Negative effects of losing the v-card?

[OnTheWayUp]

Yeah, you read that title correctly.

I'm at a bit of a loss right now. I lost my virginity almost exactly a month ago to this 7.5 I picked up in a club. Since then, I've seen the same girl twice more and slept with her again a few times on each occasion. The last I heard from her was a fortnight ago- she hasn't replied to the message I sent 10 or so days ago. It seems she's lost interest. Shame.

But it's not this that's bothering me. For about the last year and a half, I have obsessed variously over how to get a girl to make out with me, how to get a girlfriend, and how to get her to go all the way with me. If I'm completely honest with myself, girls have fascinated me in general from the age of about 9 upwards (I'm now 21). It's not that I don't have enough hobbies or other things to do; quite the contrary. It is precisely because pretty much everything else in life came to me so easily that I have been so preoccupied with losing my virginity.

Now that it's happened, I feel a complete and utter lack of purpose in my life. Sure, I still enjoy my work, my music, my sport, my friends, but now that I have achieved the thing that I have thought about the most in the last year and a half, I don't know what to do with myself. The most frustrating part is that I can't talk to anyone I know in real life about this, because all my friends and family think I'm a player!

Anyone else have a similar experience?

 

[bilboteabaggins]

this is a good post, sounds exactly like me, I bet she had no idea you were a virgin either right?

 

[Soyoushave]

Want a new challenge?

Go out there and nail so many women that people will be using your name in the future when they're talking about what we call now casanova's or don guans.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

It's sex man, not murder. You'll only 'regret' it if you don't wear a condom.

When I first got laid, I went to the bathroom, toweled off big jim and the twins and walked down to 7-11 for a big gulp. No blue birds landed on my shoulder to sing Disney songs and no ray of sunshine broke through the clouds to shine on me. Nor did I think "damn, that was terrible, I've lost all respect for myself, I'll never be the same again,...sob!" The traffic lights still worked, the busses ran on time and food still tasted good.

I've had sex with over 40 women in my time, I got laid first when I was 17, I've been having sex with my wife 2-3 times a week (and a hummer on her off weeks) for more than 14 years now. Sex is a great part of life for me, not some epic experience of cosmic importance. It keeps you healthy in body as well as psychologically. It's an important part of a balanced life. Relax.

 

[EA Gold]

I think you should listen to the man that slept with over a thousand women. He might have some good advice for you. Just open your bible and read about king solomon in the book of Proverbs.

 

[PDubb75]

I'm assuming this is all stemming from expectations of sex that you set. You claim that you are fascinated with girls, and have been since you were 9. That was 13 years of (probably prolonged) thinking about sex before it happened. The majority of your life was a chase to lose your virginity. Now that you did, you have a "now what?" feeling.

You just need to realize now that the reason you have had this fascination is an instinctual feeling that men have in different intensities. Use yours to have some fun and find how good sex can be. Don't settle for this one and think anything is "over". It's only beginning.

I was somewhat in your position when I was a virgin (first time I was 18). I was a complete AFC and would obsess about girls that would just smile at me. I then met this girl (still to this day the hottest girl I've fvcked) but I knew she was kinda slutty. I didn't want to get involved, so I was a d1ck to her. I ignored her (even when she took her shirt off in my friend's car), I either didn't pick up her calls or picked up to say I couldn't talk, and I told her friend off when she showed me even the slightest disrespect. This girl literally begged me to take her out. She came to my house and asked me to tell her why I won't pick up her calls and that she really wants to go to dinner with me so I could "start liking her" (I still laugh at that one.. why doesn't this happen anymore lol).

That right there is where everything changed for me. I thought long and hard that night about what exactly just happened, and I vowed to change right there to stop being such an AFC. However, at that time, I didn't know what that was, or what exactly I was doing wrong. I just knew I acted differently with this girl, and got the exact opposite response than I was used to.

What I'm getting at here, is while my first time didn't leave me with the feeling you are describing now, in both of our cases, the answer was to just keep going at it. There is nothing "special" about a first time. Our expectations, whether they stem from friends, media, etc., make us put way too much stock into losing our virginity. Only gets better from here. Keep us updated.

 

[Bible_Belt]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

Dissonance is aroused whenever individuals voluntarily engage in an unpleasant activity to achieve some desired goal. Dissonance can be reduced by exaggerating the desirability of the goal.

You subconsciously made yourself think that getting laid was a big deal, as a self-motivational device to make you keep chasing women. Men very often have one of two views toward women:

#1 - Access to pvssy is the point of all existence
or
#2 - All women are worthless wh0res.

Obviously, neither one is fully correct, but both viewpoints are worthwhile as devices to motivate you, one to chase women and the other to cope with being alone. Cognitive dissonance is the gap between reality and either of those two extremes.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Great answers, lads.

I bet she had no idea you were a virgin either right?

I claimed otherwise, but I think she knew- she came across as a very intuitive person. She asked me a couple of times when my first time was, and from her facial expressions I'm pretty sure she didn't believe the bull**** I made up about "losing it at a house party with my first gf at 15." This is the story I've stuck to with close male friends and the 2 girls who've pressed me on this point. It didn't help that I couldn't stay hard for an extended period of time due to nerves. @bilboteabaggins: so did you feel that you managed to fool your first time into thinking you were experienced?

It's sex man, not murder. You'll only 'regret' it if you don't wear a condom.

Haha, I don't regret it at all- it was great fun! On the contrary, losing the v-card was a massive weight off my back. So much so, that I don't know what to do with myself now...

I'm assuming this is all stemming from expectations of sex that you set. You claim that you are fascinated with girls, and have been since you were 9. That was 13 years of (probably prolonged) thinking about sex before it happened. The majority of your life was a chase to lose your virginity. Now that you did, you have a "now what?" feeling. [...] What I'm getting at here, is while my first time didn't leave me with the feeling you are describing now, in both of our cases, the answer was to just keep going at it.

This sums up my situation perfectly. Your point about the first time not being "special" in the sense of different to all the others is, however, a cultural stereotype which my reading of SS had already dispelled before I slept with this HB7.5 for the first time. For me, there was more a constant curiosity about what sex would be like generally, rather than any preoccupation with "the mystique of the first time."

 

[Mike32ct]

Losing your virginity is a big weight off your shoulders and should feel good. How good it feels depends on how much you like the girl and click with her. My guess is this is just a girl you thought was ok. Nothing wrong with that.

As you get more experience, more comfortable, and MOST importantly get with girls you really click with, s&x will get much better.

I wasn't in love with my first, but we really clicked and were comfortable with each other, so my first time was quite good. If it was a random club girl, it might have been a bit more disappointing.

In my opinion, ONS' and club girls are better for experienced guys, not necessarily the best for a first timer. Notwithstanding, you had the opportunity to close this chick and you went for it, so good for you.

 

[doomhammer1212]

You thought getting laid was the ultimate challenge and goal, and you got it, so now you don't know what to do. Sound to me like the solution is simple: Either choose a loftier goal or accept that all your goals are artificial and be happy with what you have.

Get a girl to fall in love with you so bad she would do anything for you. That is a higher goal IMO. After that you can get the masses to fall in love with you and vote you in as president. Use your imagination.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Losing your virginity is a big weight off your shoulders and should feel good. How good it feels depends on how much you like the girl and click with her. My guess is this is just a girl you thought was ok. Nothing wrong with that.

Not at all, this girl was actually really cool. On the way to losing the v-card, I dated somewhere around 20 girls, of whom this one had far the best personality. No entitlement issues, very humble, makes good conversation, multilingual, musical, self-confident without being arrogant etc. She wasn't the very best looking (I dated 2 models ), but she was definitely attractive enough. If you check out one of my previous threads, I say there that I would have been up for something longer-term with her, if only she lived in my town!

 

[HariPoter13]

Take some time off.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

You thought getting laid was the ultimate challenge and goal, and you got it, so now you don't know what to do. Sound to me like the solution is simple: Either choose a loftier goal or accept that all your goals are artificial and be happy with what you have.

I think this is the best advice this thread has produced, thanks doomhammer1212. I think my next goal should be to get laid on a semi-regular basis- once every couple of weeks should be a good target initially. I'm not too fussed if this is with a regular gf or from ONS's.

Oh, and an update on the girl I lost the v-card to: she finally replied to my message, and showed interest in meeting up again next time she's in my town.