Interceptor
Master Don Juan
Hey guys,
from time to time I get emails that are exceptional. They really speak strongly on an issue that so many men have experienced. I'm subscribed to Deangelo's, Michael W, and Dr. Paul's newsletters. They are always enlightening.
As some of you may know, I'm a big fan of Dr. Paul Dobransky. So much of what he says resonates with me strongly, but he's able to explain these concepts I have in my head and my perspective in such a clear, logical way,that I understand myself even better now, and the principles and beliefs I have had for a long time that have always benefitted me. I hope that you value and appreciate his insight, and the skill he has in explaining it clearly. He gets right to the point.
I hope it helps you understand yourself better.
He's been featured on David Deangelo's videos and is a well known, and respected authority in not only psychology, but in the seduction communities and masculine empowerment as well.
The following is one of his Newsletter emails:
Dr. Paul Dobransky
Never Having to Say You're Sorry
Hi Guys,
They say "love means never having to say you're sorry."
Let's think about this even beyond the context of a relationship with a woman, though I am sure that even the most solid men out there could use some keen attention to this concept.
Some of you may know that while my friend Mystery was in town this weekend with his friends from his VH-1 tv show, I threw in a little brotherly help and went out with them and their students, and did a 2 hour presentation to his clients on "being a man."
One of his buddies is named JDog, a great guy too, and after it was all over, I was chatting with him on the street on the way to Starbucks to write you this. He's a Briton, and I got to thinking how many in British culture are exceptionally polite and genteel.
The frequently cited description of actor Hugh Grant as the epitome of British "self-effacing humor" comes to mind. In this case of enculturation, you're not talking about people with terrible personal boundary problems and an external locus of control - the tendency for immature guys to let others tell them how to feel, think and act, or what their worth. You're just talking about a cultural force of habit - a way of communicating with people.
Cut to American culture then - the same thing goes on. We get trained at school to be very careful what people think of us. Might get sent to the principal's office if we dress too strangely, say something off the wall in class (perhaps just being creative, not hostile), and virtually all the media we encounter since a young age tells us that it's somehow not right or politically correct to be a man, or to use man-language. Off-color humor, sarcastically teasing each other to assess boundary strength in our friends, and calling bad behavior as we see it in women (or other men for that matter), is often depicted as "mean" or "rude" or even offensive.
At the same time we see the archetype of a man often depicted as a Homer Simpson, bumbling idiot type.
So at a very young age we learn to say "I'm sorry."
You could get hurt if you don't, or at least a bad grade, detention, excluded from the surrounding group or culture, and later on in life, fired or broken up with over small emergence of how you really, honestly see the world as a man.
What if you thought about the nature of being a man in terms of those words, "I'm sorry."
What if being a man - not just a man in love, but a man who knows who he is and what he is becoming - in some way depends on NEVER SAYING YOU'RE SORRY?
But many of you will say there is a time and place for an apology. We do need to be able to do so.
ONLY in the situation where we have purposely done wrong and know it. In the mindOS ecourse we call that GUILT.
We need guilt in order to see the errors of our ways and correct it. Yet, after doing so, there is NO further purpose or usefulness to HARBORING guilt any longer.
How many of you go around all "guilty" not for hours or days, but literally months or YEARS after you sense that you have done something wrong, AND have long corrected and atoned for the "sin?"
What's worse, as humans, both men and women tend to really need a sense of control over the world around us - to feel safe, to know our place, and to plan for a future that has more certainty than uncertainty in it. When something entirely out of our control suddenly appears - a girlfriend who breaks up for no apparent reason, a job loss, a health problem, a natural disaster even - we all go looking for some reason that it MUST HAVE BEEN OUR FAULT.
Why do we do that? Because at least, even when tragedy happens, at least we can somehow feel WE were in CONTROL of it all along.
WE APOLOGIZE.
And it's a comfortable illusion to put salve on the wounds of all that we don't control.
As I teach you in the mindOS material - the SECOND edition of the ecourse, and the soon to be released, remastered, professionally filmed mindOS CDs and DVDs - learning about personal boundaries shows us how to let go of trying to control things we don't, getting ourselves behind the steering wheel of our lives - through an INTERNAL Locus of Control, and therefore being the ones to determine what we say, do, think, feel, and ultimately what we're worth.
I sometimes enjoy sitting in on the seminars of other speakers or even helping them out by being a guest speaker or coach. And one of the things I saw about the guys who came to Mystery's seminar was that they were just hungry as Hell for some precise how-to knowledge about BEING A MAN. That, on TOP of being more effective with women.
It's not just guys at this particular seminar, but ALL seminars I've been to.
So I thought about what common thing I notice guys going around doing. What SUBTLE thing do they do that they themselves don't even notice?
On this particular occasion, what stood out to me was un-called-for, unnecessary APOLOGIES. Not just in words, but in how a guy stands, sits, uses body language, and you can just see it in his face.
I'M SORRY, it says.
And I don't think that message so many guys RADIATE is just a problem of their boundary skill or personal growth. I really think there is a little something to the culture we surround ourselves with.
You're out in a social venue and some random woman with too much to drink jumps in your way without looking to see who's right next to her. YOU say YOU'RE SORRY.
You're out there talking to a woman who has her ring hand in her pocket and another guy walks up - her husband - GLARING at you. YOU say YOU'RE SORRY.
You go to dinner with good friends who know you well, and know that you don't make NEARLY the money they make. You tell them so. They INSIST you come along. You can't really afford to tip. YOU say YOU'RE SORRY.
You work your butt off at your job, barely pay the bills, and holiday time approaches. Your girlfriend chats about how much she wants a new winter coat - 400$. She doesn't mean that she wants YOU to buy it, or expects it. She's cool, and just fantasizing. But on present-opening day, you got her some CDs, notice her kind of shabby four year old coat on the chair, and YOU say YOU'RE SORRY!
Why are you DOING that?
from time to time I get emails that are exceptional. They really speak strongly on an issue that so many men have experienced. I'm subscribed to Deangelo's, Michael W, and Dr. Paul's newsletters. They are always enlightening.
As some of you may know, I'm a big fan of Dr. Paul Dobransky. So much of what he says resonates with me strongly, but he's able to explain these concepts I have in my head and my perspective in such a clear, logical way,that I understand myself even better now, and the principles and beliefs I have had for a long time that have always benefitted me. I hope that you value and appreciate his insight, and the skill he has in explaining it clearly. He gets right to the point.
I hope it helps you understand yourself better.
He's been featured on David Deangelo's videos and is a well known, and respected authority in not only psychology, but in the seduction communities and masculine empowerment as well.
The following is one of his Newsletter emails:
Dr. Paul Dobransky
Never Having to Say You're Sorry
Hi Guys,
They say "love means never having to say you're sorry."
Let's think about this even beyond the context of a relationship with a woman, though I am sure that even the most solid men out there could use some keen attention to this concept.
Some of you may know that while my friend Mystery was in town this weekend with his friends from his VH-1 tv show, I threw in a little brotherly help and went out with them and their students, and did a 2 hour presentation to his clients on "being a man."
One of his buddies is named JDog, a great guy too, and after it was all over, I was chatting with him on the street on the way to Starbucks to write you this. He's a Briton, and I got to thinking how many in British culture are exceptionally polite and genteel.
The frequently cited description of actor Hugh Grant as the epitome of British "self-effacing humor" comes to mind. In this case of enculturation, you're not talking about people with terrible personal boundary problems and an external locus of control - the tendency for immature guys to let others tell them how to feel, think and act, or what their worth. You're just talking about a cultural force of habit - a way of communicating with people.
Cut to American culture then - the same thing goes on. We get trained at school to be very careful what people think of us. Might get sent to the principal's office if we dress too strangely, say something off the wall in class (perhaps just being creative, not hostile), and virtually all the media we encounter since a young age tells us that it's somehow not right or politically correct to be a man, or to use man-language. Off-color humor, sarcastically teasing each other to assess boundary strength in our friends, and calling bad behavior as we see it in women (or other men for that matter), is often depicted as "mean" or "rude" or even offensive.
At the same time we see the archetype of a man often depicted as a Homer Simpson, bumbling idiot type.
So at a very young age we learn to say "I'm sorry."
You could get hurt if you don't, or at least a bad grade, detention, excluded from the surrounding group or culture, and later on in life, fired or broken up with over small emergence of how you really, honestly see the world as a man.
What if you thought about the nature of being a man in terms of those words, "I'm sorry."
What if being a man - not just a man in love, but a man who knows who he is and what he is becoming - in some way depends on NEVER SAYING YOU'RE SORRY?
But many of you will say there is a time and place for an apology. We do need to be able to do so.
ONLY in the situation where we have purposely done wrong and know it. In the mindOS ecourse we call that GUILT.
We need guilt in order to see the errors of our ways and correct it. Yet, after doing so, there is NO further purpose or usefulness to HARBORING guilt any longer.
How many of you go around all "guilty" not for hours or days, but literally months or YEARS after you sense that you have done something wrong, AND have long corrected and atoned for the "sin?"
What's worse, as humans, both men and women tend to really need a sense of control over the world around us - to feel safe, to know our place, and to plan for a future that has more certainty than uncertainty in it. When something entirely out of our control suddenly appears - a girlfriend who breaks up for no apparent reason, a job loss, a health problem, a natural disaster even - we all go looking for some reason that it MUST HAVE BEEN OUR FAULT.
Why do we do that? Because at least, even when tragedy happens, at least we can somehow feel WE were in CONTROL of it all along.
WE APOLOGIZE.
And it's a comfortable illusion to put salve on the wounds of all that we don't control.
As I teach you in the mindOS material - the SECOND edition of the ecourse, and the soon to be released, remastered, professionally filmed mindOS CDs and DVDs - learning about personal boundaries shows us how to let go of trying to control things we don't, getting ourselves behind the steering wheel of our lives - through an INTERNAL Locus of Control, and therefore being the ones to determine what we say, do, think, feel, and ultimately what we're worth.
I sometimes enjoy sitting in on the seminars of other speakers or even helping them out by being a guest speaker or coach. And one of the things I saw about the guys who came to Mystery's seminar was that they were just hungry as Hell for some precise how-to knowledge about BEING A MAN. That, on TOP of being more effective with women.
It's not just guys at this particular seminar, but ALL seminars I've been to.
So I thought about what common thing I notice guys going around doing. What SUBTLE thing do they do that they themselves don't even notice?
On this particular occasion, what stood out to me was un-called-for, unnecessary APOLOGIES. Not just in words, but in how a guy stands, sits, uses body language, and you can just see it in his face.
I'M SORRY, it says.
And I don't think that message so many guys RADIATE is just a problem of their boundary skill or personal growth. I really think there is a little something to the culture we surround ourselves with.
You're out in a social venue and some random woman with too much to drink jumps in your way without looking to see who's right next to her. YOU say YOU'RE SORRY.
You're out there talking to a woman who has her ring hand in her pocket and another guy walks up - her husband - GLARING at you. YOU say YOU'RE SORRY.
You go to dinner with good friends who know you well, and know that you don't make NEARLY the money they make. You tell them so. They INSIST you come along. You can't really afford to tip. YOU say YOU'RE SORRY.
You work your butt off at your job, barely pay the bills, and holiday time approaches. Your girlfriend chats about how much she wants a new winter coat - 400$. She doesn't mean that she wants YOU to buy it, or expects it. She's cool, and just fantasizing. But on present-opening day, you got her some CDs, notice her kind of shabby four year old coat on the chair, and YOU say YOU'RE SORRY!
Why are you DOING that?
I quickly learned that, to avoid humiliation, an explanation is better than an apology.