Never Reach Out First After Smashing

[Juanto]

It she likes you and wants to see you again really doesn't matter if you reach out or she does. Just don't be a needy beta biatch. Use some common sense.

This. I have reached out after sex and they have reached out to me. On both ocasions I ended up seeing the girl multiple times after the 1st sex encounter. If they like you, it doesnt really matter in my opinion.

 

[Dr.Suave]

@BeExcellent has written about this and imo you'd be wise to listen to her.

To be fair, @BeExcellent talks about girls who wont put out outside of LTRs (or at least that´s the impression I get, anyways). But most guys here are not dealing with those type of women, they are spinning 304s

 

[EyeBRollin]

Far be it for me to argue with your experiences however you admitted yourself waiting 5-9 is a sort of shyt test to determine if she will reach out first.

It’s not a **** test. Think of it as pacing. It is following a consistent system. Mostly to keep you the man from being so damn thirsty. 97% of men are way too thirsty. Including most on this forum.

 

[EyeBRollin]

If it works for you and you like it I love it (no sarcasm)
Congratulations on your marriage, do you find marriage life difficult after being single for a while or was the transition easy for you?

It was difficult at first being a perpetual plate spinner. It’s seamless at this point. Wife has consistently high interest and is a good woman.

I didn’t pull 5-9 days out of my ass. It’s straight out of Doc Love’s The System. AMS and Corey Wayne then ripped it from him.

 

[Dr.Suave]

We always preach to reward good behaviorand punish bad behavior. Could it be that not reaching out after smashing is a way of Punishing good behavior?

 

[BeExcellent]

We always preach to reward good behaviorand punish bad behavior. Could it be that not reaching out after smashing is a way of Punishing good behavior?

Exactly. Positively reinforce behavior you’d like to see continue.

Psychology 101.

 

[BeExcellent]

No need to be a meanie, the personality style is just not my type.

Here’s why I don’t initiate.

1. I was raised that it’s not the feminine role.
2. If I as the woman reach out I can’t gauge whether the man had high enough interest to initiate.
3. I have no idea what he has going on in his life and I don’t want to bother him or interrupt him doing his MAN stuff. If he reaches out he’s doing so at his convenience, I’m not interrupting anything and he’s thinking of me. So I respond.

Positive reinforcement folks, I’m receptive but I’m not suddenly going to be the alpha in the interaction. That’s the man’s job IMO.

And I’m plenty caring, nuturing and giving. But only to someone worthy of my investment who is leading by showing investment in me.

Win-win.

 

[member162951]

What good behaviour would that be?

Compliance? F*cking you versus playing the resistance, "make him wait" game?

 

[member162951]

If I as the woman reach out I can’t gauge whether the man had high enough interest to initiate.

@Be in all fairness, men have the same fears and insecurities, especially since the birth of Tinder and other apps where many women are on there to find men to f*ck and nothing more.

Seeking validation and approval essentially, nothing to do with any actual interest in HIM.

I really dislike such gender roles, I find them to be rigid and outdated. People are multi-dimensional, we all have different facets to our natures and different people bring different facets out.

Why not judge by how you're vibing "together", versus following some outdated rule?

That said, I do believe a man should lead especially in early stages, set the frame. Leading means initiating, which means reaching out after first time sex.

Again, waiting 1-2 days is a good standard, it reflects he has a life but indicates his interest.

She should be reciprocating and I don't mean simply responding to his pursuit which is important but doing her own version of initiating. Like making him a nice meal or purchasing tickets to a ball game. Which is very feminine and falls within the concept of masculine/feminine polarity which I think is important.

To do otherwise @Be is having an entitlement attitude, sitting on her arse waiting for the man to do all the work "proving" his interest. Screw that and I'm a reasonable person, but that's just f*cked up imo.

 

[Omar the learner]

@Be in all fairness, men have the same fears and insecurities, especially since the birth of Tinder and other apps where many women are on there to find men to f*ck and nothing more.

Seeking validation and approval essentially, nothing to do with any actual interest in HIM.

I really dislike such gender roles, I find them to be rigid and outdated. People are multi-dimensional, we all have different facets to our natures and different people bring different facets out.

Why not judge by how you're vibing "together", versus following some outdated rule?

That said, I do believe a man should lead especially in early stages, set the frame. Leading means initiating, which means reaching out after first time sex.

Again, waiting 1-2 days is a good standard, it reflects he has a life but indicates his interest.

She should be reciprocating and I don't mean simply responding to his pursuit which is important but doing her own version of initiating. Like making him a nice meal or purchasing tickets to a ball game. Which is very feminine and falls within the concept of masculine/feminine polarity which I think is important.

To do otherwise @Be is having an entitlement attitude, sitting on her arse waiting for the man to do all the work "proving" his interest. Screw that and I'm a reasonable person, but that's just f*cked up imo.

Alright, let me explain the why behind the why you shouldn't reach out first after s3x.

My actions are in congruence with the masculine aspect of this. Remember, I initiated first, I went to her, i took her number, called, etc until... S3x happened.

Now, to test her compliance in this 304s world (irrespective whether it's an LTR prospect or not), she must show an act of submission and start chasing, which is the feminine aspect.

If she reaches out, she submitted and I peruse this further, keeping in mind that i have the upper hand, as things should be.

If she doesn't, for whatever reason, it's her loss. I operate from an abundance mindset and move to another female that will be more compliant.

This doesn't mean i will not check for red flags later if she's LTR worthy(if that's what I want) , this is just the first step.

Men need structure, plain and simple, i am simply not designed to operate with multifacets, why anyways? There's like 4 billion of them..

 

[BeExcellent]

@Be in all fairness, men have the same fears and insecurities, especially since the birth of Tinder and other apps where many women are on there to find men to f*ck and nothing more.

Seeking validation and approval essentially, nothing to do with any actual interest in HIM.

I really dislike such gender roles, I find them to be rigid and outdated. People are multi-dimensional, we all have different facets to our natures and different people bring different facets out.

Why not judge by how you're vibing "together", versus following some outdated rule?

That said, I do believe a man should lead especially in early stages, set the frame. Leading means initiating, which means reaching out after first time sex.

Again, waiting 1-2 days is a good standard, it reflects he has a life but indicates his interest.

She should be reciprocating and I don't mean simply responding to his pursuit which is important but doing her own version of initiating. Like making him a nice meal or purchasing tickets to a ball game. Which is very feminine and falls within the concept of masculine/feminine polarity which I think is important.

To do otherwise @Be is having an entitlement attitude, sitting on her arse waiting for the man to do all the work "proving" his interest. Screw that and I'm a reasonable person, but that's just f*cked up imo.

I don’t have an entitlement attitude. I am VERY generous of nature. I treat my husband like a king. I reciprocate just fine thank you. But early on in an interaction a sensible woman knows her value and pays attention to whether or not a man appreciates her value. I’m not taking him out to a steakhouse or spending $200 on good steaks and a good bottle of wine to make at home if he can’t be bothered to call me.

I know men who will only “reward” a woman with a dinner date if they are sexually involved AND she is a good public reflection on him. I take no issue with that.

I just bought myself and my husband season ski passes for unlimited access to Vail owned ski resorts this season (2K) as his birthday gift this fall.

But we are MARRIED. That is a commitment for life and the ultimate investment in a woman for all intents and purposes. So I invest in him and in us as I see fit. We are going to the races this weekend. He bought premium seating I bought the hotel room. Many of the women I know either can’t or won’t afford their significant other such things, but I didn’t do lots of this prior to a level of investment or commitment from him. Why would I?

Call me old fashioned but it works just fine for me, it works just fine for my Gen Z son at age 21 and my Gen Z daughter at 19 and their respective multi year LTRs. It works just fine for my friend’s Gen Z son who just got engaged to his multi year LTR, and each of the women in those relationships understands the dynamic like I do. So it’s not out of touch.

Why you guys keep expecting quality women to chase you down the street to cook you an expensive meal is silly. I don’t chase men down the street and neither does any quality girl I know. It’s been that way forever. Men and women have not suddenly changed in the last 50 years. Not the ones who get married and stay that way.

I don’t care who anybody here dates. That is for y’all to choose. But if you expect women to chase after you then you are not choosing from a pool of the best women. Sorry, you aren’t.

 

[member162951]

I’m not taking him out to a steakhouse or spending $200 on good steaks and a good bottle of wine to make at home if he can’t be bothered to call me.

Now who's moving the goal posts? Lol

I already said a man should take the lead and be the first to reach out after first time sex. I was talking about once you begin regularly dating. And never said a thing about a woman "chasing" him or making/buying him an "expensive" meal, where did that come from?

I've read posts from you that you don't take any initiative for the first few months, needing him.to prove his interest, you used those words @Be - "prove his interest."

Which I don't agree with, but obviously it worked well for you so more power to ya. Just explaining that men often have the same fears and insecurities, that's all. And that's okay, it's not weak, it's human.

Somehow we've got to come together and stop competing with each other for power and internal control, it messes everything up as evidenced by all these threads.

Not just on this forum but others from both men and women. Stop the insanity ffs, it's ridiculous.

 

[BeExcellent]

Here’s the thing. I’m consistent in my content. It’s really not about me, although I have the value to behave as I do with a great outcome, as my life experiences prove out. You have to bring value to the table as a woman for my stated way of existing to be viable, no question.

I’m just an offering a perspective about how a high value woman behaves in the mating market. It’s a perspective that bears out through many quality women who I know personally, most of whom are in satisfying marriages, are engaged or in LTRs, not just me.

This works with solid women. Of course we are all human beings, each with feelings and flaws. I have close male friends who I hear about disappointment from in their relations as well as their successes.

So I get it. It’s just a perspective. But also keep in mind that I’m not married to anyone here. So I don’t need to be deferential in that way to anyone other than my husband.

Just my $0.02

 

[The Duke]

Here’s why I don’t initiate.

1. I was raised that it’s not the feminine role.
2. If I as the woman reach out I can’t gauge whether the man had high enough interest to initiate.
3. I have no idea what he has going on in his life and I don’t want to bother him or interrupt him doing his MAN stuff. If he reaches out he’s doing so at his convenience, I’m not interrupting anything and he’s thinking of me. So I respond.

Positive reinforcement folks, I’m receptive but I’m not suddenly going to be the alpha in the interaction. That’s the man’s job IMO.

And I’m plenty caring, nuturing and giving. But only to someone worthy of my investment who is leading by showing investment in me.

Win-win.

Yep fellas, date a few girls like this and you will find what @BeExcellent says to be true. Its a little strange at first, because as a guy you feel she isn't showing much interest because she isn't reaching out and doesn't initiate anything. However these types do show interest because they are responding. As long as she keeps saying yes and replies in a timely manner you are good. The old lady taught me this a long time ago. If you think about it, it's more feminine and let's the man be the man.

 

[member162951]

If you think about it, it's more feminine and let's the man be the man.

I agree that the man should lead and set the frame but once feelings are established and you begin dating (and screwing), I think a woman can be extremely feminine and submissive but still initiate in her own feminine way.

Like cooking him a nice meal to share (nothing expensive or elaborate) after he's taken her out numerous times and indicated HIS strong interest. Or initiating texting once in a while, saying hi, I miss you.

Being lazy and waiting for the man to do all the heavy lifting to prove his interest or that he's a MAN, has very little to do with masculine/feminine polarity imo.

A woman's femininity and a man's masculinity is reflected in their "essence," their internal state, their vibe, their style. How they speak and carry themselves and how they treat others.

Nurturing is also a feminine quality and showing through actions that you care.

I know a woman who is just like @Be, doesn't initiate, but responds.

She's one of the loudest most abrasive women I've ever known, there is NOTHING feminine about her in the least.

On the other hand, my girl looks like a soft powder puff, she's sweet and compliant, and she initiates from time to time in her own non-aggressive way. Her femininity comes from within - her essence.

And every man who's ever met and dated her falls in love with her - women too! Although she's 100% straight.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Why you guys keep expecting quality women to chase you down the street to cook you an expensive meal is silly. I don’t chase men down the street and neither does any quality girl I know.

Because most guys here are not dealing with quality girls.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Here’s why I don’t initiate.

1. I was raised that it’s not the feminine role.
2. If I as the woman reach out I can’t gauge whether the man had high enough interest to initiate.
3. I have no idea what he has going on in his life and I don’t want to bother him or interrupt him doing his MAN stuff. If he reaches out he’s doing so at his convenience, I’m not interrupting anything and he’s thinking of me. So I respond.

Positive reinforcement folks, I’m receptive but I’m not suddenly going to be the alpha in the interaction. That’s the man’s job IMO.

And I’m plenty caring, nuturing and giving. But only to someone worthy of my investment who is leading by showing investment in me.

Win-win.

All this "I was raised to be a traditional woman" stuff is complete horseh!t in this day an age. Being a traditional woman means that:

1. You were a virgin when you married your husband.
2. Your are still married to your husband (unless you are a widow).
3. You are a stay-at-home mom.

Everything you've written about yourself (to the extent any of it is true) suggests that you are the complete opposite of a traditional woman. A divorcee who has dated many men and who is currently a sugar momma to a much younger man...none of that sounds even remotely traditional.

When a woman says that she is "traditional", I view it as a huge red flag. While there are still women who have somewhat traditional values, they would never explicitly describe themselves as such. These days, any overt reference to traditionalism is a power play. It's an attempt to establish dominance and control by getting the man to invest.

 

[BeExcellent]

All this "I was raised to be a traditional woman" stuff is complete horseh!t in this day an age. Being a traditional woman means that:

1. You were a virgin when you married your husband.
2. Your are still married to your husband (unless you are a widow).
3. You are a stay-at-home mom.

Everything you've written about yourself (to the extent any of it is true) suggests that you are the complete opposite of a traditional woman. A divorcee who has dated many men and who is currently a sugar momma to a much younger man...none of that sounds even remotely traditional.

When a woman says that she is "traditional", I view it as a huge red flag. While there are still women who have somewhat traditional values, they would never explicitly describe themselves as such. These days, any overt reference to traditionalism is a power play. It's an attempt to establish dominance and control by getting the man to invest.

My son’s fiancé meets every criteria you stated above. She’s 20. So ya these women certainly exist. My 19 year old daughter is also one. My younger daughter will be one too. Gee. Wonder where they learned those values. Not at school I promise.

It’s sad the insults you hurl to try and discount what I’m saying. My husband earns a solid six figure income, is a respected athlete in his sport internationally and is in process of launching a company (without a dime from me), but Ok.

Tell yourself whatever, lol