Nervous around girl I like

[sim285]

It’s a long story but i am gone cut it short.


I like a girl at work I told her I liked her and she said she has a bf, however I’ve heard they split now.

The problem is because I like her I get nervous around her and find it difficult to talk to her.

I don’t know what to text her (how can I learn, I know some of my friends are experts I wish I was like that)

I know people say be yourself or treat her as a friend but how can I be if I was being myself treating her as friend, I wouldn’t make much of an effort, even being myself with friends I dont make much of an effort, I don’t even have things to talk about with them

I do talk to her but that’s mostly just about work, when one of us leaves we may lose contact as nothing in common.

I don’t ask her on a date because I know I will have nothing to talk about,

 

[logicallefty]

OP, welcome to SoSuave. You will see a lot of posts on this forum that advise "don't date people you work with". I personally am one who generally agrees with that. However, I know that there are many folks who may not practice that.

So.. THAT being said.. What I would do in your situation if I was going to date a woman from work is ask her out to lunch during work. It's a no pressure date that clearly could be seen on either end of the spectrum: this is a date, OR, we are just coworkers having lunch.

Regarding your shyness and what to talk about. I personally am one who likes to make humor out of anything and everything, but that is not the style that works for everyone. If I were having lunch with a female coworker whom I wanted to date, I would make humor about work to start off. But I wouldn't bash people individually as that can get me in trouble. I would go more general. Examples I might use. Again, these are in my style of humor as it relates to work:

LL: Glad they let you out on good behavior to have lunch with me today. I heard you are not always so well behaved!
LL: Today is draggin azz like bad hanging hemroid, I can't wait until 5pm!
LL: At 5pm I am gonna run out of work like Fred Flinstone leaving the Rock Quary!
LL : I can not wait until Friday. I am going to have an intense make out session with the calendar.
LL: Got another boring meeting this afternoon. You don't have a pair of industrial strength ear plus I can borrow, do you?
LL: I wonder what would happen to this place if the Internet went down for like a week? Probably be more people flopping like a fish than there are real flopping fish on the deck of an Alaskan fishing boat!!
LL: People can't seem to pi$$ anymore without technology. They need a GPS to get from 123 Main Street to 124 Main Street!

Hope this gives you an idea.

 

[Malcolm252]

Ok, first things first. The be yourself bit, totally agree with that. The part where you just treat her like a friend, no. It's my personal opinion and experience that doesn't work. There's a difference between being casual around a girl and treating her as a friend. Be casual don't treat her as a friend. Don't talk to her about personal stuff don't let her talk to you about guys. That's what a friend is.

Second, the only way to get over shyness is to keep putting yourself out there. You have to be brave enough to try knowing you'll probably fail. Unfortunately that means it might not work out with this girl. But this experience will help you down the line.

And as far as not knowing what to talk about. If the goal is to find someone you really like then talk about things you're interested in. If they are interested in you at least enough to talk about the stuff great, be interested in them enough to actively engage in things they like, if they're into the same stuff even better. If you're just looking to f*ck someone again, practice. The more you talk, and suck at it, the better you get at talking about anything.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

she should be nervous around you.

once that happens and you notice this about women in your presence is when you know youre on the right track

Girls get nervous around me and fidget alot.. why is this?

 

[sim285]

Thanks for replies so far.

Even around my own friends I try and be more then myself because being myself

I think it depends on person is well how you should talk to them?


Should I start saying things like talk to me if I sit next to them

Cos I’m so nervous don’t even know how to respond to them.

Also how can I improve my text game, without sounding needy or desperate, but come off as cool and cute I don’t have a clue.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

Thanks for replies so far.

Even around my own friends I try and be more then myself because being myself

I think it depends on person is well how you should talk to them?


Should I start saying things like talk to me if I sit next to them

Cos I’m so nervous don’t even know how to respond to them.

Also how can I improve my text game, without sounding needy or desperate, but come off as cool and cute I don’t have a clue.

Always delay your texts at least a hour I find.. I sometimes go 2-3 hours, keep it short and simple... By the way you should probably only text to set up dates.

 

[Poonstra]

By the way you should probably only text to set up dates.

^^this, also, your text game improves by itself as your real life interactions become better. Focus on that first. I know it isn't easy.

 

[sim285]

Last 2 texts she didn’t reply too one was hello
One was just abt how I don’t like Work

Before she wud always reply

I have something to say to her now, I want to text her just to see if she reply’s and to show her ignorance hasn’t scared me off

Or shud I just tell her at work tommrow

Bf and gf and friends txt all time

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

Last 2 texts she didn’t reply too one was hello
One was just abt how I don’t like Work

Before she wud always reply

I have something to say to her now, I want to text her just to see if she reply’s and to show her ignorance hasn’t scared me off

Or shud I just tell her at work tommrow

Bf and gf and friends txt all time

Ok... Don't send hello.. how is she meant to work with that? It's boring and lame af sorry to say.. do not text her a 2nd time I don't like work.. boring as again!! And don't text her a 3rd time.. for God sake.. who cares if she is ignorant.. just ignore her if you don't like it.. your the prize remember?? Again you didn't listen... ONLY USE THE PHONE TO SET UP DATES!! Your becoming predictable and annoying to her.. please listen before you blow it.

 

[sim285]

I have not txt her a third time
Other people reply just not her

I wish I was the prize but I’m actully not it’s not being putting myself down I’m reqlly not, one day I will be though

I have asked her out by txt before she didn’t reply, before that convo was going well

Sometimes she will txt me like how’s Work when she’s off or on my birthday etc

Also at work it’s always me approaching her to talk sometimes she comes over but only if for example there’s a joke going around about me

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

I have not txt her a third time
Other people reply just not her

I wish I was the prize but I’m actully not it’s not being putting myself down I’m reqlly not, one day I will be though

I have asked her out by txt before she didn’t reply, before that convo was going well

Sometimes she will txt me like how’s Work when she’s off or on my birthday etc

Also at work it’s always me approaching her to talk sometimes she comes over but only if for example there’s a joke going around about me

Ok bro my honest advice from what you have just told me... She isn't interested delete her number and don't contact her again.. you are the prize you just havnt got any confidence.. if she didn't reply to your request for a date drop her. P.s that just made me so ****ing sad you saying your not the prize.. I used to be just like you.. that brought back painful sad memories

 

[sim285]

This was on insta dm, before I had her number

I got her number 3rd time of asking on VD, when she gave it to other guys at work well before that.

First time I asked she made excuses then, changed subject, when I said you don’t have too she said she will send it.
Second time she was busy
Third and last time she goes dm if I don’t dm you tonight and she sent it but she didn’t tell me she would.

I wish I was like other guys who can easily talk to her and there nothing special.

The only thing that makes me believe there could’ve somethingandshe may just be shy is that she does ask me for smallfavours at work, if food comes to get her something from the table and she gets really happy, yes she only asks me no one else she emails me.

Made me sad reading that, how can I turn into the prize bro?

 

[Poonstra]

how can I turn into the prize bro?

Become the best you that you can be. Work out, study hard, be social and you get to pick the chicks. They don't want a boy, they want a man. It takes time and effort tho.

 

[Von]

This was on insta dm, before I had her number

I got her number 3rd time of asking on VD, when she gave it to other guys at work well before that.

First time I asked she made excuses then, changed subject, when I said you don’t have too she said she will send it.
Second time she was busy
Third and last time she goes dm if I don’t dm you tonight and she sent it but she didn’t tell me she would.

I wish I was like other guys who can easily talk to her and there nothing special.

The only thing that makes me believe there could’ve somethingandshe may just be shy is that she does ask me for smallfavours at work, if food comes to get her something from the table and she gets really happy, yes she only asks me no one else she emails me.

Made me sad reading that, how can I turn into the prize bro?

Time to move on.

She's a waste of time that girl. No matter what you do, she will not be with you.

Focus on yourself now.

Read DJ bible
Start talking to everyone for fun (like 1 minute or 3 minutes per persons) and ask something about them (Ex: what you did this weekend?, have you seen the new trailer of Avenger?).... You know to get them talking and YOU get HABITS to talking.
With people to go out with and play a game of hitting on 10 girls per outing (or day)... seek to get number
Start some cardio or gym or sport.. Something healthy 25minutes a day or 2-3times a week.
Join a team activity, it will get you a group/force to socialize.
Make a list of what you love
Make a list of what you want to improve
Make a list of everything that's related to like/improve that will get you to do what you like and improve you.
Stop talking to the chick... delete her everywhere

You need to pick yourself up and build confidence. The only way for you to do that is: to feel better about yourself, do stuff you enjoy, get experience in talking to girls/people.

It's easy. Now, the hard part:::: Action !

Do it.

Boy do you feel better after

 

[sim285]

I was tellin her I’m booking some hoildays to go Italy


She goes I’ve wanted to go there

Does she mean take me there?



My friend was sitting next to here and I kept approaching him she knws I do it and she thought I was to talk to her and got annoyed...it, it wasn’t it was to talk to my friend


First time outside work I’m gona see her not 1 2 1 with other people from work


Even if she’s not mine can’t we still be friends? Or get laid?


I like her so much, how can you be certain she doesn’t like me?

 

[sph21]

I was tellin her I’m booking some hoildays to go Italy


She goes I’ve wanted to go there

Does she mean take me there?

Yes.

Should you take her there? Absolutely not.

You already made this mistake:

I like a girl at work I told her I liked her and she said she has a bf, however I’ve heard they split now.

It's like you're saying to her directly that you're no longer a mystery or a challenge for her. And she said, "no, thanks. let's be friends". She already put you on a friendzone. By taking her to Italy, you'll be wasting your money on someone who will never see you as a lover.

Do not do what nice guys do. They want to buy the relationship with their money. If money is all you can offer, then you'll be wasting lots of them for gold diggers.

Even if she’s not mine can’t we still be friends?

Yes. In fact, she'll always be your friend, unless you're doing something weird that will disgust her.

Or get laid?

How about no

On his Fifteen Lessons thread, Pook wrote:

Friendship- Abandon all hope ye who enter!
​

Next time, don't go through friendship path.

I like her so much, how can you be certain she doesn’t like me?

It's obvious that you don't have enough experience with girls. If she really likes you, then she would not had said that she has a bf, would she?

If she really likes you, then she would abandon her bf and make you hers. Since it's not happening, then she doesn't like you as a lover but as a friend (at least).

I got her number 3rd time of asking on VD, when she gave it to other guys at work well before that.

First time I asked she made excuses then, changed subject, when I said you don’t have too she said she will send it.
Second time she was busy
Third and last time she goes dm if I don’t dm you tonight and she sent it but she didn’t tell me she would.

Resistance is not a good thing. If she really likes you, she will give you her number right away. No excuses like those above.

The only thing that makes me believe there could’ve somethingandshe may just be shy is that she does ask me for smallfavours at work, if food comes to get her something from the table and she gets really happy, yes she only asks me no one else she emails me.

Girls can act all nice & cute around you. It's nothing special. It's just her way of practicing her charm so that when her true target comes, she will have enough practices to attract him.