New girl is kinda rich iam scared af

[mrmuscles2]

I'll be honest iam poor, like broke af poor, dad lost his job, no home, barely make 800$ a month and most of it going to college fees .... met this girl who seems very interested , went on a date ( she drove over half an hour to meet me ), messaged me after , telling me she really had fun and wants to do it again soon but this time she wants to pick the place , i said its cool and when picks a place she can text or call me .... (girls flake so telling me she had fun and all that is close to meaningless to me only actions speak, words mean nothing) .

problem is she is the youngest out of her siblings (3 married siblings), shes kinda spoiled, has her own car( nissan ) , has a job and her parents have jewlery store and make a lot of $$$ , they have a BMW and a Mercedes , she told me she doesnt believe in spoiling kids and they should work hard to get what they want rather than depend on their parents ....

compared to her my situation is basically sh*t , no money, barely can use a car a couple times a week and limited in terms of where i can go and how much i can spend, i also have to help my parents pay rent, of course she doesnt know all this and iam sure when she doesn she will rethink her choice of liking me .... aside from that we click pretty well and have a very similiar personality, but unfortunately her class is higher than mine and i cant even begin to compete with her dad or sisters husband in terms of wealth or materialistic possesions ... the funny thing is that pretty girls are rarely poor .

i tell myself she likes me and money is a minor issue and when i get my degree i will be making money but iam not very optimistic

 

[soulforge]

Chicks will initially tell you, they don't care about about how wealthy you are etc..

But trust me, Over time they will resent you for being a broke azz joker..

Woman value.. Value!


If she finds a better deal, don't be surprised if she drops you like a sack of spanners!

 

[mrmuscles2]

Chicks will initially tell you, they don't care about about how wealthy you are etc..

But trust me, Over time they will resent you for being a broke azz joker..

Woman value.. Value!


If she finds a better deal, don't be surprised if she drops you like a sack of spanners!

I am aware of that fact unfortunately even though they find me physically appealing i probably cant compete with a rich dude.

i thought she had a bf cause i seen her with a guy once and they looked like they were on a date, when i asked her she said its no big deal and hes no one now that means one of two things : 1- she has a bf and wants me as a side dude or 2- she went on a blind date with the dude and it was a one time thing .... either way the truth will eventually be revealed .

 

[_sideways_]

I'm in the same boat you are. Dad got Alzheimer's, wrecked the whole family. I paid the rent or helped. Lost my savings...got depressed, got help, in school now trying to get a better job. I buy my clothes at second hand shops and could get a decent wardrobe for cheap as long as I maintain the body, anything looks good on me.

But yea. I meet girls and they drive and pay for their own dinners.
It's doable. But after months of seeing how broke I am, they get restless and start talking money.

It is what it is.
What I do is stay with my game plan.
Butches come and they go. If money is a deal breaker then so be it. I offer love and happiness.
Plus money is on its way.
Its like if you were fat and steadily working on being fit, if she left you for that then what can you do? Stay on your game plan.

 

[mrmuscles2]

I'm in the same boat you are. Dad got Alzheimer's, wrecked the whole family. I paid the rent or helped. Lost my savings...got depressed, got help, in school now trying to get a better job. I buy my clothes at second hand shops and could get a decent wardrobe for cheap as long as I maintain the body, anything looks good on me.

But yea. I meet girls and they drive and pay for their own dinners.
It's doable. But after months of seeing how broke I am, they get restless and start talking money.

It is what it is.
What I do is stay with my game plan.
Butches come and they go. If money is a deal breaker then so be it. I offer love and happiness.
Plus money is on its way.
Its like if you were fat and steadily working on being fit, if she left you for that then what can you do? Stay on your game plan.

At first i wast sure what i wanted, if something serious or not, this girl seems very interested and always tells me how she thinks about me and i cross her mind sometimes and all that ...etc , she agreed to see me and we click pretty well which for me personally is not something i find easily , i guess my next move is going with the flow and seeing how well she takes me being broke and in a bad shape financially, of course i wont tell her " hey look iam broke af" but if she asks i will answer and hopefully she understand the situation iam in slowly, it will show whether she really wants me or not .... anyways iam planning way too much lol she hasnt even contacted me for another date and from past experiences its safe to assume she probably wont .

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

the funny thing is that pretty girls are rarely poor .

This is very true unfortunately....

 

[ohrein]

First off, it's all in how you play your hand.

The good news is, you have the looks and the game which us why she is chasing you. Now the rest is all about frame.

Your family isn't doing well and you are stepping up to help support them, because you love them and they need you (make sure to include any sudden unpreventable disasters in your story, to evoke the feelz). She will love you all the more for it.

It shows you are not just good looking and fun, but that you are worthy of a long-term investment as well. A badboy who sticks around.

Once a girl falls for you, you can be missing things in all sorts of areas. Bombshells fall for broke convicts all the time for Christ's sake.

I agree with this. I don't think money is a problem in the short term, especially if you're creative and can give her fun experiences for nothing. That's all that counts. If you're talking LTR to marriage material, yeah, you need your finances in order. But a good woman will still stick around if you're actively fixing the problem, so even if a girl drops you for that then she's just screening herself out. No big loss. You're in college so don't let money become an easy out for you. Don't use it as an excuse to avoid working on yourself and your game. There will always be women, unless you're literally at the top, who will not be satisfied with what you earn. You ever hear of those gold diggers who are with a lawyer who earns way above average but then there's some broker who earns even more? Classic hypergamy.

Don't make money your focus, if you're proficient with your game, you will do fine. Not saying don't work on your finances and career, because you absolutely should, for you, but just have fun for now.

 

[Jack Burton]

POTENTIAL!!!! You need to be very explicit about your goals and dreams with her. Not only that, but be very specific with yourself and have a grounded plan in achieving those goals and dreams. Then have that conversation with her about where you are in life and what your working for. If you are someone who will follow through with your plans, she will pick up on that and your attractiveness will skyrocket and as well if you don't let anything step in your way of accomplishing what is important to you it will keep your frame and force her to fall into it. There are a lot of men who started in worse situations in life then your in now, but have fought to be successful and have won. She will be understanding about your situation now to have the chance to be with you in the future.... as long as you do what you say.

 

[Dingo]

She rich ?... You broke af poor ?

Get her pregnant and marry her.... Lol...

 

[marmel75]

You are only scared af because in your mind you are not worthy of her. This is a toxic mindset and one you'd do well to get rid of before it poisons your chances with her and any other girl who remotely has anything going for her...

You are tying in your self worth to your finances when the two have nothing to do with each other.

If you dont you will only be finding women who are in the same situation as you and I'm pretty sure that isnt something you want.

You think those ghetto dudes with no jobs banging hot suburban white chicks are scared af? Hell no...they think they deserve those women and they get them. Those women drive to pick them up cause they have no car, they pay for everything cause they have no money and they bang them like there is no tomorrow because they dont give a fvck.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I'd chill with her until she disrespected me.

 

[Roober]

You are only scared af because in your mind you are not worthy of her. This is a toxic mindset and one you'd do well to get rid of before it poisons your chances with her and any other girl who remotely has anything going for her...

You are tying in your self worth to your finances when the two have nothing to do with each other.

If you dont you will only be finding women who are in the same situation as you and I'm pretty sure that isnt something you want.

You think those ghetto dudes with no jobs banging hot suburban white chicks are scared af? Hell no...they think they deserve those women and they get them. Those women drive to pick them up cause they have no car, they pay for everything cause they have no money and they bang them like there is no tomorrow because they dont give a fvck.

On the money right here. Stay focused on yourself and not your environment, things out of your control.

There are so many ways to keep a woman entertained without money. And your going to school shows that you have a purpose. You plan the dateseaning you determine the cost of them. Let your charm do the talking,not your wallet.

 

[soulforge]

I'd chill with her until she disrespected me.

This is an important point.. I have some experience with this kind of situation with my ex..

My ex was financially better off than me.. Not by much to be fair, but she earned more than me!

Some woman will disrespect you, because deep inside they feel they can get a Better and WEALTHIER guy than you.

Or they feel you are inferior in some way, because she is more successful..

These are generally selfish toxic biches..

OP should continue seeing this chick, however if she starts showing any disrespect, then op should immediately get rid her.

The root cause of the disrespect could be, that she feels inferior than him.

 

[BeExcellent]

You are only scared af because in your mind you are not worthy of her. This is a toxic mindset and one you'd do well to get rid of before it poisons your chances with her

Advice from the old lady: Been watching this thread. It's a more complex issue than just have ambition and hold frame. Women from wealthy families are usually groomed toward a certain type of man. Daddy wants to be sure that his little princess is cared for in a manner similar to the way he provided for her.

Some of how this goes will in fact depend on you, your ambition level, your results (via your course of study and your grade point average) and how you lead her. But some of it is also going to depend on how important she holds the values with which she was raised.

I recall the only concern that my father voiced to me about my ex husband was the fact that I out earned him before I got married. He said, "BE. Hubby seems like a good guy. I like him. I like his family. But my concern lies in his ability to support you and a family once you marry him. Do you think he is marrying you for your money?" And that is a question that her whole FAMILY is going to be concerned about if you guys date seriously. Who is this dude from the wrong side of town who is trying to marry into the family money. I am telling you this will be an issue.

You already know that or you wouldn't be "scared". What do you say when Daddy poses the question? Because he will. She will be discouraged directly and indirectly from dating you behind the scenes. That's the way families of means are - and for good reason. Families of means want their daughters appropriately matched from a background that is on par with theirs.

Now obviously plenty of wealthy people started with nothing. But people who started with nothing had to work that much harder to compete with people who started off with more financial means and/or financial training in the home. So for her or her family to take you seriously they are going to need to respect your work ethic (are you working hard in your job, are you making good grades, are you participating in organizations that can help you gain influence like campus student government (leadership) or doing volunteer work, etc.) and they are going to look at your career prospects as you come through school (are you pre-med/business or finance/pre-law/engineering) or are you undecided? Those are things that are going to matter to her and her family at some point. Are you bartending or bouncing at a club and only making so-so grades?

I know a man personally who is worth many many millions of dollars. He started a restaurant that is now well known and franchised nationwide. He is extremely wealthy. In college decades ago he was dating my cousin, a very pretty petite blond. My uncle was an oil man and they had means. The aspiring restaurant owner was working as a dishwasher in a Mexican restaurant. My cousin loved him very much. Her family would not have him as a suitor and they threatened to disinherit her if she stayed with him (rotten tactic but it happens). She cowed and broke up with him. Hindsight is that she would have done very well to have married him. He had unstoppable ambition, but because nobody could see it, her family was dead set against the marriage and my cousin caved to family pressure.

He is still fond of my cousin, although he married a woman 25 or so years younger than he is, and he calls her every year on her birthday. She still adores him and wishes she had gone against the family years ago.

So you can never know what someone is capable of. But statistically speaking my family was correct. This guy just happened to be that 1 in a million ambitious dude that bootstrapped from nothing to wealth.

All you can do is keep going forward in your own life. You have an uphill battle where her family (and perhaps where she herself) is concerned. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you but if you know what you are up against going in and you are serious about your future and a relationship with this chick develops, you might as well understand what you are dealing with.

This is aside from the matters of "class" and "taste" that families like this and women like this expect. Things that are absorbed growing up in a well educated affluent family that have an effect on how others perceive you like your diction and use of proper grammar, the appropriateness of your dress, your table manners, all sorts of things you'll need to know about to assimilate into her world.

Not saying you can't...just offering you some thoughts.

 

[mrmuscles2]

I Got pretty good answers i admit, i thought i was gonna get the "youre g*y" kinda of responses but i actually ended up with some nice tips and views

 

[Bible_Belt]

You think those ghetto dudes with no jobs banging hot suburban white chicks are scared af? Hell no...they think they deserve those women and they get them.

You're damn right I do!

And to the OP, I grew up poor and horribly embarrassed of it, but eventually just grew up and got over those limiting mindsets. Hell, my high school girlfriend's dad was a multi-millionaire. She had a mansion; I had a tiny trailer. She never did care much about money and still doesn't.

Whatever your less-than-ideal situation in life happens to be - own it. Don't be embarrassed of things you can't control or think that they make you less of a person.

 

[mrmuscles2]

Advice from the old lady: Been watching this thread. It's a more complex issue than just have ambition and hold frame. Women from wealthy families are usually groomed toward a certain type of man. Daddy wants to be sure that his little princess is cared for in a manner similar to the way he provided for her.

Some of how this goes will in fact depend on you, your ambition level, your results (via your course of study and your grade point average) and how you lead her. But some of it is also going to depend on how important she holds the values with which she was raised.

I recall the only concern that my father voiced to me about my ex husband was the fact that I out earned him before I got married. He said, "BE. Hubby seems like a good guy. I like him. I like his family. But my concern lies in his ability to support you and a family once you marry him. Do you think he is marrying you for your money?" And that is a question that her whole FAMILY is going to be concerned about if you guys date seriously. Who is this dude from the wrong side of town who is trying to marry into the family money. I am telling you this will be an issue.

You already know that or you wouldn't be "scared". What do you say when Daddy poses the question? Because he will. She will be discouraged directly and indirectly from dating you behind the scenes. That's the way families of means are - and for good reason. Families of means want their daughters appropriately matched from a background that is on par with theirs.

Now obviously plenty of wealthy people started with nothing. But people who started with nothing had to work that much harder to compete with people who started off with more financial means and/or financial training in the home. So for her or her family to take you seriously they are going to need to respect your work ethic (are you working hard in your job, are you making good grades, are you participating in organizations that can help you gain influence like campus student government (leadership) or doing volunteer work, etc.) and they are going to look at your career prospects as you come through school (are you pre-med/business or finance/pre-law/engineering) or are you undecided? Those are things that are going to matter to her and her family at some point. Are you bartending or bouncing at a club and only making so-so grades?

I know a man personally who is worth many many millions of dollars. He started a restaurant that is now well known and franchised nationwide. He is extremely wealthy. In college decades ago he was dating my cousin, a very pretty petite blond. My uncle was an oil man and they had means. The aspiring restaurant owner was working as a dishwasher in a Mexican restaurant. My cousin loved him very much. Her family would not have him as a suitor and they threatened to disinherit her if she stayed with him (rotten tactic but it happens). She cowed and broke up with him. Hindsight is that she would have done very well to have married him. He had unstoppable ambition, but because nobody could see it, her family was dead set against the marriage and my cousin caved to family pressure.

He is still fond of my cousin, although he married a woman 25 or so years younger than he is, and he calls her every year on her birthday. She still adores him and wishes she had gone against the family years ago.

So you can never know what someone is capable of. But statistically speaking my family was correct. This guy just happened to be that 1 in a million ambitious dude that bootstrapped from nothing to wealth.

All you can do is keep going forward in your own life. You have an uphill battle where her family (and perhaps where she herself) is concerned. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you but if you know what you are up against going in and you are serious about your future and a relationship with this chick develops, you might as well understand what you are dealing with.

This is aside from the matters of "class" and "taste" that families like this and women like this expect. Things that are absorbed growing up in a well educated affluent family that have an effect on how others perceive you like your diction and use of proper grammar, the appropriateness of your dress, your table manners, all sorts of things you'll need to know about to assimilate into her world.

Not saying you can't...just offering you some thoughts.

Unfortunately everything you listed is true, I admit this all the time to my friends and they know its true, women who come from wealthy families are not easy to date and even if she loves me her family may not approve of me which is a big hit any mans ego if he's not good enough for the girl he loves because of something like status or money ...
Right now iam poor, not by choice cause iam a hard worker and worked for years before enrolling into Uni with good grades, and even during summers and vacations and now i am still working while studying, iam not lazy and i was brought up right and relied on myself almost ever since i was 17 cause my dad doesnt make enough money, mom doesnt work and sibligns are still underage, i work and help my parents while paying my own bills as well ... i chose a field a bit different than others, nursing ... its still mostly made up of women but more and more men are joining the nursing force (and some of them are pretty cool, attractive and great guys) i can make as much as 40$k - 50$k right after graduation and that amount is steadily increasing every year as more and more quality nurses are needed plus i have the potential to reach a really good position and the work possibilities are endless , the only down side i would say is the fact that despite being a good profession with good pay doctors are still kinda the ones in charge of treating the patients and in a sense they are kinda the bosses ... this girl has a brother who is an engineer, another one who is a doctor and her sister is married to a doctor, and if there is anything i know its that women love comparing whatever they have ( keep in mind despite doctors managing the treatment they still make roughly the same amount of $$ as nurses , unless of course that doctor is really good or has 15+ years of experience ).

when i said rich i meant she is more on the wealthy side not "rich" rich, her parents have a shoes store (as far as i know her dad doesnt have a degree or anything) and they make about 150k $ -200k $ a year, which is significantly more than me , she works a regular job at a clothes store and makes roguhly 1400$ which is minimum wage .

she keeps telling me how she thinks about me sometimes and i cross her mind often, and reaching out to me now and then plus driving 30+ mins to meet me for a date, she could be lying alright but i will find out sooner or later, all i know for now is that she finds me physically appealing and seems to like me i guess .

however i believe my true problem is my status and financial situation which are not perfect and wont be for the next few years, i care a lot about providing for my family and strongly believe it is my duty to help my parents, idk what girls think about that, maybe they will like it and find it cool or they will tell me to f*Ck off cause iam poor , only time will tell .

 

[mrmuscles2]

You're damn right I do!

And to the OP, I grew up poor and horribly embarrassed of it, but eventually just grew up and got over those limiting mindsets. Hell, my high school girlfriend's dad was a multi-millionaire. She had a mansion; I had a tiny trailer. She never did care much about money and still doesn't.

Whatever your less-than-ideal situation in life happens to be - own it. Don't be embarrassed of things you can't control or think that they make you less of a person.

i fully agree with you, if you cant control it then embrace it and make the most out of it, which is what iam trying to do, i will always have a this fear of not being good enough untill i know iam 100% good enough, but even with all those fears i will still do my best to get the most of whatever situation iam put in, if she doesnt like it ... well looks like we arent meant for each other .

 

[Bible_Belt]

i fully agree with you, if you cant control it then embrace it and make the most out of it, which is what iam trying to do, i will always have a this fear of not being good enough untill i know iam 100% good enough, but even with all those fears i will still do my best to get the most of whatever situation iam put in, if she doesnt like it ... well looks like we arent meant for each other .

Let me tell you some irony, there are many rich girls who have a complex about being rich. They think everyone hates them because of it, and they wish that they were not rich. It sounds ridiculous, but it's true.

 

[BeExcellent]

Let me tell you some irony, there are many rich girls who have a complex about being rich. They think everyone hates them because of it, and they wish that they were not rich. It sounds ridiculous, but it's true.

I see it in my social circles. But that's usually only temporary. Between the time she thinks she hasn't earned it and the time she thinks she's entitled to it.

I came from means, but I wasn't spoiled and had to earn everything I have. Dam strait I feel entitled to the fruits of my own life's work...and I will not share or be a sugar mama for a new guy.

My assets have to support me, my ex, and put three kids through school. Anybody I go out with better have his own means & money.