Need some tough love!

ink_wizard

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Hi All,

So I've just recently ended a situationship that has really cut me up. I was talking to a girl who lived in another city, she was 30 and I'm 31.We met on a dating app when she was in my city but was leaving on the day we started talking so I didn't get the chance to meet her. I was apprehensive about getting involved with her because I had done a LDR before and it turned out badly but she hooked me in with how eager she was to get to know me and back then I wasn't having any luck with girls down here. We start talking everyday and face time about 2-3 times a week. There were red flags that I noticed in the beginning like she's a big party girl and gets hammered every weekend, has tons of male friends, strong political views which I didn't really agree with but went along with it because I just wanted to get laid lol bad I know. Despite our differences she reeled me in good and wanted so bad to meet me because she really liked me and wanted me bad. We did start getting really close and I felt like I was starting to catch feels for her and she admitted the same for me.

So I book flights to go and see her for the weekend. It didn't go as great as I had planned. We went all 3 days of the weekend (Friday to sunday) clubbing and meeting her friends and in those days she got completely smashed and I noticed she had a major drinking problem. She drank so much to the point I had to help her out of the bars and drive her home where she passed out and got sick everywhere for the whole 3 days. We did have sex a couple of times but there was no sexual chemistry at all, it was sh1t. Despite before we met and we used to talk about it, it felt like we did have lots of sexual chemistry so that was disappointing. She also sometimes takes party drugs which doesn't help either.

On the times where she was sober, we did have some alone time together but I could tell straight up that we were completely different people and lead completely different lifestyles and I think she knew it as well. When I got back home she went completely cold and distant and told me that we were not compatible and she "wasn't ready for a relationship" despite telling me before we met that she was lol, she wants to stay friends though. I tell her all good I don't think we are compatible either and I don't really want to be friends with her because I don't particularly want to hear about her getting with other dudes and about all her drunken shannighans she gets herself in to it along with the fact she lives in another state anyway. She got really upset about it and deleted me off all social media networks and pretty much says fine and wishes me the best in life.

Gone complete NC for the past couple of days and I haven't heard from her. Was I wrong to not stay friends? Im also really mad at myself for ignoring all the red flags she was throwing at the start. We got on so well that I ignored it and thought I'd take a chance and it ended badly.

How can I be so stupid?! Waste of time and energy and money. Never again. Finding chicks locally has also been a nightmare. I don't live in a big city so I don't have a lot of prospects. I think I'm just at a stage in life where I'm just completely done with the whole dating game. I've been dating and off for so many years and have had nothing but heart break and disappointment. There's only so much one can take before they snap and hang it all up. So so done. Just going to pursue my hobbies and totally ignore dating in the foreseeable future.
 

Lookatu

Master Don Juan
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You tried, made mistakes, learned. That's all you can do in life.

Crisis averted and bullet dodged luckily. You said you already had LDR's go bad so don't repeat the same thing again like you did this time. You said you already identified red flags but ignored them. Don't do that next time either.

Pursue your hobbies, invest in yourself, further your education/career, and improve yourself mentally and physically so that you are in a good position for when a great gal does come along. You never know where your life is going to take you. You may end up in a big city one day or a nice gal might move to yours someday. Just be ready... :up:
 

bat soup

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If you can, keep her as a ****buddy. If not, forget her and move on. She's not exactly a high-quality girl anyway.
 

ink_wizard

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Yeah I should of listened to my gut when I first started talking to her and now I am paying the price as I caught feels and now have to get rid of them. I am a bit down about it because despite all the issues she was very attractive and did have good qualities about her but we just come from two different worlds.
 

ink_wizard

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I just don’t know why I’m having a hard time moving on from her ugh
 

2Rocky

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You deserve someone better than that. PERIOD. Don't lower your standards. She culled herself from your life.

Now go do things you want to do and do them solo if you need to. But DO them. In the process of doing that you will meet other people who enjoy that. You will form friendships with that common bond and it will be more fulfilling than an empty LDR.

When you have your life squared away, the right people have a tendency to show up and want to share it...Believe me.
 

ink_wizard

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I did tell her when i got back that I thought we were a bad match and that's when she said she wasn't ready for a relationship and just wanted to be friends but yet she still kept initiating contact with me but was very cold.

She also did admit that she's had a wild sex life in the past which put me off ha. I'm just down about the whole thing because despite being totally incompatible she did have good qualities about her and wasn't totally bad and we did get really well. But I do regret getting involved with her especially when I saw all the red flags at the start and wasn't keen on doing the whole LDR thing. The fact that she wanted me bad and really liked me reeled me in bad
 

mrgoodstuff

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I did tell her when i got back that I thought we were a bad match and that's when she said she wasn't ready for a relationship and just wanted to be friends but yet she still kept initiating contact with me but was very cold.

She also did admit that she's had a wild sex life in the past which put me off ha. I'm just down about the whole thing because despite being totally incompatible she did have good qualities about her and wasn't totally bad and we did get really well. But I do regret getting involved with her especially when I saw all the red flags at the start and wasn't keen on doing the whole LDR thing. The fact that she wanted me bad and really liked me reeled me in bad
Shes a narcissistic personality
 

Lookatu

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Shes a narcissistic personality
This.


I just don’t know why I’m having a hard time moving on from her ugh
It's apparent that you like narcissists + alcoholics + slvts + drug addicts + bad sex + extreme liberals + feminist + casual LDR's

Get some standards for yourself and learn to read the list I just made clear for you. You're lucky you didn't get her preggo. Imagine a woman like that having your baby. Crisis Averted and hopefully lesson learned.

I'm guessing you currently don't have a lot of dating options. Go and find some and put her in the past as a BIG mistake.
 

ink_wizard

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This.



It's apparent that you like narcissists + alcoholics + slvts + drug addicts + bad sex + extreme liberals + feminist + casual LDR's

Get some standards for yourself and learn to read the list I just made clear for you. You're lucky you didn't get her preggo. Imagine a woman like that having your baby. Crisis Averted and hopefully lesson learned.

I'm guessing you currently don't have a lot of dating options. Go and find some and put her in the past as a BIG mistake.
Thanks I needed this!!! It's a shame because underneath all those traits she does have a sweet and genuine side and the funny thing is she has a good job and is very smart, can you believe it? Lol....but yeah the weekend benders and party lifestyle are totally not my scene not in my 30s.
 

ink_wizard

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Initiating the contact is just to keep you on the hook. If you have anything at all she'll desire to be close to you.
Well she's gone and deleted me everywhere and hasn't been I'm contact since we had that fight on Tuesday. I've also been in NC as well though. Will be interesting to see if she ever comes back
 

Lookatu

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Thanks I needed this!!! It's a shame because underneath all those traits she does have a sweet and genuine side and the funny thing is she has a good job and is very smart, can you believe it? Lol....but yeah the weekend benders and party lifestyle are totally not my scene not in my 30s.
It's very natural for you to defend her and point out her positives because you are in a Captain Save-a-hoe mode. Please do yourself a favor and get out of that ASAP. It won't do you any favors in life and it will get you in trouble more often times than not.

I know you are probably the type to see the good in people and that's ok to a certain degree but not when you're looking for a LTR. You gotta remain steadfast with your principles and standards, or else things will eventually turn to $hit.
 
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