Nerves ... How to reduce nervousness?

[dingdongbell]

Heya

What have you guys done when you wanted to make a move (lean in for that first kiss) on a woman but were completely frozen with nerves?

What techniques or moves have you made?

What kind of conversation topics or tones have you used to lead into the moment?

Complete noob wants to know??

 

[Sophomakhos]

This is an interesting question, and I haven't seen very many attempts to tackle the *theory* of the first romantic kiss. The last time I did this I used a line I'd read somewhere around these forums, I think. The idea is to try to arouse a sense of curiosity in the girl, so I said, "I have a question to ask you, but, ah, you might not like it." Her natural reaction (if she's a normal person) will be to get you to ask it, whatever it may be. After a little while, I relented, and then simply went in and kissed her. Seemed to work well enough at the time.

Of course, a lot depends on how things have been going until then. If you've been getting on well enough with a woman to think that the time is right for a kiss, then ideally you won't need to say anything at all to lead up to the kiss. It depends on the context, of course. If it's the end of a date, then just before you leave her you should just kiss her right out, without saying anything. If you're with a group of people, then you should try to get her alone (since women don't really like kissing in front of other people, at least not the first time). You can simply say, "Let's get out of here," take her hand, and lead her somewhere more quiet. If she's ready to kiss, then she'll follow you.

Now I actually try to think about it, it's difficult to come up with something that will work in any context. But the bottom line is this - I don't think that you need to say anything in particular to prepare her for kissing. She'll find it much better if you just kiss her. It looks a lot more confident, too.

As for how to kill your own nerves, well, that's quite difficult. Drink can help, as long as you don't overdo it. Also you can try a little exercise to loosen yourself up - tense some of your muscles briefly (e.g. by curling your toes, stretching your fingers etc.) and then relax them. That can actually help to put you in a relaxed mood (though it looks odd if you do it too visibly!). Otherwise, all I can say is that you close your eyes and think of England (as they say here in the UK).

 

[rtb227]

If she shows you three IOIs ask her this "Would you like to kiss me?" If she says yes (which is rare) just do it. If she says maybe, it's pretty much a yes and go for it. If she says no, say " I didn't say you could, it just looks like you had something on your mind."

 

[CFERD]

I read somewhere that for guys that have trouble going for that first kiss, ending the date with a kiss on the cheek works in a couple of ways. Something to do with breaking the touch barrier and establishing your romantic interest. Also by breaking it into a sequential order; kiss on the cheek, next date quick kiss on the lips, third date longer kiss on the lips etc, it supposedly doesn't create so much anxiety. I don't know if I buy it. If your nervous, maybe ending the first date with a kiss on the cheek helps, but on the second date I don't see why one would be any less nervous. Give it a try, better than saying good nite and looking like a nervous wuss. or even worse, getting a hand shake cause she's disappointed you didn't kiss her when she'd been expecting it. I once ended a date by giving a girl a peck on the cheek. Twenty minutes later I got a text telling me how sweet and that was just her speed. The next date she was alot more comfortable when it came time to say good nite. Turns out that even though she would always tell me she's a great kisser, she was the worst I've ever experienced. hahaha, I never bothered telling her the truth. Let her live in her little fantasy world. My break up gift to her....anyhow, next time you could just grab your balls and go for it. Thats what I usually do. Except for my most recent trainwreck. I was whispering something in her ear and she kissed me.

 

[Four_Aces]

The first kiss is always going to be nervous. That's what makes it fun. Look forward to the feeling.

I usually do it by either saying: "Come here, closer" and then kissing them slowly, or eating a tasty mint or some candy, and saying "want some?" they usually say yes, so I say, "Come and get it" then I go in for the kiss.

The key here is that you will usually always have to make the first move.

 

[dingdongbell]

Yeah, "Just Do It" - that's what the head says.

But body wont obey.

Also the situation is a bit tricky - won't go into the details...

I've invested a little too much of my time into this.

She's wayyyyy more experienced than me, so I'm pretty sure she knows I want to jump her bones...

Guess I'll just have to bite the bullet and take a chance...

Was thinking of taking her to a park or somewhere private - this has to be in the day time (again, please trust me on this) most likely during her lunch hour - I guess I'll wait for a break in the conversation and bring up something about living in the moment and not having any regrets or something along those lines...

 

[dingdongbell]

If she shows you three IOIs ask her this "Would you like to kiss me?" If she says yes (which is rare) just do it. If she says maybe, it's pretty much a yes and go for it. If she says no, say " I didn't say you could, it just looks like you had something on your mind."

Sounds gold mate.

I've read here and other places that if you wanna make a move on a chick, she already knows it.

This true? Do you guys agree??

 

[Luke Skywalker]

You have to have some sort of resolve that this is what you want to do, and if you don't get it with that particular girl, that you'll get it with a future one, and not care about the outcome because you know that if you don't give up everything will be alright...whether with this one, or a future girl.

I was rejected by my oneitis when I wanted to experience a kiss with her, but I kept at it, meet more people online and eventually kissed five girls, with three of these girls initiating french kisses with me.

This is something that you just have to continue working on and keeping a resolve for it.

 

[SharinganUser]

Only take Luke Skywalkers advice if you want to be a 30+ stay at home virgin.

If you want to kiss a woman, you have to kino and escalate that kino up to a kiss. It's not about what you say or what tone you use. You have to use touch.

 

[dingdongbell]

If you want to kiss a woman, you have to kino and escalate that kino up to a kiss. It's not about what you say or what tone you use. You have to use touch.

Thanks SU,

Could you give me examples of escalating kino?

 

[Four_Aces]

If you want to kiss a woman, you have to kino and escalate that kino up to a kiss. It's not about what you say or what tone you use. You have to use touch.

K+ good post.

To the OP, you'll want to take a look at the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder. http://www.directnaturalgame.com/Techniques/kino-escalation-ladder.html

Basic pick-up artist reading. My advice is to learn and practice this ladder as a base foundation for all future pickups. Works great for me!

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention. To prime a woman up for a kiss, talk about first kisses. For example, tell her you watched something on TV last night about two teenagers having their kiss for the first time and how you thought it looked amazing about how the chemistry slowly built up until they had their first kiss. Then ask her how her first kiss was like. Depending on her answer to this then you can guage her receptivity to having a kiss from you.

This particular strategy has worked a few times with me. It also helps with your nerves because by talking about it you are really bringing this out in the open and seeing what her attitude is about kissing.

The timing of most kisses is at the end of the date when you are parting ways. If the girl likes you (more than a friend) and had a good time with you on the date then she will accept your advances.

I know Shangarin is mentioning this virgin stuff, but the reality is, I have kissed girls and have had the same issues that you have had when kissing girls. I've dealt with those issues and you can to. Engaging with kino with a girl is difficult to do already if you really have nerves and I didn't have to do that to have a kiss-close.

 

[Alle_Gory]

You have anxiety. You need to control that. Try some meditation or any other exercise that involves focus. Sports are good for this.

You need to get control of your thoughts and your emotions.

 

[Dannyrt34]

If you want to kiss a woman, you have to kino and escalate that kino up to a kiss. It's not about what you say or what tone you use. You have to use touch.

I got ur back on this one. When you use kino (in a non creepy way) she'll feel ALOT more comfortable around you. Usually I feel way more comfortable too as kino escalates quite easily. Put your arm around her while you talk to her, hold her hand while you walk. Eventually you just can lean in and go for a kiss without thinking twice about it. Mainly because you built up that comfort between the two of you.

 

[Splendidostring]

Hey

Drink a bit before, not too much ...just 1 beer or 2, it'll help you relax.
That's what I did the first time, it all went smooth.

If you're stressed out, NOTHING will work until you DO ITa couple times. Better get a bit of help.

 

[dingdongbell]

K+ good post.

To the OP, you'll want to take a look at the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder. http://www.directnaturalgame.com/Techniques/kino-escalation-ladder.html

Basic pick-up artist reading. My advice is to learn and practice this ladder as a base foundation for all future pickups. Works great for me!

Mate, thank you soooo much for that :yes:

I've been unconciously doing these things anyway. She has no issues with me flicking her hair and playing with her clothes....

I'll start my normal kino, try for a C Caress and see her response...JUST HOPE I GET THE BALLS TO LEAN IN.......

 

[SharinganUser]

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

It's all in there under touch.

 

[dingdongbell]

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

It's all in there under touch.

There are a few books there and all seem to have sections on "Touch", were you referring to one in particular?

 

[Moose_God_II]

Nothin' to it...just make it a date for drinks, by the time you leave you won't think twice about saying "come here" and pulling her in for a makeout session.

 

[Lexington]

There are lots of fancy schmancy methods out there to overcome nervousness. But the truth is that the most effective method is the good old fashioned one: just go out there and do it. Don't even think about it....the more you do the harder it gets. You just have to dive into it. If you must, count down from 3 and then just go.

I did my first kiss close a few months ago and I was so freaked out in the lead up to it. But you know what? It's not nearly as bad as you might imagine it to be. Sometimes, thinking is a bad thing. You just have to quit thinking and start doing.

I used this same old method to conquer a fear even greater than kiss closing. You think it's nerve wracking to kiss close on a girl in private? I thought it was WAY more nerve wracking to sing in front of a jam backed bar.

I play guitar in a band, but I NEVER sing....not even backup. I've always been petrified of public speaking let alone singing. But recently, when we ran out of songs and our bass player, who normally sings, didn't know the lyrics to the covers, I was forced to sing.

It was terrifying at first. But I just counted down from 3 and started. And you know what? Again it wasn't nearly that bad. I actually got lots of complements on how good my singing was and I hit almost all the notes on key. By the third song, I wasn't even nervous at all, I was just having a blast.

Think of it like the moment before you jump into cold water. Have you ever gone swimming on a cold day? You dip your feet in the pool/ocean and you know it's friggin' cold. You just don't want to get in the water. Again, the easiest way to get past that is to just count to 3 and jump right in. Almost always, it's not nearly as bad as you'd think.....and I've jumped into near freezing water.