New Guy: Problems with ex

[bish0p]

Ok, I'm 29 years, good looking, been studying this stuff since 2002....but, I still lack the confidence I want.

Anyways, I lived with a 40 year old for a year and treated her like **** the entire time (ignoring her complaints, not spending enough time with her, threatening to leave when she pissed me off....I know it's bad, but I'm an ass sometimes).

She became keen on this and reversed it on me. I became a wuss and she continued to push me away until I finally packed my bags and left.

Of course, she called me back a week later as I was getting used to be alone again...and I continued to fall back into the trap, but I did manage to keep some self respect by not promising her anything (marriage, or promising that I would stay with her, and so on).

We've been off and on the past few months, and I continued to let her walk over me and I basically became the woman.

I found out that she had met a new guy a couple of weeks ago and begged her not to dump me. This pushed her away even further. She said the new guy is treating her better than I ever did and that he has already said that he loved her.

Finally, I decided that it was a lost cause and she wanted to LJBF me, to which I declined. So, I broke down and started searching for sites that deal with getting dumped (which is how I found this site yesterday).

Now, I started gaining my strength back a little after reading the thread on getting dumped and winning your ex back.

So, low and be hold, I get a text from her today saying "just wanted to see how you were doing?"

The problem is, she knows all of my games. She's trying to make me jealous and see if I will break down and keep pursuing her like so many other guys have. Again, she knows all of these games (at least the ones that I play).

Any advice? I do want her back, but I can live without her and I don't plan on being with her the rest of my life.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You think you want her back because it's the easier of your paths. Either that or you're just as addicted to the rollercoaster ride of emotions you both have been riding since your relationship began.

Ask yourself if going back to the old bird will make you a better person in any regard.

You already know the answer.

 

[bish0p]

Damn, you pegged me just like that and I was hoping not to get that response.

damn.

 

[KontrollerX]

Never root through the garbage once you drag the can to the curb. You get dirty, your neighbors see you do it and you rarely find what you thought was worth digging for.

It will always be time better spent developing a new plate (or 3) than attempting to repair an old one. The amount of effort and energy, the time you invest in trying to negotiate a previous GF desire is much better used with a new girl, with whom you have no prior history. I have no doubt you're emotionally invested in this, but you're far more likely to regret the effort you expend to repair it in comparison to meeting and developing with a new girl.

Far too many guys subconsciously think that getting back with the Ex will be easier than risking potential rejection with new women. They go back to the what they think was their "sure thing", with the logic being that she'd been sexual with him before so all he's got to do is fix what was wrong and go back to that guaranteed sex. The reality is actually the opposite - what was "wrong" in the prior relationship becomes the litmus test for the 'repaired' relationship and sex and genuine desire are now conditional. Getting with a new woman has none of these conditions or prior negotiations, and genuine desire isn't a compromise.

Drop the cougar and believe you deserve better as in younger and hotter and that is what you will get eventually.

Also never let a woman take the frame and make you her b!tch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yt1u9xSoGFQ

Start watching Player Supreme's youtube show as well to get yourself back in the winning player mindset.

 

[bish0p]

Hey, KontrollerX, that's the thing; logically, I know I deserve and want better....but, I let my emotions get the best of me because I had other problems going on as well....and she was just the icing on the cake.

I know that if I went back to her, I would be settling and really, I don't want to do this. Like Karma said, I think she is just a temporary fix to a major problem that I have and I know this....kinda like how I know smoking is bad, but I continue to do it anyway.

I think I got a excited when I found the thread on being dumped (I was trying to avoid subjects about getting your ex back, but for some reason, I couldn't resist).

I will find better, I just want to get out of this hole I dug myself in with life in general.

I did go out and immediately start approaching after the break up, but it only last a couple of days as I kept getting the "I have a boyfriend" and "give me your number instead" line. This hasn't happened to me in a while, since before I even met my ex. When I was with my ex, I KNEW I could do better, which is why I kept breaking up with her.

But, I think once I started going out and girls kept giving me those lines, I think I felt that I had no other choice but to settle.

However, even as I type this, I realize that this is when I have to be at my strongest and keep moving forward.

 

[Da Realist]

Hate to say it, but I don't think you had confidence to begin with. All you had were the games and not the confidence and wisdom to know when to ease up. You kept pushing her down so you could feel good till she learned what to do to make you come after her instead.

Truth is whatever guy she is with is just some wuss who she built up to take your place. What she really wants is for the man she had to act like one because she's not happy with the male she already has. That being said, you could get her back if you wanted.

The thing is though that you should move on. First because neither one of you have changed. You're already thinking about games to use to make her wnat you and she is doing the same. Two people playing with each other is just going to bring confusion and mistrust, and that isn't good for either one of you. Second, you're 29 and she's 40: you have stuff you need to accomplish while she is basically set in her lifestyle. Two people coming up or two people settled can work, but one being in a secure station in life while the other isn't doesn't work too well.

To sum it, don't start playing any more games with her either to get her to go away or come back. By that, I mean don't even talk to her anymore. Go out, get your hands dirty again, and this time don't play games. Women stay with you because of who you are and if you have to constantly play with them, you're faking. So instead of relying on tactics, actually be the aloof, suave guy so they can't turn the tables on you again.

 

[bish0p]

Well, I know I wasn't completely confident in myself at any point....that's why I settled.

I'm still searching for my purpose in life and have been going back and forth...it's really driving me crazy.

But, you are absolutely right in what you say.

 

[Jamesdl]

don't worry, i'm in the same boat right now..just got dumped by the ex. she has a new guy already. been only like 2 weeks, haven't talked to her. but feels like an eternity of pain.

 

[bish0p]

Yeah, it sucks...but we'll make it. I'm getting my confidence back with each passing day and you will too.

Later, dude.

 

[The Piano Master]

It sucks when you're trying to get over an ex. But this one sounds like a first class b1tch. Stay strong and tell her you want some p'ussy that isn't well aged.

 

[bish0p]

It sucks when you're trying to get over an ex. But this one sounds like a first class b1tch. Stay strong and tell her you want some p'ussy that isn't well aged.

haha...I've done that before...but, for some reason, I would always call back a week later and apologize

But, I'm gonna go ahead and let her go completely.

 

[bish0p]

Okay, guys. I need some advice (regarding my ex...yeah, I know yawn) for the immediate future. This is because I don't trust myself right now and I don't want to hurt myself more than I have already by going after someone who I'm so iffy about.

I slipped up over the weekend and texted her two times after she asked me how I was doing. Both were long messages, one stating that she should stop contacting me and the other was to stop playing games by contacting me and sending me friend requests on facebook. I told her that I won't compete with another guy for her affection to which she replied to day, "you're not competing with him."

I figure she knows I'm a jealous person and she's trying to kick me while I'm down. So, I mess up and text her back apologizing for manipulating her for a year and that I also forgive her for trying to take revenge.

Then I wish her and him the best.

She's texted me back one time asking how she tried to take revenge...then another one asking me why I can't answer the question.

What is she trying to do? Not feel guilty?

I know that if I respond, I will be doing it out of ego, to make her feel guilty, but I will also feel guilty for not responding because I treated her like crap.

I know that the answer is for me to not feel guilty, but I want to know what she is up to by continuing to push the conversation.

Despite everything that has been said here, I know that I still want her back because I really do enjoy her company. But, I think that it's a situation in which I can't do anything about, except prolong the emotional pain.

 

[jophil28]

haha...I've done that before...but, for some reason, I would always call back a week later and apologize

So for some "reason" you always called back to apologize. What would that reason be ?

Frankly your story is evidence of the cluelessness behavior that drives most men in most LTRs, and ultimately propels him to the crash site..

Stick around. You need some serious re-education.

 

[bish0p]

So for some "reason" you always called back to apologize. What would that reason be ?

Because I've turned back into a complete AFC...maybe it was just hiding. I think it's multiple reasons (not saying that they are different or my situation is different from anyone elses.

I think the real reason is, is that I believe that if I am sincere with her now (which I wasn't the entire time I was with her), then she will somehow take me back. That's honestly how I feel right now.

And I know, it should be me making the decision on whether or not I really want to take her back, but the feeling of getting back with her is very strong.

Frankly your story is evidence of the cluelessness behavior that drives most men in most LTRs, and ultimately propels him to the crash site..

Stick around. You need some serious re-education.

I know I'm still clueless, that's why I'm still visiting message boards on how to seduce women. Whenever, I get things going, I usually leave and don't come back for awhile and then I end right back at square one.

 

[bish0p]

eh, it doesn't matter. I'm just going to leave it alone. I need to get over this as soon as possible.