Need some sage advice! (1st post)

[Nostrum]

Ok, I'm hoping some level-headed, experienced DJ's read this and offer some sound advice as to how I should approach this.

I went out with a girl last week and things went along ok, though I think I may have come across as too "friend" like, but i'm not sure. I took her to see Wedding Crashers, and she said she liked it.

So after the movie, we went and got some food and I was the one asking most of the questions. After a while, she mentioned teaching me how to salsa and also alluded to hanging out with her and her friends to play pool, which I took as a sign that she is interested in seeing me again, but we had talked about doing that before, when we were chatting online and on the phone.

The date ended with me walking her to her car... as we were walking there, we somehow got on the subject of stick-shifts and I told her I didn't really know how to drive a stick shift... so jokingly she offered to teach me. I took that as another good sign.

She ended up giving me a ride to my car, which was parked nearby and I gave her a hug before I got out. The next day, she left me a msg saying she changed her e-mail, and asked me not to send any e-mails to her old one anymore... I also tried to send her an IM, just saying "hi" when I saw her online, but she wouldn't answer and another time when I signed on, she quickly went to "busy" status... So I sent her an e-mail to the new address, saying "Just wanted to say I had a good time last night, thanks for hangin' out with me. If you'd like to meet up again, let me know. Take care. "

I didn't try to make anymore contact after that.. didn't even get online. So a few days later, she replied with "thanks for the email, i had a good time too & sure we can go out do something, play pool or dance.. hehehe, you be good, & take care!"

Which brings us up to date. I'm thinking about asking her to go see another movie... but I sprained my foot and I don't wanna spend alot o' time walking on it, but I DO want to spend more time with her. She's studying to be a paramedic, so I'm wondering if my sprained foot will be a good card to play, here somehow. I wanna call her and just talk and get to know her, but I don't wanna seem too eager. It's been two days since I got her e-mail and I haven't seen her online or called her. Advise me, o great ones! What's a good way to play this? This chick is super cute and I don't wanna screw it up.

 

[HuuBinh]

A big reason why you may continue to mess up is because you think she's super cute and you are afraid to screw up.

Anyway, I though a movie on the first date was not a very good idea because that time could have been spent more efficiently for developing rapport with her and rapport is so important in the begining.

You were a bit indecisive in my opinion. Don't say "lets meet up again" that's vague. Say, "I'll come by and pick you up on tuesday at 6, what do you think?" give her a definate time so she can decide.

Communicating with her through emails, IM, or text messages, is very impersonal which wont' yield significant results.

I would suggest that you wait a couple more days and give her a call to setup another date, this time, action dates. IMO, unless she is highly attracted to you, she probably won't go out with you again despite what she told you.

Usually, women will only give you that one chance in hope they'll develop deep feelings for you by the end of the date.

 

[So pimp its scary]

By the sound of things you're pretty much in...

Is your foot in a cast? If it is, tell her to go play pool somewhere, and when you show up and you can't walk, just play it up just a little.

"And you weren't even there to make it better..." but don't dwell on that shyt cause you're not looking for a pity party.

Other than that, just go out with her, but this time at least get the kiss out of her.

 

[brenbaus]

Um, yeah, pity doesnt work with girls, most of the time anyway

 

[Nostrum]

Originally posted by HuuBinh
A big reason why you may continue to mess up is because you think she's super cute and you are afraid to screw up.

Agreed. I know I need to think of this as something I can easily... and MUST easily be able to walk away from without looking back.

Anyway, I though a movie on the first date was not a very good idea because that time could have been spent more efficiently for developing rapport with her and rapport is so important in the begining.

Well, we did spend a pretty decent amout of time on the phone prior to meeting up and she seemed to enjoy talking to me. We've been going back and forth, on and off for a month or two of online correspondence, but I've spent more much more time talking on the phone with her than talking online.

You were a bit indecisive in my opinion. Don't say "lets meet up again" that's vague. Say, "I'll come by and pick you up on tuesday at 6, what do you think?" give her a definate time so she can decide.

I'll consider doing that next time I call. I'm expecting to get her voicemail, though. Like I said, being that my foot isn't in good shape for walking (there is a very noticeable limp) a movie is probably my only option at this point. If it feels better in the next few days, I'll see if she wants to play some pool.

Thanks for the tips, I appreciate the feedback.

 

[Nostrum]

Anyone else? Chime!

 

[Evangenlion]

you not going in a smooth line, but you'll get there.
little note for you...that email u sent her so dam AFC. all i can say is, if u get another date with her, your in. unless you mess up, which is okay, no one is perfect.

 

[RoeCyris]

i've done what ur doing and let me just save you the trouble. Any romantic life you would live with this girl is, almost entirly, out of the picture, imo. A month of internet/phone tag and then a "date" which ended with a hug = friend status.

sure you suggested that you wanted more TIME with her, but it doesnt sound like you indicated that you wanted HER.

and here is an important question, did she know it was a date? one of the most frequent and frusteraiting problems i use to have is that i would suggest "hanging out" and be scared to use the word "date." i could feel the tension everytime as neither one of us were sure if the other was thinking it was a date. Now you cant just come out and say "i would like to take you out on a date." unless you figure out the right face to make and tone to say it in so that it doesnt sound so corny. I would suggest for this particular girl, like someone else said, call her up in a day or two and say something along the lines of "i had fun hanging out with you but I want more of you. are willing to commit to a date?"

(I know most cats on here are all about "i will take you here at this time, be there or be square" but that siht just doesnt work in every situation. The ball is already in her court, asking her to commit, is a small way or forcing her to dribble it out.)

and if she says "wasnt that first thing a date" tell her no, it was just hanging out.


good or bad, thats just my advice. good luck bro.

 

[Maximus_Decimus]

Originally posted by RoeCyris
say something along the lines of "i had fun hanging out with you but I want more of you. are willing to commit to a date?"

Let's break this down:

"I want more of you" - This is not prizing. You are turning her into the prize. It also implies you have no other options available and gives a hint of desperation. Furthermore, you are showing her all your cards and ruining the mystery.

Secondly:

"are willing to commit to a date" - No need to verbally label the next outing as a date. In the worst case, it may raise her defenses when she responds. It is simply better to structure an opportunity for her to go out with you, apply kino, and kiss close (if possible).

Maximus_Decimus

 

[Nostrum]

Thanks, guys. It's amazing, the wealth of knowledge on this site, alone. If it weren't for the internet, I probably wouldn't have ever figured any of this out on my own, which is sad.

I just never had a circle of friends who were the type to let me in on secrets like this, and I never had the confidence around women to learn, myself.

I'm reading the DJ bible, soaking up the info like a sponge. It makes alot o' sense and finally clarifies so many things that I was utterly and completely clueless about for so long.

Now I just need to break down the subconscious triggers that throw me into my old state of mind when i'm out in the field, but the more I think about this and the more I play the game, the better I'll get at it.

I've been working on ways of improving myself, physically, mentally, socially, and it'll all come to a head, soon enough.

I really like it here, thanks again!