Need some help with this situation->

[DJLegion]

I didn't read any of the comments but here is my advice. I think you should break up with her immediatly, but there is one thing you should be sure to do. I'm sure both of you have the same friends and she might make it out so you were the bad guy of the relationship. You need to calmly, and I mean CALMLY, pick up your stuff one day and move out. She will probably ask why, and you tell her that YOU are not ATTRACTED to HER anymore. Flip the damn tables. But hold your ground. You don't need this from her, so in essence don't go back to her. Save yourself some time. Eventually you'll get old and if you're stuck with her you're going to feel like **** and not be able to do anything about it.

PS: Also, I didnt mention but don't let your friends know exactly what happened, just tell them your lost attraction. She will probably give them the entire story and if you keep your cool your friends will think that what she is saying is BIASED towards HER favor. Please keep your cool.

 

[Desdinova]

There's one thing you said previously in this thread, that you need to remain strong. KEEP THAT AS A FOCUS. It's a 5hit situation and I've been through it twice as well. One was a slightly different situation. I started moving all my stuff while this person wasn't home. I pretty much kept to myself for two weeks. I didn't even tell them I was moving. I just got my 5hit out and left.

Everyone goes though 5hit situations and sometimes ends up right back where they started, as I did. I ended up back at my parents house after 4 years and I felt like I had gotten nowhere in my life. I damn near cried the day I moved back in with them.

However, it was only temporary. I knew it would be. Since then, I've brought myself back on my feet and I'm doing well.

As long as you keep yourself focused on wanting to succeed in life, you will succeed.

What you're doing right now is entering into a new phase in your life. This b1tch will be kicked out of your life for good. For now, just focus on your move. Start getting 5hit packed up. Bust your ass doing it. Make it your second job.

As for the b1tch, try not to interfere with what she's doing. I know it hurts like hell, but do your best at avoiding her. Let her live her fvcked up life. It'll come back to bite her in the ass, trust me. Let her go out all hours of the night if she wants. It just verifies that she doesn't really give a 5hit about you.

Also, don't forget to reward yourself. Many guys will stay in a fvcked up relationship until she kicks him out of her life (which is what happened to me). You've got a head start on this thing. Reward yourself for your decision. Go treat yourself to a fun night at the bar, or a fun night in that chick's bed that you're "seeing".

After you move, give yourself a makeover. Get some new clothes, a new tattoo, a new piercing, new haircut or hairstyle. It'll make you feel as if you've turned the corner and are on a new path of life. You'll feel as if you're starting over, but in a good way. Your future will be open for new goals, new women, and a new lifestyle. Look forward to it because it's going to be fun!

 

[NewMan]

what us the update here?

 

[BootsOfEscaping]

Update-> We have actually been getting along really well the past week or so. However, I am leaving next tuesday, my friend is coming from FL to help me move. I am looking forward to getting on with my life and meeting new girls.

 

[NewMan]

Good deal. The quicker, the better.

She is probably realising she has her wish - and is probably feeling a little guilty.

She will want to "patch things" - and not burn hre bridges before you leave.

Will probably want to be friends.

My advice - is when she approaches you with this - just tell her that you will see what happens.

Be cool - nonchalent.

 

[BootsOfEscaping]

I asked her to be nice while I was still here as I knew I had to stay for a couple more weeks due to needed money to move. She has been cool. She has been acting like we are really happy(including having a lot of sex). Its odd but whatever. Sometimes it seems she has decided to continue our relationship(she makes commments that seem to vaguely hint at this) but she is simply just being nice until I leave. I don't even think it is so much me as it is her not knowing what she wants. I have let go at this point. I am looking forward to a new life. I am nervous but once I actually physically leave I know I will be better off. The comfort of the relationship is the hardest part to let go of. I am sure she will still contact me after I leave and I don't much care. I am not really even mad anymore. I realized I can get a better girl and maybe we will both be better off going in seperate directions. I want to be a better man because of this and not let this cause me another major emotional scar. I still love this girl in some ways but I know its over with. She can be a real sweetheart but we have too much water under the bridge to be able to fix it at this point. Once one person in the relationship gives up its futile for the other(me in this case) to push it anymore.

We have been together a long time and have been through everything together and I am sad to see it end like this but all I can do is move on and be positive. If it was meant to be it would be. If not it won't. The thing I find odd is that she can act so sweet and be so nice and yet still want us to break up. I don't think I could do that if I was in her shoes. She says its because we know each other so well and she does love me but she isn't IN love with me. Frankly, she has pushed me out of love with her too. So much emotional pain and eventualy you just don't have the feelings anymore. I think I did the same to her, at least she says I did. She told me she always thought I never really loved her and yet she loved me so much. Meanwhile I loved her more than I loved myself which was a mistake. Its crazy that two people who love each other so much can end up breaking up essentially over a miscommunication that took years to figure out.

I know its ultimately her loss and she will figure that out in time. She seems to be in the "I am 25 and want to see if I can take care of myself all by myself" phase. She admitted to needing therapy as she is really confused and needs to sort herself out. I think that is what this is really all about. She has been placing the blame on me for every little thing in our lives for years. Now she can be all by herself and figure out who she really is.

As for me, well, its time for me to concentrate on myself for a change. I have spent the past 6 years being so in love with her that I forgot to take care of myself and my needs. Had I not lost my DJ skills soon after I met this girl we would probably be married by now. I know I am a good man and I know I deserve a good woman. I will find her someday. In the meantime I want to work on myself and make MYSELF proud of myself.

This forum is definately a big help to a lot of people and I would love to see more articles and writings on what it means to be a man instead of just how to approach women and that sort of thing. No offense to those who have trouble in that area but myself, I have no trouble meeting, approaching chatting up and getting women, its more about being and staying the man I should be where I have trouble. In our modern age many of us are confused about what it means to be a man. We get so many conflicting signals.

Sorry for rambling...I have lots on my mind.....

 

[Don Juanabbe]

I went through something similar to this, and the hardest part for me was it actually sinking in that it was over. It scared the heck out of me. Some days it almost didn't seem real, like I was watching a television show.

 

[BootsOfEscaping]

That is EXACTLY how I feel. Last night we cooked up lots of food and had drinks while watching the super bowl. It was like we were happy again like old times, yet I knew and she knew just under the surface that our relationship is over. Its like the twilight zone. It sometimes freaks me out. I am trying to stay detached, unemotional and realistic. I looked through a victorias secret catalog yesterday and that made me think of the possibilities of new girls I could meet.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

It is weird. I know. My situation was reversed though - I asked her to leave. When all her stuff was gone and I got home to an empty apartment, as much as I had readied myself for it, I was devastated. I've never felt so alone in my life as I did that day. Not a good feeling. But life will turn around.

I actually ended up trying to have a second go around, but she could never truly forgive me for the past.

Then I think, 7 years.....what a waste. I don't want to waste anymore.

 

[BootsOfEscaping]

Yeah same here. She feels that I let her down in the past and cannot let go of it. We have both done each other wrong in the past and I guess if both cannot let go then you have nothing.

I know when I finally move all my stuff out and she comes home to an empty house next tuesday night she will cry and cry. But, that is what she wants. So be it.

We broke up like this before, after we were living together for about a year or two, same thing, I moved some stuff out and kept trying to get her back. Then when I fully moved out and said screw it, she called me and wanted me back. Women are like that.

She has pretty much NO friends here where we live and hates her job. I am moving to another state so I don't think she will be too thrilled when I am gone but again, its what she wants. So be it.

I know where I am going I have friends and family.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Good that you have friends and family. It's gonna feel empty for awhile. I did honestly love mine very much, we just stopped making it work it seems. I made mistakes, she made mistakes, I tried to correct mine, she would not correct hers.

After that, what have you got? Although I think alot of her behaviour was designed to get me to crawl back on my knees with an engagement ring - hence she started making less time for me and withheld sex for months, which actually backfired on her.

 

[BootsOfEscaping]

Funny you mention that, we were talking last week and she said that she was mad because I never proposed years ago. Said she had been mad about it for years. I had no clue. I though I had to own a house and have a decent career before asking a girl to marry me and she said no no no that isn't necessary. Oh well, my bad I guess.

I am in the same boat you were for the most part. I made mistakes, she made mistakes, I learned and am correcting mine but she just gave up. What can ya do?! I am confused about how we can have great sex like we have been having but I am not going to analyze it. Might as well get some before I move right?! ha.

My girl doesn't know what the hell she wants, that is the bottom line and I cannot sit around and be with someone who "isn't in love with me". Screw that. No more doormat crap for me.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Imagine if you had married her? Eeek is the word that comes to mind.

There's something about women when they hit their mid twenties, if they've been in an LTR, they start to go all weird I've noticed.

 

[BootsOfEscaping]

Yeah I think that has something to do with it. She is almost 26 and has decided she can "go it alone" or some such nonesense. Good luck I say!

If I had married her its hard to say if this would have worked out or not, who knows. I only plan to get married once hopefully.

On the plus side, I did get to have several threesomes with her and other hot chicks! That counts for something! Hey, I am just trying to keep it light, I am tired of being serious and depressed.

 

[Desdinova]

. When all her stuff was gone and I got home to an empty apartment, as much as I had readied myself for it, I was devastated.

Man, that 5hit just hits you like a brick. I didn't even think about that when my ex told me she was leaving. I got home one day, a bunch of 5hit was gone, pictures and stuff removed from the walls, it looked so damn bare (even though I ended up with most of the stuff we accumulated together).

She seems to be in the "I am 25 and want to see if I can take care of myself all by myself" phase.

This is one of the MAJOR excuses women come up with when they want to leave the one they're living with. I had that line fed to me as well. I'll tell you something, it's BULL5HIT. My ex moved out, and then she moved in with her best friend. That's not "doing things on her own". It's an excuse that screams in ******** "I'm tired of being with you".

I know when I finally move all my stuff out and she comes home to an empty house next tuesday night she will cry and cry. But, that is what she wants. So be it.

Boots, I ended up doing what you're doing. She wanted something so I shoved it down her throat. She wanted to do things on her own, so I refused to come and help her empty the waterbed. She started to cry on the phone but I didn't care. She NEEDED to learn how to do things for herself since that's what she told me.

My girl doesn't know what the hell she wants, that is the bottom line

The biggest problem is most women don't know themselves from a hole in the ground. Their emotions run wild and they don't know how to handle them, or why they're running wild. However, us men on this site have the opportunity to not only understand ourselves, but understand the female species as well. Feminism has prevented women from discovering who they truly are while men have turned into women themselves.

Boots, you sound like you're off to a good start already with rebuilding yourself and your new life. I wish you lots of luck on your new journey.

 

[BootsOfEscaping]

Some good points. My now ex, she does realize some of these things, on the surface at least. She has grown more into being a traditional women on the surface but at heart she is just a scared little girl who doesn't know who she is or what she wants. I emailed her this morning asking her what was up and said we are both moving back to the same city so what's up, she replied:

"That is what I'd like and that way I can truly get myself together and be able to direct my life as I need to. I think you can understand what I mean. "

That to me says "I am lost and think it would be fun to go out all night if I feel like it then when I realize I am an empty shell and no one loves me I will have to rethink what I have done".

We have already been through this once years ago, I moved out and she freaked. She wanted me out until I actually moved all my stuff out then she wanted me back. Same old story I guess.

I have vowed to myself to NEVER EVER let a women make me into a AFC EVER EVER AGAIN. This is the new me.

 

[Desdinova]

I emailed her this morning asking her what was up and said we are both moving back to the same city so what's up

This really doesn't surprise me. Women don't like permanent goodbyes. By moving back to the same city as you, she's working at easing her sudden feelings caused by you permanently removing yourself from her life. Most likely she's going to want to remain in contact with you, wanting to be "friends". Don't give her that satisfaction. Also, since she wants to do things on her own, don't offer to help her move back with you.

 

[Royal Elite]

boots
Just keep living in the "NOW" soildier. She was the greatest woman in the past but NOW she isnt. You cant jump forward and backwards in time, you can only live NOW. NOW is all that counts, not what she or you was like in your past. 10 years ago you had a best friend who probably isnt your best friend Now. You were in 6th grade before but NOW you work. All that matters is NOW. If someone keeps making your NOW a recurring nightmare, man-up soildier and change it. No one else can change your NOW but you. You cant control her, you can only control you. IF she has decided her actions will not benefit your NOW then do something to change your NOW, dont live in your PAST. The PAST is in your head and tomorrow doesnt exist and when it does it will be NOW. There is only NOW soildier. Man-up and make the best NOW you can!!!

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by BootsOfEscaping
I wish I knew a hottie with an extra bedroom to rent!

Get a place on your own. Be a man.

If not, then tell her you think that both of you should see other people...maybe you can terminate the relationship without disrupting the living arrangement. (although I doubt it, but maybe)

I'm guessing by the way you're talking that either hers or both your names are on the apartment...if it's your name on there, just kick her the f**k out. Get another roommate. Doesn't have to be someone you f**k.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Wise words. Difficult to live them, it takes work, but you are spot on the money and we all need to remind ourselves of this little piece of reality all the time. I.e. 'living in the now.'

Sounds cliche but it's the truth.