Need some advice.

[yyyy1313]

So I been lurking here for awhile. Commenting from time to time and I need advice on how to handle the situation I find myself in. So I met this HB8 at work a few months ago. And the guy from the cafeteria basically introduced me to her and we been talking anytime we see each other. It's just been small talk nothing that says this chick is interested in me.

Then on Thursday I just had this vibe that she was into me and we just had fun talking. She had to go since she wasn't on break, but she basically told me that she wish she could talk longer with me. At this point I only knew her first name, so I asked someone she knew for her full name and later that day I sent her a message through our works IM system. (I know this was probably a bad move, but I wanted to talk to her and I just said **** it.)

So I sent her a message I completely ****ed up. But she got the jist, she tells me, "let me save you. I would love to talk to you some more, these are the tiimes I go on break this is my lunch etc". At this point I tell her I been into her since that time she slipped in the snow I helped her up. I told her I been crushing on her since that time and if she wasn't seeing someone if she would like to go out.

She reciprocates and tells me we should hang outside of work, but then tells me she is leaving on vacation until next Friday. She doesn't give me her number, but then again I don't ask for it. From the back and fourth ims I feel confident she's into me too. But would like people's take of how horribly I handled this and how I should follow up.

 

[peteywintz]

The issue I see here is that she is the one who is wearing the pants in terms of advancing the relationship. The fact that you haven't asked for her number kinda makes it seem like you're waiting for her to make a move. The good news is it seems like there is sufficient IL from her that you will be able to recover.

My recommendation is to get her number and get her on a date outside of work. Take control of the conversation and bring her into your frame. And escalate physically.

 

[Cremasta]

She reciprocates and tells me we should hang outside of work,

Who cares if you didn't play this 'textbook SoSuave'? You got a good result here! Now you just need to capitalise on that, make it happen.
Good luck

 

[yyyy1313]

So, I think I developed oneitis all of a sudden. Prior to me doing anything I didn't really think about her and now I can't stop thinking about her. WTH?

 

[yyyy1313]

Update: I ****ed up, gg.

 

[Wolfbones]

Mind elaborating on why you ****ed up?

 

[Sloweburna707]

Ask for the Number say you want to get coffee sometime soon, then ignore her for 2 weeks then ask her out! or don't wait the 2 weeks and just ask her out #YOLO

 

[yyyy1313]

I dropped my load so to speak. I told her everything, how nervous I was about our date etc while we were texting. In a way this was good since before it felt like she was gaming me via the text and it allowed her to open up. So I'm glad I did it since it removed any uneasiness I had. Then I got to really know her, I found out she was an actress/model (aspiring). Plays the violin and all this pretty cool ****.

So she asked about me, so I told her. I told her there is not much to me. I hang out with friends, work out, go to comedy clubs nothing out of the ordinary. And I told her about my life in California, mere coincidence we both lived in LA for a brief time. I told her how I was a **** up and eventually changed to try and become someone respectable. We were texting back and fourth for days. Then the texts stopped. So I don't send any text, except this morning I just sent a quick, "good morning". She didn't respond so not sure if she's lost interest and no longer wants to see me.

Prior to this she actually wanted to move the date up to this weekend after we started talking. And now things kind of just fizzled out. And I think I'm just mind ****ing myself, but I just don't know.

 

[yyyy1313]

I gave her my number on Friday before I went on vacation. Monday she sent me a text and have been texting kind of non stop. I been doing other things. Looking for a house currently, working out. Fixing up my car so it's not a total **** box and other **** to get her off my mind. But since she stopped texting started thinking maybe that's GG?

One thing I did think I made a mistake out of was I made a big deal of the fact that she was an actress/model in the past. I think this is was what caused the GG.

 

[Rainman4707]

IMO you've been coming on too strong boss..
Too much texting..

I get a womans number, ring her..tell her a funny story even if
it's made up then say "i'll see you at 3 in bar (Assume the sale)
If she says shes busy, i'll tell her another quick funny story to end the
interaction on a high. Dont stay on the phone longer than ten minutes
as the longer your on phone/texting more likely you are to screw up.

I would only ever send "good morning" in my AFC days. I's boring.

Iv'e only just started assuming the sale during phonecalls last couple
of days & noticed the diffrence. The woman can sense i'm confident & it
seemed to impress them.

 

[yyyy1313]

Yea, your right I definitely have been coming too strong. In fact I'm just going to chalk this up to a lost cause. Too bad really, oh well. Thanks dude.

 

[yyyy1313]

Edit: ****ed up, time to move on. Ugh, online dating here I come, again...

 

[Skyline]

I dropped my load so to speak. I told her everything, how nervous I was about our date etc while we were texting. In a way this was good since before it felt like she was gaming me via the text and it allowed her to open up. So I'm glad I did it since it removed any uneasiness I had. Then I got to really know her, I found out she was an actress/model (aspiring). Plays the violin and all this pretty cool ****.

You might be friend zoned just from that, considering she didn't open up to you in retaliation.. You lost the mystery factor and you've gained the lesser value factor. Things just got more difficult for you.

Me: I don't know if I scared you or something, but can we talk?
Me: I noticed you didn't respond afterwards, we cool? I mean if your[e] not into me, that's fine I guess I'm just dense.
Me: I don't I just started thinking you wanted me to leave you alone.

You're acting textbook AFC... Stop putting yourself down.

You told her you were gonna become someone respectable yet you can't even respect yourself.

 

[yyyy1313]

So it's over, right? I should just give up?

You might be friend zoned just from that, considering she didn't open up to you in retaliation.. You lost the mystery factor and you've gained the lesser value factor. Things just got more difficult for you.




You're acting textbook AFC... Stop putting yourself down.

You told her you were gonna become someone respectable yet you can't even respect yourself.

BTW, this is the hottest chick I ever been around. I'm just not use to being so into someone as quickly as this. It's making me crazy.

 

[NewAndImproved]

You're not coming across as attractive. Simple as.

TELLING her you like her instead of SHOWING her.

Too much self-deprecating humor.

Too much confessing ****. You're fine as is man. Took me years to figure this out but you are.

Too much texting/talking... y'all haven't even been out yet!!!

Too much assuming the worst. (She doesn't respond immediately and you freak out)

It's over with this one. Nothing good will come from continuing to pursue (though I'm 90% sure you'll contact her again... which is fine, you need to learn this painful lesson yourself)

Read the DJ Bible and everything else on here. Keep improving. If I could anyone can.

 

[yyyy1313]

Update: So yea, I been NC for what I think 3 weeks. There was two occasions where she saw me and immediately went the other way yea. So after the 2nd time I had to say something. I just told her to treat me like a stranger and not to worry about me, I don't bite.

To that she said no worries, I'll still say hi and smile and whatever. I didn't respond and just left it at that, but that was bugging me since no one's got to hide from me. I got the message loud and clear, I'm dense but not stupid. So come Thursday I'm ordering food and she comes right next to me. I don't acknowledge her or anything she opens a conversation and starts telling me how unrecognizable I am. (I started working out like a stud instead of half assing it.) I ignore the comment and she then tells me I look real good. I change topics and once my food was done grabbed it and left.

I started the conversation with the guy trying to set us up and she came over and tried talking to me again. I engage make some jokes but I'm clearly just trying to get going. Fricking guy makes things worse instead of ringing me out he says I'm going to grab you a free water, I'll be right back. I tell him I just want to pay I don't need a freebie. He leaves anyway just leaving me and her alone. So I make with the small talk she laughs he comes back and I pay and just leave. I say bye to him and don't acknowledge her.

So why am I writing all this since it leads no where. Well I was going to go to this party my friend was setting up, but turns out she's going and as to not make it seem as though I'm trying to start something. I just decided to go to the gym instead. (It's closed today for some reason, so much for being 24 hours) So here I am just bored as hell figure I give you guys an update.

 

[Purefilth]

Keep ignoring her and avoiding her, soon she'll be eating out of the palm of your hand. She already followed you around like a puppy today

being truly indifferent is wondreful. +1 for that.

 

[BigSmooth]

Should have went to the party and hit on some random girls. It gets your mind off her while at the same time she'll notice what you are doing. Knocks out two birds with one stone.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Ugh, I hate to see stories like this, where the guy starts out doing things right but then self-sabotages himself.

However, I DO like doing "game analysis" to help point out where a guy went wrong - and so, I did! Check it out!

- Harry Wilmington

 

[yyyy1313]

I read the article you wrote on me, I think you nailed it. In fact one of the parts my friend even told me to just relax and I didn't even do that. It's hilarious with the commentary and shows how bone headed I can be. But it also shows I don't have to work too hard because I'm a pretty attractive dude. I just need to relax. I really just want to thank you for taking the time for doing this for me. It is definitely an eye opener.