Need some guidance

[Myfutureisnow]

Hello,

I first read "The Game", which lead me to the Red Pill which in turn lead me to read, "The Rational Male" and now Im here at the SoSuave forum.

Im not much of a forum guy, but I have reached the end of my own knowledge base so I need help to grow.
I want to provide my back story for context as to why I cant seem to move forward.

Here it is- I first got laid at 17 to my high school sweetheart. Since she was my first, I thought I imminently had a connection with her, which I attributed to- Love.

My new "love" and I moved on and dated other people and lost contact but soon reconnected at age 20.
After having lost my "true love" at age 17 and now having found her again, I knew it was "meant to be". She had a baby from another man and was now a single mother by 20, but in my mind, I knew I "loved" her, so we got married soon after.

Life moved on, we had more kids and stayed married for almost 20 years before she started to **** the neighbor and I had to hire a PI to catch her.

After a very messy divorce and losing everything I had ever worked for, my house, money etc. I ended up with only my now teen age kids.

After my divorce, I did not date for about 2 years. It was too difficult with the kids, lack of money etc.
After my 2 years of being without a woman, I finally went out, had my first one night stand. It was not what I always thought it would be, but at least now I can cross it off my bucket list.

Not soon after that I met a woman, one of the the first one's since beginning to date again and we have been dating now for the past 3.5 years. We have sex about once per week, as this seems to be her way of keeping me from leaving her, but the sex is without any passion. I do like the regular sex so I cant complain and with being a single father I dont have the time or money to go to the clubs to look for woman.

I have now reached a point where she wants to move in together.

As for me, I would out 4 times per week, have a great job, make good money and feel I am pretty good looking where I know I would not have much of a problem picking up woman, not 9-10's but close.


I have a health self esteem in all areas of my life except for woman. I married young and never went to bar's and clubs and have absolutely no "Game", but I want to learn and I want to try because I feel I deserve more than settling for the first serious girlfriend post divorce.
But the problem lies is the fact that I am now in my early fourth's and time is no-longer on my side.

I could settle for this safe secure once per week sex with my current GF (which is not too bad), or throw it all away, wait till the kids move out and enter the dating market, but I cant seem to get rid of this current GF.
She has found a way to insert herself into all the special days/holidays of my life and my kids life, of course I let her, because she add a certain value that is missing for celebrations.

So my question, is it too late in life for an early 40's guy to begin down the road towards increasing his lay count and trying out different woman?
Will my SMV decrease after 50 by a large margin?

 

[ERB]

Have you found the Don Juan bible? Look for the "Book of Pook"!

 

[sazc]

Hello,

I first read "The Game", which lead me to the Red Pill which in turn lead me to read, "The Rational Male" and now Im here at the SoSuave forum.

Im not much of a forum guy, but I have reached the end of my own knowledge base so I need help to grow.
I want to provide my back story for context as to why I cant seem to move forward.

Here it is- I first got laid at 17 to my high school sweetheart. Since she was my first, I thought I imminently had a connection with her, which I attributed to- Love.

My new "love" and I moved on and dated other people and lost contact but soon reconnected at age 20.
After having lost my "true love" at age 17 and now having found her again, I knew it was "meant to be". She had a baby from another man and was now a single mother by 20, but in my mind, I knew I "loved" her, so we got married soon after.

Life moved on, we had more kids and stayed married for almost 20 years before she started to **** the neighbor and I had to hire a PI to catch her.

After a very messy divorce and losing everything I had ever worked for, my house, money etc. I ended up with only my now teen age kids.

After my divorce, I did not date for about 2 years. It was too difficult with the kids, lack of money etc.
After my 2 years of being without a woman, I finally went out, had my first one night stand. It was not what I always thought it would be, but at least now I can cross it off my bucket list.

Not soon after that I met a woman, one of the the first one's since beginning to date again and we have been dating now for the past 3.5 years. We have sex about once per week, as this seems to be her way of keeping me from leaving her, but the sex is without any passion. I do like the regular sex so I cant complain and with being a single father I dont have the time or money to go to the clubs to look for woman.

I have now reached a point where she wants to move in together.

As for me, I would out 4 times per week, have a great job, make good money and feel I am pretty good looking where I know I would not have much of a problem picking up woman, not 9-10's but close.


I have a health self esteem in all areas of my life except for woman. I married young and never went to bar's and clubs and have absolutely no "Game", but I want to learn and I want to try because I feel I deserve more than settling for the first serious girlfriend post divorce.
But the problem lies is the fact that I am now in my early fourth's and time is no-longer on my side.

I could settle for this safe secure once per week sex with my current GF (which is not too bad), or throw it all away, wait till the kids move out and enter the dating market, but I cant seem to get rid of this current GF.
She has found a way to insert herself into all the special days/holidays of my life and my kids life, of course I let her, because she add a certain value that is missing for celebrations.

So my question, is it too late in life for an early 40's guy to begin down the road towards increasing his lay count and trying out different woman?
Will my SMV decrease after 50 by a large margin?

No, its not too late. Don't settle. Eventually you will be very unhappy. I believe it is very important, at your age, to be able to say, with confidence, that you are okay with being single rather than settling/being unhappy.

I also believe that your age, wisdom and experience, combined with information from this board, will leave you in a much better place with females.

 

[EmotionalGeek]

No, its not too late. Don't settle. Eventually you will be very unhappy. I believe it is very important, at your age, to be able to say, with confidence, that you are okay with being single rather than settling/being unhappy.

I also believe that your age, wisdom and experience, combined with information from this board, will leave you in a much better place with females.

Wy is it to late to settle? I alway thought people settle at more advanced age because with time they need more and more stability.

 

[sazc]

Wy is it to late to settle? I alway thought people settle at more advanced age because with time they need more and more stability.

As a result of my marriage and the few relationships I had after, I developed some real insight into who I was and my standards changed. I accepted the fact that I couldn't change any man and I finally committed myself to refusing to allow men who's thinking wasnt aligned with mine into my life. I'm not talking huge things, just things like they had to be active (not lazy) prefer a clean house, financially smart, have good self esteem, talk and communicate rather than argue, more alpha, etc. I decided that I would rather be alone then deal with the drama of being incompatible, or just drama in general because they had low self esteem. it's not my job to save or change anyone. I dont need a man to feel good about my life and who I am.

incompatibility and/or settling equates to long term discontent for me

 

[EmotionalGeek]

As a result of my marriage and the few relationships I had after, I developed some real insight into who I was and my standards changed. I accepted the fact that I couldn't change any man and I finally committed myself to refusing to allow men who's thinking wasnt aligned with mine into my life. I'm not talking huge things, just things like they had to be active (not lazy) prefer a clean house, financially smart, have good self esteem, talk and communicate rather than argue, more alpha, etc. I decided that I would rather be alone then deal with the drama of being incompatible, or just drama in general because they had low self esteem. it's not my job to save or change anyone. I dont need a man to feel good about my life and who I am.

incompatibility and/or settling equates to long term discontent for me

.

I don't know how old you are or how many man you were before but I cant't believe no one is good enough. Maybe your standards are unrealistic e.g. taken from romantic movies.

 

[sazc]

.

I don't know how old you are or how many man you were before but I cant't believe no one is good enough. Maybe your standards are unrealistic e.g. taken from romantic movies.

Oh, dont get me wrong, I do not have the belief that 'no one is good enough' for me. If that is how my words can be read, that is a mistake in communication.

Really, my standards have been developed by looking inside of me, and looking at my family dynamics, and finally admitting to myself that I was always attracted to my complete opposite (a variation of liking the bad boy) and that I needed to be attracted to a man who better aligned with my values and standards . I had lived my life looking to change and/or save a man. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I realized I needed to find a man that I was not compelled to change, and that I needed to open my mouth and communicate who I really was (get vulnerable) in an effort to find a like-minded male, and that I needed to communicate my needs and allow a man to decide if he was going to step up for me, or not. If the decision was that he was not going to step up for me, that was my cue to gently exit, letting him know that we didn't seem compatible. Cant take stuff like that personally, we all cant meet everyone's needs, it is what it is.

And my role for my man was to create a warm soft place for him to land, where he felt respected, admired, valued and like he was a leader. To listen to his needs and decide if I could meet them and, if I could, do my very best at that.

I dont accept anything less. I changed my standards. I stopped buying into my fear that if I didn't accept the man who was in front of me, there might not be another one.

You guys and your DJ frame, I get it. What you really want is respect, to feel valued, to feel admired, to find a loyal ride or die woman.

 

[EmotionalGeek]

Oh, dont get me wrong, I do not have the belief that 'no one is good enough' for me. If that is how my words can be read, that is a mistake in communication.

Really, my standards have been developed by looking inside of me, and looking at my family dynamics, and finally admitting to myself that I was always attracted to my complete opposite (a variation of liking the bad boy) and that I needed to be attracted to a man who better aligned with my values and standards . I had lived my life looking to change and/or save a man. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I realized I needed to find a man that I was not compelled to change, and that I needed to open my mouth and communicate who I really was (get vulnerable) in an effort to find a like-minded male, and that I needed to communicate my needs and allow a man to decide if he was going to step up for me, or not. If the decision was that he was not going to step up for me, that was my cue to gently exit, letting him know that we didn't seem compatible. Cant take stuff like that personally, we all cant meet everyone's needs, it is what it is.

And my role for my man was to create a warm soft place for him to land, where he felt respected, admired, valued and like he was a leader. To listen to his needs and decide if I could meet them and, if I could, do my very best at that.

I dont accept anything less. I changed my standards. I stopped buying into my fear that if I didn't accept the man who was in front of me, there might not be another one.

You guys and your DJ frame, I get it. What you really want is respect, to feel valued, to feel admired, to find a loyal ride or die woman.

I didn't say that you think "no one is good enough". You may think that there is a man that is meeting your standards. I said that if you live long enough and no one met your standards then it is likely they are unrealistic or too high. Assuming your standards are met by 1℅ of males you should already met (I do not mean date) someone who is meeting them. Because you say you did not met such guy I presumed your standards are really high.

But I'm speaking logic no emotions

 

[sazc]

I didn't say that you think "no one is good enough". You may think that there is a man that is meeting your standards. I said that if you live long enough and no one met your standards then it is likely they are unrealistic or too high. Assuming your standards are met by 1℅ of males you should already met (I do not mean date) someone who is meeting them. Because you say you did not met such guy I presumed your standards are really high.

But I'm speaking logic no emotions

Okay got it. I read your response wrong.
My relationship requirements, until fairly recently, were very wrong. I was attracted to a fixer upper. I thought I could change/save a man.
My standards are different now and my value system has changed. I'm much happier and have met a man who is really good to me.
It till takes work and communication, but we acknowledge this and are in agreement to work together.

 

[EmotionalGeek]

Okay got it. I read your response wrong.
My relationship requirements, until fairly recently, were very wrong. I was attracted to a fixer upper. I thought I could change/save a man.
My standards are different now and my value system has changed. I'm much happier and have met a man who is really good to me.
It till takes work and communication, but we acknowledge this and are in agreement to work together.

It's good you found the guy with whom you have perspectives. I am not native speaker though and I don't understand who "fixer upper" is.

 

[sazc]

It's good you found the guy with whom you have perspectives. I am not native speaker though and I don't understand who "fixer upper" is.

for example, the man who cant seem to hold a job and the female who thinks she can help him become a better man. the man who has issues with his finances and the female who thinks she can show him how to do it better. the man who hides from reasonable conflict/discussions and the female who thinks she can show him enough love to feel safe to talk. the man who admits that he's never been faithful and the female who thinks every other female must have given him reason to feel doubt, but she wont, she will show him what a good woman is and he will change his ways. a man who is messy/filthy and a female who thinks she can teach him to be organized and clean. etc, etc, etc

make sense?

 

[EmotionalGeek]

for example, the man who cant seem to hold a job and the female who thinks she can help him become a better man. the man who has issues with his finances and the female who thinks she can show him how to do it better. the man who hides from reasonable conflict/discussions and the female who thinks she can show him enough love to feel safe to talk. the man who admits that he's never been faithful and the female who thinks every other female must have given him reason to feel doubt, but she wont, she will show him what a good woman is and he will change his ways. a man who is messy/filthy and a female who thinks she can teach him to be organized and clean. etc, etc, etc

make sense?

Yup, you have a good heart and you want to help people but you are screwed in return. I was socially conditioned to being nice to people without expecting anything in return. Additionaly I didn't have father figure in my life and was treated bad by my mother. This left me unconfident and feeling weak all the time, even though I achieved most of my major goals in my life. I'm curing from this right now. One of the best thing that pick-up books taught me is to be assertive and set my own boundaries. Even if they won't allow me to get into better relationship I already feel they improved my and I suspect people see this too.