New Guy here, need some advice

[jasedm1]

Danger- I am most definitely taking all advice here to heart. I appreciate it very much. So much so that I am already finding myself losing interest here. Its going to take some type of fireworks on her part to really ignite what was once a very intense flame.
Now I am mainly keeping the fire lit to see what I can learn from this. I decided to move away from no strings sex to some type of post red pill relationship. To come to terms with what I know now about women, but in some constructive form. I am leaving the nihilism behind and entering a new phase. So I have to learn these new waters. I am taking this as an opportunity and I appreciate everyones advice here immensely.

As to what happened today? Nothing. The hospital blew up. Can't get into details, but basically no-one really had a real break and meeting up was just not in the cards. It is a sign of my growing loss of interest at this point that I actually felt a bit of relief. She asked if we could meet tomorrow or later tonight. I answered "sure, whatever. No worries".

I am leaving for vacation after tomorrow. I am tempted to do two things.
1. Tell her we'll talk when I get back if we're in the mood for it when I do
2. Meet her tomorrow for lunch and LJBF her. Nicely and sincerely- not as a game tactic. I really enjoyed our time together before this. I liked her then. She was a breath of fresh air compared to so many women I've dated. Now I'm not so sure. This is just not fun.

But inside I'm kind of rooting for her on some level. Like "come on girl, you can do it, you can be the other you I've gotten to know"

Anyway, I have a plate I'm visiting on the way to fla. It'll be nice to see her.

 

[grayclif]

Some great stuff in this post and I think you are handling yourself well.

BUT... you work with her bro!

These type of workplace relationships only work on TV. I would pass on this one and spin more plates of course.

 

[jasedm1]

Well, we got our coffee today. Really need you guys to give me your opeinion. I think it was good and bad... not sure if it was more of one or the other.

We went an got a coffee cause lunch was impossible for both of us. As we walked we talked a bit about BS, until I stopped her and said "lets talk about what we came here to talk about"
So we started in.
She gave me the "I'm not sure about what to do" thing. "I like you- obviously- and I'm attracted to you, but this is really complicated for me"
Me: yeah I got that vibe.
Her: so I don't know, some days I wake up and say I want to pursue this, and other days I wake and think "**** it,I cant deal with it". I know I'm going to regret it if I don't"
And so I pulled out my favorite move. I LJBF her. I said "look, whatever we do we're good. Lets just be friends then". Hit the mark "really?" she asked looking disappointed.
In short, she didn't let it drop there. She started saying she was attracted to me, and felt a deep connection to me and that I really understood her, probably more than anyone.
By now we're back within eyesight of our hosp. co-workers are in and out.
We go back and forth talking about it all, and she says "I'm sad" I asked her why. She said she didn't know. I tell her "I'm a little sad too" she asked me why. I said "for the same reason you are probably. There is something here"
We go on like this for a bit.
This where I think I got one bad thing- and I immediately thought of Rollo. She says "but you're not very aggressive"
OUCH. I let it pass, mostly.
but then it occurred to me "you make sure to keep us surrounded by people and never alone enough for me to do anything. You have your shields up, and you know it"
Her: yeah, your right. I'm scared of you, I think.
So I LJBFd her again.
Basically I'm push pulling here, using the LJBF as a push every time I get something I don't like.
Eventually, I say I have to go.. that I am leaving town. She says "tonight?" arent you driving?" I say "yes" she says I should wait until morning.
Is this an invitation to invite her out tonight? I'm still in LJBF mode with her.
I say that was the plan, but I'll see how I feel.
I then pulled her to me and kissed her. Mind you, within range of view, potentially, of the hosp. So it wasn't a major kiss, but it was on the lips and risky. Now she looks a bit confused - to be honest I am as well, since I am not sure if this is all good or not. Weird.
She then tells me again "I'm sad"
Me: dont be
her: no? why not?
Me: this isn't over.
her: its not?
Me: no

So some good and bad here. The "your not aggressive" was a blow. I think I fended it off well though. I got her to admit alot, while maintaining frame (Thank you Danger!) but its not where I would have wanted to go with this. Its about what I suspected. She is still scared to have a relationship, after what happened with her ex. I got her to tell me more about it all. etc. So I need outside imput here.

I also am of two minds of how to go here. I can try to get her to meet up again tonight- tell her I want to see her again before I go, etc.
Or I can use the next two weeks vaca as a reset. Use it as an opportunity to work her via texts and having her miss me (and she will, even patients say that place is dead when I am not there)

Help. input please. what do you guys see? what to do from here?

One thing though. I believe she is being sincere as far as she can tell. Rollo is right she wants me to lead, but all the while making sure I can't by blocking me out at every opportunity. I think I revealed alot of herself to her. Adn think she is being sincere when she said that I am a mystery to her, that she has never met someone like me. She says I am dark, and deep, and complex and she feels connected and attracted to me. And scared.

?

 

[scrouds]

There are many chicks in the sea. This one has "issues" written all over it. And those issues become work issues. Don't shiit where you eat my friend.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

JAS, read what I'm about to write here carefully because it might help you with the next girl you meet after this one.

YOU NEED TO KILL THE ƒUCKING BUNNY!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhmcJ7Zg5ko

Up to this point you've just been batting her around and confusing her with this coffee house safe-date shît. You're not Gaming her or push-pulling her, or preempting anything with a LJBF.

"lets talk about what we came here to talk about"

Learn this now, you cannot negotiate desire. This is exactly what you're doing here. You wanna ƒuck this woman? You wanna get some kind of relationship started? STOP BROKERING THE DEAL.

Sexuality is spontaneous chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation. It’s sex first, then relationship, not the other way around.

Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. Once you get past a certain point in the waiting game, what once had the chance to be an organic, sexual desire becomes mitigated negotiation of a physical act.

I feel like I'm reading a script between two kids from High School Musical. Take her on a 'real date'. Go to a lounge, have ****tails, be indirect. Up to this point you've been nothing but overt with your intent – this is the kiss of death. It's like you're writing up a proposal for a speculative relationship you might have if she signs the papers.

She is still scared to have a relationship, after what happened with her ex.

Yeah, my guess is this guy was the decisive Alpha you haven't been with her, or if not she was hoping to find after the breakup. My advice to you is to chalk this one up to experience and NEXT her, but if you insist on following through with this train wreck, stop being the PG rated JAS and start being the R rated JAS.