Never thought I would crush again

[sim285]

After my last crush never thought it would happen again.

Anyway it has, so I’ve never had a girlfriend and have social anxiety,

I wasn’t even looking for love just looking to get close to a girl (like friends)get married and have kids.

Every week I go to this religious thing and saw her at some house programs no chance to talk anyway e got a chance to talk small talk what you do etc

The 2nd time simlair, however unless I prepare what to talk about my mind goes blank

The psychologist I’m seeing for social anxiety, said don’t prepare anything your mind shouldn’t go blank, if you prepare you putting too much pressure on yourslef.

More you force more you push them away.

Then I said should I ask about what music she likes, tell me about yourself what music do you like

He’s like no that would seem odd, you don’t know them.

But issue is if I don’t keep talking to her how on earth am I gona get comfortable with her.

He’s given me ideas like work in pub become a waiter, start doing diffent things like salsa one day badminton next etc, to improve your talking.

But this is all gona take ages

Rushing will just push them away, I don’t want to rush but I want her for sure.

My issues are as I may only see her once a month, if that how can I talk to her enough to feel comfortable.

know the number thing is a option but without anything built it’s diffclut asking meeting etc

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Reed the DJ BIble and Book of Pook.

You don't get women by obsessing over them in your mind. You get women by taking actions.

With social anxiety is tougher but not impossible. You start small...say hello to every person you walk by one day, then start a random conversation with someone the next day, etc etc.

I was pretty introverted myself until I started working in sales and then it kind of ripped me out of my shell because I quickly realized that you either talked to people or you didn't eat.

I loved eating more than I hated talking to people.

I became quite good at it and now feel pretty comfortable doing whatever, but it still drains me when I have to do it for long stretches at a time like at a party or gathering, etc.

No longer in sales but that was very valuable for me.

However more than that you need to work on changing your energy. Your OP wreaks of feminine energy.

 

[Mike32ct]

I agree about not preparing to talk to women. Prep is important for school/work stuff. But for social interactions like taking to women, you’ll need to learn to talk “on the fly.”

I know you want to be friends first and get really comfortable with a girl first. But unfortunately that does not work. It will land you in friendzone.

If the conversation goes pretty well, you’ll want to ask her out sooner rather than later in order to avoid friendzone. You’ll have plenty of time to get to know her on a deep level if you end up dating. And if you don’t get the date, you just saved yourself a lot of time.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Everyone has "social anxiety" these days its the price we pay for having so much exposure to a screen

People build up these personas based on online identities and then struggle to cope in the real world

Nobody really know wtf they are doing , everyones just making it up as they go along

 

[kavi]

After my last crush never thought it would happen again.

Anyway it has, so I’ve never had a girlfriend and have social anxiety,

I wasn’t even looking for love just looking to get close to a girl (like friends)get married and have kids.

Every week I go to this religious thing and saw her at some house programs no chance to talk anyway e got a chance to talk small talk what you do etc

The 2nd time simlair, however unless I prepare what to talk about my mind goes blank

The psychologist I’m seeing for social anxiety, said don’t prepare anything your mind shouldn’t go blank, if you prepare you putting too much pressure on yourslef.

More you force more you push them away.

Then I said should I ask about what music she likes, tell me about yourself what music do you like

He’s like no that would seem odd, you don’t know them.

But issue is if I don’t keep talking to her how on earth am I gona get comfortable with her.

He’s given me ideas like work in pub become a waiter, start doing diffent things like salsa one day badminton next etc, to improve your talking.

But this is all gona take ages

Rushing will just push them away, I don’t want to rush but I want her for sure.

My issues are as I may only see her once a month, if that how can I talk to her enough to feel comfortable.

know the number thing is a option but without anything built it’s diffclut asking meeting etc

I can help you out give you advice but dont know what effect it will have.

In short tho:

Comfort can exist by default and often times it is simply lost. There is nothing important to say in normal conversation. Music, food etc these are unimportant normal topics, but they can be used to converse if one knows what one is doing. But they are not important. What is important is how a girl feels about you and that has to start with body language and feelings. Any time you interact with someone you have to be able to read their feelings which is more important than you being a conversationalis. One cannot remove akwardness by talking through it. If you dont know what to say then there is nothing important to say. You have to be in a situation where you both enjoy interacting seeing each other in this place indefinitely and that situation can always be good for you. Once you are happy with the status quo then you are comfortable. So you have to already be happy with the status quo and this is comfort.

When you see this girl at this place it all starts with reading body language. Once you have one interaction you control your energy and that will elicit a response from her over time that she wants more interaction. Each time you go and talk to her and do a little bit. Then you can ask for her contact details and continue elsewhere.

In such a scenario it is just about your 'coldness' ie you cannot be affected too much cos you have to lead by example. Everytime you go there you have to be comfortable. This is easy if you understand that pointless conversation is really just pointless and that there is no romantic value in liking the same music or food. Thus your conversation is deliberate and rather boring or uninterested unless something interests you. When you talk to her it is just to be nice and sociable and want to interact with her but this is not an interview or 'compatibility' thing really, so it is just about being cool and not trying to talk so much or create too much talking ie conversation energy but more emotional energy and not much needs to be said for that to happen.

 

[Sim2335]

@Mike32ct - I know some people who started as friends first and know there boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

[Sim2335]

Other then course what elese can I talk about,



I don’t like asking on here cos then I’m prepping but if I don’t prep I will have nothing to talk about



Surely it’s better to prep until you get comfortable with them, not huge prep just soemthing small like maybe one day music

Next time netflix



Then again even thouse questions I think it’s too early and seems weird to ask out the blue



I know these seem obvious but they won’t come to my head as I’m nervous around her

 

[Mike32ct]

@Mike32ct - I know some people who started as friends first and know there boyfriend and girlfriend.

It can happen sometimes. But there are also plenty of guys who had a good friendship going with their crush to later find out she was never attracted or she initially was and lost those feelings or she started dating someone else.

 

[BadBoy89]

- I’ve never had a girlfriend and have social anxiety,
- just looking to get close to a girl (like friends)get married and have kids.
- The psychologist I’m seeing for social anxiety, said don’t prepare anything your mind shouldn’t go blank,
- He’s given me ideas like work in pub become a waiter, start doing diffent things like salsa one day badminton next etc, to improve your talking.
- But this is all gona take ages
- I don’t want to rush but I want her for sure.
- My issues are as I may only see her once a month, if that how can I talk to her enough to feel comfortable.

- You are 38 and have social anxiety
- A psychologist is very expensive, so you have money.
- He recommends to do stuff to help, you tell him “No, I want instant gratification.”
- You are in love with this girl you see 1 time / 31 days.
- you want to “talk” to her feel comfortable, yet you wont join clubs to talk to people the remaining 30/31 days
- since you don’t know how to talk to people. how do you know she doesn’t have a 6’1 husband and is pregnant?

This makes no sense.

 

[Sim2335]

@BadBoy89



Nope two years younger

Nope, use work insurance for the psychologist

I didn’t refuse I said I will do that but also told him my current situation

I seen her 3-4 times, without speaking and spoke her twice after

I will join clubs, I’ve done it before too but I’m gona do it more regularly now

I assume she doesn’t, she’s never mention it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

"When I fall in love...it will be forever..."

 

[Sim2335]

I can help you out give you advice but dont know what effect it will have.

In short tho:

Comfort can exist by default and often times it is simply lost. There is nothing important to say in normal conversation. Music, food etc these are unimportant normal topics, but they can be used to converse if one knows what one is doing. But they are not important. What is important is how a girl feels about you and that has to start with body language and feelings. Any time you interact with someone you have to be able to read their feelings which is more important than you being a conversationalis. One cannot remove akwardness by talking through it. If you dont know what to say then there is nothing important to say. You have to be in a situation where you both enjoy interacting seeing each other in this place indefinitely and that situation can always be good for you. Once you are happy with the status quo then you are comfortable. So you have to already be happy with the status quo and this is comfort.

When you see this girl at this place it all starts with reading body language. Once you have one interaction you control your energy and that will elicit a response from her over time that she wants more interaction. Each time you go and talk to her and do a little bit. Then you can ask for her contact details and continue elsewhere.

In such a scenario it is just about your 'coldness' ie you cannot be affected too much cos you have to lead by example. Everytime you go there you have to be comfortable. This is easy if you understand that pointless conversation is really just pointless and that there is no romantic value in liking the same music or food. Thus your conversation is deliberate and rather boring or uninterested unless something interests you. When you talk to her it is just to be nice and sociable and want to interact with her but this is not an interview or 'compatibility' thing really, so it is just about being cool and not trying to talk so much or create too much talking ie conversation energy but more emotional energy and not much needs to be said for that to happen.

@kavi we both enjoy the events I met her at since we both there, but like if it’s someone’s house, not sure what to chat about.



How do you create emotional energy?

 

[kavi]

@kavi we both enjoy the events I met her at since we both there, but like if it’s someone’s house, not sure what to chat about.



How do you create emotional energy?

IMO if your at the party you dont always have to spend one on one time with her. So for instance chatting with her and maybe some other girls or guys can be good.

To create the emotional energy you have make sure she enjoys coming and seeing you there. So just be cool and when you have a chance talk to her a bit one to one. But the conversation just look at what is going on or what the last convo was or what others are talkting about. Or whatever you already know about her you can ask her question about something. When your talking just be a nice guy and say the things that is gonna make her feel good, so like whatever music she likes you just be like yeah thats cool etc cos you want the convo to go well. Or just talk about something but it doesnt have to go too deep dont worry if there is a bit of no talking. Then you can ask for contact details or whatever.

 

[Sim2335]

Thanks Kavi

So next time I see her will be at some prayers I think, what can I say there as there’s no topic, I already done usual talk what she does etc last two times



If she says for example, how’s work how can I elobarte other then saying it’s ok
Or how’s my day been how can I elborate, if I ask her and she just say yes it’s ok.

 

[kavi]

Yh with work just say it ok, good whatever. Work detalils can be boring talk so better not to talk much about it.

About the day you can just say say whatever you did, just be upbeat and positive and that you enjoyed it.

 

[Stanley]

uh....why do you have two accounts?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

uh....why do you have two accounts?

Hahaha, maybe one is for simping and the other is for being Alpha?