Need some help

[MR MIZUN0]

Well, after talking to this girl, she says I am just her friend blah, blah.....After a few convos with her about life and college she starts talkign about her bf, who she is not comfortable with (she doesnt feel secure with him), so I dont see them lasting too long together... Well I told her I was getting contacts, she responded by saying that I would look alot better with them..

I am going no contact with her (how long before I reo-pen contact) The thing is, this winter I am really foucusing on school, but when summer rolls around, its all about the chick(s). So I have all winter to improve/change...how should I go about attracting her to me?

 

[Igetit!]

Well, after talking to this girl, she says I am just her friend blah, blah.....

What made her say this?

If she said that you were just her "friend",then that means everything you did and said leading up to that point either turned her off,or simply didn't turn her on in the first place.



So again I ask,what made her tell you that you and her were just friends?


What were you two talking about or discussing when when that statement came out of her mouth?

After a few convos with her about life and college she starts talkign about her bf, who she is not comfortable with (she doesnt feel secure with him), so I dont see them lasting too long together...

You said,"after a few convos".



So I take that to mean you have known each other for a while,and talk quite often.


Uhhh....that's bad.


It's obvious that there was nothing romantic or sexual in all the conversations,otherwise you would have gotten the "friends" speech a whole lot earlier.

I am going no contact with her (how long before I reo-pen contact)

No contact is an effective weapon. In fact,it's very powerful,but it's NOTHING compared to the friendzone.

The only way this no contact plan of yours would work is if you when no contact long enough that when you reestablished talking to her,that she didn't remember you.


So unless you plan to go the next,I don't know,2 or 3 years of not contacting her,you're pretty much done for.


Doc: "I'm sorry Marty,but I'm afraid you're stuck here".

So I have all winter to improve/change...how should I go about attracting her to me?

More than likely,it's over with with this girl.


Women follow their feelings,and the feelings she has with you are platonic,hence the friend speech she gave you.





I can pretty much guess what you did with her. You continue being aroundher and talking with her WHILE SHE WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP.





So while she was dating and sleeping with another guy,or to put it another way,while she was having sexual and romantic feelings for another guy,you hung out with her talking about those other guys,life,your contacts,and other things....but NOTHING romantic about THE TWO OF YOU.





It's over kid.




It's good that you want to know how to get a woman to be attracted to you,but do you have any idea about what it was that landed you here in this situation?

 

[Cure]

Igetit! is spot on, you've got no chance with this one.

You shouldn't ever be focusing on just one women.

Over this winter, ask yourself, "how can i improve/change myself in a way that will make any woman find me more attractive"

And I'm guessing its the usual- examine your haircut and dress sense, posture, voice tone etc. Hit the gym, hard.
Those are all the easy things, the things Ive been working on for a few months now, the rest is all in your head (and in mine)

Cure.
Cure

 

[MR MIZUN0]

Well, I know her from my summer job at a golf course, we work indirectly with eachother, she works the food stand, and I work the cart area. So I have known her for about 3/4 of a year but just through work, but never really talked much, just the "how are you" etc... Until one day she started chatting with me on facebook. Then most recently she did a video call with me on skype, which was when she was talking about her relationship with her bf......and I decided to tell that I was starting to like her, never seen the "other side of her" thats when she was like, lets just keep it as friends. During this call somehow we made it on the topic of sex, and she was telling me all about her first time, and how she was young and didnt care about herself, but now she does etc.

She also said that it would be a bad move on my part to like her because she is wild and crazy type, and that we were nothing alike.....(but don't opposites attract?) She basically kept saying danger....but then she was like you would look alot better without glasses.....She is throwing mixed signals.......

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Well, I know her from my summer job at a golf course, we work indirectly with eachother, she works the food stand, and I work the cart area. So I have known her for about 3/4 of a year but just through work, but never really talked much, just the "how are you" etc...

9 months of nothing before attempting a move is not the way to go, unless she has a massive crush on you and is yearning for your come on. Other option was for you to chat her up a couple of times, for more more than 5 minutes, then invite her to hang out with you outside of work.

Until one day she started chatting with me on facebook.

The Kiss of Death.
You are officially a "nice guy I work with" and "the nice guy who's my online buddy". She sure is not going to want to give that up.

She's confortable with you, on a JUST FRIENDS level. You don't present a "Sexual Thread" to her. She says she's not confortable with him, yet she is confortable enough to get naked in bed with him. If I was hitting on this girl, I would rather be him than you at this point.

Then most recently she did a video call with me on skype, which was when she was talking about her relationship with her bf......

Translation: "Listen nerd boy. I already have a man, who's edgy and I'm sort of into, but am willing to upgrade to a better one, which is not you, and will never be."

and I decided to tell that I was starting to like her, never seen the "other side of her" thats when she was like, lets just keep it as friends.

That's the type of stuff WOMEN say when they want to communicate and hint to you that they are interested in you. You didn't even say it directly, "I am attracted to you", yet she killed the monster right on the spot, before it grew and got out of hand.

During this call somehow we made it on the topic of sex, and she was telling me all about her first time, and how she was young and didnt care about herself, but now she does etc.

You are a girlfriend to her. Wouldn't be suprised if she tells you she has more guy friends than girlfriends. She feels she can talk to you about sex and other stuff, without having to worry about you coming on to her.

She also said that it would be a bad move on my part to like her because she is wild and crazy type, and that we were nothing alike.....

Translation: "I think you are a nice guy, and everything, but you are too boring for me. I want someone who turns me inside out."

(but don't opposites attract?) She basically kept saying danger....

Opposites do tend to attract, but that is when it comes to MASCULINE-FEMININE polarity and energy.

The more femenine the woman is, the more she will be attracted and/or attract a very masculine man. My friend, based on what you've told us, you have not been behaving like a masculine man.

If she is the dominant, strong, bitshy, type with very masculine energy, then she will attract and be attracted to the more submissive male. If you are that way, that is the only chance I could see you having with this one.

but then she was like you would look alot better without glasses.....She is throwing mixed signals.......

Translation: "You are kinda nerdy and would look a lot better without glasses."

That's different from, "MR MIZUN0, I think you are so hot and I want you. If you got contacts, I wouldn't be able to resist this attraction. I would have to jump you."

She's just being nice. Chicks can be nice. They are nice to their girlfriends. Have you ever noticed how women always compliment eachother for everything from a pair of shoes, to a new blouse, to a perfume, to a new haircut (even when it is a short hair style), etc.? If they think it looks or would look good, they will offer suggestions, without being sexually attracted to you.


You are lucky she is pretty much spelling it for you and warning/begging you to not pursue her. I don't see this as her throwing mixed signals. You are seeing what you want to see. She might actually be descent enough for you two to be friends. I suggest you either cut contact, or better yet, become her friend, without alterior motives, and learn from her. Ask her to give you feedback on you, your style, your way of behaving, etc. Find out what type of guy women like her are into, LEARN and APPLY it, but not on her.

 

[MR MIZUN0]

Thanks guys for "translating" this mess for me...looks like it is time to move on. Would it be possible to make this "friend" into the occasional **** buddy? I will admit I am a nice guy, but if I took that edge off (became a touch more *****y) still any chance?

Is there anything I can do with her, just for ****s and giggles? short-term...

We have alot of friend coworkers, who throw these big parties.....what do I do if I see her at one?

 

[Igetit!]

Would it be possible to make this "friend" into the occasional **** buddy?

NO.


You still don't understand...


In order for a woman to desire you sexually,she has to have sexual/romantic feeling towards you. You never did or said anything to her about the possiblity of you two becoming an item....at least not until it was too late.



She can't be an F-buddy to you. When you say F-buddy,you mean sex,right?



Well "sexually",she has NO FEELINGS for you.



I mean come on,she flat out told you that it would be a bad idea for you to start liking her,and she meant liking her romantically/sexually.




If she told you that it would be bad for you to like her sexually,then what makes you think you two can be F-buddies and have sex from time to time?




Don't take this the wrong way because this forum is meant to help you,but you asking a question like that makes you seem almost clueless,like you just flat out don't understand.

I will admit I am a nice guy, but if I took that edge off (became a touch more *****y) still any chance?

Nope,still no chance.

You said that you've known her for 9 months. That means she's gotten used to you and gotten to know you the way you currently are.



If you just show up out of the blue acting different one day,she's going to wonder what's wrong with you,and why you're acting that way.



It'll seem weird and fake to her. you've been a "nice guy" every since she's known you,then one day you just flip and now you're supposed to be this "cool,dangerous guy"? It won't work.




She won't trust you because she won't know who you are,the nice guy she's gotten used to for almost a year,or this new "cool guy" who just turned up one day.



She's not going to want to date you if you can just flip-flop personalities like that.

Is there anything I can do with her, just for ****s and giggles? short-term...

No. It's best just to leave her as a friend and move on.

We have alot of friend coworkers, who throw these big parties.....what do I do if I see her at one?

If you see her at a party,then speak to her the same way you would anybody else at the party.



Don't be mean or cold...and PLEASE,don't start ignoing her.


Treat her just like everyone else around you.

 

[MR MIZUN0]

Now I understand, what about this no contact deal.......