ourselves, we have to push ourselves before we appear as naturals to others. I advise you go out and appraoch until you become natural and confident.

There are plenty ways to do this. I would advise the Stylelife Challenge.

Good luck bro.

 

[MotownMack]

It's a safe bet than there are one of two things brought every single person to this forum.

1) They were unhappy with the results they were getting or frustrated and confused in their attempts to develop relationships with the opposite sex.
2) They knew they could do better, and rather just sit and complain about what they were getting or accepting the status quo-they decide to take action.

That being said, I've been a student for a while now, but only on this forum a short time-but I can already see that cases like yours are not on common.

I have only one simple word for you to think about as advice when going through these forums or reading other related subject matter: ACTION.

I don't care if it's tiny-whatever your comfortable with, but take action and try things you didn't try before. It can be pretty exhilarating.

It reminded me of a very simple quote: If you don't like the results you got yesterday, then do everything the exact opposite today.

It really simplifies what can seem like a complicated process. But if you do what you what you always do, you'll get what you've always gotten.

Best of luck.

 

[ARrocket]

I look forward to seeing your progress

Welcome aboard.

 

[J89]

Good luck bro

just remember

hard work/dedication=success

no MATTER where you start from.

 

[Effington]

Cheers man. Good luck and hopefully everything works out for ya.

 

[everywomanshero]

I just met a reasoably attractive woman the other night who is a 29 year old virgin with a PhD, lol, trust me dude there are women as "screwed up" as you call yourself

.

Pretty screwed up eh?.

.

- I'm shy. Although not formally diagnosed, I can also probably check off most if not all symptoms associated with Asperger's Syndrome..

I am not making light of anyone's medical condition, but the ***** about labels is we tend to stay consistent with them. I would ask a med. professional about this first of all, second, once I had done everything I could medically, I would try not to let the label define my actions.
\.
.

- I think I'm pretty ugly. Ugly facial features aside, on a purely objective level:
* Bad skin (acne scars, big pores, etc.)
* Very bad eyesight (read=coke bottle glasses)
* Oh, and I'm short at 5' 6", so I get a kick at Wutang Financial complaining about being short at 5' 8" =P.
.

Easily fixed. Get contacts, this doesn't even cost much. Second, see a dermatologist if the skin thing is really hurting your self-confidence. It won't be cheap but if it raises your confidence, then it's going to be well worth the cost.

Just keep going out and trying to make new friends, find a female that can go shopping with you, and remember to focus on the positive people more so than the negative people. As long as you keep a positive attitude and keep taking action things will continue to improve.

 

[penkitten]

welcome to the board.
have you been trying to work on your own self confidence?
with asp. syndrome, do you go to any sort of counseling that may help you also?

 

[orly]

I have only one simple word for you to think about as advice when going through these forums or reading other related subject matter: ACTION.

Yes, I've learned the hard way procrastination is evil.

I am not making light of anyone's medical condition, but the ***** about labels is we tend to stay consistent with them. I would ask a med. professional about this first of all, second, once I had done everything I could medically, I would try not to let the label define my actions.

have you been trying to work on your own self confidence?
with asp. syndrome, do you go to any sort of counseling that may help you also?

I agree, I don't want to be limited by some label, though I don't have any intention at the moment to seek professional help, because I can see myself beating this.

The biggest hurdleI think, is that I (and others like me) have to make a conscious, thinking, effort to carry out some very basic acts of socialization. The irony is that everyone says overanalyzing situations is bad, but I have to analyze just to do things everyone else takes for granted.

Easily fixed. Get contacts, this doesn't even cost much. Second, see a dermatologist if the skin thing is really hurting your self-confidence. It won't be cheap but if it raises your confidence, then it's going to be well worth the cost.

Just keep going out and trying to make new friends, find a female that can go shopping with you, and remember to focus on the positive people more so than the negative people. As long as you keep a positive attitude and keep taking action things will continue to improve.

Tried contacts twice. First time I ended up in the emergency room because I couldn't get them out, and the eye doctor was closed for the night and following weekend.

Second time (about two years later from the first attempt, about a year ago from now) I could get them out, but it took me an hour to get them in the day after I came back from the doctor. I used up two full bottles of solution that day, and ended up with a sick feeling that I could do permanent damage to my eyes at this rate. Maybe that's just paranoia, I might try again.

Anyways, onto more thoughts:

- A girl at work I went clubbing with last week commented I need to talk more. I'm terrible at smalltalk. I think most people have a breadth of things they can talk about, thus having "shotgun" style attempts to connect with someone else. Me however, I have encyclopedic knowledge of a very limited few topics, so it's either a bullseye hit or a total miss. Complicating the problem is that those "few topics" tend to be ones that most girls aren't very into.

- Where does one learn to dance, particularly in a club setting? I know often times there is very little room for any maneuvering at all on the dance floor, but is there a certain set of "norms"?

- I feel need to expand my circle of friends. Right now virtually all my friends come from three places: High school classmates, an old church, and work. I failed to make a single friend, let alone casual associate, in college. My high school friends are fellow nerds - great to play computer games with but useless socially. My church friends are more varied, but too conservative to involve in much. I tend to have the most fun with my work friends these days, but outside of a few exceptions, I have to maintain a modicum of professionalism.

I have some vague ideas of where to meet new people, but at the same time, have difficulty in setting the time out. I work 12-14 hours/day, including some Saturdays. I can barely squeeze in time to work out and partying on Friday nights.

I also have a (stupid?) goal of getting a girl at a club. At this point, I don't really care about the sex0ring, I'll consider it a success if I can make a new female friend I can hang out with for fun.

- Related to the time problem, I've got some activities I want to try out and become downright expert in. Shooting pool, rollerblading, cycling, driving stick, possibly archery. I also want to learn new languages - I had a goal to become fluent in Japanese, Chinese, Russian, German, Spanish, and Arabic in addition to my native Korean and English before I hit 30, but I don't see that happening =P.

 

[HandyAndy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLEPWbbNKLc

watch that, its an amazing story of one of the members here

 

[PhunGar]

HOLY SH!T i watched that vid woww owow

yea im doing the same thing , contacts are great but they just don't work on some people, or you can get a really nice pair of stylish glasses
also imo hair makes alot of difference liek alot
i had really long messy hair, and the day i got a reallly nice hair cut everyone in my class noticed it so yea keep it up, im too lazy to go to the gym hahahahah
i don't intend to chnage my sense of fashion thou, cuase it represents what i stand, metal music so yea

 

[orly]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLEPWbbNKLc

watch that, its an amazing story of one of the members here

Yeah, I've already seen it during my lurker days. It's one of my main inspirations.

Though for what it's worth, I'd love to be as good looking as his "Before" pictures too =P.

 

[HandyAndy]

Yeah its amazing isnt it. DJ dan was a big nerd to start off with, he even said it, but look at him now, hes a big fukin stud

 

[PhunGar]

Hmmm true but dosen't that mean your changing who you are, just for this woman? then you are putting your women at no.1 and u ultimatly lose urself and waht you stand for. If a women won't date you beucase she doesn't like what you stand for, then imo shes probally not worth your time

 

[PhunGar]

touche,
Might give it a thought hahahaha

 

[FireOnTheMountain]

Well, the description of yourself sounds almost exactly like a description of me. The only difference is that I am four years younger and I once, despite my extreme AFC-ness, got very lucky with a girl physically. I still haven't been on a date or had a girlfriend, though.

 

[Daddy The Pimp]

I dont know what makes me think this post is a TROLL . But anyway there are a lot of guys with same problems here so this wishes some responses .

First mistake .

Dont say youll get a GF by the end of the year . Wtf are you talkin . You can get it within a month man . Since you are here , you have opportunity to change . Here are lot of members that changed completely . Get some Hypnotica stuff for inner game . It may help . Confidence #1.

Second mistake.

Your not ugly . You just gotta groom yourself . Got to get new crazy badboy hairstyle . Acne ? To good that can fixed . Visit doctor .

Social problems ?
Whats easier than talking to everyone , making friends with everyone ?
One thing is holding you back .

Confidence

And to achieve it you have to work on yourself alot .
Start today CHANGING .

Everyday Change something that you dont like on yourself . In the end of the month youll see the results and your confidence will raise .

Just keep reading stuff her . Some of it its really useful .