Never dated a girl like this. What to do?

[tweeder]

There's this girl that I just started dating. This girl is unlike any girl I have ever met. She is absolutely beautiful, but she is a VERY religious person. She doesn't drink, smoke, cuss, etc.

The one thing I've noticed is that she doesn't put up with a guy that treats her bad. I've seen two guys get dumped because they treated her like crap in some way. This girl really is looking for a nice guy. I wouldn't believe it myself if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

Now up to this point I have still tried to remain a challenge without being too much of a jerk. I only call her every few days, and it's only to schedule a date. When we are in a group I try to give all the other girls just as much attention, and I never tell her how I feel about her.

However, I have opened up to her a little more than usual. She really started getting irritated because she said I was being to "vague" with my answers.

Now the bad thing is that the other day she said I was perfect for her because I was such a (shudders) nice guy. So what do you guys think I should do? Will she leave me if I keep acting like this, or am I being a big enough challenge for a "good" girl that doesn't put up with too much.

 

[Take No Dirt]

It's hard to fathom, but there are girls out there who GENUINELY prefer nice guys over jerks. Actually, they want a gentleman who treats them nice like a lady, a dude who's strong both physically and emotionally and who takes charge. You may have one such gal on your hand. Having just said this, I would still strive to be a challenge to her. All gals love a guy who's mysterious, exciting and a challenge.

 

[Sir_Chancealot]

Listen carefully..........
You have a bonified, real-life, WOMAN on your hands. One that isn't into playing games, isn't going to screw around on you, and isn't going to generally make your life hell. She would probably refer to herself as a "proverbs woman" (Ask her what that means).

Listen carefully. If you play the DJ angle too hard on this, you will lose her.

Keeps things fun and exciting, but don't do most of the things that most of us DJs will advise you to do. Or, if you prefer, water the DJ "rules" WAY down, and follow them. A woman like this doesn't tolerate "games" too well, because she doesn't play them. The one thing that you CAN do is not to be too predictable, but even then you are walking a razor's edge.

(BTW, if you think I am one of the "anti-DJ" people that pop up on these boards now and then, think again. Look at some of my old posts.)

Listen very carefully to her words, and compare them to her actions. If they are in agreement (God, how rare in a woman!) then you know that you ARE being too vague for her. Listen when she tells you something.

The one drawback you have to look out for is if she is one of those "holier-than-thou" type of people. In other words, she looks down on people that don't go to her church, etc.

If she isn't than she's the type of girl that makes for FINE LTR/Marriage material. One other thing: Guard your heart VERY carefully. A recovering "nice guy" will fall for this type of girl much too quickly.

Good luck:

P.S. Does she have any friends in the Midwest? HAHAHAHA!

 

[Take No Dirt]

Sir_Chancealot, great post! Can I ask you a question? Would you say the main reason this DJ web site exists is because of the games MOST women play with us dudes?

[This message has been edited by Take No Dirt (edited 11-02-2001).]

 

[MrSassyPants]

Its shocking, but... girls like that still exist.

I'd bet ten to one that her parents are still together in a happy, loving relationship. There is no reason to be anything but a nice guy. Nicest, sweetest guy she ever met. Nice guy in big fat letters.

Notice I said "nice guy" That gives you no excuse to be a weak or non alpha male. You must be strong. Don't make the mistake that some on this site do and equate kindness with weakness.

You may NOT be needy. Calling every few days is right (the longer and more serious the relationship, the more you can call, at least if you have a reason.)

Don't be afraid to share your feelings, just not more so than her, you are still the guy.

Feel free to cry... if your parent, puppy or girlfriend dies, other than that, you are still a guy and you need to act like one.

I think it would be great for you guys to be able to talk, even about your feelings... I think there's a difference in the way guys handle it...

"Jerk"- huh? Yeah... hmmm.. sure. Yeah. Whatever...

"Strong nice guy"- I love you too... why? Well... you're sweet, you're fun... I really have more fun with you than anyone I know... well, except my buddy Tim, and Julie, that girl down the hall.. and... Oh, sorry, what was that... Yeah, I am funny... I'm kidding, I love you. (This assumes she's your girlfriend... first date, this isn't cool)

"Weak Nice Guy"- I love you too... much more than you love me. I don't know why you love me, but I'm so lucky to be with you. Noone else would love me, but you do... you are so pretty and smart and perfect. I love you, cuddlekins...

Being a jerk isn't going to get you anything but a girl that had a jerk for a father or more common Mom's boyfriends were jerks (the vast majority). You gotta figure out what you are fishing for, and use the right bait. The more like her Dad, the more she'll fit into her image of the "right guy" Not sexually, and it sounds creepy, but its true.

Good luck. I'm happy for you. Don't be like most guys (even me at one point..hehe) and screw it up.

 

[GorillaPimp]

This is interesting...What are the types of girls that Don Juan tactics will not work on?
You all are saying they will not work on religious girls...
You all will have to explain this one...What I think will happen is...You drop this Don Juan tactics..then..Boom she falls in love w/ another guy...and you get pissed off cause you dropped the DJ tactics...

I had a so called religious girl who said she did not believe in playing games..but I swear she was always playing them (She would play the jealousy game w/ me, One type she flipped on me & broke all contact w/ me and came back all lovey dovey)...& I played them also.....Ultimately, it did not work...I believe because she wanted control and I wanted control...I wouldn't break and she wouldn't break.....I don't know...1)Give me some more insight on what type of girls DJ tactics don't work on? and 2) insight on my past situation..

 

[MrSassyPants]

Its NOT about being religious. Its NOT about DJ tactics not working. Its about understanding the particular girl involved. Girls are as different as guys.

Being a DJ isn't about "tactics" its about understanding women. DJs know what works with different girls and why.

Being a DJ isn't about "game playing" its about being the kind of guy women are attracted to, and having the confidence to act on it.

 

[GorillaPimp]

I know there are alot of different types of females..but if you could put them in a few different catagories...What are they? and How would the Don Juan respond to them in order to make them more attracted?

 

[tweeder]

Hey GorillaPimp,
I think that these DJ tactics work on just about any woman. I have personally had 10 times more women than I ever did before since coming to this site. So I would have to say that every DJ should keep using these tactics.

This girl is unlike any girl I have ever met. A girl that doesn't play games? Go figure. Even though she is a "nice girl" she still goes for some of these things. LIke the only caling every few days and not telling her how I feel about her have really raised her IL in my opinion. It was the other things I wasn't sure about.

Thanks for all of your help. And Sir Chancelot, she does have friends, and I am from the Midwest.

 

[Don the Legend]

Hey Tweeder,

Sounds like you have yourself a winner.

Sir Chance is right. I agree that you should adapt to the women in this instance. I say little by little let up on the DJ rules and advice with this particular girl. Only use theses rules when she starts jerking you around. Otherwise you will piss her off and you may lose a great opportunity. Most girls will respond to the rules we use. She is an exception.

Good Luck,

Legend

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"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round."... Ben Hogan

"Do not fear failure." George S. Patton

"Do not make excuses, whether it s your fault or not."....George S. Patton

 

[BGMan]

Yes, I think that being a Nice Guy here will work; as long as you aren't a Doormat. Nice Guy With Backbone is the way to go.

BGMan

 

[pezbee]

what religion is she???

 

[Poosy Marauder]

Remember in the Charlie Brown TV series how when Charlie's teacher would talk it would all come out as an unintelligible wah wah..wah wah ..wah wah noise?

When chicks start to dribble on about what kind of guys they like or are looking for, this is mentally all I hear, just noise.

Because words don't mean shyt, look for a girls actions. So be suspicious about any chick who tells you she is really looking for a "nice guy".

Actually the surest way to know what kind of guy she is looking for is to find out what kind of guy her father is and what kind of relationship she has with him. That will give you clues.

 

[Take No Dirt]

So, Poosy Marauder, if the girl's father is a nice guy, then she's looking for a nice guy for a BF as well. Point well taken!

LOL!! There must be lots of jerky fathers around because many girls are hitched up to jerks.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Take No Dirt:
So, Poosy Marauder, if the girl's father is a nice guy, then she's looking for a nice guy for a BF as well. Point well taken!

LOL!! There must be lots of jerky fathers around because many girls are hitched up to jerks.

That's not it, Dirt. Jerks are very, very good at pretending to be nice. I think women pick up on something being off kilter with these guys and it sparks the interest. The jerks tend to have very low self esteem and often rush the woman into marriage so he feels he can keep her and stop carrying on his "aact". Almost immediately after marriage his true colors begin to show and the woman is like "WTF happened to the man I married? He's turned into a total @ssh*le!"

Women don't intentionally get involved with jerks. But once they are involved with them they try to make things work and hope things will get better. By the time they figure out that it's not going to get better they have children as a reason to keep trying. It's a trap that's hard to escape from, and by the time you see the truth of your situation you're just in too deep.

As for how to treat this girl...with the utmost respect. Treat her exactly the same way you want her to treat you. Instead of being vague or playing the usual DJ games, substitute those tactics for being spontaneous, making secret plans and surprising her for dates, etc. These kinds of things will have the same result as other behavior used to give a sense of mystery. She's looking for an honest, kind, responsible man to marry and raise children with. She also wants a strong man who takes charge of things...but in a loving way.

I would suggest that you do some research on her religion and what the beliefs are regarding marriage and family. It will help you understand what she expects from a man.

 

[DJintheworks]

wow tweeder, I just got home and was going to post a question about this. I just hooked up (2 hours ago)with this very religious girl at a college an hour away. I had known her from high school 2 years back, we broke up from a STR because I was a "jerk". But I hadn't seen her in a year, and she is a very cute honest goody girl, an I don't wanna blow it again. I am very new to this website and world of DJ
she is coming back home this weekend so I have a 3 days to develop a game plan. Because she is going to want to know "what is up" with the 2 of us. So what should I tell her? these kinda chicks are the hardest to figure out. If I act all indifferent I really doubt she is going to go wild like the average b*tch. Any help will be much appreciated

[This message has been edited by DJintheworks (edited 11-07-2001).]

 

[tweeder]

Hey DJintheworks,
If your girl is anything like the one I'm dating, then she will appreciate your honesty more than most girls. I have tried to hide exactly how I feel about this girl. She obviously knows I like her because I asked her out, but I haven't actually expressed those feelings openly.

So far it has really been driving her crazy. Everyone keeps telling me that she is asking if I really like her or if I'm just playing games. All of this uncertainty has made her want me even more. So as you can see, some of these DJ principles still work on the nice girls.

My advice to you would be to tell her you want to try things again. Just don't spill your guts and open yourself up to becoming a doormat. Do something like asking her on a date. Something that gets your point across without having to directly say you want back together. Then see how things go on that first date. These "goody" type of girls will let you know right off how they feel about you, so you won't have to play mind games. Good luck!!

 

[WildThang]

Tweeder - I'm wondering if you're falling for some (not deliberate) female DJing here.

She sounds like she's managed to turn herself into a serious challenge for you, and that's got you (and a lot of other guys) really going for her.

Problem is, there are much more important things than being a challenge.

What you need to be asking yourself here is - is she really so nice? Is she fun and/or comfortable to be with? Is she smart? Does she sound like she'd support her guy?

Never mind whether or not you can have her. Or what she looks like. What is she really like? What are her values? Do you share them? If not, will it matter to either of you? Is she holding out for The Man before she puts out for him?

In an LTR, all of those matter much more than how hot she looks.

Also, the problem with religious chicks is they feel they have God on their side, and that's a hard thing to argue with if you ever get into a fight. If you don't share her religion to the same extent, or if she's forever quoting biblical references like there's no way to argue with them, that may cause friction down the line unless she's also unusually forgiving and tolerant.

Either way, this is something you need to find out *now.* Not later.

Looking at her father is excellent advice. But I'd also look at her closest friends. The kind of people they are will tell you a lot about her.

Also - basic dating tip - if you're out on a dinner date, check how she is with the waiter. Polite and friendly is good, even if it's a reserved politeness. If she's dismissive and off-hand at all - that's bad.

So right now, I'd pause, keep some interest going, but treat it as fact finding mission rather than something you want to rush into.

*If* she turns out to be exceptionally cool, then I'd say amp up your interest right away, but treat her like a lady. Dress up, do the chivalry thing all the way. Make it clear you're a sophisticated guy who values himself, thinks he's found a real prize in her, and is prepared to act on that - but without getting too 'nice' about it. Ten to one she'll be all over you if you do that.

But only do it *if* she turns out to be worth it.

 

[lordclem*]

WildThang.....well done very insightful.A grade advice

 

[Deagleclaw]

RUN! Run as far away from this girl as you possibly can.

There are 3 rules to getting through life.

1) Never play cards with a man whose first name is the same as a major American city.

2) Don't f*ck with people with more guns than you.

3) Never fall in love with a Mary Magdeline.

Dude, I've broken all 3 rules and am surprised I'm still alive. It's a dangerous game.

Deagleclaw out

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No matter what comes, walk like a man. - Al Lan Mandragoran (Wheel of Time)