New girl in office..need help with the next steps

[marrow]

Hi,

I have this new girl in office, whom I liked at the first glance... pleasantly she also returned my glance... Slowly it became obvious that we both badly wanted to talk to each other, but she wanted me to take the first initiative... so I took it, nervously...but it turned out great, she wanted to go on and on talking with me, oblivious to the surroundings...

So the start was good, we talked to each other everyday, but not much... we started talking on phone too... after a few days, we started leaving office together, walk for sometime talking to each other and then part for our respective ways... She is always interested in taking the walk, talking and chatting...

So after sometime I just casually asked her if she is free in the weekend, I hoped to hear a big yes, but it came out as a no... she had some work or something...

I did not dis-hearten thinking thinking she might be genuinely busy... but this repeated for 2-3 times and I then began to suspect if she is really interested... I must tell you at this point that apart from keeping herself unavailable at the weekend, her interest in me is constant wrt to talking, walking, smiling at me... but she just does not want to go out...


However on one weekend, I asked her to help me out with some shopping as I was alone and needed a girls help, I kinda insisted that she help me out... finally she said yes, but she could only spare a couple of hours...

The shopping trip was good, she dressed nicely, looked and smelled real good... She seemed to enjoy my company ( which she told me via sms at night)... we spend a good 3 hours and it was great...

At this point I thought I had finally broken the ice, from now on she would not say no.... After this i travelled on office work for a week or so, after coming back I asked her out again, she declined...

We are talking and all as usual, her other signs all show that she is interested and she does not want to lose this equation...

In totality we now know each other for around 2 months... she is more of a country girl...

Finally the help I seek, why she does not want to go out with me... is this going on in the right direction.. what should i do from here on??

 

[pdx1138]

why she does not want to go out with me.

Ask her if you really have to know.



is this going on in the right direction.

No



what should i do from here on?

find another girl who you DON'T work with.

 

[BigSmooth]

If she's a country girl, she is most likely from a smaller town/city. She probably has good morals and ideals and probably doesn't want to get in a relationship with someone at work.

That is my opinion. I go to a big college that has a good amount of girls who are from more conservative small towns and I know that is how they think.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

If she's a country girl, she is most likely from a smaller town/city. She probably has good morals and ideals and probably doesn't want to get in a relationship with someone at work.

That is my opinion. I go to a big college that has a good amount of girls who are from more conservative small towns and I know that is how they think.

Wow... some of the stuff I read on here! Look at how many assumptions you made.

BTW most the girls who come from a strict conservative upbringing cannot wait to go buck wild when the get to college or move out of the parents house.

-----------------

Marrow: This girl might have initially been attracted to you, but you ruined it by becoming her "work buddy."

What did you guys talk about on these little walks and talks from the office? What about over text and the phone?

If I had to guess you revealed far too much about yourself and she lost her attraction for you.

The fact that you keep asking her out shows your lack of understanding of not only the game but how attraction works.

You have no chance with this girl, unless you enjoy self inflicted torture, move on from her. Read the DJ Bible and learn from your mistakes.









PIMP

 

[BigSmooth]

Wow... some of the stuff I read on here! Look at how many assumptions you made.

Assumptions come from someone who has not directly experienced or seen it. I have.

BTW most the girls who come from a strict conservative upbringing cannot wait to go buck wild when the get to college or move out of the parents house.

That my friend, is an assumption. Unless you consider joining a church organization and other religious and conservative clubs that do not party going buck wild.

Marrow: This girl might have initially been attracted to you, but you ruined it by becoming her "work buddy."

What did you guys talk about on these little walks and talks from the office? What about over text and the phone?

If I had to guess you revealed far too much about yourself and she lost her attraction for you.

The fact that you keep asking her out shows your lack of understanding of not only the game but how attraction works.

You have no chance with this girl, unless you enjoy self inflicted torture, move on from her. Read the DJ Bible and learn from your mistakes.

I admit, you may be right here. It is a definite possibility that this is was what happened to the OP.

However, we both do not know firsthand what the exact details and logistics of the situation are, so I simply offered a possibility. Feel free to disagree with it, but don't call it an assumption.

 

[marrow]

First of all, I would thanks all of you for taking time out to read my problem and give me advice. Though all the advice I got is not very encouraging, but I got some insights... I would like to share my views with all who have replied...

 

[marrow]

why she does not want to go out with me.

Ask her if you really have to know.



is this going on in the right direction.

No



what should i do from here on?

find another girl who you DON'T work with.

@pdx1138: Thanks. i like the starightforward advice you gave...

1. I had thought of asking her why she does not want to go out with me, then I have stopped asking her out for the past couple of weeks. She herself tells me about her plans and how busy she is on the weekends every Friday..


2. I had a sense that its not going in the direction i wanted, hence i wanted to seek advice from all you don juans...

3. I don't think working together is a problem, I mean we are in different departments. She has just started her career and i am 3 yrs into the company. Its because of the work I got to know her in the first place. Moving on with a different girl seems a sensible thing to do, but I need little bit more advice.


Here what is keeping my hopes up....

(i) when ever we have direct eye contact, she gives a big smile...

(ii) many a times i have caught her staring at me (this happened 2 days ago)

(iii) she notices me quite a bit, coz when we talk at the end of the day, she tells me what all she had seen me doing... if i was with a girl, she tells me that she saw me talking to someone

(iv) she is always ready to leave the office together with me, she even waits for me to come...

(v) yesterday i was not feeling well and had put my head down, i got a sms from her asking what happened, if i was alright etc..

(vi) she seems always happy when we talk and seems to look forward to it...


The reason I am going on with it a bit more, is that I don't want to lose this girl so soon...but said that, i don't want to appear a fool... so looking forward to your advice....

 

[marrow]

If she's a country girl, she is most likely from a smaller town/city. She probably has good morals and ideals and probably doesn't want to get in a relationship with someone at work.

That is my opinion. I go to a big college that has a good amount of girls who are from more conservative small towns and I know that is how they think.

@BigSmooth: Thanks man... Well I had the same notions... Most of them are true... She is very religious... Not at all inclined to get towards drinking and stuff.. she is conservative, but not too much...

 

[marrow]

Wow... some of the stuff I read on here! Look at how many assumptions you made.

BTW most the girls who come from a strict conservative upbringing cannot wait to go buck wild when the get to college or move out of the parents house.

-----------------

Marrow: This girl might have initially been attracted to you, but you ruined it by becoming her "work buddy."

What did you guys talk about on these little walks and talks from the office? What about over text and the phone?

If I had to guess you revealed far too much about yourself and she lost her attraction for you.

The fact that you keep asking her out shows your lack of understanding of not only the game but how attraction works.

You have no chance with this girl, unless you enjoy self inflicted torture, move on from her. Read the DJ Bible and learn from your mistakes.









PIMP

@ Pimp: Thanks dude...

Well tell you what I also thought the girl is looking forward to go buck wild, now she is out in the open, but it turns out the opposite. Others before me have tried to turn her wild, but she maintained herself (this she told me)....

Let me give my replies to your advice, see if you can get the picture a bit more clear....

(i) I met her at work, so I can't lose that 'work buddy' thing... I don't know about attraction, but it feels like she's always looking forward to talk to me...

(ii) We basically talked on the following matters:

- About work, how to survive and excel at office, since I she is a fresher at work I keep giving her survival tips. She tells me about howz her day in office been, the highs and lows..

- she asks me about all about what happened since we last talked, I try to talk less hoping it would keep her interested..

- we talk about how life is staying away from our hometown...

- mostly we talk about what's going on in each other's life..

- she talks about her family

- no mention of any boyfriend and stuff, i tried prying it out by indirect questions, but no joy...

- she does have many friends, guys too, though I don't think she hangs out with them

- she mostly hangs out with her room-mates (all girls)

- our texts are also brief, sometimes when i ask her i didn't see her at her workstation, she asks me if i was missing her, but then dismisses the thing saying she was joking...

I must admit, I might told a lot about myself (but nothing about my personal or previous love life, anything)... she basically knows my schedule, my likes, dislikes, how i pass my time, how i hangout etc...

She also seems to figure out that there is no other girl in my life and that I like her very much...



(iii) Since I had written my post here, I have stopped asking her out... I was thinking of telling her to let me know when she is ready to go out with me, because I won't be asking her anymore...



Anyways, looking forward for your advice dude....

 

[Iceberg]

Here what is keeping my hopes up....

(i) when ever we have direct eye contact, she gives a big smile...

(ii) many a times i have caught her staring at me (this happened 2 days ago)

(iii) she notices me quite a bit, coz when we talk at the end of the day, she tells me what all she had seen me doing... if i was with a girl, she tells me that she saw me talking to someone

(iv) she is always ready to leave the office together with me, she even waits for me to come...

(v) yesterday i was not feeling well and had put my head down, i got a sms from her asking what happened, if i was alright etc..

(vi) she seems always happy when we talk and seems to look forward to it...

I don't want to rain on the parade, but these signals that you're writing about remind me of stuff I used to think when I was 18 or 19. And I don't blame you. When you have a crush on someone, you look for signs of attraction.

But the problem is, smiling and eye contact, and SMS messages don't mean anything compared to asking her out and getting rejected.

Sure, there are stories of guys asking a girl out 20 times, and then on the 21st time she says yes, and they go out, and it's Happily Ever After.

But 98% of the time, it's just not worth the effort

@BigSmooth: Thanks man... Well I had the same notions... Most of them are true... She is very religious... Not at all inclined to get towards drinking and stuff.. she is conservative, but not too much...

She can be conservative, but attraction is attraction. And a girl who is attracted to you won't deny you when you're asking her out 2, 3, 4 different times. A girl who is attracted to you will WANT TO show she's interested so you don't go running off with some other girl.