New chick... red flags... but knows about BPD?

[Johnny Alias]

K... so this one's a curious situation.

So I've been banging this BOMBSHELL. Tits the size of cantaloupes and a pretty face. She's recently back on the market and EVERYONE in my town is making a play for her... hell even chicks with boyfriends are making plays for her.

We have a good time. Sexual attraction is there. I'm still spinning plates. She's not looking for anything serious... yet. Thing is she's got some red flags for cluster b's that have me a wee bit concerned... hope I'm not overanalyzing...

1) Built for speed - Looks like a pornstar. Loves sex. Bisexual. Yeah yeah... I know. Great right? But still a symptom of BPD or HPD.

2) Horrible Childhood - Bad relationship with father. Mom is major histrionic.

3) Mentioned casting spells on people then said she was joking. Mehr.

God... that's really not that much. Shes got a real job, is a good mom, everyone likes her, she doesn't smoke, and isnt a boozer. My guard is WAY up after the last one. Still, she's not looking for anything serious and I can just keep my eyes open. The shocker for me was when she mentioned one of her exes having BPD. Diagnosed BPD. She went through some **** and told me stories that remind me of my ex.

Anyway. Needed to vent. Still spinning plates. Have to. I'll never put my hands or guard down again.

Anyone else get crazy gunshy after a cluster B? I mean damn.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Gunshy nothing, I see cluster B traits and I go ghost. I can't waste any time on lame HOs...

 

[trent_afc]

No boozing? IIRC, BPDs typically self medicate with drugs or alcohol. "Casting spells"? Could have been a joke, but keep an eye out for other delusions. Horrible childhood? Join the club. Knows about BPD? I know about BPD, but I'm not BPD. Or it could be her projecting.

I wouldn't eject just yet, this could just be your emotional baggage talking. Good on you for keeping your eyes wide open, I've been there myself with BPD/NPDs. Good luck!

 

[Johnny Alias]

Crap. You're probably right. Eff me. Thanks Pairs. So much for my feeble attempts at rationalization.

 

[Uncharted]

Not sure what your standards are, but I would keep doing what you're doing - but she doesn't sound like someone I'd want to be in a relationship with.

 

[usernamedox11]

just fvck her while you can. not relationship material. My ex was BPD and did not drink. She could be a high functioning one.

 

[thatfeel]

BPD is not the only type of mental illness, much less the only reason to disqualify a girl from an ltr.


Casual sex with multiple partners("not looking for anything serious") Red flag.

Bisexual? Red flag.

Abusive childhood? RED FLAG.

Any of the above are sufficient to declare a woman mentally unfit for a relationship.

Just curious, isn't spinning plates the concept of casual sex with multiple partners?

 

[SgtSplacker]

Just curious, isn't spinning plates the concept of casual sex with multiple partners?

It's just about dating multiple women so you don't get too tied into the outcome of one relationship.

 

[thatfeel]

But it's still casual sex with multiple partners though isn't it? Casual to the point that there are no expectations, no exclusivity. No sanctity of the human body if you have those mental inclinations. An idea I see advertised a lot on here is sex first relationship later, e.g. you only concentrate on sex and if the woman wants an LTR you make her work for it. From this entire standpoint if you truly stick to this thought pattern all it still is really is casual sex.

Right? Or is there some flaw in my reasoning. I just ask because I think we can all agree that most women have had casual sex with multiple partners.

 

[Uncharted]

Just curious, isn't spinning plates the concept of casual sex with multiple partners?

Spinning plates mean dating multiple women, keeping your options open. Sometimes one of these plates becomes a relationship. All of my relationships after high school have started out as "casual sex" and became a relationship.

 

[Die Hard]

You need to get away from this one whe she starts running around in your head. With types like these, when she starts running around in your head, it's typically already TOO LATE to turn things back and regain control over your mind.

You are your own best judge. If you feel that you are losing control over your own mind, if you feel that getting lost in thoughts about her becomes something that happens involuntarily, then you need to eject right away and save yourself.

Imagine a huge whirlpool in the sea. When you're at the far edge of it, the force is very minimal and you are easily able to break lose from it. But that far edge is just the beginning... With each circle that you make, you are being drawn a little closer towards the center of the whirpool, it happens inch by inch, and the force just becomes a liiiittle bit stronger with every inch. You almost don't notice the force becoming stronger, it happens so gradually...
But all of a sudden you think to yourself "Wow, this current is getting stronger than I thought now. I've had enough fun, time to swim to the edge and get out." You start swimming and notice that you're not really covering any distance, you're just remaining at the same spot. "Lolwut? This thing is stronger than I thought, I'm really gonna have to put in all my energy to break lose haha." Soon, the laughing turns to panic, as you realize that you can't get to the edge even when you swim with all your power.....

A few months later you find yourself recovering from being emotionally devastated and ask yourself: "Where did it all go wrong?" That moment where it all went wrong could be RIGHT NOW, my friend. You might be at that point where the seemingly innocent and fun current is about to turn harmful and inescapable.

Trust your gut in this matter! Do not use rational thoughts to analyze the threat level of your situation, but just ask yourself "What is my gut telling me about it?"

 

[rascal99v]

Use them for sex. Don't get in a relationship. Same as with a sane chick. How hard can that be?

 

[gravityeyelids]

I dont see what everyone is freaking out about. From what I gather he's not trying to get into a LTR with this girl (if he is, he's a moron). She's super hot, so just sleep with her. Why are you taking the casting spells thing seriously? I say weird ass sh!t all the time, just joking. I think you're just shellshocked from a crazy girl. I mean keep you're eyes open, and try not to get sucked in too much....but have fun brother. Try to have a threesome.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The risk, though, is that a true BPD will penetrate a man and suck the very life force out of him before he knows it.

OP, does she have a "baby-like" or Marylin Monroe type of voice?

Does she show temper issues?

 

[abe0]

The risk, though, is that a true BPD will penetrate a man and suck the very life force out of him before he knows it.

No....the risk is that HE will allow her to penetrate and suck the life force out of him. As long as he is in control.....have lots of fun. Abe

 

[Atom Smasher]

No....the risk is that HE will allow her to penetrate and suck the life force out of him. As long as he is in control.....have lots of fun. Abe

Let's hear your own experience with a BPD.

 

[JohnPetrucci]

If you can make a girl come from penis in vagina sex, BPD or not, she will treat you like a man. If you can't do that, then you are fucked and should never go into an LTR.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You need to get away from this one whe she starts running around in your head. With types like these, when she starts running around in your head, it's typically already TOO LATE to turn things back and regain control over your mind.

You are your own best judge. If you feel that you are losing control over your own mind, if you feel that getting lost in thoughts about her becomes something that happens involuntarily, then you need to eject right away and save yourself.

Imagine a huge whirlpool in the sea. When you're at the far edge of it, the force is very minimal and you are easily able to break lose from it. But that far edge is just the beginning... With each circle that you make, you are being drawn a little closer towards the center of the whirpool, it happens inch by inch, and the force just becomes a liiiittle bit stronger with every inch. You almost don't notice the force becoming stronger, it happens so gradually...
But all of a sudden you think to yourself "Wow, this current is getting stronger than I thought now. I've had enough fun, time to swim to the edge and get out." You start swimming and notice that you're not really covering any distance, you're just remaining at the same spot. "Lolwut? This thing is stronger than I thought, I'm really gonna have to put in all my energy to break lose haha." Soon, the laughing turns to panic, as you realize that you can't get to the edge even when you swim with all your power.....

A few months later you find yourself recovering from being emotionally devastated and ask yourself: "Where did it all go wrong?" That moment where it all went wrong could be RIGHT NOW, my friend. You might be at that point where the seemingly innocent and fun current is about to turn harmful and inescapable.

Trust your gut in this matter! Do not use rational thoughts to analyze the threat level of your situation, but just ask yourself "What is my gut telling me about it?"

This is by far the best analogy I've ever read on the dynamics of a BPD relationship. Brilliantly articulated and absolutely accurate. You can't know it on a gut level until you've experienced it. Playing around with a BPD is like playing with burning racing fuel. You can't see the flames and you only know the fire is there by the damage that is already done.

I remember about 6 or 8 months ago some guy on here said he was going to try a BPD just to see what it's like. I wonder if he survived.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Okay. OP posting now.

I should clarify some things. I am VERY familiar with Cluster B traits (BPD/NPD/HPD). I know them by rite.

She doesn't speak with a child like voice or display any of the others. She also doesn't smoke with Bible_Belt mentioning that he hasn't known a single BPD that doesn't smoke, though I think he and I may have only dealt with low-functioning BPD's rather than High.

As I mentioned she does have a job, something my previous cluster b's didn't come close to having. She is responsible.

She is also in therapy and has been for over a year with the same therapist to try and resolve her childhood abuse/neglect issues. One more thing I'd like to add is that she broke up with her ex bf of 1.5 years and DIDN'T swing to another man. I admire that. I do.

I am still spinning plates. I am not planning on making this gal my girlfriend anytime soon, but we are enjoying each other's company and the sex is great.

I am 38. She is 35. She does have a daughter who she takes great care of and pride in.

My gut is telling me to take things SLOW and keep looking for warning signs. I think she was joking about casting spells, though that did perk my ears up. Spinning plates btw in my mind means dating multiple women. If you're doing that safely (protected) then that gives you the opportunity to find a gal for a potential LTR. Period.

I've gone out with Cluster B's for the past 10 years... maybe longer if I really get objective. And as someone pointed out earlier, she might not be a Cluster B and still might not be relationship material NO MATTER HOW HOT SHE IS.

The key is objectivity. I refuse to listen to my c0ck over my head any longer. I also appreciate the whirpool reference. It is accurate. By the time you figure out what's going on with many of these more personality afflicted types they are already moved in and/or you are so enmeshed in the push/pull behavior that pulling out becomes nigh impossible.

Thanks for all the feedback. For you guys that haven't been involved with such a woman pay attention here. This is hugely important especially if you date hotties. Just because they are attractive does NOT guarantee sanity. If anything the propensity for CRAZY behavior shoots through the roof. Pay attention.

Again thanks all.

 

[abe0]

Let's hear your own experience with a BPD.

Lord...I was married to a Bipolar/Borderline for over 20 years but had very mild symptoms till she went through early menopause. It cost us $1,000,000 in attorneys fees ...cause she was a vicious nutcase. One day I am living in a beautiful home paid off in Lake Sherwood, CA where Wayne Gretzki was a neighbor of mine.....the next thing I am out on the street living in my car and office because she went to a judge and told her she was a victim of domestic violence and she was living in woman's shelter. It almost cost me my life twice and my sanity.
I could write a book......
I also dated a couple of borderliners....true ones....and frankly I do not have the strength to emotionally separate myself from them. Sooooo....I avoid at all cost. That said...there are number of you guys here who are strong....so I say have a good time with them and as long as you stay detached %100....you be fine. Abe