Never Let Your Girlfriend Have A Male Work Friend

[spax]

My girlfriend of 7 years started becoming chummy with this guy from work and I was told to 'deal with it' as they were 'just friends' and that I was being controlling and possessive.

I was told that a real man would have no problem with them having dinner together, going for drinks, and texting regularly.

Two weeks ago she dumped me and is now going out with him.

Good luck to you all!

 

[sylvester the cat]

in before the boundary crew turn this into another flame thread.

if you'd had boundaries and implemented them from the outset this would have been avoided. not her going out with her work mate but her dumping you. you should have dumped her as soon as she crossed those boundaries as boundary crossing is clear indication of loss of interest.

whether you vocalised the boundaries or not matters not. either way works for different people. but what is most important is to have clear lines of what is and what is not acceptable. as soon as she crossed that line you should have bounced. boundaries are there to protect you from her not her from other men.

 

[Soolaimon]

My girlfriend of 7 years started becoming chummy with this guy from work and I was told to 'deal with it' as they were 'just friends' and that I was being controlling and possessive.

I was told that a real man would have no problem with them having dinner together, going for drinks, and texting regularly.

Two weeks ago she dumped me and is now going out with him.

Good luck to you all!

They were "just friends" all right and of course she blames you.

We all know that verbalized boundaries don't work and women don't respect them when they are losing interest.

Even if you verbalized boundaries she would have still seen him behind your back.

A real man doesn't watch his woman go out with another man and just "take it" like you did.

You should have went out with another woman and dumped her ass when her escapades started.

Don't be a chump like that.

When a woman loses interest she will leave you for another man boundary or not.

 

[Jair213]

lol .... its typical for woman to hook up with or eend up with or cheat with a co worker.... should be of no surprise

 

[sylvester the cat]

When a woman loses interest she will leave you for another man boundary or not.

this statement is redundant and irrelevant. the question isn't whether or not boundaries will keep a girl faithful but whether one should act on them or not when they are being breached.

a man should have certain boundaries whether he verbalises them or not. it is his armor.

OP clearly had boundaries of sorts as he was not comfortable with his gfriend spending time with another man. He must have verbalised his boundaries because his girlfriend flipped the script on him and accused him of being possessive.

it was OP's next course of action which was crucial to the story. to act or not to act when boundaries are being breached.

OP failed to act when his boundaries were breached and was subsequently dumped putting his self-esteem and confidence in jeopardy which if left unchecked could be disastrous.

boundaries serve as warning signs and red flags for future trouble. ignore them at your peril.

 

[hudpes]

When it comes to females, what you do is far more important than what you say. Talking is their territory and they don't think with a voice of reason, so it's always a battle you can't win. Her action, verbal or non verbal, should always evoke a non emotional, non verbal reaction from a man. You should never give her credit based on your sentimental reasons, if she goes over the line, you take a step back, or end it.

 

[Soolaimon]

this statement is redundant and irrelevant. the question isn't whether or not boundaries will keep a girl faithful but whether one should act on them or not when they are being breached.

a man should have certain boundaries whether he verbalises them or not. it is his armor.

OP clearly had boundaries of sorts as he was not comfortable with his gfriend spending time with another man. He must have verbalised his boundaries because his girlfriend flipped the script on him and accused him of being possessive.

it was OP's next course of action which was crucial to the story. to act or not to act when boundaries are being breached.

OP failed to act when his boundaries were breached and was subsequently dumped putting his self-esteem and confidence in jeopardy which if left unchecked could be disastrous.

boundaries serve as warning signs and red flags for future trouble. ignore them at your peril.

No it isn't irrelevant cause it supports my point I've made several times.

Verbal boundaries to "define exclusivity" that the boundary guys preach are useless. The women disregard their "terms" cause they have free will when they lose interest. They will see and still have sex with other men with verbal boundaries that were made months/years earlier.

All of these guys who preach boundaries wait to act on them or try to implement them when a problem occurs anyway. It's a waste of time.

He should gave acted accordingly to dump her after he saw what she was doing with a co worker.

He probably told her he didn't like her hanging out with the other guy.

Instead of wasting time "defining terms" or talking about it use action to deal with women.

You get better results that way and don't deal with any b.s.

You missed what I said in my post.

A real man doesn't watch his woman go out with another man and just "take it" like you did.

You should have went out with another woman and dumped her ass when her escapades started.

Don't be a chump like that.

 

[sylvester the cat]

No it isn't irrelevant cause it supports my point I've made several times.

Verbal boundaries to "define exclusivity" that the boundary guys preach are useless. The women disregard their "terms" cause they have free will when they lose interest. They will see and still have sex with other men with verbal boundaries that were made months/years earlier.

All of these guys who preach boundaries wait to act on them or try to implement them when a problem occurs anyway. It's a waste of time.

He should gave acted accordingly to dump her after he saw what she was doing with a co worker.

He probably told her he didn't like her hanging out with the other guy.

Instead of wasting time "defining terms" or talking about it use action to deal with women.

You get better results that way and don't deal with any b.s.

You missed what I said in my post.

well it is up to the individual if they want to define their boundaries to others or not. i don't want to get into that.

what matters is:

1) a man has boundaries
2) He acts when boundaries are breached.

to have no boundaries or to fail to act when boundaries are breached is to leave yourself open to attack. on that i think we agree.

 

[Die Hard]

Uhmmm, am I the only one who thinks the OP is an obvious trolljob?

 

[soden]

As already mentioned, its YOUR fault for tolerating her behaviour.

As soon as shed suggested going out with a male coworker -> strike one
As soon as shed gone out with him -> I am gone

In my opinion there is no difference if you had put up some boundaries before, if you tolerate this sh!t, its all your fault.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Uhmmm, am I the only one who thinks the OP is an obvious trolljob?

I think he's just trying to come to terms with the situation. this is the girl who moved states for another job or something. he did get a sympathy BJ from her so it's not all bad.

 

[GS750]

This girl:

Told him to "deal with it". Disrespect. This is the same as her saying "there's the door". Get up and walk out of it.

Told him that they were "just friends". Bullsh*t. Would she have tolerated him hanging out with a girl in the same type of scenario? I don't think so. Not in a million years.

Accused him of being possessive and controlling. Fvckin' blame transfer. Rationalizing her sh*t behavior. Typical.

She uses some "a real man wouldn't..." Nonsensical bullsh*t to further rationalize her sh*t behavior.

I agree. He should have dumped her first. She was on her way out of the relationship anyway. Now he's left to pick up the pieces while she's already moved on.

 

[zekko]

It's not unusual for co-workers to become close, as they will see each other often and have a lot of time and chance to build rapport. As Jair says, cheating (or branch swinging) is very common with co-workers.

That said, you can't keep your girl from talking to people, especially at work. I wouldn't even have a problem with them texting. But if they were going out for dinner or drinks, that crosses the line for me, and she would have been dumped.

Note the typical feminist attempts to shame the OP by characterizing his objections as "controlling" and "possessive". And how a "real man" wouldn't have a problem with them going out for dinner or drinks. I suppose she thinks a "real man" would sit there and be cuckolded while they fvck in their bed as he watches, as well. Don't fall for these female attempts to shame and manipulate you, that's one of the most important things to take from this.

well it is up to the individual if they want to define their boundaries to others or not. i don't want to get into that.

what matters is:

1) a man has boundaries
2) He acts when boundaries are breached.

See? Sylvester gets it. Well done.

 

[skinnyguy]

If she cheats, it's your fault my friend.

How is your gf not going to make male friends at the office? You must be a beta.

 

[Married Buried]

This is common sense man.. why in the hell did you allow this in the first place?? She announced she was going to cheat right in your face.

 

[LMFAO]

I was on the other side of this once with a hot work colleague. Went to lunches with her, stayed in the office late with her. She also happened to live close by to where I live.

Didn't bang her though, didn't want to interfere and knew it would cause havoc. I did happen to meet her boyfriend eventually and he was a rate 1 beta.

Haven't had contact with her since, even though I just thought we were friends, she completely went ghost on me a few months after leaving the company just when I needed her most for a recommendation. What a b1tch. Always had difficulty to have female friends.

 

[El Payaso]

When it comes to females, what you do is far more important than what you say. Talking is their territory and they don't think with a voice of reason, so it's always a battle you can't win. Her action, verbal or non verbal, should always evoke a non emotional, non verbal reaction from a man. You should never give her credit based on your sentimental reasons, if she goes over the line, you take a step back, or end it.

Spot on! This is why I always say you should reciprocate a woman's actions. If she starts flirting with other guys, you start flirting with other women too. If she calls you out, you say "Oh, I didn't realize we were in a relationship where we don't flirt with other people". Simple. She will correct herself right away.

 

[foreverAFC]

once she starts hanging out with another guy, you walk. thats it.

 

[crazyboy]

My girlfriend of 7 years started becoming chummy with this guy from work and I was told to 'deal with it' as they were 'just friends' and that I was being controlling and possessive.

I was told that a real man would have no problem with them having dinner together, going for drinks, and texting regularly.

Two weeks ago she dumped me and is now going out with him.

Good luck to you all!

first off never let a woman tell you what a real man is, they wouldnt know one if they got **** slap by one. Second should have broke it off with her behind when she told you to deal with it. Cuz that how would dealt with it use as a learning experience.

 

[exhausted]

well it is up to the individual if they want to define their boundaries to others or not. i don't want to get into that.

what matters is:

1) a man has boundaries
2) He acts when boundaries are breached.

to have no boundaries or to fail to act when boundaries are breached is to leave yourself open to attack. on that i think we agree.

Good points all around