Need some help breaking through a massive Oneitis

[DocFaustus]

Hello everyone, haven't posted in a while but I now need some help.
I'm not going to post full story here, but quickly, I've been thinking too much about this one girl, I went out with some others, but this girl doesn't leave my mind. She's a 8 from my class, we had a near relationship that went all crazy when I discovered she had been making out with other guys, I tried talking to her, she never said she was, she denied it when I was being sincere with her(I eventually made out with her best friend, not as revenge but trying to move on, but failed to move one because of this oneitis, and she got mad at me) and she played the innocent part everytime (altough good friends told me and she even went full flirt with one of the guys in front of me). It's like I don't like her for what she showed herself to be,not being able to be sincere and trying to fool me, but still for some reason "I like her", I can't avoid being jealous when I think of her, and it makes me mad.

I didn't go to Prom because I kinda hate the idea, so she came in facebook telling me I should've gone, it was great, blablabla .. I wasn't giving her any reaction probably so she started telling me the guys she had danced with including a friend of mine, and telling me she got to know him and was talkingof me with him and things like that.

I simply despise the fact that I'm spending so much energy with her, but no matter how hard I've been trying it always seems that I go back to this state when I see her.

I've been talking to like 4/5 different girls (one or two actually interest me) and I kinda forget her but a single glimpse at her makes it all come again. I hate this. In a week I'm going for spring break, and I refuse to feel like crap everytime I see her, I need some help with this. How to fight that part of me? Anyone has any tips for a situation like this?

 

[defensiveend96]

Doc, your a smart kid and judging by what you post you are doing pretty well with girls. Don't let her phuck up your confidence. Look out for number 1 (that's you).

Anyway I think you need some closure with this chick. You spend all this time thinking about her and thinking what it would be like to be with her. Why don't you just ask her out? Worst case Ontario you get rejected oh well. Best case you phuck her. Seems like a good risk reward scenario to me breh. Good luck.

 

[DocFaustus]

Doc, your a smart kid and judging by what you post you are doing pretty well with girls. Don't let her phuck up your confidence. Look out for number 1 (that's you).

Anyway I think you need some closure with this chick. You spend all this time thinking about her and thinking what it would be like to be with her. Why don't you just ask her out? Worst case Ontario you get rejected oh well. Best case you phuck her. Seems like a good risk reward scenario to me breh. Good luck.

Thing is I already talked to her. She said she had been looking for something at first, but then she wasn't. That I should have respect the relationship we had (that then she denied she wanted us to have, she wanted me to be stuck with her and she as ever probably), she said that she wasn't looking for anything and then some blatant lies about her and other guys. And that should be enough for me, she disrespects me by lying. But still she continues to tease me and it's hard not to think about her. I pretend I don't give a damn, but inside I do and that's what I hate. She isn't even close to perfect, but still, it's hard as hell.

My other problem is the fact it's so hard for me to connect to someone, I normally get sick of people, because they either seem childish, too needy, stupid or I just feel sick after thinking about having anything with someone (like I'd be stuck with a person), I can solve this last one by simply not thinking about the future and just have fun while it lasts with the interesting ones, but still, there's few of them. Maybe the solution is go out and have as much fun as possible in spring break, but I fear with will just serve as a improvised band-aid, I kinda want to destroy the root of the problem.

I decided to block her in facebook, but still, she's in my mind.. Best case scenario I can ignore it for a week but I'll see her in spring break and then at school, I gotta really destroy these plague like thoughts.

 

[Von]

Tell her what you think in her face... break it like a man. We are ''not friends''

She'll either will be mad for you being a man not in her ''pawns'' or jump on you to make love.

About your other problem... I got the same thing.... took a while to manage... so if I can speed you:

1. Stop putting pressure on yourself
2. Focus on building yourself - activites let people have a common goal aka dancing, sport team
3. Remember, she's doing this to control you..... do you want to be controlled ? You make out with others and she react like she don't care.... hence she doesnt (if you say she was mad... but did nothing to prevent it again = she's not caring about you)
4. Go out and meet people

 

[yungballa]

Doc: you have a life. And she is not your life.

You have priorities in life. And she is not a priority. You are your number one priority. Women come and go. You remain forever (wise words from asmodeus)

You are the most important in your life. Don't forget that.

Remember, you have a life. You have hobbies that you like I'm pretty sure, a goal in life, friends, family. Just think about all the things going on in your life that DON'T involve this girl in particular. And if you look at your own life and you don't see much going on, get productive with your life and start doing things that will make you happy.

I think oneitis is just when a guy is infatuated with another girls reality (hence the jealousy, her being in your mind all day, blah blah blah) but this is just my perspective.

Think about your life and all that's going on. Think about YOU for a second. You'll come to realize how small she is, really.

 

[DocFaustus]

Sup guys, this was not so long ago but looks like centuries ago for me (everytime one changes his mentality the past one is no longer understood).

Basically I decided cutting her out of my life, she was not worth it, I blocked her on messenger and all social media. She soon sent me a text asking me if I was kidding with her, I responded something funny (I was still hurt or something and still cared too much). Afterwards a friend of mine sent me a text asking why I blocked her (she had asked him) and I told him the stuff and showed I was caring too much still.

Spring break comes (6 days) at first I still had feelings, first day/night she had been trying hard to make me jealous and I fell for it (altough I didn't show), I spent most of time with people not from my school because I simply couldn't put up with them faking to be drunk (ridiculous), I later spent some "day time" with them (time to eat, go get food and alcohol) while the "night time" (the real life in there, concerts, disco and whatever more) I spent alone meeting people or with a nerd friend of mine or my bestfriend (girl knew some people). After that first day I reflected a bit on the subject and wrote in a little notebook (written thoughts are more "touchable") and basically understood all of it was pointless, I wasn't going to waste an amazing week thinking about her. And from that day forward I unleashed hell and had tremendous fun

Spoiler

(got 5 hotel room numbers from random groups of girls that I lost because of my state of euphoria/ touched by vodka; danced like crazy in discos for about 3/4 hours every night; invaded multiple unknown people hotel rooms and got free drinks and new friends for a week; listened and danced to awesome concerts; danced, made out with multiple girls and fk one of them, the number could have been way higher but it was either my morality, they said they had boyfriends, or the fact I prefered to stay dancing that killed the deal ahaha, overall I don't remember 30% of what happened at least).

.

Generally after that I became sick of her, no longer having feelings my true opinion began to rise and everytime she comes to me with b!tchy remarks I'm not afraid of telling her to fk off/make some funny comment that shut's her down/imitate her with sarcastic tone when what she said was pointless or really dumb, basically she became a normal person to my eyes in terms of treatment and no longer holds any importance (no more wasting energy / time). I'm only sad about spring break, with was an AMAZING week, I only wish life could be "Eat, Drink, Rave, Repeat" (switched sleep for drink because it's more realistic), a week of purging every now and then does great things for the soul. But now I'm back on the real world, not sure how to act now, because I kinda lost general interest in pursuing girls, since it all seems so pointless, but started talking to hb8 from my school just not to enter a "reclusive cycle". Anyway, mindset changed, less fks given, the future is bright my friends !

 

[yungballa]

Looks like you're on the right track, doc. You know what you're doin.

Oneitis makes a lot of guys crash and fall. But you came to your senses and realized she really inst that important.

Females come and go. Its a fact. You remain forever. In order to avoid one it is, you should see as many women as possible, and be solely focused on your own reality.

If you're a bum at home with nothing to do and you got a crush on a girl, chances are pretty damn high you just be sitting there thinking about her.

But think about if you went out to an amusement park with some friends and rode a couple rides. You'd be too busy having fun to be worryin about that certain girl. Another example would be you at a party. You'd be too focused on other females and you'll just be too in the moment to be worried about just one dumb old female.

Theres millions of girls on this planet. You look silly going crazy over just one. This is why I say you must be productive with your own life. Manage your time wisely and live your life to the fullest. You'll forget about the girl in no time

 

[JJRocker]

Brother oneitis is not a bad thing with the right chick!

I have some rules I live by.

Rule 1 all women are trouble

Rule 2 some are worth the extra effort

Rule 3 no woman is worth compromising my principlas!
Rule 4 if there is any doubt refer to rule 1