New User with Some Questions...

[ParrotHead420]

Hey all, I'm a new user here and I just wanna say first off, many of the articles I've found here have vastly helped me to improve my social life on several levels - with friends, classmates and co-workers, and not just with members of the opposite sex, either.

But even with all the forward progression I've made, I feel like I'm not ready to go into the field yet. I was wondering if anyone out there could give me some advice on opening approaches, maybe a challenge or homework assignment I could do with just cold-approaching someone at a store or something. It seems like every article I click on here is just an add for a program based solely around the art of approaching. Well I can't really afford one of these books or programs, I just want a few tips on finding an approach opener that works for me. Also, how do you close with a woman on a limited budget? I usually have barely enough to cover my drinks let alone hers.

Also wonder about how do people hook up in noisy, crowded bars and clubs? I can understand the lounge mentality where the music isn't really that loud, you can actually talk with another person. But the town I live in - a small college town about 100 miles south of Chicago - seriously EVERY SINGLE bar here feels the need to play their music loud no matter what time of night. Whether it's a live band or just letting the jukebox play the bars around here are always cranked so loud you can't even think of a decent opener, much less deliver one. How do you get around this kind of thing?

One more question: This woman I work with, we always enjoy each others' company, she has been giving out what seems to me signals and vibes - she's always asking when we're gonna be working together next, she always finds time to saunter over to my area away from hers, and she always has a smile ready for me. So it was my great surprise that, when I mentioned outside contact (adding her as a friend on Facebook) she finally saw fit to let me know that she has a boyfriend. This always happens to me! Every time I meet a woman I feel I could have some kind of rapport with, we will talk and even flirt for weeks or months, and the second I mention contact outside of our normal/comfort area, she starts to talk about her b/f! WTF??!! Not only does it bring my macking skills into question, but it also undermines any friendship route I might have with her, as if she thought we were friends, why did she not see it appropriate to make it known to me that she has a b/f? Anyone else have any problems like this? Is this a normal thing for women to do? It's just, I have always been notoriously bad at interpreting signals. The things that I have always learned as being "go" signals, when a woman does these things with me it almost always turns out that she was just being friendly and not seriously flirting. I'm a seriously confused individual and need to get my head straight about signals and things like that before I go out into the field again.

Well, I know that's quite a bit of stuff, but I'm new around these parts and if anyone can give me some tips on some of these things and help get me field-ready I'd really appreciate it.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Have you read any of the DJ Bible?

I would forget about the woman at work. The fact that she has a BF makes it twice as bad.

From personal experience, the juice isn't worth the squeeze, especially if she's someone you have to work with and be around all day.

 

[Nelford]

Here is a opener:

Hi, my name is _______

 

[ParrotHead420]

OK, the thing about being sexually attracted to me despite a b/f I can get - I know when I have a g/f I meet all kinds of girls that give me a happy on the inside. But the thing is she now has two strikes against me: As a friend, she did not mention that she has a boyfriend which says to me that any friendship with her will pretty much be on a surface basis. As a possible friend with benefits, if she did want to pursue some kind of sexual relationship with me outside of her b/f, I would not be able to enjoy it or respect her because I know if I had a g/f like that, I can only imagine how I would feel if I found out she was running around behind my back.

I know the old argument - if there isn't a ring then nothing's off-limits. Well I have personal limits and I will not sleep with a woman in a relationship or married. OK, well I guess if she's throwing herself at me and won't even let me leave the room...LOL As if that's ever gonna happen.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

So it was my great surprise that, when I mentioned outside contact (adding her as a friend on Facebook) she finally saw fit to let me know that she has a boyfriend. This always happens to me! Every time I meet a woman I feel I could have some kind of rapport with, we will talk and even flirt for weeks or months, and the second I mention contact outside of our normal/comfort area, she starts to talk about her b/f! WTF??!!

This is a called a Preemptive LJBF. Same principal, same response. Casually slipping references to BFs into conversation is covertly intended to communicate LJBF. It's her way of saying, "I know you've been mustering up the sack to approach as you should've for months now, but the answer before you ask is LJBF, so save yourself the trouble and me the awkwardness, thanks."

 

[ParrotHead420]

This is a called a Preemptive LJBF. Same principal, same response. Casually slipping references to BFs into conversation is covertly intended to communicate LJBF. It's her way of saying, "I know you've been mustering up the sack to approach as you should've for months now, but the answer before you ask is LJBF, so save yourself the trouble and me the awkwardness, thanks."

Yeah I kinda figured it was, but it makes me not want to even be friends with her, if she can't tell me she has a b/f to begin with...

I mean, if she wants to be friends then by all means let's be friends. But that includes telling people things, like, "I have a boy friend." If she can't even open up and let me in a little then she obviously does not have respect for me and if she can't give me respect why should I respect her? Without respect, there is no possibility for friendship.

 

[KaneZen]

most women dont consider it a respect thing its a self gratification issue. They want to see what they can make you do before they have to put you in check.

They have egos just like us whether they like to admit it or not.

 

[ParrotHead420]

Well, on to the next one. Which is currently in a holding pattern, LOL. We're E-mailing, and I guess does not answer for days at a time - but at least she answers. Here's what it's been like so far (keep in mind that the first mail was sent before I found the DJ site, but since have attempted to take on some DJ principles):

Me: "You have some cool pictures up on your profile (Hope you don't mind that I looked at a few. Rrrrrowwwrrrr! Nice boots in the profile pic ). Well anyway, a little about me - I'm a theatre major at ISU, hopefully graduating soon (FINALLY!), I play guitar, write, act, like to hang out around town, which, in Bloo-No is pretty limited pickings, but it keeps me sane.

So anyway, if you check out my profile and wanna chat sometime I'm on Yahoo at Bat_Manuel_420 or AIM as BFFWilco420.

GO CUBS!!!!"

Her: "go cubs go, go cubs go!
they better win on my birthday.
i used to go 2 school with u, u know? i was a year younger than u. but i only went to west my freshman and sophomore year. thanks 4c the compliments. feel free 2 leave comments. l8r."

Me: "Hey Chicago waddaya say, the Cubs are gonna win today!

You know some jerk-off Sox fan actually had the nerve to post on a Sun Times article that that song - written by the great Steve Goodman - was written by a bunch of rednecks...LOL

You know, I thought I recognized you in those pics. So can I call you some time? I always kinda wondered what happened to ya - Maybe I can tell ya my comments on your pics in person some time

Oh and hey when I saw your profile today there was some video of a girl stripping to this song and I knew it but I just couldn't place it. When I came back to replay it a few minutes later the video was gone. Do you happen to know the song or have a link to the video?"

Her: "do u know the NaME of the song? cuz i love it too and i just thought that chick was hot as hell."

Me: "I finally got what the song is the other day - it's Feeling Love by Paula Cole. One CD I don't have - damn. And yeah, that chick dancing in it is insanely hot. But I bet you'd look just as good moving and swaying to it - esp. in those boots.

So do you have Yahoo or AIM or anything? You didn't answer if I could give you a call - am I gonna have to go days between messages waiting for your next log-in?

Or maybe you could come see me play at NV Ultra Lounge - they do open mics on Mondays... Just a thought."

So, a couple of things. First, I realize I'm a bit more long-winded in my responses than she is, which could work against me. Have to work on that. And I also realize I have asked twice for a phone number and if I don't get it this time to just NEXT her and move on. Any other advice/critique?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Given your user names, I'll mention this - I met a lot of girls in college with the simple opener of "hey, let's go get high!"

Pot is different from any hard drug in this way - it is social and non-sleazy in most college kids' eyes. As the drunken college girls came stumbling home from the bars every night, this is how I met them and got them into my room. I have had friends who will literally yell that at a car of girls next to them at a stoplight late at night...with remarkable success. Pot smokers have a kind of secret clique. As nutty as it is, this opener builds rapport and establishes common ground. The worst she can say is "no," but fwiw this was the highest-percentage approach opener I ever used, especially on drunk college girls.

 

[ParrotHead420]

Given your user names, I'll mention this - I met a lot of girls in college with the simple opener of "hey, let's go get high!"

Pot is different from any hard drug in this way - it is social and non-sleazy in most college kids' eyes. As the drunken college girls came stumbling home from the bars every night, this is how I met them and got them into my room. I have had friends who will literally yell that at a car of girls next to them at a stoplight late at night...with remarkable success. Pot smokers have a kind of secret clique. As nutty as it is, this opener builds rapport and establishes common ground. The worst she can say is "no," but fwiw this was the highest-percentage approach opener I ever used, especially on drunk college girls.

Yeah, you'd be surprised how LITTLE that works in THIS college town. I once spent an evening walking around at parties asking random girls if they wanted to get high and stuff - got nothing.

The town is pretty conservative, and the student body is really weirdly conso - at least 60% of the student body is made up of business and science types so not a whole lot of greenery between them. The Theatre and Arts dept. you are really hard-pressed to find a person who gets high, even though I can pretty much tell that a good majority of the faculty/staff enjoy a puff now and then. I don't know, I think college kids are getting more and more scared to try stuff like pot cause there is a growing social stigma that, at least for the next generation, is putting pot into the same group with sleazy hard drugs like coke and ****. I mean, even the times I have tried to make friend by offering to get people high, male or female, I have never once got a solid bite. Ah well.

 

[Bible_Belt]

No sh!t? I am surprised. Try going to a reggae night if you can find one.

 

[speed dawg]

No offense Parrot, but you sound like a loser on your little IM chat there. My advice? Stay off that crap, because every guy in America spouts that same cheesy stuff you did on there, myspace, facebook, etc. Not to mention the stalkers. Stick to meeting girls in real life. And if you DO still do the internet thing, make it short and to the point. The less you reveal about yourself, the better. You can't be pushy. Like I said, it makes you look like a loser. Girls eat that crap up because it fuels their ego.

There's no easy solution, pointers, techniques, etc. You have to build confidence. No way to do it except getting out there and failing before you learn to succeed. DJ Bible is the best way to start to get the best advice.