I'm with
@Divorced w 3 on this one. OP has a family oriented girl who has been with him since age 24. She sounds pretty great as women go, but OP is actually still having oneitis for his ex, who cheated on him & had major flaws (but he was in love with her crazy shady ass nevertheless.)
That's the real issue. The current gf has invested 3 years of her life, helped buy a home etc., obviously the expectation is to end up married and raising kids in this jointly owned house.
And so OP needs to make a choice.
1. Grow up/mature and accept this current girl for the qualities she has and move forward toward a more serious relationship.
2. Cut her loose immediately so she can heal and be open to a man who will love HER and appreciate the value she brings to the table.
Keeping her in limbo and wasting her time is pretty cruel on OP's part, never mind the fact that he still has oneitis for his shady ex.
Guys. You gotta understand a couple of things. First, actual instant sexual chemistry between two people is very rare, and very addictive. And it often comes with crazy toxic emotional roller coaster which is even MORE addictive than the sexual chemistry (and much worse as far as getting over it.)
Many men here have married or had kids with that kind of crazy/shady and have the scars to show it.
Your best profile for the kind of sexual chemistry that suits a marriage or LTR is smoldering. It's a slow burn, it simmers but doesn't boil over. That's a chemistry that can grow deeper & richer through time. It allows trust and vulnerability to develop.
It requires a greater level of maturity and self development to recognize too.
OP you need to get serious or let her go. The current situation is mighty unfair to her and you are burning through her best years to attract a life partner who loves her, rather than seeing her as a distant 2nd place.
