New Arrival Needs Advice

[drbacon]

I have a situation that I could certainly use some input on.

I've been the average nice guy for all of my 32 years. I've never really had a girlfriend or a date, and as of a few years ago I stopped trying to get dates all together. Being turned down for a date I could always handle, but after some of the more cruel turn downs, I came up with a new rule. I wouldn't ask another woman out unless I thought she might be interested in me first. As you can imagine, that hasn't produced any results for a few years, until two weeks ago!

I'm a pizza man at a family restaurant in an upscale neighborhood, in plain view of the customers, kinda putting on a show with spinning dough and the like. For the past few months a beautiful 29 year old mother has been coming in with her 8 year old son at least once a week. A month ago she sat in front of where I was working, and we talked a bit. After that, she sat by me every time she'd come in, and would always talk to me a bit.

A few weeks ago, she asked me if I had a girlfriend I cooked for at home, to which I said not yet. After she found out I was single, I noticed anytime she referred to her son sitting with her, he was referred to as "the man of the house", letting me know she was single. All my friends and coworkers said she wants me to ask her out. So the next week, I finally worked up the courage to do so, and she said yes!

After talking for a few minutes on what we might go do, she asked me for my number, to which I gave it to her. She wrote down her number and gave it to me without my asking. When she was leaving that evening, we said farewells and she told me to call her.

Our date was 11 days off, her being a busy mom and having a birthday party to attend that weekend. I first phoned her two days later and left a short voice mail. After not hearing back from her, or seeing her come into work, I called again on day six. It's been a little over two weeks now and I've yet to hear from or see her again. She was a regular at the store on Monday's. She told me that Monday night pizza was her special routine with her son, but they've missed the last two weeks.

Now I'm 100% confused. Everything seemed to be going perfectly, but now I have no idea what to think or do. And to make matters worse I feel like I've ruined the mom / son pizza nights they'd have each week.

Any input on this situation would be greatly appreciated. Should I try to call her again or leave her alone? I feel like perhaps I should apologize for making her feel estranged at coming into the store, but at the same time I feel like I didn't do anything wrong.

Thanks to all who read this, I know it's pretty long winded.

On a side note, I just discovered the DJ boot camp and plan to give it a shot. Thanks to all for providing such a resource to us AFCs.

 

[piranha45]

how physically attractive is she? how physically attractive are you?

 

[sharkbeat]

possibly something came up? who knows. life is **** for everyone.

The best thing you can do now is to start looking for a new one. Two weeks is pretty long, and the ball is on her side. It's up to her to decide when she wants to contact you back.

 

[drbacon]

how physically attractive is she? how physically attractive are you?

She's smoking hot by my book, but I'm the kind of guy that doesn't find super models to be ultra sexy. I like women that look real, not fabricated. I feel most would easily say she's an 8 though.

I'm an average built guy, 5'10" 175lbs. Long haired, broad shouldered, not hideously disfigured or covered in boils. Probably be considered a 6 I guess.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I'll leave this thread here, but put an age on your profile or I'll have to move it. Read the rules.

 

[vitor]

Do not feel guilty for ruining her mother son pizza night. Big Fin Deal she can go somewhere else. Stop being hard on yourself understand its a numbers game and that everyone is getting rejected before they get accepted. You might have to ask out 10 chicks to get a date, but the goal is hanging out with good looking women and having relations with them. You miss all the shots you dont take..

 

[horaholic]

Have you read the DJ bible, on the bottom of the page? Start with Pooks fifteen lessons. Make sure whenever you call her, it is NOT out of a place of neediness, which is the biggest mistake with women people make. Convince yourself that you have other options, and act accordingly. This is what will turn the chicks on. If you had two other girls you could call and bang right now, would be worrying about this girl? No. You have to pretend you have options. It will give you a confidence boost, and make you less 'needy.'

But, wait and see how it pans out. She might come in again. She might have been busy. Her son may have been sick, whatever. Im honestly guessing she found another guy though, to give you the brutal truth, so just move on. Go out and try to get more dates, and if she comes back, she comes back. Keep the callbacks to an absolute minimum. If you call, be lighthearted, and fun, and DONT be mad about her flaking, its a huge turn off.

 

[speed dawg]

Do the boot camp, dude. You've got a long way to go, but you have to start somewhere. I've done, and every other DJ on this site has too.

And to make matters worse I feel like I've ruined the mom / son pizza nights they'd have each week..........I feel like perhaps I should apologize for making her feel estranged at coming into the store, but at the same time I feel like I didn't do anything wrong.

You didn't. Trust your gut. What in the world would you consider wrong in your situation? You have to get out of your current line of thinking. Stick around, it will happen.

 

[STR8UP]

And to make matters worse I feel like I've ruined the mom / son pizza nights they'd have each week.

Indeed you did. But even worse, you sent yourself even further down the road to being unhappy.

See, what a lot of guys don't realize is that they have been told that "being themselves" and "being nice" is the way to make yourself and others happy, when in fact it works totally the opposite for most men. It will keep you UNhappy and dateless, it will frustrate women who are attracted to you, and it will ruin single mother's pizza nites with her son.....

Anyway, you can give it one more shot with this one, but my feeling is that the window is closed. She was attracted to you, but you didn't display enough [insert whatever she was looking for here]. Essentially, you weren't necessarily even being tested, but you FAILED nonetheless.

Don't feel bad. The same thing happened that drove me to this site. I was ga-ga over a 20 yr old bartender at a place I used to frequent. I kinda thought she liked me, and I had heard a little about body language and such, so when she started twirling her hair when she was around me I decided to research it further.

Turns out that in all likelihood she WAS attracted to me. Even to the point that we started talking about reggae music and she tossed me her number and told me to call her (on the premise that we had something in common).

I mucked it up by coming off as needy and desperate, so when I did try to get ahold of her she was nowhere to be found.

I say count your losses and as Mamu in the 40 yr Old Virgin said "You got to get on that!" You need to get off your ass and learn some game.

I don't claim to be the worlds greatest seducer, nor do I ever want to be, but if I were in your shoes and obviously unhappy about my situation I would man up and do something about it.

The good news is that you KNOW you are capable of attracting women, even if they are single mommies. Now you just have to study and practice all of the principles taught here, maybe even learn some seduction stuff that suits your personality. All in all though, you need to work on your core being. Women are not the end all be all, they are not "necessary" for happiness, but sometimes you have to get out there and see that for yourself. You won't know until you experience it. And it sounds to me like you WANT to, so until you handle this part of your life it will be really hard to move forward.

Get out there and do it, and post your progress.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

The fellas are correct... sometimes being nice DOES equal low self-esteem and chics definitely dig a man with confidence (not ego). Don't feel guilty for a damn thing... it took the actions, flirtations and interests of TWO people to lead up to you asking her out. If she didn't like you she could have said no.

That being said, life does happen... and while you're worrying about yourself she could be dealing with serious issues you don't know about. Keep an open mind, and yes, if you don't have other options for the time being, pretend you do.

Don't put much thought into it, and let HER contact YOU this time. If you never hear from her again, it's HER loss. Plenty of girls out there DO appreciate "nice" guys, but a lot of guys on this site will tell you differently.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

My ex was the cause of his own incarceration, not that it's really relevant to go into detail... but it isn't as if he's spent 8 months in jail being an innocent man.

I can't speak for ALL women, but yes, there are those of us out there who have been with enough a**holes to actually appreciate, crave and are attracted to "nice" guys. You don't have to be AFC to be friendly, kind, and respectful towards a woman.

I am not offering 'masculine guidance' on this forum. I've made it quite clear I'm female and looking to understand men just as you look to understand women. I'm just offering up my perspectives.

Don't feel so threatened.

 

[jayhood]

Let's take a closer look at the scenario

1- she used to come to the store once a week for the past few months. However eversince you asked her out and exchange numbers with her she does not show up anymore

2- she never called you or even give you the slightest indication that there will be another date. Furthermore, she never even called to apologized for cancelling on you

These two situations listed above alone are a clear Indication that she is not that into you. However you are confused because of the situation below:

1- she accepted to go on the date with you
2- she not only asked you for your phone number but she also gave you hers
3- the moment you said you are single she indirectly told you she is too

My advice to you is to play it cool and do not contact her anymore. You did the right thing when phoning her which showed her that you are indeed interested her. However it is very important that you do not phone her and apologize. Why should you feel sorry for hitting on a woman and ask her on a date? If you do so it will show her that you are not confident in your sexuality as a man. So my point is this: if she is really interested in you she will call you or even come to where you work when you stop calling her( it's most likely she will come to where you work instead of calling so that she can know if you are still interested ). Also, if she does happen to show up where you work one day, do not mention the phone call you made or ask her why she cancel on you because her response will most likely be a lie. So, when you see her just have a normal conversation and laugh around with her.

 

[Warrior74]

At this point in your game, leave single mothers alone. You are not smart enough in the game to deal with such a wily opponent. You don't even know what you want yet, so the last thing you need is to deal with a woman who has a child. Wait till you get more experience under your belt.

Charge this incident to the game and forget about it. you didn't ruin squat. She knew what she was doing when she accepted and got your number. You are not responsible for her actions. I repeat, you are not responsible for her actions. I repeat. YOU. ARE. NOT. RESPONSIBLE. FOR. HER. ACTIONS.

Hit the gym
Dress to impress and groom yourself well every day
read the DJ Bible
Do affirmations and meditations to reprogram your thinking and to understand why you think the way you do and to correct it.
Keep your car looking good, keep your crib clean.
Initiate conversations with people you come across.
Keep posting and learning.

Good luck.

 

[drbacon]

Thanks for the input all. I truly appreciate it.

After spending all last night checking out the site and the forums, I think I've found what I've been looking for. It's time to make a change, and this site lays it out in black and white for me. That and all the responses to this thread lets me know the people here will actually try to help. Thanks again everybody.