Need some advice on how to proceed---believe she thinks I'm distrustful...

[BackInTheGame78]

Firstly, I can't say how surprised I am writing this about this chick in this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....-ready-to-strike-when-the-iron-is-hot.233938/

But, I think this just goes to show how fluid things can be in the beginning no matter how strongly they are attracted, chemistry etc...

Basically the gist of it is this:

She was all about me until she asked to add me on social media, FB which I said I didn't have and then instagram, linked in, etc...told her I don't really do those...she said she is just trying to get to know me...I told her she would just have to get to know me the old fashioned way by spending time with me in person...

she seemed OK with it, but then I noticed she started getting more distant over the next few days...her multiple page texts went down to one sentence, etc...

So basically my feeling is she thinks I am lying to her and/or I am trying to hide something, which I am not, but I don't understand what her obsession is with knowing all this stuff up front. I have not had many women even go this route or make a big deal out of it.

Since attraction usually builds with time without contact but doubt festers and lingers, I was going to call her tomorrow and approach the situation head on and just tell her I am sensing a different vibe from her and that maybe she is having some uncertainties regarding the situation---I think it's salvageable, but only if I take action. I think if I simply set up the date without bringing this up she will likely say that sounds good and then cancel when it comes closer to Saturday. My thoughts are I need to be up front with her and that I want to get to know here but I am not going to chase her around for her to go out with me, nor am trying to hide anything from her, and that I'm worth putting a little effort into to get to know better.

Best advice for getting things back on track here? I am pretty sure I can manage to get through this but I cannot believe I am in this position after the way things had gone on date 1 and the followup texts...

 

[Tictac]

You've done just about all of this in your head.

It sounds to me like you are over-pursing and she's backing up.m

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Desperation.

Beta males throw action/and fixing to circumstances and situations out of their control. That's what you are contemplating doing.

She wants your fb to get social proof. She doesn't think you're lying...she doesn't think you have enough "of what she wants" to waste her time.

When a female draws back- you draw back and spin other plates.

Do what you want with this information tho I think we know how this movie ends.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You've done just about all of this in your head.

It sounds to me like you are over-pursing and she's backing up.m

She was the one pursuing me...she invited me to hang out the following day, which I declined and then again yesterday night, which I declined. She then said we could get together next Saturday which I accepted. I didn't text her at all yesterday, and then one short text this morning, which she answered but didn't give me anything of substance so I didn't text anything back.

Unsure how declining two offers from her to spend time together, declining her social media invites and then texting once in 2 days is over-pursuing...

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Desperation.

Beta males throw action/and fixing to circumstances and situations out of their control. That's what you are contemplating doing.

She wants your fb to get social proof. She doesn't think you're lying...she doesn't think you have enough "of what she wants" to waste her time.

When a female draws back- you draw back and spin other plates.

Do what you want with this information tho I think we know how this movie ends.

I don't feel any desperation regarding the situation. In fact I think it's exactly the opposite. It's saying "I have enough confidence to bring up the situation and deal with it like a grown man and if it doesn't end up the way I think it should, I will walk away."

There isn't going to be me begging her to go out with me, there isn't going to be me asking why, none of that. Just me being straight up with her and not beating around the bush or playing games.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

What's the situation tho? She's going to look at you like you are desperate for noticing if she drew back so early in this thing and then you are likely in a hole you'll never get out. It shows you do not have options. Doesn't matter if you do...that's what it says.

Just let her draw back! Trying to fix this type of situation with action/conversation IS A BETA MOVE. I firmly FIRMLY suggest not doing that. I would Just draw back as well until she ask you out again. In the meantime...pursue other prospects.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What's the situation tho? She's going to look at you like you are desperate for noticing if she drew back so early in this thing and then you are likely in a hole you'll never get out. It shows you do not have options. Doesn't matter if you do...that's what it says.

Just let her draw back! Trying to fix this type of situation with action/conversation IS A BETA MOVE. I firmly FIRMLY suggest not doing that. I would Just draw back as well until she ask you out again. In the meantime...pursue other prospects.

I can see that, but I think a distinction to be made is that I came off as very alpha, very confident, aggressive in person, with an I don't give a fvck attitude. I think I could play this off as an extension of that.

@guru1000 thoughts on this?

 

[Tictac]

I don't feel any desperation regarding the situation. In fact I think it's exactly the opposite. It's saying "I have enough confidence to bring up the situation and deal with it like a grown man and if it doesn't end up the way I think it should, I will walk away."

There isn't going to be me begging her to go out with me, there isn't going to be me asking why, none of that. Just me being straight up with her and not beating around the bush or playing games.

You explained that you don't do social media. She'll either accept it or not. If she was 'all about you' as you said, she'll get that you meant what you said.

You can engage in the illusion that some action you take 'gotta DO somethin' (aka desperate measures) if you like. You've let your feelings run away with you here.

You engage in 'salvage operations' when you have no choices. She knows it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You explained that you don't do social media. She'll either accept it or not. If she was 'all about you' as you said, she'll get that you meant what you said.

You can engage in the illusion that some action you take 'gotta DO somethin' (aka desperate measures) if you like. You've let your feelings run away with you here.

You engage in 'salvage operations' when you have no choices. She knows it.

Except I do have options. I have a hot Fillipina chick I just banged 2 weeks ago that is turning into a plate, another plate I've been banging for a few months and 2 new women I went on first dates with recently other than her that I have second dates set up with, plus 3 or 4 other women I haven't engaged with yet that I have numbers for. Honestly, it's just rare I find a situation where both of us have that type of attraction, connection and chemistry off the bat. You know, the type where you just want to rip each other's clothes off.

So the answer is to just let it ride off into the sunset? Clearly there has to be a better option than this, even if its me texting that I'm not feeling the same vibe and that I'm reconsidering meeting up with her Saturday.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

There isn't going to be me begging her to go out with me, there isn't going to be me asking why, none of that. Just me being straight up with her and not beating around the bush or playing games.

Then what is it? Please tell me the basis of this conversation that will make you look so authentic.

You're trying to fix this head on like some guy putting pillows on the floor preparing for a spontaneous fall out of bed. Why?

Women WANT to play the game. They don't have the skillset physically like men so they have mastered how to make up for things they lack mentally with manipulation. You either play the game ...or don't play the game, but you never tell them "I don't wanna play the game. I'm weak and I can't deal with it." The way You don't play the game is by taking your piece, money, and attention away from the broad and attend to other things.

 

[Tictac]

Except I do have options. I have a hot Fillipina chick I just banged 2 weeks ago that is turning into a plate, another plate I've been banging for a few months and 2 new women I went on first dates with recently other than her that I have second dates set up with, plus 3 or 4 other women I haven't engaged with yet that I have numbers for. Honestly, it's just rare I find a situation where both of us have that type of attraction, connection and chemistry off the bat. You know, the type where you just want to rip each other's clothes off.

So the answer is to just let it ride off into the sunset? Clearly there has to be a better option than this, even if its me texting that I'm not feeling the same vibe and that I'm reconsidering meeting up with her Saturday.

You say had that connection and are worried it's gone and after one date if I read your OP right. You have a date Saturday, right? Sounds like you're over-stating her attraction. You want to have 'a talk'? Go ahead.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You say had that connection and are worried it's gone and after one date if I read your OP right. You have a date Saturday, right? Sounds like you're over-stating her attraction. You want to have 'a talk'? Go ahead.

So basically just proceed as if I don't even notice anything is wrong and don't bring it up?

 

[Tictac]

So basically just proceed as if I don't even notice anything is wrong and don't bring it up?

Wait until Saturday when you see her.

You're the one that thinks something is wrong after one date.

 

[Ratiocinative]

You need to listen to the advice people here give you. You never think straight when you're emotionally involved, it's human nature. We've all been there.

First, why is she texting you pages? If she texts you beyond just a "thinking about you, hey have a great day, can't wait to see your on our date next whatever", then end the conversation. Say "Hey, I need to finish up things here at work but I'm free tonight/tomorrow/whatever, lets meet up and you can tell me all about it". If she says no, then she's rejecting you not you rejecting her, so there's nothing to apologize for. If she has time for text conversation but not to meet up, tell her (politely) to **** off.

If you did nothing wrong then you have nothing to apologize for, make up for, fix, or whatever other thing you think might need to be done. Whatever conflict is going on is completely in her head and her emotions. There is nothing you can do to fix it. In fact, the more you try to fix it the weaker you look to her. Unless you are in an LTR, you don't know her and trying to concern yourself with her emotions is weird and creepy.

Attraction does build with time, but ONLY if she thinks you're out meeting other women who might make you fall in love with them before she has a chance. If she thinks you're at home waiting for her trying to fix her emotions, no she won't grow more attracted to you.

You told her you're opening to spending time with her in person, so if she wants to she'll contact you. Otherwise you move on to other women. If she does contact you, don't bring it up, just focus on the next date and having fun. If she brings it up, tell her you're not into drama and as long as she shows you she can have drama free fun tonight you're not worried about it, then change the subject. If she continues to force the conversation, leave. No drama. Period.

 

[guru1000]

BITG, you haven't fvcked this chick or anything remotely close, correct? So thus far, she has placed very little investment into you. You're just some attractive guy she kissed, among others. This is the context from which to begin.

She was all about me until she asked to add me on social media, FB which I said I didn't have and then instagram, linked in, etc...told her I don't really do those...she said she is just trying to get to know me...I told her she would just have to get to know me the old fashioned way by spending time with me in person..

You stated "you don't really do those" or " you don't do those." I ask to understand the context a little better.

she seemed OK with it, but then I noticed she started getting more distant over the next few days...her multiple page texts went down to one sentence, etc...

This could mean anything from she is a bit deterred by the exchange--to--she is busy doing other things. You can't jump to conclusions based on this fact alone.

So basically my feeling is she thinks I am lying to her and/or I am trying to hide something

Based on what you wrote, this is a non sequitur conclusion--unless I'm missing something here. From what I understand BITG, you do have "people" at home. Has she been trying to come to your place? Or is there any other pertinent facts that you excluded.

Since attraction usually builds with time without contact but doubt festers and lingers, I was going to call her tomorrow and approach the situation head on and just tell her I am sensing a different vibe from her and that maybe she is having some uncertainties regarding the situation---I think it's salvageable, but only if I take action. I think if I simply set up the date without bringing this up she will likely say that sounds good and then cancel when it comes closer to Saturday. My thoughts are I need to be up front with her and that I want to get to know here but I am not going to chase her around for her to go out with me, nor am trying to hide anything from her, and that I'm worth putting a little effort into to get to know better.

If no other facts than what you presented are here, then just ask for the date. A girl is not going to cancel a date because you don't have social media. Again, you are no novice. You are a seasoned DJ; your gut is telling you something. So are there any other facts here?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

BITG, you haven't fvcked this chick or anything remotely close, correct? So thus far, she has placed very little investment into you. You're just some attractive guy she kissed, among others. This is the context from which to begin.

You stated "you don't really do those" or " you don't do those." I ask to understand the context a little better.

This could mean anything from she is a bit deterred by the exchange--to--she is busy doing other things. You can't jump to conclusions based on this fact alone.

Based on what you wrote, this is a non sequitur conclusion--unless I'm missing something here. From what I understand BITG, you do have "people" at home. Has she been trying to come to your place? Or is there any other pertinent facts that you excluded.

If no other facts than what you presented are here, then just ask for the date. A girl is not going to cancel a date because you don't have social media. Again, you are no novice. You are a seasoned DJ; your gut is telling you something. So are there any other facts here?

No other facts. I have not reacted in any way to this from her, so she has no idea what I am thinking at this point other than I have only reached out to her once over this weekend. She last texted me at 5:30 pm Friday, I didn't respond, no texts Saturday, and I texted this morning around 10:30 am, she responded around 3 pm, I sent nothing back as there was nothing to respond to in what she sent.

My instinct says she might be BPD. I base this on her trying to see me immediately the following day after a date and using almost the exact same language as the BPD chick I had a very strong attraction/connection thing with about 6-8 months ago---"I know its early on but..." Perhaps she thinks I am rejecting her by refusing to see her and/or the social media thing? I dunno. Perhaps like the previous BPD chick she craves constant contact/communication and feels disconnected when she doesn't get it? Not sure, but I know that leads to the candle burning hot and fast and then dying out just as fast. No point in traveling that route since I already know where that will lead.

No, she did not try and come over, but she did drop a hint about letting me know where I live since I already knew where she lives(it was on some event she invited me to on a Facebook link she sent me). So the following day after the date this happened:

a) She invited me to a yoga class she was going to be at to be her partner that night(Thursday)---I declined saying I had to workout with my trainer(true)

b) She invited me to a holistic type class she was hosting at her house yesterday(Saturday) anytime from 10am-4pm and then said if I wasn't available(I declined as I was working/working out) then that I could

c) Come to a dance event she was going to be at to meet her friends that night and that she wasn't performing and would be able to "entertain me". I again declined saying I had plans with friends(I did)

d) She then said I could have her all to myself the following Saturday and I said we can make that work and I'd let her know what we would be doing...she said that's cool and to let her know by Monday(tomorrow) or Tuesday so she can get other things planned around it depending on what we would be doing/time, etc.

That's honestly really all there is---I even went back and looked through the text messages to see if maybe I did something weird or missed something, but nope...

I think I'll just call her and go back to a sexual frame we had going in date and tell her since it is supposed to be raining here to wear some old clothes and we can go find an open field and mud wrestle and then when we get all hot and dirty and sweaty from it we can hose each other down...and see how she reacts to it and go from there...fvck it...no idea why I'm even letting this bullsh!t enter my stream of consciousness.

Part of my problem is that I am very intelligent and I have tremendous pattern recognition ability so when something changes, either via how they are texting or how they act or whatever else, I tend to notice it almost immediately and analyze it to wonder what prompted it...in reality I just need to not worry about it and proceed with my course of action unfazed by it. This is something I know I need to work on. I'm much improved in my ability to pretty much get whatever I want in date, but I need to get all this other BS out of my mind. Working on it...working on it. I'm very analytical so this might be the hardest thing of all to change.

 

[guru1000]

a) She invited me to a yoga class she was going to be at to be her partner that night(Thursday)---I declined saying I had to workout with my trainer(true)

b) She invited me to a holistic type class she was hosting at her house yesterday(Saturday) anytime from 10am-4pm and then said if I wasn't available(I declined as I was working/working out) then that I could

c) Come to a dance event she was going to be at to meet her friends that night and that she wasn't performing and would be able to "entertain me". I again declined saying I had plans with friends(I did)

d) She then said I could have her all to myself the following Saturday

^^ This is not normal. 3-4 invites on her end after the first date?

There is nothing you need to do here, except be careful. She is a clinger--and could bring potential damage to the home front. Keep your ID secured.

But if you are still interested, nothing here. Just ask for the date.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

^^ This is not normal. 3-4 invites on her end after the first date?

There is nothing you need to do here, except be careful. She is a clinger--and could bring potential damage to the home front. Keep your ID secured.

Yeah, I know...but it was like there was a magnet pulling us together...like there was electricity between both of us...I knew it was on from the moment I saw here, just like I think she knew as well. I was sitting in a booth waiting for her and she came and sat down next to me, I asked what she wanted to drink, went up to the bar and was waiting and felt someone rubbing my back and she pressed herself up against me and was like "I just wanted to come stand by you"...like it was on immediately

Possible BPD like the previous chick? My wallet never enters the house/room/motel

Oh...one other thing...she also asked me for my last name at the end of the first date which I found really weird...almost like she was going to try and look me up or something...

 

[guru1000]

I could only think of a handful of girls who initiated this aggressively after the first date. I am not aware if they were or weren't BPD. I never entertained an LTR with them. But the minute they feel the pullback, they pullback further. I don't know if this is the ideal arrangement for you. They are time intensive, and never quite worth the investment.

Just be careful. Yes, she probably pulled back because you rejected three of her date offers. If you truly want to proceed, call her tomorrow, give her one beta throw, and schedule the date.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I could only think of a handful of girls who initiated this aggressively after the first date. I am not aware if they were or weren't BPD. I never entertained an LTR with them. But the minute they feel the pullback, they pullback further. I don't know if this is the ideal arrangement for you. They are time intensive, and never quite worth the investment.

Just be careful. Yes, she probably pulled back because you rejected three of her date offers. If you truly want to proceed, call her tomorrow, give her one beta throw, and schedule the date.

I have a feeling she will be a tremendous fvck...tight yoga body, very sensual and sexy, very sexually open...no kids = tight pvssy...