Need to get this off my chest...

[MindOverMatter]

When I first found these forums, I told myself I was just gonna use them for education, and not ask for any advice (personally I think a man should be able to solve all of his problems and not cry on other people's shoulders). However, this situation is so messed up, that I can't carry it inside, and there is nobody I know in real life who I can talk to about this. Not my boys, not my brother, nobody.

I maintain a thick skin and try to let nothing get to me, but last night's scenario totally shook me up, and started giving me self-doubts. Not only that, but I am seriously worried about my health. I'll start at the beginning.

Two months ago I started seeing this girl, and we've been getting along great. She totally respects me, is loyal, does not test me, and is just a blast to be around. We have a lot of common interests, and get along great (haven't had any arguments or fights).

Anyway, yesterday I was on a date with her, and we went to this patio bar on one of the pedistrian only streets in downtown. We chilled there for 2 hrs, talked, and then went for a walk. We went to this deserted park (it was around midnight at the time), and started fooling around. At first it was just us, but eventually people started passing through and checking us out. Neither of us cared enough about the spectators to stop (it was a giant turn on for both of us), but eventually things were getting more heated up, so we moved to a darker area of the park. By this time, my shirt is unbuttoned, she is kissing my chest, giving me a HJ, and I'm fingering her. I've got a monster hardon, she's getting really horny, and is telling me that she wants to go somewhere more comfortable. We can't go to her place cause her mom is staying over and visiting her, so we head to my place.

Anyway we drive to my place, and resume where we left off. Only one problem. For some reason, I am not aroused down there anymore. Now, I'm 25 (this isn't supposed to happen for another 25 years), this sh!t has never happened to me before, not even during my first time ever, and certanly not with this girl. She's hot, very much into fitness, and yoga, overall a HB8.8. She's an awesome partner when it comes to sex, very loud, and likes to play rough / talk dirty.

I didn't drink anything that night, nor did I do any drugs, and I certanly wasn't nervous to perform. For some reason, no matter what happened, I just wasn't aroused.

She starts saying she's sorry that she isn't doing her part of the job, and saying how she's had a long day and isn't very energetic. I tell her it's not her fault, and that she totally had me going at the park, and that I guess I'm somewhat tired myself. She wasn't disappointed, and was very understanding of the whole scenario. We went to sleep, and she took off in the morning. She called me yesterday, saying she wants to see me again. I told her I wanted to see her too, and was gonna stop by her place in the next few days (been busy with work).

Now I'm not worried that I disappointed her or anything. I know this girl is very much into me, and that this does not change a thing. But at the same time, this whole event has made me question myself. I usually take great pride in my sex drive, and have often found myself masturbating after my partner has gone to sleep. This is was a totally new experiance.

I couldn't help but overanalyze the whole situation, and I came up with a two reasons why this could have happened.

1.) I was very hungry at the time, I haven't eaten anything that day since like 3pm, so I think this somehow affected my blood levels or something.

2.) We might have foreplayed for way too long, and I just got too damn tired.

I went to the doctor to see what was wrong with me, he just told me that it was performance anxiety and that I should be lucky cause I don't have to pop viagra everyday like he does. Needless to say, I'm prolly gonna go talk to a different doctor, cause I know it wasn't performance anxiety. He perscribed me some viagra even tho I didn't ask for it.

Ever since then, I can't think about anything else. This sh!t has been eating me from inside, and is making me sick to my stomach. I can't help but take it personally.

Well, I guess I posted this here to get it off my chest, and I do feel a better now. If this has happened to anyone, feel free to tell me (or pm me) on how you dealt with it, cause I'm just stuck on it.

 

[dietzcoi]

First of all, it was certainly mental only, since you were aroused a short time earlier. No telling what was going on in your subconcious. Is this the first time you had her at your house, or was this somehow something new or the first time for some act?

THere should be no physical reason this happened... what you ate would not affect this.

Second... Viagra will work. You can take it next time to get over this issue.. on the other hand you then may become mentally dependent on it, even if you don't need it.

Tough call but you cannot let yourself get into a downward spiral.

This happens to everybody. You need to realize that. You have to relax.\

By the way this will be a good "test" for the woman. If she handles it well, great. If she throws a fit or somehow overreacts, red flag!

Of course you need to do whatever it takes to get past this or she will be justified in getting frustrated.

Relax, relax, relax. Rub her down, go down on her, please her... do not pressure yourself to perform. It will come naturally. DOn't obsess!

GOod luck

Dietzcoi

 

[Dirtheart]

1.) I was very hungry at the time, I haven't eaten anything that day since like 3pm, so I think this somehow affected my blood levels or something.

2.) We might have foreplayed for way too long, and I just got too damn tired.

I've had this happen under these same conditions. Lack of food and lack of sleep makes Dirtheart a dull boy, if you know what I mean.

First time it happened to me I was getting really worried, thinking I'm impotent, and then I did start to suffer a little from performance anxiety because I was so worried about it. But I read up on it and there are actually a lot of temporary causes.

I don't think you have reason to worry unless it happens constantly.

 

[MindOverMatter]

First of all, it was certainly mental only, since you were aroused a short time earlier. No telling what was going on in your subconcious. Is this the first time you had her at your house, or was this somehow something new or the first time for some act?

THere should be no physical reason this happened... what you ate would not affect this.

Second... Viagra will work. You can take it next time to get over this issue.. on the other hand you then may become mentally dependent on it, even if you don't need it.

Thanks a lot for the response.

To answer your question, there was nothing new about this. She's been here before, and there were no surprises really.

As for Viagra, I know it will work, but I really do not want to use it. As much as this bothered me over the last 2 days, I know I can handle it and that it isn't beyond my reach.

 

[JohnJones]

I'd just chalk it up to a one-time thing. Sometimes something doesn't click exaclty right, plus what you are talking about is a classic scenario of stimulation followed by a break.

Your girl sounds completely perfect on that basis

 

[Good_ol_boy]

Blame it on Sun Spots!

This just happens every now and then. (and it'll happen again someday)

By the way, forget the myth that you can't get a stiffy over 50. I'm well over 50 and have no problem getting them.

 

[Doppler4000]

Unfortunately, there's a male stereotype out there that guys are supposed to be constantly ready at the drop of a hat day or night to start going at it, and only women are allowed to occassionally be not in the mood. Ain't true.

Now don't sit there and overanalyze or overthink this or you're gonna cause yourself more problems. Just chill and soon enough you'll be back ready to go just like when you were in the park.

 

[Slickster]

Chill out.

You will be back

 

[Capi Crimini]

Sadly I've watched that sex doctor on Oxegen now and then... Lots of people call in with this problem... She says there talking to there **** and by worrying about it they just can't get up... So stop worrying about it i guess and just have fun... I think it goes somehting like that... Watch her or something...

 

[MindOverMatter]

I'd like to thank you all for the words of encouragement, they helped me get through this mess, and after a very fun night, I am back to my old self.

In a weird way, I'm glad this happened. Like Dietzcoi said, this was a good test of the woman's character, and she passed it. Now I know I'm not wasting my time with this girl, and that's a relief in its own way.

Other then that, it's great to be back, thank a lot everyone.

 

[DJnomore]

No excuse

For most women Mr. Happy isn't the main attraction...

If you are happy making her happy most women don't mind if you aren't their 100% of the time.

Seriously all those guys using viagra now were consistently in that position prior to viagra.

So make her happy and relax =)

 

[room222]

When you were in the park, you "knew" that you weren't going to do it, consequently, there was no fear. you were in the moment. when she said lets go elsewhere, your mind said uhh ohhh, now we are going to do it! You are expected to perform! Well, this is common. All you need to do is be relaxed and one way to help is to talk about your feelings with her and be honest. It will take the pressure off. I know that's not the macho thing to do but getting comfortable and relaxed is what you need and communication and setting expectations will work. Then, when you get comfy with this hottie, it will start to flow again and you can assume the position of Mastery once again.

regards

 

[TrickyD]

What a coincidence!!!!

The same thing happened to me this weekend. We just started getting into it (working our way up to the main event) and when she was ready... I wasn't. She had just got me off earliler that evening and I can ususally go another round. That night I just couldn't get things going.

I told her that I wanted to wait and have sex when were both ready (she agreed) and part of that was true but the sudden slowdown had me worried...

We had a big discussion about it last night and all is well but It's funny how coincidence works iwith me browsing around this site and finding a post about this very subject! Twilight Zone... no doubt!!

 

[TooColdUlrick]

dude, don't sweat it. and i have some very bad news for you. whisky dvck DOES NOT start happening when you're 50 years old. it starts happening at about YOUR age. expect it to happen again. women know this. most understand.

there has been many occasions where i just could not get it up, even with an HB9, even if she was yanking on that thang like one of those old fashioned vending machines.

work, responsibilities, mouths to feed, the future...whatever...sometimes Mr. Happy just ain't so happy.

your first post was way too paranoid. don't be so insecure about your "MAN-NESS". as you mature, your man-ness, and "sex", moves from your little head to your bigger head.

 

[Eileen]

I honestly can't believe you went to a doctor straight away. He must have laughed as hard as I'm laughing now after you left.

I shouldn't laugh, really I know it's tough on the male ego when this happens, but ... honestly, every man on the planet either has or will have this happen well before he's 50 years old.

And yes, most women understand this because most of us have seen it before. It's really quite common.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
dude, don't sweat it. and i have some very bad news for you. whisky dvck DOES NOT start happening when you're 50 years old. it starts happening at about YOUR age. expect it to happen again. women know this. most understand.

there has been many occasions where i just could not get it up, even with an HB9, even if she was yanking on that thang like one of those old fashioned vending machines.

work, responsibilities, mouths to feed, the future...whatever...sometimes Mr. Happy just ain't so happy.

your first post was way too paranoid. don't be so insecure about your "MAN-NESS". as you mature, your man-ness, and "sex", moves from your little head to your bigger head.

hahaha..this replie has the TWO MOST HILARIOUS quotes I've ever heard..haha

1) Whisky D*CK

2) ..even if she was yanking on that thang like one of those old fashioned vending machines.


too cold..thats freggin hilarious stuff bro...but good advice all around

 

[Walden]

Yeah man , don't sweat it.

I'm a f***ing rhino in bed and from time to time Bone Crusher just doesn't wanna throw down. No thang.

 

[MindOverMatter]

Damn, who dug this old thread up? Well it's been a month since that night, and I haven't had any problems since.

Anyway to clarify a few things.

I usually go to the doctor about once a month to check up on my health, and if I think there is something wrong with my health, I will go the very next day. Not being aroused was something that never happened to me, and since I was only 25, I thought it would be a good idea to go see the doctor.

I don't think I have a big ego when it comes to sex (I still haven't named my penis, but now I see that the name "bone crusher" has been taken haha), when it comes to life in general, I'm a pretty humble person, but I don't take chances when it comes to my health.

 

[Nightbreed]

I'm goign to put myself out there and take one for the team here y'all.

Listen to me carefully about this anyone who has had this happen or worried they might.

I have had impotency issues before too. Some times this just happens. The trick is not to let a freak occurence become a string of cause-and-effect by overanalysing it and thinking about it. Then it does become a conscious problem, and an anxiety, and so on, as opposed to the one off anti-fluke it really is. Trust me. Been there. Got caught in the psychological landslide. Took ages to get out.

REMEMBER: There'll always be turbulence when you're up there with the best of the best.