New gal just not the same as exbpdgf

[blg1236]

Still processing and trying hard to get over the fact i was dumped after a LTR of 6-1/2 years by my ex bpdgf. I'm still on meds and have been total ghost from her since Jan 18th of this year.
Although she has not tried to contact for a couple months I still have the wonder if she will. This thought/concern of mine is what I'm working on to break the constant cycle of "if she will and when and why wouldnt she if she doesnt.
She does have a new bf.
So I've taken steps to pull out of this.
I have met a lady 6 years younger than me. She is an opposite of my ex as far as PD, drama, manipulation, games, drinking etc. etc....opposite of everything, it would seem, from bpd.
But this also includes looks, excitement and everything else that my ex possesed that was thrilling.
This has left me in a bit of a dilema, and feeling a bit selfish/immature.
I'd like some advice from you guys on how I should treat this situation.
This new lady Is very kind and genuine. She loves having me as company and has assured me she's not trying to pressure me into a full blown commitment.
I can remember when I had first met my ex, it was wild sex the first night and attachment right off the bat. Texts and emails constantly. I was her prince, knight in shining....blah blah blah.
Not so with this new lady....She is normal.
very refreshing and I can feel it moving at a much slower pace and no manipulative questions or answers posed as small talk.
But,,she is heavy....about 80 pounds so. She has a cute face but its tough getting around the weight.
I'm very fit and handsome...always have been. I've been lifting for years and look much younger than my age.
I could be dating 7-8-9 but instead I'm really enjoying this normalcy to a degree and I also have a issue with telling someone I'm not quite attracted to them. I'm trying to rationalize staying with this new lady but keep feeling how she just doesnt add up to my ex as far as excitement and looks.
She does give awesome head though, and at the asking...anytime.
Any way sorry for the rambling on...just trying to put my thoughts together.
at least though I feel I'm making progress with getting over my ex.
You guys have helped tremendously.
Thanks

 

[expos]

I'm in the same boat and I'm going through a lot of what you are going through now.

Whenever I kiss my new girl, it feels like that "spark" isn't there. I think you know what I mean. You like having someone, but it's almost uncomfortable at times. You touch her body and embrace her, and it feels so completely wrong and foreign.

Your ex-BPDgf was around for a long time, as was mine, so it's that familiarity that you really miss. She was a huge part of you, throughly engrained into your life and her being gone is like losing your identity. This only happened with my BPD - with my other exes I didn't suffer nearly as much when it was over.

When someone is pretty, exciting, and terrible it's an intoxicating triple-whammy. Both of our exes were hot and the sex was intense. You hated to give it up, but it you had to do it, because this woman was like heroin to you...and eventually she was going to kill you.

You did the right thing by leaving, you just don't know it yet. People keep telling me the same things.

Maybe this new girl isn't right for you? You've already expressed some concerns. Not hating, but maybe you should keep looking?

 

[rearea]

Men here say women pick ****ty men and ignore the nice guys. That they like guys that treat them badly better.

This happens the other way too. You have a girl who is "normal" every guy's dream and you dont like her as much as a chick with BPD.

Yeah, men are addicted to emotional drama just like women are.

I would look for a 7-8-9 who also has a normal personality. It can be done.

 

[( . )( . )]

This happens the other way too. You have a girl who is "normal" every guy's dream and you dont like her as much as a chick with BPD.

Yeah, men are addicted to emotional drama just like women are.

You must have missed the part where he said the new girl was fat.

OP why do you feel it all must stop with the new girl or nothing? You know there's nothing stopping you from continuing the quest for a woman who's just right. (face it mate your never going to get past the extra 80 pounds, no matter how mean she is at sucking a d!ck) There's really no need to turn this into a saga, just use the fatty as a slump buster, knuckle down with all the info you have here in the DJ Bible and be on your merry way.

 

[origin138]

Exbpdgf or not, 80 pounds is a tough compromise, one I would not be willing to make. Call me shallow, but you can't force attraction.

As someone who had a run in with a BPD stripper, I'd say that "normal" girls will never measure up to the emotional whirlwind a genuine BPD chick can muster up.
You just have to understand that the prize isn't worth the price you pay, and "normal" women will always be a little more boring than the BPD girls.

As ( . )( . ) said, keep looking and playing the field. It shouldn't all hinge on this one. There's no shame in dating many women. How else are you going to find the right one?