Need Some Advice...

s5002750Li

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So I've been going out a few times with this girl that I met a couple months ago... We've been on two official dates, went to a concert together, and hung out a house parties a couple of times.

On the second date, I went in for the kiss and got cheek. But we soon after went out to a concert together, and she was much more physical, with hugs, leaning on me, etc.

This girl is very cautious. She's had only a few relationships, and they were all long term, and most ended badly. Also, her upbringing has resulted in her wanting to move slowly and carefully.

So that being said, I feel like I've been making progress. Not as fast as I would like, but I'm willing to go slow for this one. And yeah, I've got the oneitis with this girl.

Anyway, recently I got smacked with a **** test. Bam! We were supposed to go to an amusement park, and she ended up delaying all day, and then canceling at the end with a lame "family emergency" excuse. I just played it off like it didn't matter, no biggie. And went no communication.

Two days later, she texted me. "Hi John!!!! How are u?" I was at the movies and didn't reply for a few hours, and then she texted me, "U mad?" I usually don't wait that long, so she figured something was up.

So far so good. But then I royally screwed up. I said, "Hey! No! Sorry, I just got out of a movie. How are you??" And I got a terse reply (for her) "I am doing good, thanks." Then I called her. I know, I know! :(

Anyway, we talked for a few minutes, and she had just gotten home, and she asked if she could call me back later. I said sure.

No call. Not surprised. I was being a chump and I didn't realize it until she didn't call me back that Sunday was a **** test, as is the lack of return call.

So I'm no communication again.

I'm doing all the appropriate other things... Focusing on me, gym, talking to other girls, pursuing my life... But I do like this girl, and I want to see where this goes. But I need to stop being a chump.

Advice? I know she likes me, but I failed her **** test with the phone call. How do I recover? I've read a lot of the posts and articles on this site and others, and while I understand the logic, I have a hard time playing it out myself. Like calling a sports game, but not being able to play it well, you know? LOL. Anyway, specific advise would help me a lot. Any background questions, please let me know!

Thanks, guys.
 

Gangster Of Love

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I presume you paid for the two "official dates", and the concert. Getting the cheek is bad, but her lack of follow up/consideration, or call it what you want should tell you her level of interest.

Go out and meet new people. I wouldn't even bother contacting her. If she does reach out, then entertain her, but keep it short. The only thing you might be able to do is to keep your distance, and re-try after some time, maybe it will seem like a fresh start to her and won't view you as a chump.

Just learn, and get confortable under any kind of situation.
 

s5002750Li

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Thanks, Gangster. Yes, I paid for everything. She did offer to pitch in a couple times, and she brought some very nice wine to dinner on the second date. Money is not an object for her, so I preferred to make it perfectly clear that I was taking her out and what my intentions were. Not to buy her affection, but to say "this is a date, I'm not your friend."

Yeah, after the cheek, I didn't expect much. But she did step it up at the concert, so that indicated interest to me. No kiss, but I did get a close, full body hug.

At dinner, she explained her family history, and I understand why she wants to move slow. Her mother got around, and she does not want to be like her mother. She did tell me that she told her good friend that she had met someone, told me the places she was going to take me and the places he wanted me to take her, etc. So I really think the level of interest is (was) there until I started botching these tests. (By the way, as a side note, I have experienced this before, and it threw me then, as well... When a girl starts talking as if we're boyfriend/girlfriend and is making plans, etc. My opinion now is that at that point, it's on, but then either I get tested and fail, or I'm not aggressive enough and she loses interest. Opinions?)

I think she could read that I was getting into her.

Thank you for the advice. That makes sense. I'm not contacting her. When she contacts me, and I don't doubt that she will, I'm going to be distant and let her suggest we meet. Previously, I've been very forward, "I want to see you this weekend." So she should sense the change and take notice if I'm not suggesting to meet.

You're spot on that I'm sure I came off as a chump after the last couple of tests. Grrr.
 

Krueg

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Gangster gave some solid advice which I agree with. But dont beat yourself up over this situation and dont over analyse it either. Just because she isnt spreading her legs for you right now doesnt mean she wont in the future.

Theres been some girls in the past that took me a couple months to get with, but having other options and patience worked out. Too many guys want puvssy and want it now! Not every girl just spreads her legs for a guy after the first date..
 

s5002750Li

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Thanks, Krueg. She seems cautious, which is ok, I can be patient. But the timing does throw me off because it's hard to gauge what too eager versus too distant.

I'll see some other girls this weekend, which should help.

She did call me tonight, but I couldn't take it. So she texted me that she just wanted to say hi, nothing important. I just gave her a smiley. After a while I told her I would call her later, but when I called her, no answer.

It's like playing catch, leisurely lobs back and forth. Haha. Now she's got the ball.

Many people suggest being uber distant in these situations, but being responsive, just busy and not overeager isn't a bad thing, right?
 

What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.

You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Harry Wilmington

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(Sigh) U know what's sad? I used to be this guy, so it's hard for me to read stories like this, where the guy's ego is making him oblivious to the fact that the girl is NOT interested in him.

Downplay anything she may have said to you and look at her ACTIONS.

s5002750Li said:
On the second date, I went in for the kiss and got cheek.
The thought of kissing you disgust her. That's nothing against you, but come on - in the grand scheme of things, kissing is very lightweight. However, it also shows her willingness to let you touch her, and gauges how interested she is in you. Turn to the cheek? Not very interested. I can't remember a single date I've gone on where a girl who turned her cheek to me ended up wanting to date/fvck me later.


s5002750Li said:
This girl is very cautious. She's had only a few relationships, and they were all long term, and most ended badly. Also, her upbringing has resulted in her wanting to move slowly and carefully.
This is called "bullcrap." It's the excuse she's given you to excuse her behavior.

I lost my virginity to a pastor's daughter with a VERY strict upbringing. I also banged a girl from a different culture who was sheltered all her life and had only lost her virginity at the age of 29.

Bottom line: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEIR SITUATION IS, IF THEY WANT TO BANG YOU YOUR D*CK TRUMPS IT.

s5002750Li said:
And yeah, I've got the oneitis with this girl.
Congratulations! Would you like her to store your ballz in a freezer so they won't rot away?

It's not BAD to be crushing on a girl, but having oneitis tends to make a guy a very BAD decision-maker, especially if the girl starts treating him like crap or showing signs of disinterest - oh wait, she already HAS!

s5002750Li said:
Anyway, recently I got smacked with a **** test. Bam! We were supposed to go to an amusement park, and she ended up delaying all day, and then canceling at the end with a lame "family emergency" excuse. I just played it off like it didn't matter, no biggie. And went no communication.
Girls who like you don't cancel dates. It's that simple. Do you know what a girl who likes you would even LOOK like?? Here's a hint: when you suggest an activity, they show up early with a smile on their face, instead of delaying you all day and wasting your time for what ends up being a no-show.

And, contrary to your statement, you DID make it seem like a big deal 'cause it pissed you off enough to make you not want to talk to her, and she probably got a kick out of it!

s5002750Li said:
Then I called her... we talked for a few minutes, and she had just gotten home, and she asked if she could call me back later. I said sure. No call. Not surprised. I was being a chump and I didn't realize it until she didn't call me back that Sunday was a **** test, as is the lack of return call.
Not calling you back is not a sh*t test. It's her passive aggressive way of saying "I don't want to talk to you." Think if the situation was reversed and she told you to call HER back - would you get too busy and forget to call her, or would you remember to do it because you like her and don't want to upset her?

Well guess what? The phone works both ways, buddy - she doesn't care about upsetting you or wasting your time because she DOESN'T LIKE YOU.

Now, again, I don't say this to hurt your feelings, but rather to call attention to the fact that your EGO is the reason you still think you have a shot with this girl. You don't. Take it from someone who used to be just like this - continuing to go after her is only going to cause more frustration. And don't play it off like her actions aren't bugging you - they are, and it's 'cause you like her. But it's not about YOU liking HER, it's about if she is reciprocating that like back. And right now, all indications are that she's NOT.

But hey, no biggie, right? Just concentrate on other girls - not to make her jealous and hope she sees the light, but because THERE ARE OTHER GIRLS OUT THERE WHO WILL ACTUALLY LIKE YOU.
 

thevilittletroll

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first of all the reason you were not successful was not because you failed her s-hit tests. you failed way before that. and they also werent s-hit tests, they were statements of dis-interest. you start off saying you've know her a couple of months, and the climax of your second date was a hug. you are not physically escalting. she sees you as a safe non sexual guy friend. you need to escalate from the very start of meeting the girl. let me show you what you should have done.

when you first met her a couple of months ago, build attraction and start escalating physically right from the start. touch her hands, her back, you should be getting hugs from her 10 mins into the first time of meeting. move to touching her legs, small of her back. you get the point. once you've exchanged phone numbers and set up your first date, a couple of days later, not months later, when she arrives on the date with you she, there should be som much sexual tension she should be thinking of making out with you from the start of that date. you continue to escalate and should be making out with her with 20-30 mins. continue to escalte and you should be having sex with her at the end of the night rather than just getting a hug. oh yeah you didnt get the hug until the second date. do you get my point? this is how a confident true alpha male acts. this is why alpha males can go into a bar and get a same night lay. when a girl says she's not that type of girl, she probably is, so escalate!
 

VladPatton

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Bottom line is, if they like you the same way you like them, none of this would happen. This happens to all of us. It should turn your oneitis switch right off. I don't care how hot she is, if she treats you like shyt you are at a loss right from the start. It's like playing CoD without a controller and expecting to be a top player. Not gonna work. You need balance.

Sorry, man, tough break, but move on, this b!znitch ain't worth your headache.
 

s5002750Li

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Thanks, guys, for all the input. Harry, I'm definitely taking your input into consideration. I've been wondering if she likes me or not, because her actions are very inconsistent. It would be easy to simply say she doesn't like me, as you did, but when I ask her out, she says yes without hesitation. That Sunday disrespect and flake through me for a loop.

I'm not sure how to explain this, but this girl is long term relationship material. I have been escalating, but not faster than she is comfortable with. I actually got a hug first date. Hug and cheek second date, and an "intimate hug" after the concert. I know, not much. Hugs, to arms around each other, to head resting on my shoulder, to holding hands, etc. But no kiss, other than cheek. No real intimacy, yet.

Our mutual friends have told me that she likes me, and that she is interested. If she weren't, she wouldn't be calling or texting me. But they also said that this is going to be very difficult because of her current emotional baggage.

Today, we just had our first actual serious talk about "us." She initiated contact, and she brought it up. And it wasn't rejection. It was yes, I want to keep seeing you, but I want to go slow, no pressure. Actual communication, go figure!

We'll see where this goes. I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket, and I'm not really stressing about it anymore. I think I know where I stand. I want to give it my best shot, though, and if it turns out she doesn't really like me, that's OK, as long as I played my best. My ego is healthy. I can take rejection. I don't have to cut and run to protect it. If she doesn't like me, fine, but if she does, and she's just afraid of moving too fast, I would hate to miss out because I moved on, afraid to face rejection.

Thanks again, guys. I'll keep you posted!
 

Starkwell

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s5002750Li said:
So I've been going out a few times with this girl that I met a couple months ago... We've been on two official dates, went to a concert together, and hung out a house parties a couple of times.

On the second date, I went in for the kiss and got cheek. But we soon after went out to a concert together, and she was much more physical, with hugs, leaning on me, etc.

This girl is very cautious. She's had only a few relationships, and they were all long term, and most ended badly. Also, her upbringing has resulted in her wanting to move slowly and carefully.

So that being said, I feel like I've been making progress. Not as fast as I would like, but I'm willing to go slow for this one. And yeah, I've got the oneitis with this girl.

Anyway, recently I got smacked with a **** test. Bam! We were supposed to go to an amusement park, and she ended up delaying all day, and then canceling at the end with a lame "family emergency" excuse. I just played it off like it didn't matter, no biggie. And went no communication.

Two days later, she texted me. "Hi John!!!! How are u?" I was at the movies and didn't reply for a few hours, and then she texted me, "U mad?" I usually don't wait that long, so she figured something was up.

So far so good. But then I royally screwed up. I said, "Hey! No! Sorry, I just got out of a movie. How are you??" And I got a terse reply (for her) "I am doing good, thanks." Then I called her. I know, I know! :(

Anyway, we talked for a few minutes, and she had just gotten home, and she asked if she could call me back later. I said sure.

No call. Not surprised. I was being a chump and I didn't realize it until she didn't call me back that Sunday was a **** test, as is the lack of return call.

So I'm no communication again.

I'm doing all the appropriate other things... Focusing on me, gym, talking to other girls, pursuing my life... But I do like this girl, and I want to see where this goes. But I need to stop being a chump.

Advice? I know she likes me, but I failed her **** test with the phone call. How do I recover? I've read a lot of the posts and articles on this site and others, and while I understand the logic, I have a hard time playing it out myself. Like calling a sports game, but not being able to play it well, you know? LOL. Anyway, specific advise would help me a lot. Any background questions, please let me know!

Thanks, guys.

She wasn't interested in you at all except for the concert that you paid for. If she was into you at all, you would of had a kiss during, or after the concert. You make excuses for her calling her "cautious" and "her upbringing" that you say. All B.S. if she liked you, she would of called, not cancelled the date, and wouldn't be ignoring you. I've dated girls who had a strict upbringing and who had bad long term relationships and they didn't act the way the girl you hung out with did. She got a free show and that was that and now she is on to another guy. Don't pay for concerts or anything worthwile for a woman until you have hooked up with her or she is your gf. No need to waste money on chicks who have no interests in you but only for their own free entertainment.
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

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And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

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