new here - need help

[JoeBlack]

Hi everyone.

First off I am new to the forums and came here looking for some advice.

Basically I got with my first girlfriend when i was 18 and we had a 6 year relationship which I ended a year ago. Things weren't going right at all and I knew that she was not the one. Man I knew about 3 years in, but you know how it is. Easier to stay in it than leave.

Anyway I have been single for a year now and haven't really gotten much action.

Its a bit hard being back in the dating game. Well I wish I was even back in the dating game as that would be progress lol!

Anyway, I just don't seem to have much luck with the ladies. Some of it is self confidence I guess and some shyness. I tend to be wuite shy with girls and I guess this puts them off a bit.

Secondly I always try and come accross as a nice guy. Maybe thats where I am going wrong. I guess its because I want a nice girl, and I figure the best way to get someone nice, someone genuine is to be myself and thats naturally nice.

Not blowing my own trumpet or anything but I AM a nice guy. I earn well, I got a good job, I started my own business on the side of this job which should one day be my full time job. I can let loose and have fun, I have plenty of friends etc etc. Basically I know that I am a good catch, but I think I screw it up in the nervous and shy side of things and this means I never really get to ask a girl out.

hell I haven't really asked a girl out before, like once or twice when I was 18 or so.

So whats your general advice?

 

[JoeBlack]

heh, not seen as lazy at all, I actually run my own popular forum and I know that it can be frustrating the same people asking the same questions.

I downloaded the bootcamp and also the seduction pdf.

I will read them and the article on ss (I assume thats the bible?)

I actually do carry myself fairly confidently as I weight train and I am a fairly big guy, I guess its more the conversating and social aspect I lack..

Thanks for answering...

 

[Black Bahindian]

It seems that you are a bit ambiguous to your abilities:

May I suggest reading this post as an eye opener:

www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=44566&highlight=Bahindian

And of course get crackin' on the bible.

Also, as good as the posts are on the bible, some of them need to be taken with a grain of salt. Relying too much on the bible could hurt your game.

 

[ChunLi]

Originally posted by JoeBlack
Hi everyone.

First off I am new to the forums and came here looking for some advice.

Basically I got with my first girlfriend when i was 18 and we had a 6 year relationship which I ended a year ago. Things weren't going right at all and I knew that she was not the one. Man I knew about 3 years in, but you know how it is. Easier to stay in it than leave.

Anyway I have been single for a year now and haven't really gotten much action.

Its a bit hard being back in the dating game. Well I wish I was even back in the dating game as that would be progress lol!

Anyway, I just don't seem to have much luck with the ladies. Some of it is self confidence I guess and some shyness. I tend to be wuite shy with girls and I guess this puts them off a bit.

Secondly I always try and come accross as a nice guy. Maybe thats where I am going wrong. I guess its because I want a nice girl, and I figure the best way to get someone nice, someone genuine is to be myself and thats naturally nice.

Not blowing my own trumpet or anything but I AM a nice guy. I earn well, I got a good job, I started my own business on the side of this job which should one day be my full time job. I can let loose and have fun, I have plenty of friends etc etc. Basically I know that I am a good catch, but I think I screw it up in the nervous and shy side of things and this means I never really get to ask a girl out.

hell I haven't really asked a girl out before, like once or twice when I was 18 or so.

So whats your general advice?

I'm not sure if this has been mentioned before, but from my understanding, the trick to picking up virutally any lady is to impress them on their terms. Everything you would probably read on this site is focused, in some form, to impress the ladies. Now I don't mean impress them by like beating the crap out of someone twice your size, its impressive, but its likely to scare the living hell out of everyone in the area. You have to impress her on her terms, which almost always means being very good at socializing. Which also demands confidence, not being shy or nervous, actually know quite a few things, with some humour thrown in just for good measure and most importantly, make socializing fun above all else.

The human race hates being bored and being nice is boring. Being nice means you are predictable, and being predictable is boring. You can nice afterwards once the lady has accepted you into her life because at that point, you are on a whole different playing field, but until then, being nice = bad.

To put things into perspective, take a look at the "leader" of your group friends. They are usually the ones talking, they are usually the ones cracking the jokes, they are the ones usually getting all the attention, they are always confident, they always know what to say. Everyone wants to be their good friends and most importantly, they are always very good at socializing. Why? Simple, because they are never boring and are always fun to be around.

Ladies like guys that are the cream of the crop, and in this age, your ability to socialize determines how well you measure to the other competition roaming your area. For some reason, ladies always want a guy that is superior to them in their terms and that almost always means being better at socializing. Why? Because they can actually be proud to be going out with you rather than being embarrased about you.

ChunLi

 

[JoeBlack]

I would agree with you there.

So... I guess my next question is, what should I do to not be nice then?

What things should I talk about?

Any ideas?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

By you being nice and shy you may be coming off as less than your masculine self and seem as a 'pushover'. Girls like strong determined confident men. The shy plus nice may be going against this ideal man. It may make you look weak (supplicating) and desperate to be with a woman. Women hate that in a man!

Not saying that you are, just stating that this may be the first impression women get from you and they lose interest.

 

[JoeBlack]

I think you are right. I guess part of my plan was to show girls that I was really a nice guy.

Trust me, I am not one to get pushed around by a girl, but maybe by trying to prove I was nice I came accross that way.

Glad I found this place

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I'm glad you escaped 'the matrix'. Now go see if you can get another man to 'wake up' as well! Welcome to the 'real' man's world!!

 

[ChunLi]

Originally posted by JoeBlack
I would agree with you there.

So... I guess my next question is, what should I do to not be nice then?

What things should I talk about?

Any ideas?

The trick is to catch them off guard while being humourous at the same time. If they respond "What?" and look like they may be turning a little red with a little smile and giggle a little, then you've hit the "sweet spot".

For example, last week, I was walking down the street with 2 new DVD players I had just picked up as a result of a bargain with signing out new cell phones. Anyways, while I was waiting at the intersection, some girl was looking at me and I say, "Oh, I got them on a deal, I told the owner that I would slash his tires and he fell for it and now I have 3 DVD players at home. Can you believe it? I gotta try this when I buy my new car. What am I going to do with 3 DVD players?" She giggled and then she suggested that I could use one for spare and then give the other one away as a gift. Then my response was, "If I give you one, will you go out with me?" in a really joking manner. She giggled, turned a little red and finally said, "...um...Sure."

But I already have a girlfriend, so I said, "I'll think about it." However, if I wanted to continue the conversation, my next response would have been "Hmm..., I dunno, I don't just go out with anyone you know. The girl that I go out with has to be able to cook and give great massages. I can't eat unhealthy food you know. I have to maintain my manly muscles. I tell you what, let me see your hands first." Then give their hands a nice rub and say "Ahhh......., they feel nice......" with a sort of sensual tone.

As you probably noticed, a lot of the second response is nonsense and very humourous if you know how to say it, implying that I am very humourous and very good at socializing. Also note that I said it in a public place, so it strongly implies to her that confidence is one of my strong suits. Sometimes you don't show what you can be with your words, but by your actions.

This is somewhat of a base that you can build off of, or you can create your very own game. It just takes a little practice. Talk with your friends, make jokes, make fun conversation and flirting with girls just comes naturally.

ChunLi