needy girlfriend

[HeMan]

hi

i would like some advise. will summarise it for you

* been with my girlfriends for 10 months who has lived with me for 5 months
* we have a amazing relationship
* she is from japan and her visa runs out by next july
* basacally i will have to marry her by then if we want to stay together (i will make her sign all the necessary documents to protect my assets)
* she is super super clingy though - told her a friend is coming from interstate in 2 weeks so i will be out with him most of weekend. she told me ok but i need to be home by 11pm

i told her no way. i dont like any curfew. i told her i never give her any curfews and actually encourage her to spend time with her friends. as long as we trust and support each other then it is not a problem what time i come home

she then tells me im immature, irresponsible and always put my friends first (which is totally not true. probably only go out once a week now)

told her i need to do my own thing sometimes and want her to do the same thing (which is never)

she then told me in the morning how she plans to go home and is sick of my attitude

am i saving myself a world full of future trouble? like i said i hardly ever go out anymore, faithfull to her and we do have an amazing relationship apart from this.

should i get out now? im reaally concerned if she threatens to go home over this crap imagine in the future if we had a massive fight and she takes my future kids with them

or should i try to sort through this as i honestly love her to bits and she is close to perfect for me apart from this MAJOR RED FLAG

thanks for your help in advace

 

[hithard]

From Japan, possibly with no friends where ever it is you live?
Probably a little insecure about being alone in a foreign country. She needs a social circle if you want your own life as well.

 

[Warrior74]

hi

i would like some advise. will summarise it for you

* been with my girlfriends for 10 months who has lived with me for 5 months
* we have a amazing relationship
* she is from japan and her visa runs out by next july
* basacally i will have to marry her by then if we want to stay together (i will make her sign all the necessary documents to protect my assets)
* she is super super clingy though - told her a friend is coming from interstate in 2 weeks so i will be out with him most of weekend. she told me ok but i need to be home by 11pm

i told her no way. i dont like any curfew. i told her i never give her any curfews and actually encourage her to spend time with her friends. as long as we trust and support each other then it is not a problem what time i come home

she then tells me im immature, irresponsible and always put my friends first (which is totally not true. probably only go out once a week now)

told her i need to do my own thing sometimes and want her to do the same thing (which is never)

she then told me in the morning how she plans to go home and is sick of my attitude

am i saving myself a world full of future trouble? like i said i hardly ever go out anymore, faithfull to her and we do have an amazing relationship apart from this.

should i get out now? im reaally concerned if she threatens to go home over this crap imagine in the future if we had a massive fight and she takes my future kids with them

or should i try to sort through this as i honestly love her to bits and she is close to perfect for me apart from this MAJOR RED FLAG

thanks for your help in advace

Break up with her. Disregard everything you wrote but this.

* basacally i will have to marry her

If you are not ready to marry her, leave. You already fvcked up by letting her live with you. The real question is, do you really have the stones to break up with her now? Or are you like a baby comfortable in a sh1tty diaper since it's your sh1t? Because honestly, you've grown soft and I doubt you'll get the backbone to give her the boot. Let us know.

 

[amoka]

Is this serious? If she threaten to leave, let her do it and dont look back. She WILL will leave one dayor the other. Just let her go. She is from Japa, if she wants to see u, she will find a means of getting to u.

 

[HeMan]

this is serious.

i agree with all your comments. unfortuantely as she is such an amazing girl in so many other ways

she does lash out without thinking as she is very strong and emotional but your right. if we had any more of a serious fight in the future i will have to keep dealingwith the threat of going home

anyway im going home now to let her know how i feel so i will let you know how it goes.

 

[jophil28]

she then told me in the morning how she plans to go home and is sick of my attitude

That is probably the most revealing thing that she has ever told you.

It demonstrates her willingness to make one killer bet that you will cave in to her demands, and she is using your future together as her stack of chips.

 

[squirrels]

From Japan, possibly with no friends where ever it is you live?
Probably a little insecure about being alone in a foreign country. She needs a social circle if you want your own life as well.

This.

You can't expect her to sit there at home while you're out having fun. Do any of your friends have girlfriends that she gets along with? I know you want to keep her isolated from "American women"'s influence, but at the same time she's gotta have some social life outside of you.

I guess it's pointless to ask why you let her move in with you. People these days just don't get it.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear He Man,
In general you have to be strong about this,as you have been to date.....Yours is a principled stand,give in on this and you will live to regret it....Most Asian Women without their family for a support mechanism,tend to be very insecure,put the boot on the other foot and imagine yourself in Japan in similar circumstances....In her society,the Men are very dominant indeed,you must just take her aside and explain she is living in Rome and must do what the Romans do....You just tell Asian girls what you want and mostly they meekly obey,particularly if you can stress that it is the done thing in your culture....In general they are good Women compared to our Brides of Satan,be firm but patient.

 

[Kailex]

hi

* basacally i will have to marry her by then if we want to stay together (i will make her sign all the necessary documents to protect my assets)
* she is super super clingy though - told her a friend is coming from interstate in 2 weeks so i will be out with him most of weekend. she told me ok but i need to be home by 11pm

And you think this is going to get any better once you're married with her?

i told her no way. i dont like any curfew. i told her i never give her any curfews and actually encourage her to spend time with her friends. as long as we trust and support each other then it is not a problem what time i come home

she then tells me im immature, irresponsible and always put my friends first (which is totally not true. probably only go out once a week now)

told her i need to do my own thing sometimes and want her to do the same thing (which is never)

she then told me in the morning how she plans to go home and is sick of my attitude

am i saving myself a world full of future trouble? like i said i hardly ever go out anymore, faithfull to her and we do have an amazing relationship apart from this.

should i get out now? im reaally concerned if she threatens to go home over this crap imagine in the future if we had a massive fight and she takes my future kids with them

or should i try to sort through this as i honestly love her to bits and she is close to perfect for me apart from this MAJOR RED FLAG

thanks for your help in advace

Holy crap. Even without the whole "Deportation" thing, I'd dump her. She's threatening to leave the country???

I'm sorry, but where is samspade?
He went through something similar a few months ago, but he never put up blatant red flags like you've put up here.

Do NOT give in. She IS saving you from a world of hurt.
And Jesus, you let her move in with you after a few months???

I wouldn't put up with a relationship like this... maybe that's why 2010 has been the least stressful year for me. Ever since mid-year, I decided, I'm not dealing with these stressful situations anymore.

Again, if you think it's bad NOW... buddy, once you sign that certificate, it's going to get a whole lot WORSE. Marriage doesn't improve relationships.

 

[AMDG]

hi
she then told me in the morning how she plans to go home and is sick of my attitude

Wish her bon voyage - and consider yourself lucky because you got rid of her.

 

[vatoloco]

i agree with all your comments. unfortuantely as she is such an amazing girl in so many other ways

There's your problem right there. Your IL in her is obviously WAY HIGHER than hers in you. It's always bad to be in this situation. And let me tell you about "amazing." Back in my AFC days, I thought any girl who liked me was "amazing." I even entered LTRs with some of them. Turns out, after they dumped my AFC ass, the ones that I know of either went into abusive relationships, fucked their lives up or are in miserable marriages and want out.

How's that for "amazing"?

...she does lash out without thinking...

Hey, I thought she was "an amazing girl"?

Now, don't get me wrong. I like me some Asian pussy as much as the next guy but you have to look at things objectively. The guys have already given you great advice.

Please follow it.

 

[jonnnb]

snip
* she is super super clingy though - told her a friend is coming from interstate in 2 weeks so i will be out with him most of weekend. she told me ok but i need to be home by 11pm

i told her no way. i dont like any curfew. i told her i never give her any curfews and actually encourage her to spend time with her friends. as long as we trust and support each other then it is not a problem what time i come home

she then tells me im immature, irresponsible and always put my friends first (which is totally not true. probably only go out once a week now)

told her i need to do my own thing sometimes and want her to do the same thing (which is never)

she then told me in the morning how she plans to go home and is sick of my attitude

snip
MAJOR RED FLAG

thanks for your help in advace

Well most women want to be submissive to their man in a relationship, however as is the variation of things - some women are dominant.
From your words it looks like you gf wants to genuinely be the dominant, the lead in the relationship - either from the front or by back seatdriving.


if you are happy being second in command, all is fine.
if not, then it looks like a bad match with you both wanting to lead.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Her behavior seems out of character for a Japanese girl. That stuff does NOT fly in Japan, so unfortunately she has picked up American sass from watching our tv.

Man I'd let her go. If she's this bad now, once you are married and she has her citizenship: the fun's just getting started.

 

[Monastie]

test

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

Her behavior seems out of character for a Japanese girl. That stuff does NOT fly in Japan, so unfortunately she has picked up American sass from watching our tv.

Man I'd let her go. If she's this bad now, once you are married and she has her citizenship: the fun's just getting started.

Nuff said.

 

[Zarky]

I think you should marry her... just so you can entertain us with awkward tales of her crazy behavior for the next 5 years until she gets her green card and divorces you. :yes:

 

[bmp2cpm]

I think you should marry her... just so you can entertain us with awkward tales of her crazy behavior for the next 5 years until she gets her green card and divorces you. :yes:

Zarky has a good point here.

 

[HeMan]

you guys have got the wrong idea about my relationship.

like i said we have a amazing relationship and she ticks most of the boxes i look for in a girl. shes fun, sexy, smart, loyal, honest, generous, amazing cook

she is totally in love with me and i lead our relationship. she does everything for me. in general i am very happy with her

however we fight over the stupidest things and i cant decide these reasons are enough to break up with her.

she tells me she will try to change but still...

she has some friends here and i hassel her non stop to hang out with her friends. all she wants to do is chill though. its annoying as im very social

very uncertain about what i should do still

 

[vatoloco]

Look man, we're not gonna force to do anything. "You are the master of your destiny," as they say. What we're trying to do is save you the heartache and pain (both emotionally and financially) that this woman will more than likely bring to your life, a few years down the road.

Like I said, more than likely your IL is higher than hers, which keeps you from seeing all the red flags that this girl is raising. I'm not trying to beat you down man! What I'm trying to do is make you see things objectively.

I know it's hard. Ensured access to sex via a LTR with the wrong woman is a very tempting thing. I myself have given into temptation in the past. However, as I grew as a man, I was able to make the right decision.

We want you to be able to make the right decision BEFORE you get in too deep with this woman. That is to make a clean break from her right now that you have the chance.

Good luck to you man. I hope you make the right decision. Otherwise, unfortunately, you more than likely will too endure the pain that has taught many of us well...