New in here... current crisis

[Gerdovich]

Hello all!

I just discovered this forums, I see a lot of nice advices so I decided to post about my current life to share it with you all. Sorry for the incoming wall of text...

Quick info: 29 yr old male (30 in 2 months), have a nice paying job, I've been in the company for 6 years and just got promoted to sales manager a year ago in which I have a lot of contact with people around the world so I kind of look like a big business man.

Thing is, I started dating another manager from the company 3 years ago against the rules, talked to my boss about it and since everything is running smooth with the 2 of us they even changed the rules from "no dating allowed at all" to "no direct line dating allowed"... as of "manager -> subordinate".

Before I started dating her I had a 7 yrs long relationship that was becoming very boring until it all crashed, I started this new relationship in less than 2 weeks of the first breakup so I've been non single for about 10 years =/.

We've been dating for 3 years now as I've already told you, we've had ups and downs, we've been pretty close and supportive through heavy stuff (death of relatives and so on).

Even though we're very attached to each other (we share the same workplace, we have lunch together everyday, we go out on regular basis after work), I feel like everything is coming back again, I hate having a routine and I'm becoming pretty much bored, we even have sex every 4 or 5 months now. We try to blame our current "super-busy-at-work and lots of sh!t going on at home" life style.

I'm gonna cut to the chase... My mother and I live together (money reasons) but to get out of this boring lifestyle I'm planning on moving out in less than 2 months, get my own place and still will be able to support her. First big change in my life to break this boring cycle.

Now the crucial part, at work... 3 weeks ago I just hired a 24 yr old super cute, lovely, gorgeous girl, she's staying in town for 4 months before she goes to other city (working in the same company). I've been taking care of her well being this past days and we bonded really nice, she even tells me how good looking she finds me and all that crap but I think she's just impressed by my job and me being her first boss). She even signed in the same gym as me and goes everyday at 5 am with me... So I'm pretty sure she's into me. Fücked up part of this tale is; I really like her too... we text on regular basis and really enjoy being around her. She's always smiling and has this "fun, laid back, chill" aura around her.

As I see it, there are pros:

-I'm less bored.
-I like having her attention and being around her.
-She's gorgeous.
-Most important, it broke my daily boring routine.


But the cons are:

-I have a gf.
-She's leaving town after 4 months (maybe not a big con, we live 1.5 hrs apart).
-It's totally forbidden by the company standards to date a manager.


So, if you read all the way to this point, what would be your advice? I don't want to fück it all over at work, at my current relationship or at life in general (moving out and getting my own place cause I'd feel "renewed").

Lastly, excuse me if I get somethings gramatically wrong, english is not my first language.

Wish you all a great week!

Gerdovich.

 

[cordoncordon]

I haven't posted here in a long time but I had to chime in.

If you value your job (and your gf) at all, you need to distance yourself from this new girl asap. Stop thinking with your little head and start thinking with your big one. One, you have a gf so what you are doing is technically cheating. I am sure you would not appreciate her going to the gym with some guy. And two and more importantly, your company already changed the dating rules for you once, and now you are, or at least wanting to, break the very NEW rule they made just for you.

Even when she moves away, she is still with the same company, so she is still off limits. I would simply tell her that due to having a gf AND more importantly your job/dating rules, you need to keep the relationship strictly professional. That doesn't mean you can't keep in contact now and then, and tell her if anything changes in the future as far as your gf or both of your jobs, you would be interested in possibly dating.

Good luck.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Yeah, the 24 y/o could easily destroy your life. Don't fvck her.

Beyond that, I don't think you owe a girl you fvck 3 times a year any loyalty. You can be perfectly up front with her about that. It doesn't sound like you have a lot to lose in regard to her.

Go find someone young and hot that you *don't* work with.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Women are attracted to men who have careers. Men keep their careers by not getting involved with women at work. Is it really that difficult to meet women outside of work?

 

[Gerdovich]

Thank you all for your responses, I'd like to give you my thoughts on them.

One, you have a gf so what you are doing is technically cheating. I am sure you would not appreciate her going to the gym with some guy. And two and more importantly, your company already changed the dating rules for you once, and now you are, or at least wanting to, break the very NEW rule they made just for you.

Even when she moves away, she is still with the same company, so she is still off limits. I would simply tell her that due to having a gf AND more importantly your job/dating rules, you need to keep the relationship strictly professional. That doesn't mean you can't keep in contact now and then, and tell her if anything changes in the future as far as your gf or both of your jobs, you would be interested in possibly dating.

Good luck.

Well, I don't think of it as "cheating". Actually I'm not doing anything that I won't like my gf to do. I think I'm a bit confident about myself and know what I have to offer. I'm not her owner and neither she's mine so I think we're free as long as some boundaries are within limits (mostly physical stuff I guess).

About the job part you're right, I'm playing with fire here; best thing to do will be to keep the relationship strictly professional... it's hard as fück because whenever I see her I can't help it to becme really excited.

Yeah, the 24 y/o could easily destroy your life. Don't fvck her.

Beyond that, I don't think you owe a girl you fvck 3 times a year any loyalty. You can be perfectly up front with her about that. It doesn't sound like you have a lot to lose in regard to her.

Go find someone young and hot that you *don't* work with.

Yeah, it's a huge risk now that I think of it. Wish I could just fire her from the company and get together... well I could do that, problem is she's really good at her new post.

About my 3 yr old relationship, it's hard as hell, we're really used to each other; we've made plans of living together in a near future, go on a trip around the world and stuff like that... I just hate monotony =/

Women are attracted to men who have careers. Men keep their careers by not getting involved with women at work. Is it really that difficult to meet women outside of work?

It kinda is for me lol... I work 55+ hours a week and have no energy/desire left to go out and meet girls... but yeah, I'd rather choose my career even if I end up losing a great chance... don't know what to do with current relationship though.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Whatever you do, don't bang the young girl. Cut off contact immediately. On the other side of any short term pleasure is disaster.

 

[hithard]

I was told of someone in a very similar situation, well it just played out anyway and was good for a laugh.
He was a married for 12 years bank manager that shifted branches. From what I was told he was into property development with his brother on top and making a good income. Anyhow he shifts branches and meets this hot little piece of a$$ and it all starts of very similar to what you mentioned.

Eventually he gets attached they start banging (the bank has the same policy about no relationships) so for 4ish months he is living the dream. Then his wife finds out and theres the first hit, shes leaving with the kids and the house.

Second hit is his new girl gets cold feet and bails. He becomes obsessed, starts chasing her and stalking her. She takes out an AVO. Property developments have come to a standstill.

Third hit the bank finds out ends up sacking him while she cries "poor little ole me". Even worse it is splashed all over the front page of the paper. So there he is homeless, no job, no money and the whole town knows what he did. All for that worthless piece of a$$

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Let me see if I cut through some of this to get to the facts:

-You are almost 30
-You have a gf
-You are a manager at your company and able to hire/fire people
-You have hired a 24 y/o girl whom you find attractive
-You would like to bone the new 24 y/o girl

Did I miss anything? The fact that you're mentally obsessing over this, how you like the attention this new girl gives you, you spend time with her, blah blah blah....all of this that you write is you attempting to somehow logically reason this out so that you can get what you want, which is to bone this girl.

If your superiors at your work could see this, do you think they'd still trust you to do your job properly with the authority you have as a manager? If I were in their position, I'd sh!tcan you immediately. Not only does this demonstrate a serious lack of maturity on your part, but if something...anything...happens which could be construed as sexual in nature, the company is seriously on the hook if she decides to lawyer up and sue. Doesn't even matter if it actually happened or not; she could make it all up and call on other employees to testify. Those employees would state they never actually saw anything directly sexual happen but they did see the two of you getting chummy. That is all she needs for a slamdunk payday so she's on easy street for a while and your career gets flushed down the toilet.

Try and seriously think about this.

 

[amoka]

Listen to the elders. Do not fvck/sh!t where you eat. Get another girl if you like varieties...definitely not the 24 yrs old girl.

 

[Rubirosa]

parese que ella es una "interesada".....I agree with what the others said here regarding putting your career at risk

 

[yeahbuddy14]

Whatever you do, don't bang the young girl. Cut off contact immediately. On the other side of any short term pleasure is disaster.

This, I haven't even slept with a co-worker yet I am having very messy issues with her but I think she got the wrong idea or is into me, never the less it has made things uncomfortable and awkward.