Hello everyone,
I am 35 and an idiot when it comes to woman. This **** is messy so I apologize for the convoluted scenario. I would like some insight about my situation. So the woman I am trying to get with is 26.
Ok I have the Nice guy problem to start the bat.
I am pursuing a masters at school whereupon I met this undergrad. At first I did not think of her except as a friend. Her last quarter at school everyone use to go drinking every week and that is when we started hanging out. She was very open warm and kind when we hung out--not to say she did not complain but it wasn't anything crazy. She would show some physical attention--but she is like this to all her friends--she is kind of a TomBoy.
Anyways after she invited me to her New Years eve party we started seeing each other more frequently.
So Late 2011 December to mid Jan. here is what I know about her from fragments of conversation from her friends. She was engaged to a guy that she went out with for a 6 years, but broke it off because he was not financially responsible. She seems like she has tried dating people since I have known her-- but have failed. The last person she tried to pursued sounded like he dumped her--I am not sure when this happened I would speculate Octoberish 2011.
So Jan 12 2012 Thursday-- So we have been getting along pretty well (since we were friends) and I have never hung out with her one on one so I decided to ask her to grab some lunch. By now she has graduated from school.
She seemed hesitant and said she is super busy (which she is) and I had to play phone tag to get a commitment.
When I met her she insisted on paying for my lunch (since I use to buy her beers once and a while before as a friend). I then proceeded to ask her if she wanted to go to a bar to grab a quick drink. Again a lot of hesitation, but finally she said yes. I actually do not drink myself, so I told her I would buy her a beer. She first said no and then yes.
She was acting very fun and open. While we were at the bar she told me that a Korean guy try to hit on her and she seemed like she was scanning the place for him. I am not sure if that means anything or nonsensical prattle. (I am asian she is not. She has not dated nor got with an asian.) I made some sexual comments and she laughed and she made some more Blah Blah. We got along pretty well and talked about our goals in our life and all that BS but some deeper ****. So it felt like a date--but I am an idiot and may have thought it was.
Jan 19 2012
*** School started this week. I decided to do some social experiments at school and started dressing well. I basically dressed like I am homeless for the past 10 years, since I was a full time artist at a studio (you can dress like **** at work they don't care). Yes I looked like **** when I asked her for lunch on Jan 12.
So I called her that week to see if I could hang out with her---again waffle back and forth until she called me on Thursday. I told her if she is that busy I will see her on Friday (she has an art gallery show--her first show). I told her I was happy just to talk to her-- she said to come over to her house-- I was hesitant as I am now driving a new luxury car and dressing well. I did not want to give her the impression that I am some kinda douchebag showing off--for her. She insisted on meeting at her house to hang out, so I did. I showed up and she had the WTF look on her face. We still got along great. Everything was fine--we went to hang out with a mutual friend name Sandra and she made a comment to Sandra about how well I look now and wondered why I am dressing well-- as she gave me a coy smile. Sandra Also asked if she could not have a Plus one to her wedding and she coyly said she thinks she will be single but gave me a sidelong glance. Everything was fine we made jokes, she laughed alot--put in some sexual connotations. I even asked if she is into asian guys and she said she was. BLAH BLAH. I told her I had a gift for her for her art show tommorrow. ( I said this because she seems weird about recieving gifts). She seemed cool with it.
Jan 20 2012 Friday
So friday, I go to her art gallery show. I thought it would be a bit fancy, because it's an art show. So I put on a suit, but tried to make it a bit casual chic rather than corporate(think of upscale clubbing). Anyways I get there and the majority of people are dressed down or punk--like basically what broke artists wear to look good. All of a sudden she goes from being really friendly with me to avoiding me alone as much as possible. If I try to move next to her she would either move or turn to speak to somewhere else. The whole night she would only speak to me if there were other people around. When I gave her the gift she kind of guarded her expression of it and when we walked back to the gallery there was that UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE OF DEATH. I tried making bull**** talk like b4 I would get very short answers. I asked here if she want to grab a bite to eat or to grab some food some other time--I got some mumbling jargon.
I texted her on Saturday about it was good to see her at the art show--she texted and said thanks for the gift and ****. I texted her to see if she wanted to grab some coffee sometime --NO ANSWER for days. So I assume there is no interest. During the next week, she hung out with Sandra. Sandra said that she heard I asked her out. She looked at Sandra and basically said "I don't think he did." Ok so basically I am assuming she knows I am interested in her.
So two weeks pass-- and I text her that our friends are going drinking--she text back that she will be there--this is after not texting me for 2 weeks.
Some Weds. She shows up at the bar with everyone. Again she is pretty cold, but is still civil with me. She will not look at me and only spoke to me alone later that evening. So I tried to make Bull**** talk--I asked her how did her hiking go. She said how she went hiking blah blah blah--and some where in the conversation she states that she is not into dating anyone right now, but if she was into dating someone they have to be friends first. She also said she was at a bar this week and got hit on by this good looking guy but she shut him down, because he gave a bull**** line. She looked into my eyes and said she isn't down with openers that are lies. Then after that she asked me if I wanted to play pool with her (she knows I don't play pool). I am like what the hell. She starts divulging some tidbits of her life I did not know about--the bottom line is she seems to have separate groups of friends. Meaning I am in the art group, and I guess she has pool playing group.
I tried to ask her to go grab some food after the bar closed. She could not look at me and said some crap about how she needed to deal with her dogs. She then proceeded to give me a big hug goodbye and bust my balls about my new car.
I tried to text her about getting coffee-- no answer. She will say hi to me but never answer a yes or no about going out. So a week an half goes by and I text her saying that everyone is coming to my house to hang out. (she has never been to my place). So she text me back right away and called me about it. She seemed excited. WTF.
Feb 29 Weds. So basically every time I see her after the art gallery show she has become more and more B-I-tchY. So instead of just showing disinterest, when I try to stand next to her--she will actually make it a point to shift her whole body away from me and then proceed to talk to the person next to her---like some highschool ****. So also she will bust my balls or grill me to see if I am telling the truth about something. So when we went back to my place-- she went through my house like a ****in FBI agent--as if she is looking for some kind of clue and then proceeded to bust my balls, in front of everyone, about how I can afford a two bedroom place all to myself. During the whole night she only interacted with me if others were talking to me, and she tried to mainly bust my balls whenever she could. I could rarely talk to her by myself, and if I did it was like prying open a safe with your barehands. I am not sure if this means anything, but one time I am sitting in between her and a friend name Jenna. She advice Jenna that if she was not into getting into a relationship go find some F*&k buddies. She was also pretty harsh saying how if you bang a guy three times and it doesn't feel good drop his ass and move on. So she is talking about this not looking at me but talking through me as if I am not there--weird ****. When I dropped her off at her car (everyone had to park far) and I said good bye, she stopped as if she was waiting for me to say something else and then went to her car.
I texted her the next day to see if she had a good time and if she wanted to hang out sometime. She texted me back and said she had a great time. No answer to the hanging out part.
Ok so basically I am wondering what is going on here?
thanks
I am 35 and an idiot when it comes to woman. This **** is messy so I apologize for the convoluted scenario. I would like some insight about my situation. So the woman I am trying to get with is 26.
Ok I have the Nice guy problem to start the bat.
I am pursuing a masters at school whereupon I met this undergrad. At first I did not think of her except as a friend. Her last quarter at school everyone use to go drinking every week and that is when we started hanging out. She was very open warm and kind when we hung out--not to say she did not complain but it wasn't anything crazy. She would show some physical attention--but she is like this to all her friends--she is kind of a TomBoy.
Anyways after she invited me to her New Years eve party we started seeing each other more frequently.
So Late 2011 December to mid Jan. here is what I know about her from fragments of conversation from her friends. She was engaged to a guy that she went out with for a 6 years, but broke it off because he was not financially responsible. She seems like she has tried dating people since I have known her-- but have failed. The last person she tried to pursued sounded like he dumped her--I am not sure when this happened I would speculate Octoberish 2011.
So Jan 12 2012 Thursday-- So we have been getting along pretty well (since we were friends) and I have never hung out with her one on one so I decided to ask her to grab some lunch. By now she has graduated from school.
She seemed hesitant and said she is super busy (which she is) and I had to play phone tag to get a commitment.
When I met her she insisted on paying for my lunch (since I use to buy her beers once and a while before as a friend). I then proceeded to ask her if she wanted to go to a bar to grab a quick drink. Again a lot of hesitation, but finally she said yes. I actually do not drink myself, so I told her I would buy her a beer. She first said no and then yes.
She was acting very fun and open. While we were at the bar she told me that a Korean guy try to hit on her and she seemed like she was scanning the place for him. I am not sure if that means anything or nonsensical prattle. (I am asian she is not. She has not dated nor got with an asian.) I made some sexual comments and she laughed and she made some more Blah Blah. We got along pretty well and talked about our goals in our life and all that BS but some deeper ****. So it felt like a date--but I am an idiot and may have thought it was.
Jan 19 2012
*** School started this week. I decided to do some social experiments at school and started dressing well. I basically dressed like I am homeless for the past 10 years, since I was a full time artist at a studio (you can dress like **** at work they don't care). Yes I looked like **** when I asked her for lunch on Jan 12.
So I called her that week to see if I could hang out with her---again waffle back and forth until she called me on Thursday. I told her if she is that busy I will see her on Friday (she has an art gallery show--her first show). I told her I was happy just to talk to her-- she said to come over to her house-- I was hesitant as I am now driving a new luxury car and dressing well. I did not want to give her the impression that I am some kinda douchebag showing off--for her. She insisted on meeting at her house to hang out, so I did. I showed up and she had the WTF look on her face. We still got along great. Everything was fine--we went to hang out with a mutual friend name Sandra and she made a comment to Sandra about how well I look now and wondered why I am dressing well-- as she gave me a coy smile. Sandra Also asked if she could not have a Plus one to her wedding and she coyly said she thinks she will be single but gave me a sidelong glance. Everything was fine we made jokes, she laughed alot--put in some sexual connotations. I even asked if she is into asian guys and she said she was. BLAH BLAH. I told her I had a gift for her for her art show tommorrow. ( I said this because she seems weird about recieving gifts). She seemed cool with it.
Jan 20 2012 Friday
So friday, I go to her art gallery show. I thought it would be a bit fancy, because it's an art show. So I put on a suit, but tried to make it a bit casual chic rather than corporate(think of upscale clubbing). Anyways I get there and the majority of people are dressed down or punk--like basically what broke artists wear to look good. All of a sudden she goes from being really friendly with me to avoiding me alone as much as possible. If I try to move next to her she would either move or turn to speak to somewhere else. The whole night she would only speak to me if there were other people around. When I gave her the gift she kind of guarded her expression of it and when we walked back to the gallery there was that UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE OF DEATH. I tried making bull**** talk like b4 I would get very short answers. I asked here if she want to grab a bite to eat or to grab some food some other time--I got some mumbling jargon.
I texted her on Saturday about it was good to see her at the art show--she texted and said thanks for the gift and ****. I texted her to see if she wanted to grab some coffee sometime --NO ANSWER for days. So I assume there is no interest. During the next week, she hung out with Sandra. Sandra said that she heard I asked her out. She looked at Sandra and basically said "I don't think he did." Ok so basically I am assuming she knows I am interested in her.
So two weeks pass-- and I text her that our friends are going drinking--she text back that she will be there--this is after not texting me for 2 weeks.
Some Weds. She shows up at the bar with everyone. Again she is pretty cold, but is still civil with me. She will not look at me and only spoke to me alone later that evening. So I tried to make Bull**** talk--I asked her how did her hiking go. She said how she went hiking blah blah blah--and some where in the conversation she states that she is not into dating anyone right now, but if she was into dating someone they have to be friends first. She also said she was at a bar this week and got hit on by this good looking guy but she shut him down, because he gave a bull**** line. She looked into my eyes and said she isn't down with openers that are lies. Then after that she asked me if I wanted to play pool with her (she knows I don't play pool). I am like what the hell. She starts divulging some tidbits of her life I did not know about--the bottom line is she seems to have separate groups of friends. Meaning I am in the art group, and I guess she has pool playing group.
I tried to ask her to go grab some food after the bar closed. She could not look at me and said some crap about how she needed to deal with her dogs. She then proceeded to give me a big hug goodbye and bust my balls about my new car.
I tried to text her about getting coffee-- no answer. She will say hi to me but never answer a yes or no about going out. So a week an half goes by and I text her saying that everyone is coming to my house to hang out. (she has never been to my place). So she text me back right away and called me about it. She seemed excited. WTF.
Feb 29 Weds. So basically every time I see her after the art gallery show she has become more and more B-I-tchY. So instead of just showing disinterest, when I try to stand next to her--she will actually make it a point to shift her whole body away from me and then proceed to talk to the person next to her---like some highschool ****. So also she will bust my balls or grill me to see if I am telling the truth about something. So when we went back to my place-- she went through my house like a ****in FBI agent--as if she is looking for some kind of clue and then proceeded to bust my balls, in front of everyone, about how I can afford a two bedroom place all to myself. During the whole night she only interacted with me if others were talking to me, and she tried to mainly bust my balls whenever she could. I could rarely talk to her by myself, and if I did it was like prying open a safe with your barehands. I am not sure if this means anything, but one time I am sitting in between her and a friend name Jenna. She advice Jenna that if she was not into getting into a relationship go find some F*&k buddies. She was also pretty harsh saying how if you bang a guy three times and it doesn't feel good drop his ass and move on. So she is talking about this not looking at me but talking through me as if I am not there--weird ****. When I dropped her off at her car (everyone had to park far) and I said good bye, she stopped as if she was waiting for me to say something else and then went to her car.
I texted her the next day to see if she had a good time and if she wanted to hang out sometime. She texted me back and said she had a great time. No answer to the hanging out part.
Ok so basically I am wondering what is going on here?
thanks
