Need your expertise

[SHChamp]

I have been juggling a few plates for a couple of months now, but one of them has shown the most promise. We'll call her Girl A. To make a long story short as to our background:

We were working together for the past six months, because of principles I do not date women I work with. However, there was constant flirting, kino and whatnot but I never went into it. She has seen me surrounded by multiple women, dating etc. and her friends told me that it's bothering her and that she's into me.

Now last night, we were at a party and I was dancing, talking and having fun dancing with the hottest girls there. At some point I took girl A aside and talked to her for a few minutes, and I made it clear that I was into her (we don't work together anymore). The following hours was filled with dancing and fun until at some point I left with a close friend of mine (my close friend is a HB9) to grab something to eat. When I came back everyone told me that girl A made out with some random guy inside that I saw earlier.

I have to say, it pissed me off. I was quite drunk, but I did not do anything other than text her:
Me: You really made out with that guy?
Her: Yup...
Her: Who told you???
Her: Hahah gosh.
Me: Wauw, well, have a good night, bye.
Her: Noo, don't be like that.

My instinct is telling me to walk away, close it off and don't ever give it any attention anymore. I am trying to justify doing that through rationalizing my behavior, but it's proving to be difficult. We are not in a relationship, I go out and do my thing with other girls and so does she. So, this shouldn't bother me, but it does because whatever the case I do not do things with other girls when she is around.

Her value kind of dropped hard for me once this happened, but I would like to know what you guys think of the situation?

 

[CuddleJunkie]

I would follow your instinct.
One thing is having a not-commited plate, you don't give a fvck if she ****s around unless she does it in front of you, because you are presenting yourself as a cvck to your friends, thats why everybody rushed to tell you about what she did. It's like women with cheating alphas, they know their alphas are cheating, but as long as other people don't know about it, they tolerate it.

 

[stevo]

Lol.

"Her value did not drop" your interest just spiked through the roof.

You messaged her to confirm? come on man!

ok, so you like girl, you wait 6months, when you felt ready, you spilled feelings, left with another girl, girl A made out with another man.

When you took her to the side, you should have escalated, went in for the kiss.


Relax.

If she hits you up, schedule a date.

You either want her or you dont. If you do, act fast. It's already 6months too long.

Do not bring up the issue again. Do not act butt hurt. If she brings it up tell her
"I can't judge or be offended I was away doing things you probably wont approve of either."

 

[SHChamp]

Lol.

"Her value did not drop" your interest just spiked through the roof.

You messaged her to confirm? come on man!

ok, so you like girl, you wait 6months, when you felt ready, you spilled feelings, left with another girl, girl A made out with another man.

When you took her to the side, you should have escalated, went in for the kiss.


Relax.

If she hits you up, schedule a date.

You either want her or you dont. If you do, act fast. It's already 6months too long.

Do not bring up the issue again. Do not act butt hurt. If she brings it up tell her
"I can't judge or be offended I was away doing things you probably wont approve of either."

I agree that messaging her was quite stupid, I realized it the second I sent it, but my inhibitions were quite down due to the alcohol. As for my interest in her, really, it has dropped hard. That is exactly why I am trying to justify what I am feeling towards her now, and I in no way spilled my feelings to her. It was more sexual innuendo making it clear I want her.

What I really want to know is whether my reaction to this is just me having a hurt ego, or if I am right in cutting this **** off and walking away.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

I agree that messaging her was quite stupid, I realized it the second I sent it, but my inhibitions were quite down due to the alcohol. As for my interest in her, really, it has dropped hard. That is exactly why I am trying to justify what I am feeling towards her now, and I in no way spilled my feelings to her. It was more sexual innuendo making it clear I want her.

What I really want to know is whether my reaction to this is just me having a hurt ego, or if I am right in cutting this **** off and walking away.

Man, of course it is about the ego. But even if you go the full zen route of killing it, you should maintain some boundaries to live in society. So you don't care about it? ****ing okay! That's great, really, it means you are advancing on a path that will grant a more suffering-free life, but...what will your friends think about it? That you are a cvck, and they will lose all the respect they may have for you.
That's why the real warrior, said the ancient hindus, kills his enemies without anger or compassion, he just accepts his duty without feelings towards it, he just does what he has to do in the present moment.

 

[stevo]

You're are hurt. I would be too. It's being human but emotions do not rule DJs.
The only reason you're hurt is because you like her and if she was going to make out with anyone that night it should have been you. This path though leads no where productive.


What you should focus on right now is how do I control the situation?

You control frame by forgetting that day ever happened. When you see her, you act like you used to. Still flirty but don't chase.

Your frame is: I'm busy fcuking other girls, she's busy living too, no wrong, no foul.
If she wants my D, I'd consider giving her the D.


Weird girl reasoning could be, she kissed that dude to provoke you to act already. The girl wants you, just dont fall into FZ or act inexperienced by being butthurt and cutting all contact.

 

[SHChamp]

You guys are both right. If I want to ever improve further I need to learn how to deal with situations like these. Controlling the frame and choosing not to let it affect me the way it is. I am going to choose not to care about what happened, and go back to treating her like I did before.

Although, in no way will I give her priority over other plates anymore. Going to enjoy myself, and occupy myself fvcking other girls. Time for her to prove to me whether she is worth it or not. Thanks for the advice as always guys.

 

[JohnChops]

You're not banging her and you're not gonna Date her because you work together. She is not a plate. You are also jealous that she made out with some guy and you two aren't even dating, I don't get this post. Move on

 

[SHChamp]

You're not banging her and you're not gonna Date her because you work together. She is not a plate. You are also jealous that she made out with some guy and you two aren't even dating, I don't get this post. Move on

We have gone on a date already, and things have been going on for a while. If you actually read the post, you'll see that I said we don't work together anymore. The situation was also already cleared up, so I'm not sure what kind of value your post has, if at all. Anyhow, thanks.

 

[LiveYourDream]

You flirt and kino with this girl for 6 months but don't take it farther because of work. Finally, after 6 months of build up, the opportunity is now wide open, you make a sexual innuendo expressing that you are into her. What happens next? A DJ would have escalated right there and quickly moved to another location to let out 6 months worth of pent up sexual desire and anticipation. That was what she was hoping as well.

What did you do? You danced and had fun for a few more hours. All the build up, all the tension and then acting as if the previous six months and the build up did not exist. She's ready to finally get fvcked and you make her dance for a few hours first. She obliges thinking you'll fvck her after the first song, the second song, the third song. Three hours she's waiting for you to finally get her out of there and fvck her.

What happens? You leave with an entirely different chick. Who cares if she's your friend, it wasn't Girl A, who has been waiting 6 months, plus 3 hours, for you to finally fvck her. She's dumbfounded, frustrated and hurt thinking WTF.

She thought you were finally going to have explosive amazing sex and now you are gone. She's devastated and confused. She thinks she clearly misread you because she was sure you two were going to fvck and obviously you've left with a different girl, because you really didn't want her (Girl A) like she believed.

What does she do, with her pent up sexual frustration and blown up self esteem? She takes it to a man that will immediately reinforce back to her, that she is attractive and a sexually desirable woman. She makes out with him and feels reaffirmed that she is attractive while releasing some of the sexual tension you provoked her, but did not really want, in her eyes.

You return clueless, wondering why she isn't happily waiting with a wet pvssy for you. Wake up! You missed the boat by three hours of unnecessary dancing and a trip to get food, with some other girl.

You don't stop there. Now you are the victim. Now you are butthurt. Girl A has been fantasizing for 6 months about you fvcking her, and she is hurt wondering what happened to her fantasy and if it will ever happen now. Do you connect to finally escalate? No, you connect to express your hurt and then run off in a pout.

These are not the actions of a man, let alone a masculine man. Time to regroup yourself. I know I am being harsh. Please understand it's because I want to you get what you missed and so you never pass an opportunity like that again.

TL;DR If you want to fvck a particular woman, and she wants to be fvcked by you, when the opportunity arises, fvck her.

 

[dustmuffin]

I have been juggling a few plates for a couple of months now, but one of them has shown the most promise. We'll call her Girl A. To make a long story short as to our background:

We were working together for the past six months, because of principles I do not date women I work with. However, there was constant flirting, kino and whatnot but I never went into it. She has seen me surrounded by multiple women, dating etc. and her friends told me that it's bothering her and that she's into me.

Now last night, we were at a party and I was dancing, talking and having fun dancing with the hottest girls there. At some point I took girl A aside and talked to her for a few minutes, and I made it clear that I was into her (we don't work together anymore). The following hours was filled with dancing and fun until at some point I left with a close friend of mine (my close friend is a HB9) to grab something to eat. When I came back everyone told me that girl A made out with some random guy inside that I saw earlier.

I have to say, it pissed me off. I was quite drunk, but I did not do anything other than text her:
Me: You really made out with that guy?
Her: Yup...
Her: Who told you???
Her: Hahah gosh.
Me: Wauw, well, have a good night, bye.
Her: Noo, don't be like that.

My instinct is telling me to walk away, close it off and don't ever give it any attention anymore. I am trying to justify doing that through rationalizing my behavior, but it's proving to be difficult. We are not in a relationship, I go out and do my thing with other girls and so does she. So, this shouldn't bother me, but it does because whatever the case I do not do things with other girls when she is around.

Her value kind of dropped hard for me once this happened, but I would like to know what you guys think of the situation?

Ask her out and f uck her. Quit p ussy footing around. Who cares who she made out with. She isn't yours and with your actions she never will be. You need to escalate and isolate. You need to lead!

 

[JohnChops]

We have gone on a date already, and things have been going on for a while. If you actually read the post, you'll see that I said we don't work together anymore. The situation was also already cleared up, so I'm not sure what kind of value your post has, if at all. Anyhow, thanks.

It still holds a bit of water seeing how you went out on a date and yet you're jealous she's sucking face with another guy. Whatever floats your boat man and helps you sleep at night. If you're not balls deep, she isn't a plate.

 

[SHChamp]

You flirt and kino with this girl for 6 months but don't take it farther because of work. Finally, after 6 months of build up, the opportunity is now wide open, you make a sexual innuendo expressing that you are into her. What happens next? A DJ would have escalated right there and quickly moved to another location to let out 6 months worth of pent up sexual desire and anticipation. That was what she was hoping as well.

What did you do? You danced and had fun for a few more hours. All the build up, all the tension and then acting as if the previous six months and the build up did not exist. She's ready to finally get fvcked and you make her dance for a few hours first. She obliges thinking you'll fvck her after the first song, the second song, the third song. Three hours she's waiting for you to finally get her out of there and fvck her.

What happens? You leave with an entirely different chick. Who cares if she's your friend, it wasn't Girl A, who has been waiting 6 months, plus 3 hours, for you to finally fvck her. She's dumbfounded, frustrated and hurt thinking WTF.

She thought you were finally going to have explosive amazing sex and now you are gone. She's devastated and confused. She thinks she clearly misread you because she was sure you two were going to fvck and obviously you've left with a different girl, because you really didn't want her (Girl A) like she believed.

What does she do, with her pent up sexual frustration and blown up self esteem? She takes it to a man that will immediately reinforce back to her, that she is attractive and a sexually desirable woman. She makes out with him and feels reaffirmed that she is attractive while releasing some of the sexual tension you provoked her, but did not really want, in her eyes.

You return clueless, wondering why she isn't happily waiting with a wet pvssy for you. Wake up! You missed the boat by three hours of unnecessary dancing and a trip to get food, with some other girl.

You don't stop there. Now you are the victim. Now you are butthurt. Girl A has been fantasizing for 6 months about you fvcking her, and she is hurt wondering what happened to her fantasy and if it will ever happen now. Do you connect to finally escalate? No, you connect to express your hurt and then run off in a pout.

These are not the actions of a man, let alone a masculine man. Time to regroup yourself. I know I am being harsh. Please understand it's because I want to you get what you missed and so you never pass an opportunity like that again.

TL;DR If you want to fvck a particular woman, and she wants to be fvcked by you, when the opportunity arises, fvck her.

Thank you for the honesty, brutal directness is the only thing I appreciate. I completely understand what you mean and you are right. I took back control of my frame and I set something up with her this Sunday. I also believe that I was too distracted, because there were girls all around and my attention span was also considerably low towards her.

I'll make sure that doesn't happen again, and share my report after tomorrow.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Thank you for the honesty, brutal directness is the only thing I appreciate. I completely understand what you mean and you are right. I took back control of my frame and I set something up with her this Sunday. I also believe that I was too distracted, because there were girls all around and my attention span was also considerably low towards her.

I'll make sure that doesn't happen again, and share my report after tomorrow.

Just a head's up, do not go into seeing her next time expecting her to be as hot and ready as she was the other night before she was let down. That pressure dissipated with her disappointment and hurt. However, you have the opportunity to rebuild it quite quickly if you are fun, attentive and light kino to start. If you walk in and go straight for it I suspect she may shut you down. Be aware and be in the moment. Because you didn't jump on it last time does not mean that's the immediate thing to do when you see her Sunday. Have fun. I imagine she's relieved to have something set up. I like that it's a couple days away so she can anticipate. Enjoy yourself and remain aware.

 

[Desdinova]

There is an art to handling multiple prospects. You tell them nothing and pull back on the attention you give them when there are many in the room together. If you choose to focus on one, then focus on that one only.

What happened here is you chose to focus on a different woman, effectively making Girl A jealous. She handled her jealousy by jumping on another guy. Then you acted like she was a bytch for doing so.

If you want a particular woman, you have to make it clear through your actions that you want her. You did the complete opposite. You vocalized your interest to her, then showed your interest in the HB9. You ended up with neither.

 

[RangerMIke]

You can't get upset if ONE of the women you are causally dating is hooking up with other dudes. I will admit that I do have brief pangs of jealousy when I find out a woman I'me dating is fvcking another dude, but then I remind myself that THIS is what I want.... If I am not willing to commit to a relationship, then I can not expect the women I'm seeing to only want me.

Being a little jealous is normal, and should be brief... this is human, but what you can't do again is allow your emotions to take over where you start doing and saying things the takes you off your center. Sending out that text was a mistake... but I'm sure you know that... you did it because you were drunk. The solution is to tell yourself you WILL NOT communicate with anyone when you are drunk. Make that a rule. You have to think "Is what I'm about to do going to make me more or less attractive?"

 

[SHChamp]

I said I was going to give an an after-action report, here it is:

We met up on Sunday, regrettably it was in a social setting at first. We were invited by an acquaintance of ours, and I decided to cook. I generally like cooking, so it's fine. I had her help out and realized I needed to get her in the mood again. I generally just had fun and tried not to focus on getting her to be hot and ready, but rather focused on just being fun and attentive.

At some point in the conversation, the girl (our acquaintence) started mentioning some girl that I was currently dating. I didn't really go into it, but just made clear that I'm single, just enjoying myself and of course I go out in the process. I felt no need to defend myself so I didn't go into it further, girl A decided to respond in kind by mentioning some guy she's dating who's abroad. I didn't go into this, and generally just continued having fun and ignoring the fact that seemed to try and make me jealous.

At the end of the night, I walked her to her car and continued to lift her on top it for some heavy kino and just make out session. It was starting to get sexual, and I wanted to take her home, but she said she was flying to LA in the morning which I forgot about. I told her I'm taking her out when she gets back and she seemed very happy when I asked and enthusiastic. I just told her to wear something hot that night and dancing shoes, she lit up.

She is coming back in a week, however she's going to LA, where this guy she's dating is at. I'm not sure what's going to happen there, but I can take a guess. I think the best move for me is not contact her at all until she gets back and continue doing my own thing here and date other girls. What do you guys think?

 

[Tictac]

Other than asking her out again while still out with her, you did pretty well.

You can't worry about what she's doing and with who when she's not with you. It's none of your business.

You've been on a date with her. That's all.