Need some advice

[Jonblood]

Kailex,
So you're saying its all about action? No hesitation or thinking or waiting, just do it- go right in for the kiss or ask her straight up if she wants to make out with you.
This is what I'm learning atleast, when u start thinking its over. Just do it

 

[Iceberg]

Also, on Tuesday, I promissed to her that I would help her out with a project. We met up in class right before the lecture started. Now, she could have just as easily asked any one else in the class, but she actually wanted me to help her. What I'm wondering is if she waited for me because she asked for my help in the first place, or was there more to it. What do you guys think?

I think you're thinking too much.

You're trying to dance around the edges of the issue rather than attack it head-on.

"Was there more to it? Does she like me?" You'll drive yourself crazy thinking in this mindset. Especially considering that you have nothing to go on. No real hanging out outside of class, no flirting. Just you inside your own head.

So, first thing you gotta do is get her out of class and on a date somewhere. No birthday presents. No helping her with homework. She's not your girlfriend. Why are you doing her favors? That's the type of stuff that leaves guys frustrated....they shower these women with gifts and attention before even getting anything from them. And then they wonder why the girl got bored with them.

You can't dance around these issues. You can't do what 305 is telling you and build up some 6-month long strategy on how to get ONE girl. This girl needs to know off the bat that her role in your life is as a woman that you want to date. It doesn't mean you gotta ask her "Would you like to go on a date with me." Just tell her to come out for a beer. Nothing too stressful, but nothing school-related.

And all this "we like the same TV shows and music" crap is high school, bro. I've dated plenty of women with interests that are WAY different than mine. You're trying to use logic to determine attraction and there is no logic in attraction. Similar interests does NOT equal automatic attraction.

So that's that. Just go out and do it. And that way you're not wondering about it. "Hey, (girl). What are you doing after class? Let's get something to eat/drink." It's that easy. If she says no, then you know she's not interested. If she says yes, then you at least have her in a place where you can find out HOW INTERESTED she is.

 

[vatoloco]

LOL. Closing is your friend.

 

[vatoloco]

when u start thinking its over. Just do it

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=175509

Though you have to see if there is an initial rapport. If the girl's not giving you "anything to work with," (i.e. not engaging in conversation, giving you short, yes/no answers, avoiding eye contact, etc.) more than likely she's not interested...

 

[the305]

I have all of the power because I am actively interested enough that I asked her. If asking her out or for her phone number is putting all of the power in her hands... how is waiting WEEKS any different? You're eventually going to ask the SAME question, but wasting a LOT more time. You will have invested a LOT more by waiting MORE. I'd rather get the answer now rather than play that game. It's those that wait in the wings that lose out to those that don't.

cool, so according to you, i can ask a girl to come over to my place after 20 seconds of conversation, i don't have to wait until.. you know some rapport is built.. shes comfortable.. shes gets a feeling that i'm not an axe murderer.. etc.. Because in your mind, "its the same" question, so if I wait, i'm "wasting time" Ok got it..

Kailex has amazing advice.

......

Ohhhh i get it, your trolling, what i don't understand about trolls is they spend all this time responding to messages for it to just be a big joke. now THAT sounds like a waste of time to me.

 

[joe henny]

Uhm grow a sack? If she likes you she will give you eye contact and reciprocate the flirting if she doesn't then she doesn't

 

[Radharc]

cool, so according to you, i can ask a girl to come over to my place after 20 seconds of conversation, i don't have to wait until.. you know some rapport is built.. shes comfortable.. shes gets a feeling that i'm not an axe murderer.. etc.. Because in your mind, "its the same" question, so if I wait, i'm "wasting time" Ok got it..

Kailex has amazing advice.

......

Ohhhh i get it, your trolling, what i don't understand about trolls is they spend all this time responding to messages for it to just be a big joke. now THAT sounds like a waste of time to me.

Dude, Kailex advice is sound. If there´s someone trolling around here it certainly isn´t Kailex.

Ok, so please clarify your perspective, what do you consider a reasonable time frame to build the connection and then "hit" on her?

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

cool, so according to you, i can ask a girl to come over to my place after 20 seconds of conversation, i don't have to wait until.. you know some rapport is built.. shes comfortable.. shes gets a feeling that i'm not an axe murderer.. etc.. Because in your mind, "its the same" question, so if I wait, i'm "wasting time" Ok got it..

Kailex has amazing advice.

......

There is no scientific time limit to building rapport. If you want to get a girl's number, you don't always have weeks to do it. Maybe it's a girl you met on the airplane. Maybe at a bar.

The "feeling that you're not an axe murderer"...she'll figure that out on a date.

All your recommendations seem to operate like a bad romantic comedy. What if this guy doesn't want to wait 2 months to build rapport? What if while he's "building rapport" with this one girl, he's missing out on 2 or 3 other girls in class who want to date him? He's gotta wait 2 months to get rejected by this one girl?

Most girls I've met and dated were girls who I DIDN'T spend lots of time building rapport with. The rapport came on dates, AFTER i got her number. You make it sound like it's this creepy, "axe-murderer-ish" thing to like a girl. Which makes sense if you're a wimpy guy or an ugly girl. But for the sexually-attractive world, it doesn't make sense.

Ohhhh i get it, your trolling, what i don't understand about trolls is they spend all this time responding to messages for it to just be a big joke. now THAT sounds like a waste of time to me.

I don't know. To anyone with half a brain cell, it sounds like you're the one who's trolling.

I respect different points of view. We can't ALL be harping the same points over and over. But your whole style seems weak to me.

So if you're a troll, then jesus christ....find something better to do than writing long-a** paragraphs on the internet. Just curse at us and log off.

 

[the305]

I stopped reading what he wrote after he tried to explain to me that asking a random girl in class that he sees everyday and never talked to, out on a date would yield better results, then after a few conversations with her, i lol'ed. i really did.

But i get it, it "fits" all the cliche pua crap on the internet of "being a alpha male" "being the prize" "being the one who does" - but when you step back into reality, your success rate is horrible and you are operating on a pure numbers game to get ANY girls, because at the FIRST bump in the road you NEXT her, and this lands you in a place where you don't know WHAT went wrong and never get any better, because its "never you" its always "them"

I was at this stage of game 3 years ago.

---

Mantis Toboggan: months? weeks? who same up with these time frames? I can surely get girls into me with 2-3 conversations, cold approaching someone you will see on a regular basis is just a BAD move, period.

P.S. i shake my head at the amount of guys that are so "scared" of another guy "swooping in" like its a race to "seduce" her, which is a poor excuse for you knowing your game is weak and the girl arent THAT into you, so you have to try and stake her with any type of sexual advance, hoping that will be enough for her not to look anywhere else.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I stopped reading what he wrote after he tried to explain to me that asking a random girl in class that he sees everyday and never talked to, out on a date would yield better results, then after a few conversations with her, i lol'ed. i really did.

He doesn't have to take her out for a steak dinner. And it doesn't have to be the very first encounter. It's more along the lines of taking her out for a drink in the real world instead of doing her homework, giving her birthday presents, and then asking her out once she's good and bored with him.

But i get it, it "fits" all the cliche pua crap on the internet of "being a alpha male" "being the prize" "being the one who does" - but when you step back into reality, your success rate is horrible and you are operating on a pure numbers game to get ANY girls, because at the FIRST bump in the road you NEXT her, and this lands you in a place where you don't know WHAT went wrong and never get any better, because its "never you" its always "them"

You adviced him to crack a joke about how they're night right for each other because they like different cartoon characters. And now you're criticizing others' techniques?

He's already built the rapport. He's been talking to her, and making her laugh. Now he needs to find out if she's a potential date or just a waste of time.

---

Mantis Toboggan: months? weeks? who same up with these time frames? I can surely get girls into me with 2-3 conversations, cold approaching someone you will see on a regular basis is just a BAD move, period.

If you're at work or in school, yeah you have a chance to build a rapport. That's great. But you're trying to get this guy to dance around the fact that he's attracted to her. Like there's a time limit when he's "allowed" to hit on her. And that's not the case. The girl can think of you as "That guy in class who likes me" right from the start....and there's nothing wrong with that.

He doesn't have to say, "Hey baby, nice butt."...There are more subtle ways of showing interest. You make it sound like people on SS.com are telling him to walk up to her on the first day of class, shake her hand, and say "Let's go on a date." It's not like that.

After years of shyness, I became a friendly social guy. I can meet a girl and have her interested in meeting me for drinks. It's not like I'm saying "Hey we're going on a date." All the girl knows is that i'm a friendly, good-looking guy, and we're hanging out getting drinks. Once we're at that point, then we progress or regress from there. But no, I don't spend days helping her with homework or playing patty-cake with her and then try to get her to envision me as a sexual, attractive man after she's already looking at me in the friend zone.

That's where I want the original poster to be. He already knows the girl...they already talk....now let's get out of the boring comfort zone of a classroom and see where that goes. No more waiting. No jokes about cartoons.

 

[the305]

I don't have a clue what you are talking about, honestly.

The topic at hand was specifically:

Cold approaching a girl you see everyday in class and NEVER talking to her before is giving her WAY too much power in the decision making process verses starting a few conversations, getting the juices flowing, subtle flirting... THEN asking her to go out NOW you have DRASTICALLY influenced her decision of whether or not she will go out with you, this isnt rocket science this isnt even game, this is basic human behavior.

This isn't arguable. So stop trying to argue it.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I don't have a clue what you are talking about, honestly.

The topic at hand was specifically:

Cold approaching a girl you see everyday in class and NEVER talking to her before is giving her WAY too much power in the decision making process verses starting a few conversations, getting the juices flowing, subtle flirting... THEN asking her to go out NOW you have DRASTICALLY influenced her decision of whether or not she will go out with you, this isnt rocket science this isnt even game, this is basic human behavior.

The answer is yes or no. Always. So I don't see how her power decreases the more time you spend secretly flirting with her.

This isn't arguable. So stop trying to argue it.

Good idea. Hopefully everyone else stops arguing with you too. That way we can get back on topic and not yelling about your crappy advice.

 

[the305]

So you are more likely to lend a stranger 20 dollars then someone you call a friend.. you sir, are retarded.

 

[muddy_waters87]

Ok...I'm not going crazy. Yesterday a buddy of mine told me "man, you should go for that. I noticed she always laughs at nearly all your jokes, even the ones that aren't funny at all." I always took that as a huge IOI, if not a dead giveaway that a girl likes me and this time is no different.
My buddy suggested that I throw out a suggestion that we should go study together sometime (since our midterms are fast approaching), and then try to work my stuff then. I will ask her if she wants to stick around after class today, we can do all our homework for the week and get it out of the way...besides, I work way better in groups than I do on my own.

Thanks guys, I think I've got everything I need to attack this head on.

 

[Iceberg]

Ok...I'm not going crazy. Yesterday a buddy of mine told me "man, you should go for that. I noticed she always laughs at nearly all your jokes, even the ones that aren't funny at all." I always took that as a huge IOI, if not a dead giveaway that a girl likes me and this time is no different.
My buddy suggested that I throw out a suggestion that we should go study together sometime (since our midterms are fast approaching), and then try to work my stuff then. I will ask her if she wants to stick around after class today, we can do all our homework for the week and get it out of the way...besides, I work way better in groups than I do on my own.

Thanks guys, I think I've got everything I need to attack this head on.

Yeah man. Just do it. I'd prefer you work out something more fun than homework....but whatever, if that's your comfort level, then do it. Only problem is, the "homework date" is no different than your current interactions with her. Your goal is to escalate things, not keep them the same.

Just stop looking for IOIs and always assume the girl likes you. I'd drive myself crazy trying to decipher the meaning behind every girl who laughs at my jokes, likes the same music as me, sits next to me on a train, etc.

 

[muddy_waters87]

That's a good point Iceberg.

By the way, I tried it. I told her I might stick around after lecture to finish my homework for next class, and that if she wanted to join me, she was more than welcome to stay. Well, needless to say, it ended up raining like crazy, and that other dude I was talking about earlier offered her a ride home. I did as well, but my car was parked about 15 minutes away and we would have had to walk to it.
I had her come with me for a coffee at break though, and we talked for a while, just the two of us. It seemed more normal than usual, but after failing with this study date thing I'm thinking I might just go for it next time I see her. You are right Iceberg, I need to make my intentions clear or else she won't want anything to do with me, even if she is interested.
Like I said, I am getting mad IOI's from her, and even though I should have acted on it by now, I didn't do anything. I just hope it's not too late!

 

[muddy_waters87]

Alright...first off I'm so mad that I don't know where to begin right now. Here is why...

I finally worked up the balls to go for it and ask her out, and just when I was about to do it, I get ****blocked by the fattest dude in our class. I can clearly tell that this chick likes me, but he keeps getting in the way. The other day, it was pouring outside and he offered her a ride home. I would have done that, but I park my car about 10 minutes away from the school because I cannot afford to pay $400 a year for the parking. Ok...thats fine I thought, but here's the goddamn kicker!

We are walking towards the roundabout where her dad/sister usually come to pick her up after class, and guess who's there? The fvcking fatass. So, he starts talking like a fvcking madman, didn't shut up the entire time. I see her dad coming to get her so I excused myself to go to the gym (and because I knew this guy was just not going to leave her alone). Fvck now that I look back on this, I should have pulled her aside and did my thing right then and there, but I kick myself in the teeth everytime I think about it!

Fvck it, I'm going all out tomorrow, but I need advice on how to approach the situation, and how to deal with my rage ATM. I can't take this anymore, so the only way to end it is to let her know what I want, and if she accepts, which I am almost positive she will, then this dude has to back off, right?

I managed to have enough time to ask her if she is busy on the weekend (to which she responded with "no, not really"), but then right as I was about to close the deal, he came out of fvcking nowhere...

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your inputs here!

 

[muddy_waters87]

Also, I'm VERY close to just calling her and getting it overwith on the phone, or I could just wait til tomorrow (which I do think is/could be better anyway). What do you think?

 

[Iceberg]

Also, I'm VERY close to just calling her and getting it overwith on the phone, or I could just wait til tomorrow (which I do think is/could be better anyway). What do you think?

What's the big deal? You don't have to say "Will you go on a date with me?" It's not a marriage proposal.

Just have her meet you out for drinks. "Hey, what are you doing Tuesday? Let's get drinks after school."

You make it sound like you have to "tell her how you feel" and this other crap. You're just meeting her at a bar or restaurant, it's gonna be a fun time, no pressure. As the night progresses, maybe you'll put your arm around her, maybe you'll kiss her at the end. Hey, if things really go well, you'll take her home. But right now you're just telling her that you two should go get drinks.

 

[muddy_waters87]

What's the big deal? You don't have to say "Will you go on a date with me?" It's not a marriage proposal.

Just have her meet you out for drinks. "Hey, what are you doing Tuesday? Let's get drinks after school."

You make it sound like you have to "tell her how you feel" and this other crap. You're just meeting her at a bar or restaurant, it's gonna be a fun time, no pressure. As the night progresses, maybe you'll put your arm around her, maybe you'll kiss her at the end. Hey, if things really go well, you'll take her home. But right now you're just telling her that you two should go get drinks.

You know what....you're right man!
I will just ask her to go out for lunch with me on tuesday (since we have a short class anyway). Hopefully all will go well. I will ask her tomorrow to arrange it for tuesday because that way it shows that I'm not desperate and want to do it right away.
Thanks man!