Need some advice

[cognac]

So I met this gorgeous woman a few weeks ago. We went out a few times. talk on the phone a little too much though. We have a blast when we are together. The only problem is she has a lot of personal issues to deal with right now which is hampering things. She said dating won't work right now for her. She told me after she gets her crap taken care of and back on track we can start dating. My question is should I pull eject on this, seem aloof and disinterested or keep being persistent? What do I do in a situation like this where the girl says yes to dating but just not right now? Should I tell her to contact me after she gets her crap together because it bums me out? Or is she just leading me on?

 

[scorpio1138]

Don't contact her at all. make her contact you. make her ask YOU out on dates. Make no effort and see what happens. If you two have been enjoying each others company she will probably contact you and make an effort to see you.

In the meantime, get out and meet more women so you're not thinking of her.

 

[cognac]

The bad part is i told her I'd like to start dating but it was after she already told me she has some stuff to take care of. So I shouldn't even say anything if she calls or texts me just random conversation? I mean something like to the effect we shouldn't talk til she gets her crap together and wants to date? i mean I already told her i wanna start dating so just be totally upfront about it? the reason i ask is because i actually like this broad. it's not just purely sexual.

 

[Desdinova]

If she texts you, then respond. Just avoid initiating conversation until she's ready for you. Feel free to flirt and be playful, but keep your emotions out of it.

She'll let you know when she's ready (if she ever is).

 

[WaterTiger]

HOw is she "leading you on" when she has told you..

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DATE RIGHT NOW

Leave her alone, be polite, smile & wave but wait for her to come to you. Date other women. She may not be as wonderful as you think she is.

 

[jophil28]

The only problem is she has a lot of personal issues to deal with right now which is hampering things. She said dating won't work right now for her. She told me after she gets her crap taken care of and back on track we can start dating.

I don't understand how she can find the time, energy and motivation to see you a few times, during which you and she "have a blast" and then back away from doing MORE OF THE SAME by claiming that she has to take care of stuff.
WHat sort of issues would, or could, kill off a dating relationship.
The only legit obstacle would be a three month DUI conviction and incarceration starting soon...ha ha .

Cognac, women back out of "relationships" in a variety of cunning ways. And I am thinking that she is doing exactly this with you by inventing some hurdles and hoops that life has presented her to jump though.
My instincts say that she is trying to buy some time away from you and she is hoping that you and she will just fade out.

As is said frequently here, women says many thing which are meaningless and untrue - their actions speak the truth, not their words.

IF I were you I would just wait in radio silence, put a line though her in pencil, and date other women.

I may be wrong on this one but....

In my experience, a woman who is really interested in seeing you again will NOT wait more than three weeks to contact you again. Women are led by their feelings, and if she has those feelings towards you. they will drive her to contact you.

No contact by her in under three weeks = no interest in seeing you again.

 

[scorpio1138]

In my experience, a woman who is really interested in seeing you again will NOT wait more that three weeks to contact you again. Women are led by their feelings, and if she has those feelings towards you they will drive her to contact you.

No contact by her in under three weeks = no interest in seeing you again.

Agreed.

And when you do talk or hang out....be fun and positive. No serious talk or as one FB put it "no mush mush." That "need" for her to wait awhile may evaporate completely. Only look at the womans actions not what she says as stated above. It doesn't make much sense from a guys perspective but it is true.

 

[Mr.Positive]

The bad part is i told her I'd like to start dating but it was after she already told me she has some stuff to take care of. .

Don't....ever...tell a woman you'd like to start dating. You are "dating" by making physical contact with her, and spending time with her. You define the terms, not her. Define those terms by actions, not words.

I would stop contact with her. One of two things, either she has a lot of drama and chaos in her life right now, or she's just not interested. The answer to both, is no contact. You don't want drama, and you don't want gals who lack interest.

 

[jophil28]

You don't want drama, and you don't want gals who lack interest.

Words to live by, gentlemen.

 

[Tazman]

I have to agree with the Jedi Masters here. She's either putting you on the back burner as a back up in case other prospects don't work out or she's trying to back away slowly.

You're too valuable to let someone tell you to wait around until they feel like giving you a chance. You never want to start from a position of weakness.

 

[squirrels]

HOw is she "leading you on" when she has told you..

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DATE RIGHT NOW

Leave her alone, be polite, smile & wave but wait for her to come to you. Date other women. She may not be as wonderful as you think she is.

^^^This.

 

[Zarky]

When women tell you they're not interested in dating you, for whatever reason, believe them.

 

[synergy1]

She said dating won't work right now for her.

Ask yourself this: would she tell this to Tom Brady? Not a chance in hell.

meet more women.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I go by the belief that women generally have an "A" man in their life. If she comes back to you after this, it really is because she has exhausted her other options.

This is true in my experience.
I had exactly the same 'I'm sorting some stuff out right now' speech from a woman and it turned out that 'stuff' was some other guy's c0ck in her mouth.

Listen to the guys on here, don't contact her, wait for her to contact you. If she doesn't make contact, move on. You will be a lot happier in the long run and you don't have to put up with someone else's 'stuff' they're sorting out.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

First of all, if she is saying she doesn't/can't/won't have time to date you, it means she is not interested in making the time. You need to let her go. You have very little invested in her, since you hardly know her. The better question here is, What have you learned from interacting with this woman?

You "went out a few times", did you kiss her or get further intimately? If you didn't, then you should be focusing on recognizing what you did wrong, instead of worrying about how to fix the obvious, basic blunder that seems to be the obvious reason all of a sudden she decided to drop the "I have too many issues going on" card on you, after initial interest.

 

[jophil28]

And to be frank....I go by the belief that women generally have an "A" man in their life.

There is a version of this situation which is probably worse than you having to compete with another real life guy whom she is fukking .

This is that situation in which her "A" guy is her EX.
She may be divorced or broken up for months or even years, but she still has a love/hate relationship in her mind and in her emotions with that bad azz who crushed her heart.
Little do you know that you are being compared in many ways to a ghost .

 

[DMSR76]

First of all, if she is saying she doesn't/can't/won't have time to date you, it means she is not interested in making the time.

People always find the time to do what really matters to them.

Case in point: My #1 prospect works about 70 hours a week. Nonetheless, she has always found the time to invest in me. She's never said she's too tired or used any other excuse to avoid my presence. In fact, I probably interact with her more than any other plate.

 

[DanelMadr]

Generally, it sounds like low interest and leading you on. But who knows it might be she has some problems. How have you met her? Did her interest level drop or was she worried/not in the dating mood from the beginning?

I would keep it cool. Contact her now and then...have a brief chat, keep your hands and feelings to yourself and just built up her IL slowly. Tease her etc. just to let her know you are not wussy...
In the mean time I'd suggest keeping your eyes open for another woman.
I don't think playing games with her like hard to get and "I'm so busy" is the mature thing to do. And it seldom leads to good relationship. The GAME tricks are for club AW mainly, I guess.

If I had lost patience I'd say to her half jokingly half serious>"I want to date you girl, just tell me what the problem is and I fakking rip it's head off." Try it...if it does not work, you can always blame me I'm a big white man...I always get the blame:rockon: