Need some advice....

[Antonius_Pilate]

Hello. First time posting here, want to see if I could get some advice.

Last month I (19) hit it off with some girl (21) from class. We met up twice and were texting on and off. Eventually, I asked her out for a third date the weekend before Xmas and she responded enthusiastically and told me she'd get back to me once she got her work schedule(this should have been a red flag, huh?).

But she then ghosted me, only responding minimally when I contacted her on Xmas and New Years. After New Years I called it quits and was nearly over it, until she reestablished contact out of the blue (about a week after New Years) and asked if we could see each other again. Unfortunately this was right before the beginning of my overseas trip.

She was to leave as well (to Europe), so proposed that we see each other after we had both come back. I was feeling a bit iffy about the offer so I told her that I'd get back to her, only asking when she was to come back. She never responded and I ended up calling her the next day to no avail.

Now that I'm back in country and got enough time away to really think about things, it seems that this whole situation became unnecessarily complex. I also came to realization that I already pulled some AFC crap by trying to reach out (mind you, I was buzzed on both occasions), sending her a sappy song on NYD, and calling her before I left.

In all honesty I'm tempted to reach out and try again. Or maybe it might be better to just 'Next' this chick. What do you guys think?

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

First off, you didn't do anything wrong so stop with that way of thinking because it's nonsense.

And there's nothing wrong with reaching out, what's AFC about that? Exactly, nothing.......

To me it sounds like she has medium to low interest level, you already called her so the ball is in her court so go on with your life and date other women, hit on women every chance you get, you need options, if shes interested she will get in contact with you, if you wanna reach out again in a week or so then go ahead, theres no rules to this sh!t.

Good job on the pull even though it seems it didnt work, you still did good on getting the number and hanging out with her on two occasions so pat yourself on the back......

 

[EyeBRollin]

“Next.”

Welcome to the forum. Lurk a bit and read the DJ Bible.

Your mistake was the texting mixed with class is too much exposure. Should have sat far away from her and only asked her out on dates.

Men, nothing dries a pvssy faster than texting. Stop doing it.

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

“Next.”

Welcome to the forum. Lurk a bit and read the DJ Bible.

Your mistake was the texting mixed with class is too much exposure. Should have sat far away from her and only asked her out on dates.

Men, nothing dries a pvssy faster than texting. Stop doing it.

Your one of my favorite posters because we have similar attitudes, I also call rather then texting as well, but he didnt do anything wrong, I dont know why people on this forum think the smallest things kill attraction lol.......I know guys who do the complete opposite of everything the guys on here preach and they do very good with women.

No game, no style, no tactics or trickery, just masculine energy and confidence/swagger.....

Dont make the OP think that every little small thing he does kills attraction because that's what is bound to happen once he spends enough time on this forum, "oh you told her she was cute so it killed the attraction" lmaoo

But yeah texting is for pvssys, though I have pulled many women from texting so like I said her interest is what's important, if your attractive you can do whatever you want and that's what I believe should be preached on here, just do whatever you want, if she likes you then it wont matter.....

I'm curious to see what you think about that, do you agree?

 

[Antonius_Pilate]

First off, you didn't do anything wrong so stop with that way of thinking because it's nonsense.

And there's nothing wrong with reaching out, what's AFC about that? Exactly, nothing.......

To me it sounds like she has medium to low interest level, you already called her so the ball is in her court so go on with your life and date other women, hit on women every chance you get, you need options, if shes interested she will get in contact with you, if you wanna reach out again in a week or so then go ahead, theres no rules to this sh!t.

Good job on the pull even though it seems it didnt work, you still did good on getting the number and hanging out with her on two occasions so pat yourself on the back......

I guess you're right, I didn't really do anything unorthodox. Also, I guess I did pretty OK and just have to work on tweaking my game.

“Next.”

Welcome to the forum. Lurk a bit and read the DJ Bible.

Your mistake was the texting mixed with class is too much exposure. Should have sat far away from her and only asked her out on dates.

Men, nothing dries a pvssy faster than texting. Stop doing it.

Thanks. I'll be sure to read more of the DJ Bible, though I'm having a bit of trouble adjusting it to the contemporary dating scene (for example, calling isn't really that appropriate anymore).

>Your mistake was the texting mixed with class is too much exposure. Should have sat far away from her and only asked her out on dates.

The thing is that from the beginning, I sat at a considerable distance to her (not intentionally, since I didn't even notice her at first). It was her who slowly bridged the gap over the semester and ended up sitting right behind me.

Also, I only used texting to arrange meet-ups. She initiated any actual conversation we had over text, with the exception of my reaching out on New Years.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Also, I only used texting to arrange meet-ups. She initiated any actual conversation we had over text, with the exception of my reaching out on New Years.

Stay strong, brother. Don’t take her initiation as an invitation to chat over text. Use it to make the date. If the date is set up, respond:

“Hey <name>, let’s save it for our date.”

Subsequent texts, repeat:

“Save it for the date.”

She will either submit or drop you before the date. Both are good outcomes.

 

[jaymbrs]

Sounds like game playing BS to me. I'd stop reaching out if I were you and start moving on to other chicks.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Maybe she was horny and wanted to bang and thought you might be available that night

 

[Antonius_Pilate]

Let it go. Move on. It might just be a combo of bad timing and low interest. If she contacts you in the future, start over from zero. No more contact until then.

Will do.

Sounds like game playing BS to me. I'd stop reaching out if I were you and start moving on to other chicks.

That might have been it.

Regardless, after consulting the DJ Bible (specifically Pook and Anti-Dump's stuff), I came to the conclusion that it was my desire that got in the way. I said some pretty questionable things and acted way too eager when I met with her. I forgot to treat myself as the prize and remind myself that there are always alternatives. Besides, the chick was a bit broken (severe daddy issues, tattoos, no direction in life, mentioned ex's way too much, etc) so it was bound to end badly.

But now that I'm able to put it behind me, I know what I need to work on.

Man you are so young. You have literally years to hone your mojo. The fact that your hear at 19 is a win.

Yeah, in that respect I have time on my side to make as many mistakes as I need to. There is much I still have to learn.

Anyway, thanks for the input guys. I appreciate it.

 

[Roober]

Sometimes conflicting schedules make things difficult. It happens. I've had a first date with a girl, then we couldn't manage to set something up till 3 months later. Still turned into a fruitful plate...

I think you can do one of two things...
a) reach out, setup a date. Anything other than a yes is a no. If she offers an alternative, take it of your available.
b) wait for her to reach out, then same as option a, setup a date, only take a yes.

Don't invest any more time or thought in this one, other than minor texts. You haven't spent enough time with her to be worth it.

 

[Serenity]

This sounds like she got interested in someone else, but it didn't work out so you're the next best thing. She has relatively low interest.

It's funny how you can basically gauge the interest level by how skeptical you are about her actions. The more skeptical you feel, the lower is her interest level.

I wouldn't get serious with this one.

 

[Antonius_Pilate]

This sounds like she got interested in someone else, but it didn't work out so you're the next best thing. She has relatively low interest.

It's funny how you can basically gauge the interest level by how skeptical you are about her actions. The more skeptical you feel, the lower is her interest level.

I wouldn't get serious with this one.

You know, someone I knew IRL told me the exact same thing. Regardless, you're right and had I used AD's machine I wouldn't have wasted so much time on this one (since any indication of low IL would have put her out of the picture a while ago).

Sometimes conflicting schedules make things difficult. It happens. I've had a first date with a girl, then we couldn't manage to set something up till 3 months later. Still turned into a fruitful plate...

I think you can do one of two things...
a) reach out, setup a date. Anything other than a yes is a no. If she offers an alternative, take it of your available.
b) wait for her to reach out, then same as option a, setup a date, only take a yes.

Don't invest any more time or thought in this one, other than minor texts. You haven't spent enough time with her to be worth it.

Yeah, I'm not going to sweat it at all. If she wants something to happen, it's on her at this point.

 

[Antonius_Pilate]

Update: A few days after this thread I decided to contact her out of the blue while I was in a late night lecture. She was responsive and it turned out that she was in the lecture right next to mine. Both ended at the same time but hers ended earlier, so she came looking for me and I stepped outside to speak to her. She hugged me and I invited her inside, grabbing her hand and leading her in. But she immediately let go of my hand.

Regardless, she stayed in the lecture till the end and told me she wanted to hang out for bit. I then (since I was hungry), invited her to eat with me in a small restaurant. Before we went in she started smoking, and after she was done we went inside. We spoke, with her doing most of the talking as I decided to withhold as much information as possible. Afterwards, we hung out for the rest of the evening till about midnight. I was making moves the entire time, kino-ing her a lot, etc. I wanted to go in for the kiss but my gut held me back (plus the smell of cigarettes), and in that very moment she said that she wasn't willing to fvck me. I tried to the change the subject by brushing it off but she then proceeded to tell me that A) She wasn't over her ex and B)LJBF. I refused her offer and said that it wasn't what I wanted, she then got upset and started rambling about other stuff. I then decided to call it a night, told her to get back to me if anything, we embraced, I kissed her on the cheek, and said goodbye.

I walked away. She wasn't willing to give me what I wanted, so I saw no point in continuing any kind of contact. It's been roughly three weeks since then, and while I am a bit hung up on it, I understand that it's in my best interest to just keep moving forward.

Also, after reading a myriad of posts from here and the DJ bible, I've become convinced that my focus must go elsewhere. Who I want to be, what dreams I want to chase, my quest for self-actualization, the creation of a proper frame, etc seem to be so much more important. I rather focus my energies on the cultivation of my world and aim to become who I want to be. I have no business chasing skirts.

As Pook said "Women come and go, but YOU are forever. The focus must be on you.". No words ring truer than these.

 

[2Rocky]

Just imagine...You are surrounded by others like her.....Meet 'em find something in common, and put them on the shelf. then when you want to move things forward with one she's ready to go.

 

[biggoal]

“Next.”

Welcome to the forum. Lurk a bit and read the DJ Bible.

Your mistake was the texting mixed with class is too much exposure. Should have sat far away from her and only asked her out on dates.

Men, nothing dries a pvssy faster than texting. Stop doing it.

BUT these girls TEXT your eyeballs off before the first date. I've had high end HBs from OLD text my eyeballs off before the date to the point it interferes with work. Because if you don't reply back quickly to their texting barrages they might dry up and move on.

 

[EyeBRollin]

BUT these girls TEXT your eyeballs off before the first date. I've had high end HBs from OLD text my eyeballs off before the date to the point it interferes with work. Because if you don't reply back quickly to their texting barrages they might dry up and move on.

Why are you afraid of them moving on? That’s their loss.

 

[biggoal]

Why are you afraid of them moving on? That’s their loss.

Uh, because they're hot!!!!

 

[EyeBRollin]

Uh, because they're hot!!!!

Lose that fixation. Find a woman that treats you right.

 

[Roober]

Seems like you did well overall. Her comment about "I'm not going to fvck you" would suggest that you were likely coming on a bit too strong.

 

[sosumba]

Sounds like she is trying to keep you on a leash as some sort of backup.