Welp.
Just got off the phone with her and she said: "you're loosing me" due to the way i've been acting this past week. After that all I could muster up was an "I'm sorry" and she concluded the conversation with a: "god you don't even ****ing care" and click, hung up.
This is going well, will probably break up with her tomorrow.
And strangely, I'm a little (maybe a lot more than that) ... sad.
EDIT:
Well ****, maybe 6 minutes after posting this she called me back and we had a 54 minute and 19 second conversation....and well..........i finally did it, i'm tearing up as i write this because there was a lot of crying and stuff and whatever, i really don't know what I'm saying right now..anyways....well, we left on good terms, she cried, not as hard as the first time we brok eup though....same here, but i cried but i guess you can expect that after being together for over a year....i said it's for the best and subliminally i can tell that she agreed even though she didn't admit it, i don't think i'll ever tell her about the 30+ times that i cheated on her, there's no point. i cried, she cried, strangely enough though we seemed both kind of releived and honeslty she does deserve better than me, besides the cheating but she lives far away and would always drive to see me, and would always pay for meals for example olive garden etc. and was always good to me and i was a terrible bf but she fell madly in love with me for some reason...i think softening her up this entire week helped the process go a little smoother because i tried to keep the process talking to a minimum..we ended with a bunch of i love u's and i always will/u hold a special place in my hear etc. but she was actually laughing like 3% kind of so idk.....we kept a journal that she started, it has pictures of us and she wrote stuff in it and so did i sometimes, i told her idk where it is but it's under my bed......i'm going to get it now and read the last things she wrote because i haven't read them yet..**** just looking at it is making my cry..on the cover it has 3 pictures of us together, one of them is like from one of the first times we met at a bowling alley and of us kissing, and on the cover it says 'my best memories are with you'
**** and i just spent 20 minutes writing a final page in the journal...she worked so hard on it lol it's so precious, well, i'm going to bed eventually and i'm getting off this site. ergo whatever the fcuk i love you.
