Need some advice

[luck123]

Thanks for reading my post. I will not make it too long and painful.

Met this girl recently, she had a boyfriend at the time. We started talking, and eventually either I closed the deal by being an alpha DJ or it just happened becos she things were complicated with her boyfriend. Their relationship was off and on, and I was satisfied having a FWB. I never put any thought into it, and she was crazy over me (texting me constantly and calling me all the time). How should I proceed? I know this is a rocky situation but i have really started to like this girl and see my AFC (needy, desperate) side staring to come out.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Is she still with her BF right now?

The common idea from most on this board is that if a woman cheats on someone to be with you, she will at most be a FB, not good for a real relationship, as you may find yourself on the other end of the equation.

It is also common practice on this board to try and refrain from women with BF's for the exact reason of their lunacy and branch-swinging eagerness only to swing off of you later on. Not to mention I have learned it's just not good mojo for other males who are likely struggling from their own ignorances....but others may disagree with my perspective. IE -- I almost feel bad for the guy really because he is likely wondering what he's doing wrong.

At my current level, this is the most advice I can give you. You can likely keep the FB relationship going by staying slightly aloof at times and avoiding revealing too much of your emotion. If you are looking to engage her in a deeper relationship than you may be battling with what I mentioned here initially...

...others may have some more constructive advice...but generally man I've learned to stay away from chicks with BF's because they are (a) full of drama and (b) I don't trust them, and even more importantly (c) why should she be so entitled that she thinks she can throw all maturity out the window and do whatever she feels and still get what she wants...

 

[luck123]

Wow.. Your experiences have taught you a lot. This is my first time pursuing a women with a boyfriend. And experience has taught me its drama and heartache. Somebody is bound to get hurt. I like how u mentioned that u feel sorry for the guy, because I feel that too on occasion. I want to be strong, but I can't help to think what I'm doing is not right. I have brought it up on numerous occasions, but have not taken enough initiative to stop it.

I don't know if I'm trying to find fault in her or myself. Those points you have brought up about 'once a cheat, always a cheat' no trust factor, and entitlement to being immature are constantly on my mind as I would like this girl to be with me. I know I'm in trouble. Along the lines of not revealing my emotions, its like a double-edged sword, I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't.


Thanks for the advice buddha.

 

[luck123]

She is off and on with her boyfriend.

 

[Sir-M]

I know this is a rocky situation but i have really started to like this girl and see my AFC (needy, desperate) side staring to come out.

By Knowing what the problem is.. you are halfway to solving it.. ease off a little bit from her. Suppress those AFC notions.

Anyway, my main point was that it would be too AFC to spend all that time and effort making somebody else's girl happy. Its time for her to lose the boyfriend. Make a plan!!!

 

[L B]

Girls who are not true to their boyfriends cannot be trusted. If you get involve, don't get attached. If she push for commitment, leave her.

Quality women do not cheat on their boyfriends/husbands prior to leaving them.

 

[squirrels]

You're likely getting "sucked into her world". You don't want to replace her boyfriend...if she's unhappy with him, then she has come to associate "boyfriend" with "unhappiness and drama". You don't want to be the John Kerry to his George W. Bush.

Don't put any pressure on her. Let her know you'd be up for something bf/gf if that's what she wants, but there's no pressure on her to "hurry up and break up with him".

And don't let her start treating YOU like she treats HIM. Don't get p!ssed if she does...in fact, EXPECT it. But you're free to refuse to play that game and walk away.

You're taking this girl way too seriously. Get a hobby.

Girls...cannot be trusted.

Fixed it for you.

 

[luck123]

Thanks for the advice. After reading up on the forums, I am beginning to believe she is BPD. Normally, I would not strain myself overthinking, overanalyzing, and worrying so much instead of focusing on hobbies or other activities that squirrel had suggested. It has come to the point where I feel if I could only solve the problem than everything will be great. However, it has only caused more problems by being insecure and desperate.

BPD signs? We meet, we f***, when she still had a boyfriend. Says she has only had it rough. Had some abuse issues in the past. She is very open about her sexual past and always horny. Narcissistic. Comments on her beauty on a regular basis. Materialistic things are a priority to her and has mentioned dying to end all her problems. Apart of me feels terribly sorry for her which brings out the provider/hero in me. However, I don't want to get played if she is being manipulative and just using me. They say ignorance is bliss, and I believe it to be true. Because the more I learn and see other's experiences, the less I trust, and the harder it is cos I don't know if I should trust myself or her? I desperately want to trust her.


Any ideas?

 

[luck123]

Thanks for the advice. After reading up on the forums, I am beginning to believe she is BPD. Normally, I would not strain myself overthinking, overanalyzing, and worrying so much instead of focusing on hobbies or other activities that squirrel had suggested. It has come to the point where I feel if I could only solve the problem than everything will be great. However, it has only caused more problems by being insecure and desperate.

BPD signs? We meet, we f***, when she still had a boyfriend. Says she has only had it rough. Had some abuse issues in the past. She is very open about her sexual past and always horny. Narcissistic. Comments on her beauty on a regular basis. Materialistic things are a priority to her and has mentioned dying to end all her problems. Apart of me feels terribly sorry for her which brings out the provider/hero in me. However, I don't want to get played if she is being manipulative and just using me. They say ignorance is bliss, and I believe it to be true. Because the more I learn and see other's experiences, the less I trust, and the harder it is cos I don't know if I should trust myself or her? I desperately want to trust her.


Any ideas?

 

[Warrior74]

Why do you "desperately want to trust her"? I don't understand. Kill that desperation.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=16926

Listen to you're gut. Continue to make her FB. You do know the rules of maintaining a FB right? I will ask you to recite them please.

Let her decide she wants more. Let her ask for it. Then evaluate her actions and make an assessment.

How long have you been seeing this girl?

 

[Slickster]

You seem to be operating with a desperate state of mind.

Cheating is a terrible way to start a relationship. She's giving you some big red flags here but I guess you never know.

The best thing to do when you are getting caught up in a crazy chick is to date other women. (Do it soon).

This will give you some much needed perspective.

Decide from there.

There is no hurry.

Enjoy the journey.

 

[hithard]

Just hit eject....
You don't sound like you can safely trust your emotions while around this girl. Personally I don't think you are ready to handle looney toon poon over long periods of time. There are plenty of other women out there, save yourself the headache.

 

[colemandove]

You are not ready to be engaged because there are a trillion attractive girls just like that one who will even flirt with you from time to time.

 

[luck123]

I'm desperate to trust her because when I did, things were going perfectly. Its only when I begun getting suspicious, insecure and AFC that things fell apart. I care for her like a sister, but I love her like my best friend.

I know I'm developing oneitis on this girl.

 

[Slickster]

Start stocking up on tissues.

 

[hansol]

I'm desperate to trust her because when I did, things were going perfectly. Its only when I begun getting suspicious, insecure and AFC that things fell apart. I care for her like a sister, but I love her like my best friend.

I know I'm developing oneitis on this girl.

What in the jesus is this!? You have a full blown case of oneitis, and this is the antibiotic-resistant kind...

There are HUGE red flags flashing in front of you, and you are going to lie to yourself about them? You're going to deny the obvious in order to have the "privelege" of being with a BPD broad? You do know that BPD cannot ever be happy, and only ever bring needless (and PAINFUL) drama? That those types of girls are BAD for you?

Give your head a shake man. This thread is borderline ridiculous. "I'm in love with a psycho." would be a more telling title. Sort your life out, sir.

"I care for her like a sister, but I love her like my best friend."

I think I threw up in my throat a little... Like a sergeant used to say to me, "Wake the F*CK up!"