new girl in my apt- got number

[mattl182001]

I've been on the site for awhile and found excellent advice. This is my first post.

I'm looking for advice on when to make first text and ask this girl out. I understand the laws of attraction and don't want to come off too eager.

So, I met this girl in the lobby of my building at the mailboxes yesterday and she approached me asking "which parking lot I use".. So I told her about one that is closer to our door that she "didn't know about". Long story short, talked for a few mins.. where she's from, how long she's been here, etc. After a few minutes I said "put your number in my phone and maybe we could grab drinks sometime." She immediately did and I walked away saying "don't tell anyone about our parking lot" and she responds "our secret".

This was yesterday and I haven't texted her yet. Was going to initiate by saying- "Our parking lot was full this morning.. you must have spilled the beans". text a couple times back and forth to establish a little rapport. Then see what her plans are for happy hour.

Thanks in advance, guys!

 

[Uncharted]

Sounds good - don't hesitate just do it.

 

[TheCWord]

Sounds good - don't hesitate just do it.

Uh huh.

Good work, OP. And don't get too hung up on cutesy lines to text her. The parking lot thing isn't a bad opener, but after she replies your very next is: "We should check out this bar down the street from our building. What days work for you this week?"

 

[Yewki]

A lot of guys make the mistake of trying too hard to impress her by attempting to be perpetually funny and clever. They never "turn off". Don't make that mistake. This is good in small doses but can quickly start to wreak of desperation as it's obvious you're going above and beyond. The opener about the parking lot being full is good, just be sure to be concise and get to the point after that and don't keep texting her. Save it for the meetup.

 

[mattl182001]

Thanks for the quick responses! I sent the text, she responded with "didn't say a word, the dog must have!" So I came back with " knew it! lets check this bar out down the street from us. What day works for you?"

Just waiting on a response. I've learned a long time ago that texting forever never gets anywhere. Keep the advice coming though. Everything is a learning experience.

 

[TheCWord]

Nice going, matt. Keep us posted.

 

[TheException]

Excellent advice in this thread. You got straight to the point.

After you set up a meetup with an exact day and time....dont text her again. She will likely send a confirmation text the day off or start "chit chat" after a few days. Its ok to respond....but dont be doing it all day.

 

[mattl182001]

She responded with "what bar". I told her the name of the bar a couple hours ago and no response. I hate when they do this crap. Why can't we just say- "yes or no, B1#ch" haha

 

[devilkingx2]

She responded with "what bar". I told her the name of the bar a couple hours ago and no response. I hate when they do this crap. Why can't we just say- "yes or no, B1#ch" haha

it sort of makes sense to ask, all venues are not equal

however, hours with no response is a bad sign...

 

[TheCWord]

She responded with "what bar". I told her the name of the bar a couple hours ago and no response. I hate when they do this crap. Why can't we just say- "yes or no, B1#ch" haha

When I said tell her we should check out "this bar" down the street, you were supposed to replace "this bar" with the name of an actual place near you

 

[rayc591]

Better response would have been

"what are you doing this evening"

her: "not sure, why?"

you: "Well I was thinking of going out to ______, it's 2 for 1 drinks and blah blah blah.


if she invites herself, or hints at wanting to be invited, than she's interested.

 

[El Payaso]

You did good BUT the only thing I would have done different was to set the date RIGHT THERE AND THEN. Instead of saying "let's grab drinks sometime". I would have said "I'm going to get drinks on so-so day, you should come with me" or "Let's get drinks together on so-so day". When she says yes then you get her number.

I know hindsight is 20/20 but just something to note and remember for future encounters.

My own suggestion would be to stay in casual contact with her and throw in the drinks date casually. Don't make it a big deal by calling or texting just to ask her out. She lives in the same building as you so this should be easy.

 

[TheCWord]

you: "Well I was thinking of going out to ______, it's 2 for 1 drinks and blah blah blah.

You did good BUT the only thing I would have done different was to set the date RIGHT THERE AND THEN. Instead of saying "let's grab drinks sometime". I would have said "I'm going to get drinks on so-so day, you should come with me" or "Let's get drinks together on so-so day".

This is bad advice.

I haven't seen it on these forums in a while, but from time to time you get someone writing about this, "You TELL her when the date is...." crap and it's particularly dangerous if the advice is being given to someone just starting out.

The problem with this, so matt and the above posters know, is that it doesn't answer the all-important question (what's her interest level?) in an efficient manner. When I say efficient manner, I mean you know clear-as-crystal what her IL is so that you don't waste time.

If you ask the girl to give you a list of possible days and she can't come up with anything and provides no counter offer, you have your answer. Who's busy ALL week? And if they genuinely are they'll be able to provide a reasonable explanation (at a conference or whatever).

If you tell her a certain date - or god forbid you tell her TONIGHT, oy vey - and she says she's busy... well, she might just be busy. And she might not counter-offer because you were being so specific with the plans she could have interpreted it as a "it's now or never" ultimatum, and we all know how girls feel about ultimatums, OR she didn't know if you were really interested in a date or were just using her as company for something you were going to anyway. In that instance, she might not counter either...OR she's not interested in you. But because you don't know if it's you or the 20th of February (or whatever) that she didn't like, you set yourself up to talk like an auctioneer...

"Not Thursday? Well how about Friday? Can I hear Saturday? Do I got a Sunday here? How about Monday, going once..."

Of course you could play some imitation alpha card and say you are only going to offer her one night and only ask for the date once and if she says no NEXT... but that's an easy way to make sure you never get enough plates spinning.

See what I'm saying? You want to set yourself up to never have to wonder. Be careful with some of the advice you read/give on here.

CLIFF NOTES: By limiting the days for a potential date, you are limiting her ability to say yes to a date with you.

 

[mattl182001]

This is bad advice.

I haven't seen it on these forums in a while, but from time to time you get someone writing about this, "You TELL her when the date is...." crap and it's particularly dangerous if the advice is being given to someone just starting out.

The problem with this, so matt and the above posters know, is that it doesn't answer the all-important question (what's her interest level?) in an efficient manner. When I say efficient manner, I mean you know clear-as-crystal what her IL is so that you don't waste time.

If you ask the girl to give you a list of possible days and she can't come up with anything and provides no counter offer, you have your answer. Who's busy ALL week? And if they genuinely are they'll be able to provide a reasonable explanation (at a conference or whatever).

If you tell her a certain date - or god forbid you tell her TONIGHT, oy vey - and she says she's busy... well, she might just be busy. And she might not counter-offer because you were being so specific with the plans she could have interpreted it as a "it's now or never" ultimatum, and we all know how girls feel about ultimatums, OR she didn't know if you were really interested in a date or were just using her as company for something you were going to anyway. In that instance, she might not counter either...OR she's not interested in you. But because you don't know if it's you or the 20th of February (or whatever) that she didn't like, you set yourself up to talk like an auctioneer...

"Not Thursday? Well how about Friday? Can I hear Saturday? Do I got a Sunday here? How about Monday, going once..."

Of course you could play some imitation alpha card and say you are only going to offer her one night and only ask for the date once and if she says no NEXT... but that's an easy way to make sure you never get enough plates spinning.

See what I'm saying? You want to set yourself up to never have to wonder. Be careful with some of the advice you read/give on here.

CLIFF NOTES: By limiting the days for a potential date, you are limiting her ability to say yes to a date with you.

I definitely get what you are saying and agree 100%. I know from experience to never go straight for a specific date, because like you said, it makes them feel like its a 'now or never' delima. And if they say 'no' it leaves us in a position to either A) ask again and appear to be needy or B) hope she responds or counters.

So an update to the this developement that continued yesterday. Transcript from our texts:

her: what bar?
me: It's called ____, a couple blocks away. They have a pretty good happy hour on Thursday.
her: Oh yea...maybe tomorrow, or Sunday
me: I can't Sunday, so tomorrow?

*a couple hours later...

her: are you home
me: not yet
her: Locked myself out of the building was hoping you could let me in, but I followed somone in.


So, when I got home she was sitting in our lobby and I said hey. Basically went on to say she was waiting on the locksmith because she locked the keys in her apt and told me how crappy her day was blah blah blah. Then I did the ole " I gotta go. meeting some friends to go eat" and walked off.

She may have been hinting to go to happy hour that night, but I didn't want to invite her again when she didn't even give me a clear response about Thursday yet and she seemed super stressed about being locked out etc.

Later that night... After I got back home from dinner. I sent a text one more time. This is where I may have screwed up.. letting alcohol and impatience kick in and felt she needed a nudge. I said "So does tomorrow at 7 work?" and she replied, "I'll have to let you know tomorrow". (I realize I should have been specific with places and times when I told her thursday.)

I'm not going to text her anymore until she initiates, ball is in her court.

Before we beat a man up. I want us to understand this is a true life example going on that we can all learn from. What do you guys think? The part that I was concerned with was, if a girl is vague with Thursday and not giving straight answers, when is the appropriate time to 'nudge' them for confirmation?

Thanks, bros!

 

[MtnMan]

she sounds typical flakey, not sure there is a whole lot you can do to avoid it. Just don't bother her too much.

 

[El Payaso]

That's why in these types of cases, it's wise to keep things casual. For a girl living in your apartment, you wouldn't even have needed to take her out. A little text game here and there and one night, you guys are fvcking like rabbits. Just something to note next time. She might come around though as she's just playing hard to get. Let's see.

 

[mattl182001]

Yea, I'll keep you guys posted. Like you said, El Payaso, just going to keep it in my back pocket.

 

[VladPatton]

Her interest may be dying. Same thing happened with a chick in my apartment building. She explicitly told me she was bored, stays home all the time, and never goes anywhere. That seemed like 20 green lights to me. So, I text, no answer, crap excuses when I saw her, so I left it alone. Now, when she tries to initiate conversation I say, bye! I gotta run, in a very happy, enthusiastic way. Once I left her with a gaping mouth as she was trying to say something.

I hate it when chicks are that vague. Just leave her be and see what happens. If you run into her say hi, smile, and jet. Always appear busy and on the go. This is very common nowadays, they have cὀck offers 24/7.

 

[mattl182001]

Her interest may be dying. Same thing happened with a chick in my apartment building. She explicitly told me she was bored, stays home all the time, and never goes anywhere. That seemed like 20 green lights to me. So, I text, no answer, crap excuses when I saw her, so I left it alone. Now, when she tries to initiate conversation I say, bye! I gotta run, in a very happy, enthusiastic way. Once I left her with a gaping mouth as she was trying to say something.

I hate it when chicks are that vague. Just leave her be and see what happens. If you run into her say hi, smile, and jet. Always appear busy and on the go. This is very common nowadays, they have cὀck offers 24/7.

I hate this too. Very annoying. I still haven't heard anything all day, so definitely seems her interest level is low. No biggies.. just bonus plate potential. I'll see her at the pool this summer

 

[pdx1138]

^^ well played. You have the right attitude.